|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
I know it's been a while since I've posted anything, but I'm glad to be back! Thanks to Morgana, Lynn S M, and Anonpip for their advice and help on making this story better. I'd love to hear what you all thought of this 'short' one-shot.  Thanks!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,800 Likes: 30 |
Let me the first to welcome you back to the boards! ML's Jimmy was my favorite and deserves his moment in the sun. Photography, not computers was his first love, yet he excelled in each. Still we remember him best as a good friend to Lois and Clark. Who better to observe such a tenderly intimate time between them? Good to have you back! 
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 4,058 |
Nice POV of Jimmy. great job. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
You have a way of phrasing that I wish I could capture in my writing. You turn the ordinary into extraordinary. Beautiful. You turn words into images imprinted on the mind. Clark hadn't been the same since she'd accepted Luthor's proposal of marriage. Hadn't been the same since he'd gone to see her at LNN. Hadn't been the same since they'd stopped talking after the Chief's retirement dinner. Clark had changed, and I didn't like it. Didn't like seeing the slump of his shoulders, hearing the merest edge of cynicism added to his voice, observing the almost manic energy that had spurred him to continue investigating Luthor without pausing to eat or rest, watching him separate himself ever so slightly from us as he turned all his efforts to saving Lois. Jimmy the observer. Perry was always telling him to look at the details, but you've captured his soul here and definitely his voice. Old Jimmy's voice. Even though you wrote it: I frowned and moved forward to try to help Lois wrestle the white dress into submission, but it was too late. With a sob of frustrated desperation, she took the fabric into her hands and she ripped off what looked to be a mile of train and let it drop to the ground as carelessly as Luthor's body had fallen. Then she threw herself back into Clark's arms, easily sliding into the back seat, all but in his lap as he tightened his hold around her, the two melding into each other in a way that was almost uncomfortable to watch, it was such a private, intimate moment. I can see Lois tearing off the train of her dress before climbing into the cab. CK let out a huge breath and sagged forward. I think he slid to the floor, think he might have lowered his forehead to his knees, think he might have closed his eyes over whatever anguish he was feeling, think he might have curled inward to hide his inner pain...but I don't know. Haunting. I have never seen Clark shown hurting from pain of being Luthor's prisioner as you describe his demeaner. My hand fell away from his as if burned and my jaw dropped almost to the table when he let out a gasp of pain and tugged free of my touch. The awkward way he held his arm against his side tilted his hand and revealed what looked like a crisscrossing of burns across his palm. The pain evident in his eyes revealed the truth behind his slow, stilted movements. The way he turned away from me, hiding the depths of his reaction, revealed his reluctance to let anyone know that he'd been hurt. The not wanting Lois to know what he had endured because of his love for her. That in itself was an admission of his love as much as the way he looked at her. Beautiful. Haunting. Picture perfect. Thank you for sharing.  PS: I'm also a fan of Michael Landes's Jimmy. He had a depth to him that Justin's did not. You captured it well.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
This was really great and powerful. Want to comment more, but don't have the time or energy right now to do so... but I'll come back to this with more kind words, I swear.
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Anti-K! Been looking forward to this one ever since you first mentioned the idea to me. The doors loomed before us, ordinary doors, really, not too far away from us...and yet they seemed to get farther away the more we waded forward. I love the phrasing here. I'm picturing a spectacular Vertigo Zoom here. Outside the doors, I could see the beautiful spring day, the type that always made a work day drag by impossibly slowly. Ooh, love it! We've all been there before, haven't we? Assuming there was anywhere she'd feel all that safe anymore, I amended. Well, there's always Clark's place.  In fact, if I didn't know better--and sometimes it seemed I was always the last one to know--I'd say we had saved the wrong woman entirely. Wow. That's pretty powerful. I had really hoped Clark would be out here waiting for us, a smile to greet us, his hands stuffed in his pockets, that habitual hesitance as he met Lois's eyes, a half-hearted remark about some errand he'd forgotten to do but had been duty-bound to see to. Awesome snap-shot of Clark! added that sparking gleam that could bully a powerful politician or captivate a reporter from Kansas. Or entrance a superhero. Clark had changed, and I didn't like it. Didn't like seeing the slump of his shoulders, hearing the merest edge of cynicism added to his voice, observing the almost manic energy that had spurred him to continue investigating Luthor without pausing to eat or rest, watching him separate himself ever so slightly from us as he turned all his efforts to saving Lois.  That Luthor had hurt him. Which is why we folcs are glad that he died. He was a bully, and I'd had plenty of practice with those, from the first days of kindergarten all the way to the Daily Planet newsroom. Love the comparison. those moments of picture-perfect truths framed in black and white Love that you keep going back to that analogy. It works so well. His hand was gone almost before I had a chance to register it, but I still felt warmed, as if his warmth was like the sun's, enough to bathe the rest of us in a gentle glow. Beautiful. (I know I've said that like 10,000 times already.) Lois had let me be her friend, but CK was the first person who'd actively worked to befriend *me Perfect distinction. Everyone knew that Clark Kent loved Lois Lane.
But I wondered how many people knew that Lois Lane loved Clark Kent in return. <melts> Wasn't quite expecting that, but so glad to see her concerned for Clark. A righteously angry Lois Lane was better to have on your side than the entire United States military. "I know I...made some bad decisions. But...please, Jimmy, if he's going to leave, just tell me." <melts again> I knew miracles didn't happen everyday, but then...this was Metropolis and we had a superhero flying in the skies above our streets, so maybe miracles did happen everyday. Enough to see if I could gather my family and home around me once again, a family made up of friends instead of blood relatives and a home made up of newspaper ink and cramped desks rather than a bedroom and kitchen and attic and basement. I bow to your superior wordsmithing.  If Lois said anything, I didn't hear it, but the way she threaded her arms around him, the way she sank into his embrace, the way she closed her eyes to savor the moment....it was answer enough. *happy tear* No, the perfect picture that made the others pale in comparison was *this* snapshot, this photo of a moment stolen from time, this image of Lois and Clark back together again. *happy tear, the sequel* WOW! What a powerful piece! Well done! I agree with your emails that it definitely feels more like Michael Landes' Jimmy than Justin Whalen's. But it fits so well. As always, I sit here stunned at your amazing descriptions and word usage. Bravo!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 127
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 127 |
I have always been amazed at your writing, and this was no exception. Your words are very powerful. They make me see things that I might otherwise have missed. Wonderful job on Jimmy's perspective of things. I never thought of him viewing the world through the lens of a camera, but it makes perfect sense.
Perry: (To Lois) Honey, this could be greatest story since Superman came to town. By-the-by, where is that husband of yours?
--Faster Than a Speeding Vixon
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,883 |
A truly wonderful treatment of this episode.
I wish I could write as well as you.
Doing this on my bberry so keeping it brief. Will write more later.
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks for the welcome back, Morgana, and your wonderful encouragement with this story. So glad you enjoyed it! Thanks, Laurach. Jimmy's voice is hard to capture, so I'm glad it came through for you! Wow, VirginiaR, you certainly have a way of making a writer feel good!  Thanks for the wonderful compliments! Lois tearing her gown was one of the first images I had in mind before writing this. I've always felt this particular time period was one of the lowest for Clark, which is another reason I chose this scene for Jimmy's story--you picked out all my core scenes, in fact! And yay for another ML fan! Thanks for the great feedback! Thanks, Mouserocks! I take any feedback, even tired ones!  Love the detailed feedback, Deadly Chakram! I'm glad that even after hearing all my problems with writing this story that you enjoyed it! I do think that Jimmy could have figured out the Secret and toyed with the idea of letting him find out here--or already know--but it was already about ten pages longer than I anticipated! Glad the photography analogy worked! Thanks! Thanks, lcfan99! Words can be very powerful--it made my day to hear that you thought mine were. Short or not, it was great to hear you enjoyed the story, KenJ! Thanks, everyone!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
Beautiful.
And, did you say you also wrote Chuck fanfic? Cause I'd be interested in reading that...
PJ
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks, ChiefPam! And yes, I have written, currently, three Chuck stories, you can find them here Hope you enjoy!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,194 Likes: 1 |
Very well done. Poignant and true.
This *is* my happily ever after.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks, HappyGirl! So glad to hear you enjoyed!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
Very well done. Poignant. You captured things just right at a time that was very difficult for L&C. Excellent.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Thanks, IolantheAlias! It was hard to write since it's such a dark period for L&C, but fun too. Glad you enjoyed it!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
I did promise I'd come back to this, now, didn't I? No one can say I don't hold to my promises... BTW, Anti-K, I've got a bunch of your Chuck story updates lurking in my email somewhere. Hopefully I've got an eensie-bit more time now and can catch up on reading them soon. (Woo! Exciting!) Can I just start out by commenting on just how well written this piece was, all around? Your writing style is just fantastic. Points I liked... I had really hoped Clark would be out here waiting for us, a smile to greet us, his hands stuffed in his pockets, that habitual hesitance as he met Lois's eyes, a half-hearted remark about some errand he'd forgotten to do but had been duty-bound to see to.
But he wasn't there. I sifted quickly through the individuals milling about, my gaze flicking from one person to the next. But CK's ebony hair was missing, his dark, almost-slanted eyes, his large, unassuming build, his ambling stride, his voice caught between tenor and baritone-nowhere to be seen or heard. I really like the concern for Clark that you brought out here from Jimmy. Good way of describing it, too. but Clark hadn't been the same since she'd accepted Luthor's proposal of marriage. Hadn't been the same since he'd gone to see her at LNN. Hadn't been the same since they'd stopped talking after the Chief's retirement dinner. Clark had changed, and I didn't like it. Didn't like seeing the slump of his shoulders, hearing the merest edge of cynicism added to his voice, observing the almost manic energy that had spurred him to continue investigating Luthor without pausing to eat or rest, watching him separate himself ever so slightly from us as he turned all his efforts to saving Lois. Poor Clark. I can completely visualize his actions and attitude at that point- matches the glimpses we got in the show perfectly. I was glad he was there for Lois. Glad he knew what to say, glad he was the one who had put his arm around her to guide her forward. The Chief had always loved Lois, at least he had as long as I had been working at the Daily Planet. He always knew what to say, what to do, how to approach a problem, and I knew Lois needed someone like him right now. Another good point. Besides Clark, Perry is probably the best person for Lois at this time of distress. He's even more like a father than her actual father... glad you pointed that out. Where's Clark? Well, that was the question, wasn't it? The question Perry and Jack and I had been wondering the afternoon before, asking the evening before, and so desperately trying not to think about all day. Because if we asked it now, after listening to the message Luthor's back-stabbing crony had left on Clark's answering machine, then images of dumpsters and alleys and rivers inevitably came to mind.
And I, for one, could not even begin to think of CK thrown aside like garbage, could not think of him cold and still, could not think of his empty apartment and all the accompanying pictures of his smiling parents Motion, half-glimpsed out of the corner of my eye, registered, a movement that resembled Clark's casual stride. But the gait was different, I knew without even giving it a closer look, slower and less defined, more hesitant. Great, great description. Only...he didn't move with his customary grace, hardly took a step at all. And his face was shadowed and lined with tension I had never seen in him before. And his hands shook. And his shoulders were as slumped as if he carried the weight of the world. And he breathed heavily as if every inhalation cut deep. Glad you had Jimmy pick up on these slight changes, made him notice the pain he'd been through. Or maybe, I thought as I studied him carefully, maybe with Lois in his arms--unmarried and single--maybe he *had* completed his assignment. Maybe this had been his goal all along. Ding Ding Ding! Yep. Jimmy's got a good picture of what Clark's thought process really boils down to. The gasps and mutters from the crowd behind us attracted my attention, and I followed the direction of their gazes. Far above us, teetering on the edge of his penthouse balcony, Luthor balanced between life and death. I gaped up at him, mind spinning, heart lodged somewhere in the vicinity of my stomach. I had worked to bring Luthor down, but never, not even once, had I thought I was working to see him *dead*.
Looking behind him, Luthor shouted something indiscernible...and then he leaped over the edge and succumbed to gravity.
I watched him fall, watched him twist in mid-air so that he looked like he was flying. Only he didn't have a red cape and integrity stronger than Kryptonian muscles and the power of flight. I watched, and at the last second, I turned away. Because photographer or not, there was no way I wanted to see the end of the House of Luthor so up close and personal. Ugh. So torturous and wonderful a description. Really, the idea of coming at the scene from Jimmy's perspective is brilliant. You made Luthor's death feel even more painful. A lump crawled its stubborn way up my throat as I saw Clark place his hand on Lois's head and hold her face to him. There was something...tragic, something broken about his expression that made me suddenly want to do anything I could for him--get him a coffee, remount his bass, fix the horn on his golf cart, *anything* just so long as it dulled the edges of the emotion ravaging his features. Jimmy's reaction to Clark's pain is just so believable and so sad! Gah. He wasn't abandoning me like Dad had. Wasn't moving on to a warmer place and a better job like Mom had. Wasn't letting me go when our careers were no longer tied together like Jack and most of the people at the Daily Planet had. He was staying, and that was enough to let me sink back into my seat and take a sip of my lukewarm coffee, realizing with a soft pang that Perry had flavored it exactly the way I liked it. I always think of Lois being the one coming from a tough family background and childhood, but Jimmy's admission here reminded me otherwise. It makes the moment doubly sad when he compares Clark leaving to how he felt when his father left him. Everyone knew that Clark Kent loved Lois Lane.
But I wondered how many people knew that Lois Lane loved Clark Kent in return.
*That* was a secret better kept even though she didn't hide it very well. In fact, I would guess that even Clark himself didn't know that particular secret, no matter how obvious it was when you knew what to look for.  And great way of putting it, too. She'd get mad, naturally, but that was kind of the way Lois Lane worked. The madder she got, the better she became. A righteously angry Lois Lane was better to have on your side than the entire United States military. It was, in all respects, the story of a lifetime.
And I...I was its photographer. Perfect way to end it! And once again, great story!
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
|
|
OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Hey, Mouserocks, thanks for the additional, detailed feedback--you know how to make someone's day a whole lot better! I'm glad the writing style worked for you--I went back and forth on first person or not, but I'm glad I stuck with it. Luthor's death wasn't really something I wanted to get into, but in writing it, I just couldn't imagine Jimmy shrugging something like that off so easily. Still, I avoided getting too much into it due to general laziness and the fact that my short story was rapidly growing longer and longer...  The camera theme was my first idea for the fic, but since I really know very little about photography, I was a bit dubious about starting it (I first thought of this story last September)--so I'm glad you liked it! Again, thanks for leaving the feedback--and I hope you enjoy the Chuck stories as much as I enjoyed writing them!
|
|
|
|
