Kal-El tried not to intrude on the couple. It was obvious that Clark wanted to stay, he was worried about Lois, but she seemed adamant on proceeding without him. Lois's pride and strength impressed Kal-El. After everything she had endured, she was still unwavering in her resolve to do the task she had set out to do regardless that it terrified her. Kal-El terrified her.
He swallowed against the anguish that idea evoked. He was unaccustomed to evoking fear in others. As future ruler, he knew that he would wield unchallenged power, and he spent his life treating others as he would want someone with his power treating him. To wake up in a world where he was hated by both his own people and another race of people entirely was a brutal shock. How could he face the future if everyone who saw him reacted in terror? How was Clark ever able to get through Lois's initial feelings of hatred and fear, because it was obvious when she saw her husband, she did not see the monster. That was not true when she looked at him, and he felt the difference keenly.
Lois and Clark had reached the end of their conversation and Clark looked over at Kal-el, his eyes assessing and sharp. Kal-El returned his gaze evenly refusing to show discomfort. The other man didn't fear him – yet neither did he trust him. Kal-El knew that it went against Clark's very core to leave Lois with Kal-El unprotected, but he also knew that the man wouldn't insult his wife by refusing to accept her edict. This was a marriage of equals. Kal-El felt a stab of jealousy. Even if this hadn't happened, he would have never known this kind of relationship by the nature of the role he was to play within his society.
Clark gave him a nod – it seemed to carry some amount of reassurance and Kal-El felt warmed by that. Something about his doppelgänger seemed very comforting and solid. He had a presence that left Kal-El with the idea that somehow things would work out.
The sound of the door closing forced Lois to return her gaze to Kal-El. He could see that it was a struggle for her to do so and he tried to channel Clark's body language. It was important to be as unlike his clone as possible to make these moments easier for her. And he desperately wanted to make these moments easier. It wasn't just his own life at stake – there was something about her that made him feel protective – more so than anyone else – he wanted to see her smile. He pushed those thoughts away viciously . He could not begin to have those thoughts about her or anyone like her. Worse, he couldn't afford for her to detect them within their link.
After an awkward silence, Lois spoke.
“I'd like to apologize for my outburst,” she said in a voice that was so even, that it clearly belied turmoil beneath.
“If you will not accept my culpability in what you've endured, surely you know that your reaction to what you've endured is not your fault.”
She nodded slowly, mulling over his words. She had expected him to say them. Clark would have said them. It was important for her to test him even now – any betrayal of expression that might show this was all an act could be a lifesaving thing.
“I suppose we should begin?”
“My mind is open to you,” he said calmly. “Please be at ease to read my thoughts.”
Lois nodded tensely. She would never be at ease for this. Then again, she couldn't imagine he was either. Surely this kind of open invitation was rare – especially for the leader of his people.
“Wait, please,” he interjected suddenly, picking up on her fear.
She looked at him, her gaze questioning and dark with worry.
“You are afraid to do this,” he finally said, after deliberating how to phrase his observation.
“Yes.” Her eyes blazed with her emotions now, she was having more trouble withholding them after her outburst.
“I know reassurances are weak in the face of what you know as truth. I still feel I should offer them. I will not read your thoughts unbidden, nor will I send anything forcibly across the link. It is entirely up to you to send and receive what you will.”
She nodded tightly. She understood what he was saying, and yet she was still very much afraid.
Kal-El didn't offer any more assurances – to do so would clearly upset her.
“Well, here goes,” she muttered. She reached over and grasped his hand and his gaze grew shocked. Lois could feel he was fighting the urge to pull away from her grasp. Likely he could feel her fear even more intensely this way.
“It's harder to hide what you're feeling if I'm touching you,” she said boldly as she beat back the terror. I have to do this. I want to go home and this is what I have to do.
Kal-El heard her unintended transmission and it troubled him deeply. This woman had willingly stepped back into a world that resonated with horror for her in order to free it. In order to free him. A wave of protective anger on her behalf spiraled through him and he felt her shock and surprise at her returned perception of those feelings. He quickly tried to calm himself down, not wanting to frighten her, but then he felt amusement coming from her. That's nothing compared to his anger.
He squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to know anything of the details.
Lois felt his fear and wondered momentarily if he feared she might see something in his mind that he didn't want her to see. She probed and as promised, he remained open to her. His mind was full of raw despair, anger and fear. She could feel how hurt he was that Zara never questioned that the monster was him. That she could forget who he had once been and accept that the clone was who he had turned out to be. He felt betrayed and angry that this was done to him in the first place. He felt overwhelmingly self-loathing over his own weak failure to foresee such an event – a failure that had led to the enslavement of an entire planet. She felt his intense shame at the idea that his clone had raped and murdered an untold number of earth women – women like Lois. She felt the sick guilt he felt in her presence. She was stunned by the weight of those emotions and her own control wavered. She began to flood him with memories of what she had endured and right away she felt him cringe back mentally. He wanted to hide from this knowledge, but he couldn't put up barriers. He had promised to be open and he would, no matter the cost. She felt his own resolve. You endured. You suffered. I can at least bear this.
Lois was the one to pull away. No. I don't want to share this with you. it was an anguished plea and Kal-El sent her an image of building blocks around her thoughts. Lois, Allow me please to assist you. Gratefully, Lois built the walls around her memories and began probing deeper, needing to learn him more thoroughly. She saw him as a child, gentle, sweet and curious. She felt the love of his parents, even though they died so soon after his birth. She felt the pain of that loss through the link and sent a flood of kind sympathy to him. She felt his gratitude. She saw him as a boy – a future King, noble and right-minded.
Kal-El was a natural leader who never assumed that his destiny meant he could bully or dominate. She saw him playing as a child with Zara and Ching, she saw him arguing earnestly with the ministers against the plan to 'occupy' Earth. She saw him angry when finally alone after such meetings, and felt the fear that somehow his wishes would be overruled. She felt his powerful determination to do anything to prevent the plan from following through. He knew that Kryptonians wouldn't be content with living amongst the humans- they would not be able to resist the lure of the power given to them by the yellow sun. And now she felt his unending despair at seeing his worst nightmares come to life. His people had invaded earth and wreaked havoc all in his name. She felt his hopeless terror. He had to convince those who had been victimized by a monster wearing his face and name to help him liberate this world. He was alone and terrified. He was hated and feared and all he wanted to do was make things right. How could he convince them that he wasn't like his clone?
Lois pulled back into her own mind and released his hands. Slowly she sat back, trying to process all she had felt from him. Tears were falling freely down her face and Kal-El was deeply troubled at the sight. Lois affected him in a way that seemed to touch his soul. His mind briefly reflected on her doppelgänger – the hatred and fear that he'd felt from her... he couldn't afford to ever start yearning for this woman- it was a disastrous path to take. Besides. Kal-El was bonded to Zara and it was Zara's choice whether that bond would ever be severed.
“I am sorry for your distress,” he said, not knowing how else to try to ease her pain. “And... I am deeply sorry for what you endured.”
“I'm sorry for you,” she returned, softly. “I know you are as much a victim as I am in all this.”
“My duty dictates that I be held answerable for the actions of the Kryptonians. According to my culture, I am responsible for what they have done, and regardless of how you feel about that assertion, I feel it to be true. I will not bemoan my own fate.”
She felt taken aback by the edge to his tone and realized that by calling him a victim, she was unintentionally insulting his honor as he saw it. She knew he wasn't actually angry with her, but a shiver ran through her nonetheless.
She nodded, trying to get past this moments.
“I think I do have some idea of what you mean. It is a good leader who answers for the actions of his people.”
“Do you believe me when I tell you that I wish to free this world?”
She hesitated, giving him a steady and grave look.
She expelled a hard breath.
“Yes. I do.”
Having so recently been linked, Lois could sense his emotions. She felt his surprise and relief – there was something else there as well. Admiration – and … something - attraction? She shivered. It couldn't be that. Or perhaps it was – the lure of their soul connection. Maybe Kal-El had experienced a closeness with her that he hadn't felt with anyone else – a sense of rightness. The thought didn't horrify her the way it once would have. LL would be an entirely different story. Lois felt a pang of despair for the two – she knew that they belonged together – yet it would never happen.
“Kal-El,” she said, fixing him with an assessing look. She wanted to see how he reacted to her lack of respect in speaking with such an exalted noble. “I can't make any promises. I don't know the weight of my opinion. I love a man who resembles you and the others will take that into consideration. It may lessen the impact of my recommendation.”
“It may strengthen it as well. Clark is obviously not dangerous.”
She gave a smile to that. It was full of love, humor … nostalgia. It made Kal-El's heart hurt.
“Yes. It took me a while to figure that out... I put him through a lot. In the end, it worked out, however...”
“My circumstances are different,” he told her gently, understanding on some level she was trying to comfort him. “You hated Clark – but others didn't. Here – I'm the enemy. I will work to free this world. I will not give up. But... I cannot let myself think I can have a life here as Clark has done in the other world. I don't know what I will do, or where I can go – but I cannot lead my people anymore – nor can I live here.”
“Wait. You can't lead your people - ? Let's go back to that. How do you expect to end this if you don't claim your rightful place as leader?”
“I will do that. And when those who did this are punished,” Kal-El hesitated as he saw Lois shiver involuntarily. He continued after a brief heartbeat. “I will step down. I cannot lead my people. Not after what he's done. And if I may speak with full honesty – I am troubled that the deception was so easily accepted. No-one questioned that I had become so cruel. There can be no trust or love between my people and me. Not after this.”
Lois heard his pain and anger. She felt for him. She knew she would feel the same.
“What about Zara?”
“She is free to do as she pleases,” he said. “If she is wiling, I would dissolve our union. She can lead my people with Ching -”
Lois shuddered and he stopped.
“I upset you just now? I meant – when I said 'my people' to refer to my relationship with the Kryptonian society – not earth -”
“No. It's Ching,” she said, spitting out the name. “I know that my doppelgänger doesn't feel this way for him - but I hate the man. I don't trust him. Not one bit.”
“Did he hurt you,” Kal-El was unaware that his voice had gotten louder and angrier, and his expression intense. Lois's unwitting shrinking away reminded him to stay calm. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry -” he tried to reign his feelings back in.
Lois felt the heart-stopping terror slowly abate and release it's grip on her lungs.
“No... no – it's okay,” she said. “I obviously have trouble with seeing you angry... even Clark is careful not to get angry – then again, he has to worry about that in general. He has to be careful all the time because of what he can do...”
Kal-El considered that. Of course Clark had to be careful. Kal-El hoped he would get a chance to get to know this man better. He was sure he could learn a lot from Clark about living amongst humans if that ended up his fate, regardless that he believed he couldn't – and shouldn't – live here.
“So... ah – about Ching?”
“He was the one who forced me into captivity,” she said. “He forced me to be your clone's slave.”
Tension gripped Kal-El's heart again. He tried not to react visibly.
“I would not have believed that of him,” he breathed. “Might he be a clone as well?”
“He was protecting Zara,” Lois said, her voice hard and tight. She was holding the memories of that awful day at bay and it was hard. Images of the clone were super-imposing themselves on his progenitor. “Oh, god,” she muttered. “Not now... not again.”
“Lois, please,” Kal-El begged her. “We can stop this conversation – I don't want you to get upset.”
She was breathing hard, trying her best to maintain control. She looked away from him as she spoke, not wanting to end this prematurely.
“I think I'm okay,” she gasped. “Sorry – and yes – I know... I know. Ching loves her -” She riveted her gaze back to Kal-El's forcefully. “And your clone abused her. Ching wanted to protect her. There's a longer story involving my doppelgänger... and I can't tell it to you. I'm sorry – you'll have to ask Zara. I can't. But … Ching – he acted to protect Zara. He sacrificed me to keep her safe. I can't forgive that. But you shouldn't -”
“Agree wholeheartedly with you,” Kal-El asked, incredulously. “He scarified you for her. And while I know that he loves her and I know that love is a powerful motivator, you don't behave that way. You don't - Zara, at least, is Kryptonian – you... it – horrifies me that he would do such a thing.”
“You can't understand a man's actions without knowing the life he's led,” Lois insisted hotly. “I appreciate what you feel, but things aren't as simple as that.”
“I do understand. I understand that sacrifices need to be made at times. I don't understand forcing someone to endure slavery in order to protect another.”
Lois nodded, still not looking to him.
“I hate him. I don't understand either. Fortunately I haven't had to deal with him. You, however will have to. You must put aside your feelings in order to be successful. Do you think you can do that?”
Her lecture shamed him. She wasn't even looking at him, and he felt the weight of her glare.
“I will do it, Lois. I promise you that.”
