*knocking knees...*
Okay... this is part 1 of my first longer-than-your-average fic. It's not finished yet, but I have some kind of idea about where it's going to end up, and I'm hoping that posting will kick my Muse into activity
This would definitely not have gotten this far without my three wonderful betas - LabRat, Roger and Nqoire - who are all just
incredible. Thank you so much, guys! Consequently, any typos/things that don't make sense are all mine...
Thanks also to the people on IRC who gave me such help and encouragement, and just would not either forget or shut up about this, nagged, threatened, thwapped, played evil wavs and made good use of the disembowelling shears when I said I wasn't writing
You guys are gems! <g>
This first part is set in the end scene and aftermath of HoL, and later Madame Ex. Some notes of explanation would probably be helpful before we begin – in my corner of the universe, Lois would have married Lex, had it not been for the timely intervention of two-thirds of our heroes, having just about convinced herself that he was her one remaining chance of happiness, love, etc. etc. She is also a good deal more insecure than she ever appeared in the episodes – bear this in mind while reading <g>.
RL is fairly hectic now, so not committing to regular posting schedule -- probably about once a week
Unfinished Business.
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"I wish they’d just get it over with and tear this place down," Jimmy Olsen proclaimed loudly, surveying the ruins of the building that had once been the centre of his universe. Lois Lane, one of the key elements in that universe, did not answer him. She was too preoccupied in her own private thoughts, most of which were dark. Having just been saved from a terrible mistake, she was kicking herself over what an idiot she had been.
From the beginning, Lex Luthor had dazzled her – her first ‘interview’ with him had been more like a date – Lex had manipulated the entire conversation in which she was now convinced had been stage one of his ploy to weasel into her life.
"Yep. Too many memories," she heard Perry reply and interjected mildly, "Most of them good." And most of them *had* been good. This building had sheltered her, protected her, been a safe haven to run to when her life at home got too depressing, or scary, or unsupportive.
But that same construction that had meant so much to so many people was now just an empty shell – a husk of dreams, beliefs, and ideas that existed now only in the minds of the people who had held those selfsame morals and values.
And there was one person to blame for the immediate and inclusive extinguishing of those ethics and principles.
Lex Luthor, the man who had nearly destroyed everything that was near, dear and precious to her.
The scum of the earth who had plotted and schemed for months to make her a pawn in his game.
The man she had agreed to marry.
It was a pity that he had been so superficially acceptable – who would have thought that beneath the handsome, charming exterior of one of Metropolis’ most munificent philanthropists there was another side, the *real* Lex Luthor, a horrifying, disgusting monster, whose criminal charges had been only the tip of the iceberg.
But that wasn’t the worst part – oh no! Worse by far was the fact that Lois Lane, numerous Kerth-award winner and top reporter...okay, *one* of the top reporters for the best newspaper on the Planet – had actually been taken in by the façade, the benevolent, considerate man that Lex Luthor had posed as.
Of all people, *she* should have been the one to see past the exterior and into the hidden depths of his soul. *She* should have been the one who had never been fooled, been suspicious from the start. *She* should have been the one to investigate the Planet’s demolition. Not Perry. Not Jimmy. Not Jack. And *especially* not Clark.
But in the end, they had been the ones who had done all the hard work and exposed Lex Luthor for the slimeball he was. They had been the ones (minus Clark) who had burst in to save the day, just in time. They had been the ones who had stopped her from marrying him.
She had been involved in a silent conflict from the moment she walked down the aisle to the moment when the Archbishop had asked her that disgusting question and had just about convinced herself to say yes, that Lex was just about as good as she would get, would *ever* get. Of course, now she realised the error of her ways – how could she think that she, Lois Lane, would ever find love, ever get the happily-ever-after ending?
She would have liked to believe that she had been about to say no to Lex – reality, in fact, was so much different. She had been just about to push ahead with the whole sorry affair when they had, thankfully, been interrupted.
Discovering that the man she had forced herself to believe she loved was a criminal of the highest order was just the universe’s way of giving her a wake-up call. How foolish she had been to think that such a mordant, contemptuous person such had herself could *ever* have a chance at happiness!
No, she simply wasn’t destined to put her neck in that noose – the cosmos had convinced her of that in a truly spectacular, amazingly over-the-top way.
That was why she should give up this foolish fantasy connected with Clark.
Clark...she turned to look at him, barely aware of the fact that Perry had just proclaimed, "You should appreciate what you have when you have it." How bitterly ironic that just as Perry voiced that pearl of wisdom, she should turn to look at her one-time partner, former best friend and fellow musketeer.
Of course, at the end, it hadn’t been, ‘All for one and one for all,’ – she had abandoned all of her old friends, preferring instead to whittle away her time by deciding on whether she wanted the twelve car garage or the fifteen. On whether white roses or lilies were more appropriate at a wedding. On what kind of hors d'oeuvre’s she was going to serve to her guests at the reception.
All of that time, Clark, Perry, Jimmy and Jack had been diligently collecting information about Lex Luthor, hoping to save her from a terrible mistake. Hoping to save her from certain doom. Hoping to save her from ruining her life. Hoping to stop her marrying Lex Luthor.
And after they had succeeded in that, they had taken care of her, ensured that she was okay. Even Clark.
*Especially* Clark.
She strongly suspected that she had never been as glad to see anybody in her life as she had been to see him outside Lex’s penthouse in the aftermath of her wrecked wedding, just before her estranged fiancé leaped to his death. She had been walking forlornly out of the penthouse and had suddenly noticed that Clark wasn’t among the band of people who had interrupted her wedding and effectively putting an end to any foolish notions she might have had at the happily-ever-after scenario. For goodness sake, it wasn’t a story written by some desperate author clinging to the hope of inspiring some warm and fuzzy feelings! It was real life. That horrible, horrible mistake had actually happened to her, and then her best friend hadn’t been there to support her.
She had been feeling very down, wondering if this was the final nail in the coffin of their friendship, and had asked Perry where he was, but it had been a deep voice from behind that had answered her and she had swung around to see Clark standing there, whereupon, not caring how white and shaky he looked, she had immediately flung herself around his neck. Selfish, needy, weak woman that she was, she had needed to feel his arms around her at that stage.
Maybe it had been that she wanted to have some kind of contact with him after weeks of depravation. Maybe she had needed to fantasise that she had her best friend back, even after she had wounded him so cruelly. Maybe she had simply needed someone - *anyone* - to hang onto. Whatever her reason was, he had been there, and she had been grateful.
Even more so when Lex had flung himself into empty space – she had needed to get away, to escape the nightmare and Clark had been the willing recipient, the safe haven – just like always. Good old Clark. Trustworthy old Clark. Faithful old Clark. I’ll-never-ever-hurt-you-and-if-I-do-I’ll-apologize-profusely-and-you’ll-have-to-forgive-me-eventually-Clark. You-can-count-on-me-Lois-Clark. Don’t-fall-for-me-Farmboy-Clark. Puppy-dog-eyes-Kent. Best-friend-Clark.
Except he didn’t *want* to be her best friend any more, Lois reminded herself. He wanted to be more than that.
But she had rejected him.
Because she didn’t want to suffer the loss of his friendship.
But...wasn’t her logic a little...twisted? She had refused his love because she didn’t want to lose him, but surely she should have known that she’d lose him anyway? Surely if she wanted to keep him around she’d have accepted his declaration of love?
But no, Lois realised, rejecting Clark had been the right move. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have had best-friend-Clark. She wouldn’t have Faithful-old-Clark. She wouldn’t have Trustworthy-old-Clark.
The reason was simple – men simply couldn’t be committed in a long term relationship. If she tried to date Clark, sooner or later she would begin to drop the façade that was her everyday life, and he would see her for what she really was. And then he would quickly become bored and look elsewhere for his attentions.
And she couldn’t bear that. She couldn’t bear being totally open, vulnerable, around Clark. If she did, he, like others before him, would see the *real* Lois Lane, and would be repulsed. He would break her heart much worse than anyone else could ever do, simply because he knew her better than anyone ever had in her life. He knew the right wounds to open, the right memories to bring up. His words, if chosen correctly, could rip at her very soul – tearing until there was nothing left except shreds – shreds of her spirit, her fire. The essence that made her a good reporter.
She would not let anybody take that away from her. Her ability to be a good reporter was her only boon, the only thing under her belt that she had to be proud of.
If she stopped being a good reporter she would lose who she was. Her personality would fade away until she was just a wraith, a shadow of the former Lois.
She would not let that happen to her.
Not this time.
"I know I’ve said it before but I just *hate it* that Luthor got his way in this one thing," Perry growled darkly, derailing Lois’ train of thought. Lois winced. Why did he have to mention that name? Why couldn’t he realise that Lois was still berating herself for her stupid mistake? Why bring it back up again?
//You’re being unfair,// her conscience pricked, but before it could say anything more a voice shouted, “He didn’t. Look!”
Curious, she glanced in the direction of the speaker in time to see a blue tarpaulin fall from the back of a truck, revealing a very familiar-looking steel globe. She gasped aloud and started clapping along with the rest of her former colleagues, beaming.
"I thought I’d tell Metropolis that we’re back in business," Mr. Stern announced, for all the world like a proud father. So Perry’s plan hadn’t fallen through, after all!
"I do have some ideas about modernisations, though," Mr. Stern continued. Perry immediately ceased smiling, looking like his worst fear had come to pass.
"Modernisations?" he asked, with the air of one who is dreading the answer.
"Expansions! Improvements! Wanna see the plans?" Mr. Stern asked excitedly, gesturing to Perry to follow him.
"Now, just wait a doggone minute here..." Perry protested as he followed Stern.
Lois finally let her hands fall to her sides, but as she did so, a flash of something caught her eye. A very expensive something. A very expensive something that was currently attached to the third finger on her left hand.
Her engagement ring.
Lois tugged it off swiftly, appalled that anything Luthor had bought with his dirty money could be touching her skin. She held it gingerly in the palm of her hand, studying it. Far from the comment that she had made the first night she had seen it, it was as if her eyes had suddenly been opened and she saw the ring for what it was. A showy, ostentatious band that fettered her to a life of arranging dinner parties and playing the dutiful wife. A ring that was nothing but a rich mans’ cheap imitation of love. A ring bought with blood, not with hard-earned wages. This thing, purchased so carelessly, heedlessly, wouldn’t have made any dent at all in Luthor’s deep pockets.
Why was she still wearing it, then, if she was so contemptuous of it?
Ah, she remembered now – when preparing for her wedding, she had forgotten to take it off in preparation for its replacement with the gold band, preferring instead to stand in front of her mirror and cry. Of course, her band of protectors had interrupted her at the altar, preventing the marriage from going ahead, thus making her forget all about it, especially with the events that had followed. She had gotten used to its weight and in the days that had progressed, she hadn’t noticed it at all.
She supposed that she should give it to Luthor’s lawyer, or sell it, or give it to one of the many charities Lex had set up in an attempt to keep up the respectable image, or take it home and put it in her ‘Lex’ box.
Her ‘Lex’ box.
Immediately after her wedding, she had come home crying bitterly and seeing mementos of Luthor scattered all over her apartment had made her feel unspeakably dirty. She had almost torn off her wedding dress in an attempt to get away and had sealed up all the things that reminded her of Lex in a large cardboard box, one of the ones she had used to carry her belongings when she had first moved in.
Yes, that was what she would do – take it home, put it in the box and shove it back in her ‘charity pile’ – the collection of old clothes and other items which she didn’t want any more and which she would give to a worthy cause.
The ring itself repulsed her now, but she was sure that it would help some poor individual in need. In a way, it would be the only good thing Lex ever did for somebody directly – and also ironic, that the last item bought by the biggest crook in Metropolis would help somebody else.
But would the relief of knowing that her ring was doing some good cancel out the pain of opening that awful box again? She knew that she would have to root through it to find the case for her ring – doing that would doubtless uproot the various items thrown in there haphazardly, and as Lois hated mess and untidiness, she would probably end up repacking the awful thing, even without wanting or meaning to.
And every item she put into it would serve as a cruel reminder of what an idiot she had been. Surely that would be far worse than just giving it away? After all, she was sure that whoever received it would be grateful for it...but come on, who was going to want a second-hand engagement ring, even if it *was* ludicrously profligate?
And not just *any* engagement ring – all but the most unscrupulous of characters would surely cringe at just *whose* money had bought this thing. And those who *wouldn’t*...well, Lois cringed to think of what the money earned from the sale of such an object would go on to buy.
The identity of the original owner would undoubtedly be obvious – the ring was inscribed with her name and the date on which she was supposed to be wed – and everybody in Metropolis had known who Lois’ fiancé had been.
How could she possibly expect anyone to want an engagement ring with a message already carved on it? It would be the utmost slap in the face to whoever received it. Lois knew what it was like to have her pride, if not her heart, ripped into shreds by the man she had once thought to marry – on no account did she want some other poor woman to go through that.
Of course, there was also the fact that a miniscule message – one which made Lois cringe in disgust now - was also carved onto the ring – “Forever,” together with their names and the date of their wedding. Not only did this stink of a bad joke to her now, but also, on no account did she want it to be exposed to the outside world - like it would be if she thought to give it away. She would doubtless be mocked by whomever picked it up – it would serve as another reminder to the hand-me-downer that the previous owner, the ‘best reporter in Metropolis’ had been fooled outright by the person she was supposed to have been closest to.
No, the ring did need to be disposed of...but the question was, *how*? It wasn’t exactly the kind of thing that you just threw away – she had already established that she couldn’t *give* it away – so how to dispose of it?
If only she had had the common sense to give it back to Lex before walking up the aisle – then he would probably have it on his person when and if he had flung himself off the roof of his penthouse...
...flung himself off the *roof?*
Lois smiled. How ironic.
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And for anyone who's wondering, yes, there IS a reason why she spends so long on the engagement ring! 
