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#84679 02/08/12 04:48 PM
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ShayneT Offline OP
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Not sure whether to leave this as is, or expand on it. Let me know what you think.

#84680 02/08/12 05:03 PM
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Absolute, total no-brainer. Expand, please. We need to see where this goes!

#84681 02/08/12 05:13 PM
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Please, expand! This was very bittersweet and I want to see where it goes. smile


Battle On,
Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon

#84682 02/08/12 05:35 PM
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Definitely a Part 1 if I ever read one. hyper Where's Clark been? What's he been up to? Has he had amnesia this whole two years?! Does he know he has super powers? Do his parents know? (I'm guessing not on the last two.) Please write more!

/pst. You had a typo in this line:
Quote
She caught sight of him at the top of the stairs, and she started to job a little to catch up.
I think that's supposed to be "jog".


VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
#84683 02/08/12 06:55 PM
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Features Writer
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Wow, I liked this a lot. It's a very intriguing beginning, especially considering the fact that Clark clearly has no idea who he is. I'm assuming, then, that he never found his parents either, which is pretty heartbreaking.

I love the way you describe Lois's emotional state right now. You paint a picture of the kind of world left when Clark is gone--Lois bereft, Perry helping her, and arrgh! Linda King triumphs again! razz

It really shows how much Lois is missing Clark when she actually takes the time to follow every one of the men who reminds her of him. And even though I know he's alive, the description of Superman dying in space was very sad.

I'd love it if you continued this story--certainly a different approach!

#84684 02/08/12 08:02 PM
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Really intriguing start! laugh (like how i just assumed you will continue this?)

Seriously though. It's a really good premise and can stand alone, but I would like to know what happens in chapter two? Yes? Please? /bats lashes/


Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
#84685 02/09/12 12:16 AM
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Pulitzer
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Shayne,

It's been too long since we've seen anything from you. Yes, please continue this. You are off to an excellent start.


Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks"

My stories can be found here

kj
#84686 02/09/12 12:58 AM
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This is fantastic. Please do give us more. grovel

Joy,
Lynn

#84687 02/09/12 01:44 AM
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Intriguing story. As written, it focuses on Lois' emotions. I like that. The idea of Clark not knowing who he is would also be an interesting premise to expand on.

Joan

#84688 02/09/12 06:39 AM
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Definitely a part one ! I refuse to believe that you can be cruel enough to let us frustrated.

#84689 02/09/12 07:37 AM
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Pulitzer
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Oh, please, continue this! hyper When I reached the ending and looked at the title and there wasn't "Part 1/?" I was so disappointed! This is a very intriguing start and I would love to see it developing in a complete story. There's so much in this premise! Please, don't stop there! grovel

Andreia


"My wife's love is what unites Krypton and Earth in my heart. Without it, without her, I truly would be in hell."

~ Superman: Man of Tomorrow #15
#84690 02/09/12 08:46 AM
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Hack from Nowheresville
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If this was all there was on the subject, this is a great story. But, I bet if you manage to dig a little bit you'd find that you have another few chapters left inside begging to get out on paper. Please find those extra chapters and make us happy!

Thanks!
Pat

#84691 02/09/12 09:38 AM
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Pulitzer
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It would be sad not to complete this story. There are several questions running through my mind:

What has Clark been doing for two years?

How did he end up in New York City of all places?

How have Martha and Jonathan dealt with the 'loss' of their son?

There are so many track you could continue on! But there is one thing that should be done. Make sure to put Linda King in her place. A movie indeed!


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
#84692 02/09/12 11:02 AM
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Hack from Nowheresville
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This is definitely a part 1! I love your stories! Please expand! So many questions are still up in the air!


Perry: (To Lois) Honey, this could be greatest story since Superman came to town. By-the-by, where is that husband of yours?
--Faster Than a Speeding Vixon
#84693 02/09/12 03:10 PM
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Pulitzer
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Loved it, more please. Laura


Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”

Caroline's "Stardust"
#84694 02/09/12 03:37 PM
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Kerth
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Delightful. A wonderful tale.

I'd leave this as a one shot. If you want to do a sequel I'm sure we'd all love to see it but this tale stand very very well by itself.


Framework4
#84695 02/09/12 04:03 PM
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Kerth
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If you do decide to do a sequel could you fix something from "Superman Returns"?

"Why the World Doesn't Need Superman" is the title of Lois Lane's Pulitzer Prize winning editorial in the film. We are told almost nothing about the contents and everyone assumes it was a rip him to bits article.

In your tale you have written
Quote
She hadn’t been nominated for a Kerth or even a Merriweather in two years. Other writers had made huge sums writing about Nightfall and the passing of a legend. Lois hadn’t written anything.
Clearly your Clark does not know who he is and frankly if he has his powers I can't see him not at least figuring out the Superman part.

So perhaps you could have your Clark injured with bits of kryptonite embedded keeping him powerless and a bit on the frail and ill side.

We know that over the years Clark has done a lot of different kinds of work as he traveled the world so he could be keeping it together doing some non reporting stuff.

During the course of your sequel before Clark is well and back to being Superman have Lois write an editorial explaining that the world does not need Superman. That his example lives on.

Indeed instead of a bitter editorial as in the movie it could be a series of uplifting and inspiring tales of heroism of everyday people around the world. The Superman's heroes series type of thing.

The series "Superman's heroes" has appeared in the comics and in some fanfics, a series of newspaper articles, by Clark Kent and sometimes by Lois & Clark, about the all too human heroes in our world. Often becoming a coffee table book with photos by James Olsen.

It would be really good if Lois figures out Clark was Superman before Clark regains his memory and is the one to realize that his scars contain kryptonite. Perhaps it is two or three years after nightfall and the Kents are doing a world cruse and unreachable so that the first they know of Clark's return is TV and newspaper coverage of a Superman Save.

You could even have Lois take the memory impaired powerless Clark to Smallville while the Kents are out of town on their cruse.

If would be nice if instead of saving a mere plane Clark's return could be an epic save. Save stopping a tsunami that would have killed millions.

In the movie SR Superman shows up on radar. Picture NORAD detecting Superman leaving the USA heading to stop the tsunami and thinking it is a missile launch.

Within seconds the radar and satellite tracking systems show it too small and too fast to be anything we've made. I can see a tech turning from his panel to the officer in charge and saying "Sir, that only thing that matches that profile is Superman."


Framework4
#84696 02/11/12 07:35 AM
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Expand please! I loved Lois'realization of how she felt about Clark, so I would like to see Lois get her second chance. How does she reveal to Clark his past? Does he know that he doesnt know? Will it be a reveal, or just the return of the friendship/ falling in love part of the show? Howd he get to New York?

More please!javascript:void(0)

#84697 02/11/12 12:25 PM
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Great one-shot story or an intriguing beginning. Of course, my preference would be that you continue it. The other feedback have asked all of the relevant questions - how did he get to New York, why doesn't he have his super powers, what has he been doing, why didn't anyone connect the man with amnesia in NY to the missing journalist from Metropolis - but I'm more interested in what would happen next with the relationship between Lois and Clark. Clark's hopeful response was so telling. How would they progress with Lois (in a way) being Clark's savior.

More, please?

B

#84698 02/11/12 03:26 PM
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Pulitzer
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How do we know he lost his powers? huh


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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