Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Worth The Risk 1/3

Title: Worth The Risk
Author: Sue S.
Rating: PG13

"The Phoenix" aired on February 12. Assuming the action stopped on that Sunday, Valentine's Day was on Tuesday.

My thanks to Emily, who read the first draft of this and was immensely supportive.

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LUTHOR ALIVE AND BEHIND BARS! Superman Thwarts Luthor's Suicide Attempt

That headline and its accompanying story had lurked in the back of Lois' thoughts for the past twenty-four hours. She still wasn't sure how she felt about - if she even felt anything. When Lex had first reappeared she had been stunned and more than a little frightened by his apparent obsession with her. By the time Superman marched Lex out of the tunnels yesterday, Lois had stopped feeling anything at all.

Maybe the shock had numbed her? Whatever it was, it had been good insulation. She had gone back to the Planet as if it were any other day. She and Clark had written up the story and she had gone home with that air of clinical detachment still firmly in place.

Lois started out Monday morning with a brisk jog. She showered and then spent the afternoon at the Metropolitan Gallery. It had been ages since she had taken any time off to play tourist in the city. She was starting to warm to the idea of having a few days off to recharge when she stopped short in front a Vermeer, caught off guard by the discreet plaque underneath that read "A gift from the collection of Lex Luthor".

She stumbled backwards, landing gracelessly on a bench in the middle of the suddenly-stuffy room. All the questions she should have been asking herself came to her in a rush. What had Lex planned to do once he'd retrieved his fortune? It seemed impossible that he would have quietly retired to somewhere without an extradition treaty. Where was Nigel St. John now and what plans did he have for the chunk of kryptonite he'd stolen from Lex? Why hadn't she screamed for Superman the moment Lex first showed up again, instead of letting him go free? Then again, what was one more poor decision on Lex's behalf?

When it came right down to it, she had let herself be seduced by the idea that a billionaire philanthropist was in love with her. She had refused to listen to Clark, and to some extent Perry, when they tried to warn her that Lex was a cold-blooded sociopath.

Once she started cataloging all the bad decisions she had made over the past year, Lois couldn't seem to stop. She left the Gallery and headed for home, still deep in thought. Lex was only the tip of the iceberg. She had thrown herself at Superman after her crush on him reached desperation levels. Her mind skittered away from thinking about that one too much. Knowing that she could never have him only made him that much more tantalizing. Especially since, even though he claimed they could only be friends, she doubted very much that he hung out in other women's apartments with the frequency that he did in hers.

By the time she got home she had castigated herself for the extra five pounds she had put on over the holidays and still hadn't lost. She had made a resolution this year to eat healthy or at least to stop eating anything that came out of a vending machine. Lois took the stairs instead of the elevator. That was another one of her resolutions that she had only sort of heeded. From now on, she would only take the stairs. Unless she had an armful of groceries.

She opened her front door and the first thing that caught her eye was the trophy case containing her Kerths. She slammed the door shut as she remembered how she had lost a Kerth to Clark a few months ago. Hell, she had let Clark beat her to at least three different stories in just the last month alone. In the end, those stories all got published under their shared by-line, but the angle and the majority of the legwork had been Clark's. She was obviously slipping.

The fact that tomorrow was Valentine's Day was only more fuel for her pity party. Here she was on the slow, inexorable slide towards 30 and she had nothing to show for it aside from a job she loved and a few journalism awards. Somehow that didn't seem like much when all she came home to at night was a fish tank.

The fish weren't going to give her chocolates tomorrow. She was going to end up spending the day alone cleaning the grout in her bathroom. Lois took a deep breath and asked herself what her ideal scenario for Valentine's Day would be. She quickly discounted the fantasy of Superman flying her to a deserted island for a night of passion.

Be realistic, she told herself. Think of something that's much more likely to happen.

Clark still owed her a date. Their first attempt had been a disaster, of course. Clark spent hundreds of dollars on concert tickets that went to Jimmy. Before the food poisoning set in, they had spent the evening watching a lawyer get ready for bed. All in all, it had been a very poor return for taking such a huge risk.

Why was she even thinking about dating another co-worker? Sure, Clark wasn't Claude. The two were as different as night and day. Claude had been all attitude and flash and she always felt on-edge around him. Clark's calm demeanor made her feel less anxious, at least most of the time. Sometimes Clark's levelheaded approach to problem solving made her want to scream and throw things at him. But when he wasn't driving her crazy - and sometimes even while he was - Clark's smile never failed to make her knees go weak. Most days she actually resented him for it.

Even knowing that Clark was going to be the next in a long list of mistakes didn't lessen his appeal. It actually made him that much more tempting. And the man was already tempting. The remembrance of Clark in a skintight t-shirt two nights earlier still gave her hot flashes. The memory of him carrying her to the bedroom door was enough to make her brain short-circuit. God help her, she wanted him.

And that was the problem. It would be perfect if they started dating and it all worked out. Experience told her that was just as much a fantasy as any of her daydreams about Superman. In the real world things rarely worked out. Best friends became bitter enemies. The man who promised to love, honor and cherish you would haggle over alimony in divorce court. A handsome face could hide a vicious sociopath. Sources switched their allegiances and left you out in the cold and, pretty soon, you were nothing but a hack reporter writing stringers for a tabloid. Fish didn't have a very long life expectancy.

The back of her throat tightened unexpectedly and she choked on a sob. Lois mentally shook herself. It was pointless to cry. Crying wasn't going fix anything. It wasn't going to fix Lex or Superman or Claude or Clark or bring back the Kerth she had failed to win. Crying was weaklings. She hadn't cried since… Lois tried to remember the last time.

Her wedding day.

In a rush it all came back to her. Only tonight Clark wasn't there to hold her and whisper comforting words. Eventually she was going to mess things up with him and she'd never be held in his arms again. The thought of that future loss struck her like a sledgehammer. Lois made a keening noise and tried to hold back. Another sob caught in her throat and she gave in, burying her face in her hands as her shoulders shook.

It felt good to let it all out. She cried for Lex and her own stupidity. She cried for Superman and the fact that she could never have him. She cried for Clark and the fact that she wanted more than friendship from him.

Once her tears abated, she swiped at her nose with her sleeve and lurched towards the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Lois took a few deep, calming breaths as she waited for the water to boil. She was definitely going to work tomorrow, to hell with Perry telling her to take a few days off. If one day off was making her this maudlin and stir crazy, a couple more days could only lead to her being committed.

A soft knock on her living room window startled her. Lois froze. Superman obviously knew she was home. She couldn't go quiet and fool him into flying away. Had he heard her crying?

Lois dabbed at her eyes with a dish towel before heading for the window. When she parted the curtains Superman's expression was so concerned that she knew for certain he'd heard her crying. For a fleeting moment she thought about how nice it would feel to have Superman hold her. Then she realized how pathetic that was and her mood turned darker.

"May I come in?" he asked, his voice muffled by the glass pane between them.

Lois couldn't think of a good reason why not, so she opened the window and gestured for him to enter.

"Is this a bad time?" he asked as he came inside. "I was in the neighborhood and saw your light was on."

That was a promising start. He wasn't asking outright what was wrong, so maybe they could pretend her red eyes were from allergies. "I was just making some tea. Would you like a cup?"

"Sure. If it's not too much trouble."

"No trouble at all." Lois headed for the kitchen and busied herself getting another mug from the cupboard. It never failed to amaze her how much larger than life Superman was up close and personal.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," Superman said quietly. "We never really got a chance to talk after Luthor was arrested."

Lois stared at the kettle, willing it to boil. "I guess that's because there was nothing to talk about."

Superman cleared his throat softly. "I know you cared about him, Lois. I'm sorry."

A sob bubbled up inside her but luckily it escaped as a choked-sounding laugh. "No! That's just it! I never did. I'm a terrible person."

"No, you're not."

Lois steadfastly refused to turn and face him. She was certain she'd start crying again if he looked even halfway sympathetic.

"Yes, I am. I never loved Lex. I loved the idea of him, but not him. And the whole time I was engaged to him there was this perfectly wonderful guy who I ignored because I'd much rather marry someone I didn't love than risk falling for someone who could really hurt me."

Superman had gone completely silent behind her. Lois wondered what he must think of her now but she didn't want to turn around and find out. Her gaze fixed on the wisps of steam that were starting to escape from the kettle. "I don't know what to do," she whispered.

"About what?" he asked, just as quietly.

"I think I've fallen for Clark," she admitted. "And I'm scared to death because he's going to hurt me."

She heard Superman take in a breath and let it out. "I--. Clark would never hurt you."

"Not on purpose, no." Lois finally turned to face him as she tried to explain. "But, trust me, he's going to hurt me or I'm going to hurt him. It's inevitable."

Superman looked confused. "Why would you think that?"

"Because we're friends. And we work together. And now we're sorta dating." To her horror, her eyes welled up with fresh tears and her voice became a hoarse whisper. "Clark is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I'm going to ruin it. I always do. If Clark was smart, he never would have asked me out."

"If you're so certain it won't end well, why agree to go out with him?"

"Because he's Clark. Because there's this little, teeny, tiny piece of me that thinks it could actually work with him. But is he really worth the risk?"

"You're the only one who can answer that, Lois."

The tea kettle started to whistle but Lois ignored it. "What if Clark doesn't think I'm worth the risk?"

"He asked you out. I'd say he's willing to take the risk."

Lois shrugged. "I guess."

Superman was starting to look uncomfortable. "You should really talk to Clark about this."

Irritated by his suggestion and the scream of the kettle Lois turned off the burner and moved the kettle. "I can't. At least not right now."

"Why not?"

Lois gaped at him. Surely even Superman wasn't really this dense. "Don't you know what tomorrow is?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Tuesday?"

"Besides that." She gestured for him to guess again.

"Oh," he said. "Valentine's Day."

"Exactly. It's the wrong day to ask someone you haven't even really dated where he sees the relationship going."

"So be honest with him. Tell him you think it would be better if you guys were just friends."

"But I don't want to be just his friend," she admitted miserably. "I want to be his… everything. All of it. I just don't want him to be my everything." Lois gulped in a breath as she realized it was far too late for that.

Superman's expression softened. "Do you know what I've always admired about you, Lois?"

"What?"

"The way you jump in, no-holds-barred, to follow your instincts."

Lois sputtered out a laugh and shook her head in disbelief. The consequences of her knee-jerk reactions were exactly why he'd heard her crying earlier.

"You're not afraid to take chances. I always have to be so careful." He flexed his hands as if he regretted their strength. "You have a gift, Lois."

She stared at him. This was a side to Superman she had never considered. She had envied his superpowers since the moment they met but it had never occurred to her that he might find them a burden.

Through the still-open window the shrill blare of a siren started up from not too far away. Superman's head tilted, but his eyes never left hers. "Take a chance, Lois. Call him."

"And say what?"

"Surely you can say anything to your best friend."

"Even the scary stuff?"

"Especially the scary stuff." The siren screamed past her window and Superman followed it, leaving a rush of air in his wake.

Lois stood there for nearly a minute, considering her options. It would be great to hear Clark's voice right now. It would be even better to see him. Superman was right - she should take a chance. Lois grabbed her coat and car keys and headed for the door.

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End 1/3

I plan to post part 2 tomorrow and part 3 for Valentine's Day.