Lois stood outside the door that would lead her to Kal-El. She tried to bolster her courage knowing that he was expecting her and she wouldn't be alone with him. She wouldn't have to touch him. But she would have to link with him and that made her feel queasy and full of dread. She had not seen him since the day of his arrival and she didn't know if she could bear up against it.
Even if he truly did mean to help them – even if he was more like Clark than his own clone, the idea of him knowing through the link what his clone had done to her made her want to throw up. She almost felt she could bear contempt and mockery over remorse and pity, but she felt sure that the latter was what she would feel from him. She shuddered because this was Lord Kal. He was a Kryptonian who bore that name and who had been raised to rule, and despite any assertions of good-will backed up by the corroborations of those who had linked with him, Lois wasn't at all sure she could face Lord Kal without sinking into a huddled mass of fear.
Fortune favored the bold. She put her hand on the door and entered, nearly walking into the man himself.
She stepped back and gasped. He was standing, moving about the room – she had expected him, somehow to be bed-bound, but there were no restraints. The fine lines around his mouth and eyes told her that he was feeling pain and that he had been regularly dosed with red radiation – but still -the man chose to walk, to be strong in the face of what he felt he had to endure. That level of determination was both admirable and terrifying.
He stopped his pacing at the sight of the earth woman entering the room. He hadn't been able to wait patiently in a chair for her arrival. Knowing that a woman that his clone had tortured for years was coming to link with him had troubled him deeply. He had shared terrible memories with the other Kryptonians – Vina's were especially disturbing and while she had treated him with gentle kindness, he could't look her in the eyes, feeling as if he had victimized her himself. Even then, she had been kind with him, and he knew she saw him as one who had also been victimized. This human woman – from an alternate reality no less, had suffered at his clone's hands, and would likely not see him as a fellow victim. As her doppelgänger had, she would look up on him with fear, distrust and hate, and he would know that he deserved every virulent emotion.
“I'm sorry,” he said, speaking to her in her language, taking note of her immediate terror and the tight bracing of her body as she clearly fought the impulse to back away from him in fear. Taking immediate pity on her, he stepped away, knowing he was far too close to her, and gave her the space he knew she must need.
“I – I just got startled, that's all,” she said, recovering quickly from her initial shock. Although this was Kal-El, the uncertainty and guilt in his gaze were more Clark like than anything else. She forced herself to remember that while she had been tortured at the hands of his clone, he had been in stasis – forced into it by the same people who had created the clone in the first place.
Kal-El was surprised that she recovered as quickly as she had. He knew that somehow this woman had overcome her trauma and ended up bonded with Kal-El's own doppelgänger – a man he yearned to meet. He was curious about this Earth-raised variation of himself. The man must truly be decent if he could find his way into this woman's heart after all she had endured. Kal-El fought against the wave of envy he felt. To have someone truly love who you so much that they could look past who you resembled... that was deep love indeed and Kal-El would likely never know that kind of love from anyone. Least of all Zara, thanks to everything his clone had done to her. He shuddered and pushed aside that feeling.
Lois saw his shudder and misunderstood. Her pity overcame her aversion. He was being poisoned at regular intervals. The idea horrified her when she remembered what Clark had gone through thanks to Lex.
“Are you in pain,” she inquired gently. “Do you need to sit down?”
“I should rest,” he said, acquiescing to her gentle and completely unexpected sympathy. He also wanted to be seated to appear less as a looming and overpowering presence. “The red radiation does hurt."
“I know,” she said, without any bitterness. “I don't know if you know that I married a Kryptonian, but he's been poisoned too, in the past and it really hurt him. I'm sorry you have to go through this.”
Kal-El locked gazes with her from his seated position
“It's far easier than what you went through,” he said, finally just stating what they both knew to be true. “I can bear it. I thank you, however, for your words. I do appreciate them.”
Lois shook her head to shake out the feeling of how strange it was to interact with a Kryptonian variation of Clark. And then she laughed inwardly at how she had phrased that in her mind. The idea that this man who was named Lord Kal-El didn't initially remind her of the clone was very close to being proof enough for her. At the very least she knew herself to be safe, and years of interacting with Clark had enabled her to move past her initial fear.
“Do you know about me,” she asked him, sitting opposite him across a table, surprising him even more with her boldness. He could sense her fear, but she wasn't letting it show. He admired her all the more for it. Her words brought up anger as well on her behalf and he fought against letting that show. The last thing she needed was his anger. He was well trained in hiding his feelings and kept his gaze calm.
“Yes, I do,” he said. “I know that you spent some time in this world and that you were victimized by my clone. I most deeply apologize for what he did. I am responsible for your suffering, and will make whatever reparations I can.”
His gaze burned with regret.
“No. You aren't responsible for what that monster did,” she asserted strongly. “He is. And the people behind this plan – but not you.”
“I failed my people by not seeing this possibility,” he said. “I should have known they would do this.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do.”
“Do you blame Zara?”
“For what?” Kal-El was intrigued by this human woman. She was afraid of him. Every wave of feeling that came from her was laced in terror, yet she was cooly asking questions as if he didn't trouble her at all. For such a fragile creature, she had an immensely strong spirit. Then he'd always known that might didn't equal right.
“Zara didn't foresee this either. When she ended up bonded to the man she thought was you, and he was cruel – shouldn't she have guessed what had happened?”
His eyes flickered away from hers. The question was too painful to answer. Truth be told, he was deeply upset about this very thing - but he didn't ever want to admit it to Zara. She was also afraid of him and she had suffered enough.
“I suppose... yes, I think she should have known. Yet... I blame no-one other than myself. I am the leader of my people.”
“Lord Kal-El,” she said forcing the words out. “Is that how you wish me to address you?” Her tone was laced with bitterness now, and Kal-El felt a sudden urge to cower against all the pain that she had known that her tone implied.
“No,” he breathed out, his tone one of utter distaste. “My name is Kal-El. If you are uncomfortable calling me that, take the liberty of creating your own name for me. I would request that you never refer to me as … Lord anything.”
Lois nodded, fighting her nausea. Memories of his clone were pushing to the forefront. She could see him there, angry, domineering, his hands on her – striking her down, punishing her for every insolence. She exhaled hard, trying to beat back the flash back and she felt the familiar chills and nausea overtake her.
“Are you unwell?” The insistent voice – his voice – he was asking her something, he was talking to her – he wanted something from her. She looked at him, terrified – what did he want? What should she do?
A woman came over, a Kryptonian, and Lois flinched from her, fearing she was being taken back to Kal-El's rooms. She struggled against her, shaking her head violently. She knew she would be punished, but she couldn't do it – she couldn't submit. Somehow her spirit had grown in her again and wouldn't allow her to submit.
“No,” she choked out. “No – No!” She was breathing in hard inhalations and exhalations, getting dizzier by the moment and suddenly Clark was there, at her side, holding her hand, looking up at her with a troubled gaze. Crouching by her chair.
“She needs help,” she heard him call. “Would it help to bring the one she's bonded with?”
This wasn't Clark, she realized with a wash of terror. Kal-El. It was Lord Kal-El. She pulled her hand out of his virulently and then she began to shake her head.
“I'm sorry,” she babbled in Kryptonian. “I'm sorry-”
Kal-El let out a curse. Things were getting worse and he shouldn't have touched her. He seemed to have made it worse. They needed her bond-mate here. Perhaps he was the only one who could help.
A man came urgently through the open door- it was him – the one that resembled him – the earth-bound Kryptonian. Kal-El looked at him and saw the shock of emotions go through the seemingly human man's eyes. Fear, anger and then understanding. He came over and crouched down in front of Lois as Kal-El had tried to do, and Kal-El moved jerkily out of the way, staggering back into his chair. He watched the man attempt to reach the woman.
“Hey, Lois, hey – it's Clark,” he soothed her, not trying to touch her or force her back into awareness.”You're safe – nobody is going to hurt you. You're safe. This isn't him. Come on, please – focus on my voice!”
Kal-El watched, shocked and transfixed, as the frantic woman ceased her desperate pleas, spoken in his own language no less, and began to regain awareness of her surroundings. Soon her gaze was clear, and he realized he was beginning to get lightheaded from his own hyperventilations, and he focused on slowing his inhalations and exhalations so he wouldn't pass out. The woman looked down at the man crouched down in front of her and began to cry. Kal-El felt self-sick. It was his own fault she suffered.
“Clark,” she asked, “What happened? Oh god – what happened? I had a breakdown, didn't I?”
“You did,” he asserted gently, his voice very kind and loving. “But wow, Lois – these are pretty extraordinary circumstances. Anyone would have broken down in this situation. Please understand that. Please don't feel like you did anything wrong.”
She nodded after a very long moment.
“I know,” she said. “I know.”
He moved to sit in another chair at the table right next to hers.
“What do you want,” he asked her, trying to fight the urge to beg her not to do this today.
Her gaze shifted to Kal-El's. He was watching her with a deep intensity that took her by surprise. Her outburst had clearly upset him and while he was trying to remain calm, she knew he was anything but.
“I'm staying,” she said firmly. “I want to do this.”
Kal watched as his human-seeming doppelgänger comforted his mate. It was surreal to watch these proceedings from the point of view of one who was outside it all. This was who he would have become if his father had followed through with his initial plans of sending Kal-El to Earth. He felt a twinge of longing. Although right now these two were grappling with some serious awful emotions, he could feel the bond between them and it made him feel an empty yearning himself.
“Lois Lane,” Kal-El said formally, speaking her name for the first time. “I would like to apologize to you.”
She froze at his voice and he could see that keeping eye contact with him was troubling her. At the same time, she squeezed her bond-mates hand tightly. She was comfortable, at least, with his doppelgänger, and seeking to draw comfort from him. The sweetness of that interaction made him feel glad for them both.
“Kal-El,” she said softly. “You did nothing wrong. I should have warned you that … I have flashbacks. Clark here is used to this...”
Her bond-mate – Clark – shifted his gaze to Kal-El. He looked over at Lois, unsure, and then reached out towards Kal-El, his hand held out in an earth-style greeting – an offering of initial goodwill.
“My name is Clark,” he said as he held out his hand. “I'm glad to make your acquaintance.” The words were polite, but hid a wealth of meaning underneath. If Kal-El was genuine, then 'glad' didn't cut it. If Kal-El were actually as dangerous as his clone – then it was a whole different set of feelings. But for now, Clark knew that he had to take this first step. Especially when his his initial impulse had been to charge in and shake the other man's teeth out for upsetting Lois the way he had.
Kal-El hesitated for the briefest of pauses before he reached out and gripped Clark's hand in his own.
“I too am glad to be acquainted with you.”
