Previously on Spark of Discovery:
Lois finally turned to look at him. Her jaw hung open a moment as she took in the sight of him, only a fluffy, now damp, towel wrapped about him. Clark realized with a start that he'd neglected to slick down his hair after getting out of the shower. He'd been too preoccupied with his own thoughts. He desperately hoped she wouldn't notice.
"I, uh...wow," Lois breathed. "You look...I never imagined...I mean...you look really..." She babbled for a moment, as if unable to string together more than two or three words together coherently. "I mean, of course you are...but...and of course the suit comes off. But I never...wow."
"I'm sorry," Clark apologized, his face going crimson as he raked his hand through his hair. "I've made you uncomfortable."
"No, no," Lois quickly said. "It's just that...you look..."
Clark raised his eyebrows. "I think we've established that," he teased, unable to help himself. He gave her a lopsided smile, hoping to clear the air of some of the awkwardness that was threatening to settle like a thick blanket.
"...a lot like Clark," Lois finished, blinking as the realization hit. She looked as though the words had been a complete shock to her, as though she hadn't planned on saying that. "But that can't be. Unless..."
"Unless?" Clark asked, gulping hard and trying to hide it.
He crossed his arms before his bare chest, in an effort to cover up some of his exposed skin. Touching his hair had been a mistake, he belatedly realized. That had been a very un-Superman-like thing to do. In fact, it was all too familiar a habit for Clark Kent.
"Answer me something," Lois said, her eyes narrowing slightly. "And answer me truthfully."
Clark moved around the couch and sat in one of the armchairs. He leaned forward a bit, resting his elbows on his thighs. "Okay. You have my word."
"Why won't you let me go to Clark?"
"I...uh.." Clark stammered, racking his brain for a plausible excuse. He wasn't sure if she'd put the pieces together, and he wasn't in a rush to give her that final piece if he could avoid doing so.
"Is it because you know that I won't find him there?"
Clark nodded meekly, unable to find words. He barely felt himself make the movement. It was as if he were a puppet and some unseen person was pulling his strings, making him do things he wasn't even conscious of.
"And why is that?"
"Intuition?" he tried, in a feeble attempt to keep his secret intact and knowing that he was failing miserably.
"Or because maybe you are Clark?"
***
Clark sighed. She'd put the pieces together, as he'd feared. He hated that she'd done so, and hated the fact that his own exhaustion had led to such a discovery. Not because he didn't want her to know; he'd been toying for a while with telling her the whole truth about himself. But because he had so desperately wanted to be the one to tell her. Somehow, he imagined that if Lois ever discovered his secret, that it would be a slap in the face to her, that fact that he hadn't told her himself. He knew his assessment had been completely accurate as he saw the scowl unfold on her face, like a dark storm cloud on a bright summer's day.
"Actually," he said at length, "it's the other way around."
"What?" Lois' hands were on her hips, like a stern and disappointed mother about to dole out some unfathomable punishment.
"Superman isn't Clark, Lois. Clark is Superman."
"Same difference," Lois said, her eyes flashing hotly.
"No, it's not," Clark said, pouring all of his sincerity into those words. "Clark is who I am. Who I really am. Superman is just...the physical manifestation of what I can do. An avatar of my powers, if you will. He's a way for me to help people, without alerting the world to the fact that Clark Kent isn't a human being."
"That's ridiculous!" Lois said, crossing her arms. "Clark is a person, just like me."
"Yes and no, Lois. I am a person. But...I'm not exactly human. I'm not from this planet, remember?"
"With all the flying, how could I forget?" Lois mumbled.
Clark nodded, conceding the point. But the usual, gleeful, look of triumph Lois usually bore after scoring a point in an argument did not appear. An icy cold vice of fear squeezed Clark's heart as it beat frantically against his ribcage.
"So...I, uh...how much trouble am I in?" Clark asked in a quiet, trembling voice, unable to meet Lois' gaze.
Instead, he steepled his fingers and studied them as though they had suddenly become fascinating. He was, however, painfully aware of Lois' eyes, boring a hole through his skin straight into his soul, and turning his hopes and dreams for their future together to ashes. He knew there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't force Lois to accept him, accept the things he'd done and the lies he'd told. He couldn't force her anger to abate any more quickly than it naturally would. All he could do was to answer whatever questions she might have; fully, honestly, completely.
He was totally exposed, both literally and figuratively. All disguises had been stripped away. There was no pair of glasses to hide behind. No cape to conceal him. He only hoped she would be merciful on him, though he knew he had no right to any clemency she might choose to favor him with.
"A lot," Lois finally said after a long pause. She frowned at him. "Ugh! I can't do this right now." She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation.
"Do what?" Clark asked, chancing a brief glance up at her, in an attempt to puzzle out what she might mean, based on the expression she wore.
"This," Lois said, gesturing vaguely at him. "I don't even know who I'm taking to right now."
Clark frowned. "It's me, Lois."
"Me? Me who? Clark? Or Superman?"
"Me. Clark Kent, the guy you've been working with for almost a year now. The same guy you've hung out with on our days off. The one who watched the fireworks with you tonight. The one who is happy just to settle in for a Lethal Weapon marathon with you. The one who brings you your morning cup of coffee. The one who has become your friend. And the one who just happens to sometimes appear in public in a blue spandex suit and a red cape." He attempted a wobbly smile and failed, his guts twisting in fear of what Lois would do and say.
"I can't...I can't picture you as Clark right now. Not knowing that your blue suit is in my washing machine and you're sitting there, completely naked in front of me."
"Not completely," Clark quipped. "I am wearing this stylish towel."
Lois didn't laugh. She didn't smile. She didn't look amused in any way. Instead, she stood, grabbed her keys from the table by the door, and reached for the doorknob.
"Where are you going?" Clark asked, sudden dread filling his stomach.
"Out."
"Out?" he echoed. "Lois...Lois, please. Please, don't leave me. Not like this. Not with all this unresolved tension. Please, give me a chance to explain." He knew he was begging her, but he was unashamed of that fact. Had he had the strength and the courage, he would have gotten on his knees before her to plead for her forgiveness.
"Oh relax, Clark...Superman...whoever you are. I'm just going down to my car."
Before Clark could venture another question, she was out the door where he could not follow, lest anyone see him, and possibly call the police on the naked man running around in just a towel. But less than five minutes later, she was back. Clark looked up at the door as he heard the knob turn. Lois stepped inside, looking no less angry than she had before she'd gone to her Jeep. She flung a navy blue gym bag at Clark.
"Here," she said, the bag arced through the air and landed in Clark's arms.
"Thanks."
He'd forgotten all about the bag. Since he and Lois never knew when or where a stakeout might occur, they both kept a gym bag in her trunk, filled with a couple of changes of clothes. Clark stood, wincing a little at his residual soreness, then took the bag down to the bathroom. Once inside, he quickly pulled out a clean, dry pair of boxers, socks, white basketball shorts and a green shirt. He shook his head. Not green. He'd had his fill of green for the night. He reached back in and found a faded maroon t-shirt. He nodded. That was much better. At the bottom of the bag was a pair of sneakers, but he left them for the time being. The only thing he didn't have was an extra pair of his glasses. He'd never thought he'd need them in his bag. Still, it was a relief to be in normal clothes again. Maybe seeing him in familiar attire would help Lois to realize that he really was just Clark, regardless of his super abilities.
"Lois?" Clark called as he reemerged from the bathroom.
"Yes?"
Clark walked into the living room and found his seat again. "I wanted to say thank you, again, for bringing my bag up."
Lois nodded, but that was the only acknowledgement she gave him. An uncomfortable silence fell, and Clark began to fidget. Ranting Lois he could handle. Screaming Lois he could soothe. A Lois who threw things at his head he did not fear. But a silent Lois? That chilled him down to his very bones.
"Lois," he tried after a moment. He swallowed and took a deep breath. He spread his hands in a placating manner. "I know you must be furious with me right now."
"Furious is an understatement," Lois snapped, cutting him off. "How could you do this to me? I thought we were partners! I thought we were best friends! Or was that a lie too? How could you betray my trust like that?"
"We are, Lois. Partners and best friends. Nothing about that was ever a lie. I've never done anything that was contrary to my nature, no matter which suit I was wearing. Nothing about how I've acted around you was ever a ruse. I genuinely care about you, Lois. I always have. I always will. And I never meant to betray you, by making you believe I was two separate people." He sighed. "The only outright lie has been making you believe that Superman was real."
"Of course he's real," Lois argued.
"No, he's not! Superman doesn't hold a job. He doesn't go to movies. He doesn't own a home or rent an apartment. He doesn't have bills to pay. He doesn't have a birth certificate or a social security number, or agonize over tax forms each year. Like the great and powerful Oz, he's just an illusion. The only real person is the man behind the curtain...Clark Kent, adopted son of Jonathan and Martha Kent, the last surviving inhabitant of a now extinct planet. Can't you understand that?" He'd begun adamantly but by the end, his voice had once more become pleading as he sought her understanding.
Lois snorted her disgust. "Even assuming that's true...so...what then? You were afraid I'd run off and print the real story of Clark Kent's extracurricular activities?" Her voice turned from bitter to hurt. "I thought you knew me better than that."
Clark felt a small ember of anger and hurt rise in him. He normally had seemingly endless amounts of patience, but after everything that had happened in just a few short hours, he was tired, achy, and slightly irritable that Lois wasn't giving him the chance to explain things.
"And I thought you knew me better than that! God, Lois, do you really think that I thought you'd turn me into your Pulitzer Prize?" Both of his hands flew up to his head and raked through his now dry hair.
Lois' eyes narrowed again, unfazed by his outburst and accusation. "Then why? Why lie to me? Answer me that." It was more a dare than an actual question.
Clark sighed and leaned back in his chair a little, his anger cooling as suddenly as it had come to a boil. "Because I'm a coward," he said softly, unable to look in her direction, the admission lancing his heart.
Lois' eyes widened in surprise, but she didn't lose her hard tone. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," Clark said evenly, nodding to himself a little, as if to bolster his own confidence. "I haven't said anything to you...haven't told you...because I was afraid. Afraid of what might happen if anyone found out. You and everyone I love would become targets. Just look how many times we've been in danger because of a perceived connection to Superman. Imagine if the criminal element found out for certain that Clark Kent is the Man of Steel. And...I was afraid of...this. How you would react when I finally told you."
"So you thought it better that I figure it out for myself, is that it? Don't you see how insulting that is?"
"What? No! Lois, I never wanted you to have to figure it out on your own. I mean, I always knew it was a possibility, because you're the smartest person I know. But, I wanted to be the one to tell you. For the past month, I've been trying to figure out what words to say, and when to say it. I've wrestled with how to make you realize that I never meant to hurt you. But every time I've tried, the words haven't sounded right to me. Or we've been sucked into thwarting some psychopath's evil plot to destroy Metropolis and/or the world."
Lois hesitated for a moment, apparently thinking over what he'd said. "You were really going to tell me?"
"Yes." He nodded for emphasis.
"But you only decided to this past month."
"Not exactly," Clark said, squirming a little. "I think part of me has wanted you to know all along. But you have to realize, Lois, that I had to wait as long as I did, even when I knew for certain that you wouldn't turn me into a page one story. My parents and I have protected this secret for nearly thirty years. Even without the element of danger, even if Superman didn't exist, it never would have been easy for me to tell you the truth. The whole truth. That I'm not from Earth. That I have these strange powers. Because it makes people look at me so differently, when I've only ever wanted to fit in and be a normal guy."
"That's absurd," Lois said, her expression softening only microscopically. "I wouldn't have treated you differently."
"Wouldn't you have?" Clark asked, his voice soft, having lost all of his anger. Now, only sadness reigned there.
"No," she asserted, with a shake of her head.
Clark smiled sadly. "That's not true. Think about our past year together, Lois. Think about how we've been as Lois and Clark. Then think about how we've been as Lois and Superman. Please."
Lois fell silent for a long while. She had a faraway look in her eyes, and Clark hoped that she was doing as he'd asked, and was mentally reviewing their time together in both of his personalities. She didn't look at Clark at all. She didn't seem to acknowledge that he was even alive during that time. Clark chewed his lower lip in worry as he forced himself not to stare at her.
After a while, Lois sighed heavily. "Not mud brown, like Clark's," she whispered. "Clark is the before. Superman is the after. The way, way after." She groaned, clearly embarrassed by the things she'd once said. "I guess you might be right," she conceded after a moment.
"I am?" Clark asked, a little surprised at her willingness to admit when she'd made a mistake.
"Yeah. I guess I haven't treated you the same when you've been in a business suit instead of the flashy blue one. And, God, am I ever embarrassed at some of the things that I've said to you. I'm sorry."
Clark smiled at her. He wanted to rush to the couch and hug her, but he remained seated, though it was an effort to do so. There would be time enough for that later. Perhaps when he was sure that he wasn't in danger of losing her completely from his life.
"There's no reason to be sorry, Lois. You weren't supposed to know that I'm both men. Did they hurt, the things you said? Yeah. But they also reassured me that my disguise was working. If you could work side by side with me and never make the connection, then I was safe, because you're the most intelligent person I've ever met. If you didn't know, what chance did the rest of the world?"
The washing machine beeped loudly, announcing that it was finished with its cycle. Lois automatically rose and emptied the machine. She transferred everything to the dryer, shut the door, and pressed the button to start it. A moment later, the rhythmic sound of the rotating drum could be heard.
"Your stuff will be ready in a little while," Lois said, sounding unsure of what else to say, now that the worst of her fury seemed to be gone. "Then I guess you'll be flying off."
Clark shook his head. "Not until I'm sure that we're okay," he said. "I couldn't stand it if I left and you were still upset. And I won't leave until I've answered all of your questions. I want to be totally upfront with you from now on, Lois. No more lies. No more half truths. No more hiding." He hesitated a moment. "And besides, I can't fly anywhere right now."
"Because of the suit."
"No. Because of what happened tonight."
"What did happen tonight?" Lois asked suddenly, as though she'd forgotten the trauma of seeing Superman so close to death. "I didn't want to say anything before, but you look terrible. And when you fell in the lake and didn't resurface..." She shook her head and let her voice trail off.
Clark sighed. "Remember Jason Trask?"
"Sure, but he's dead."
Clark nodded. "Yeah, but remember how he thought that there was a stone out there, one that could kill Superman?"
It was Lois' turn to nod. "Of course...you decided to name it Kryptonite even though it was my story."
"It's real, Lois."
"Come again?"
"It's real. And it does exactly what Trask thought it would. It can kill me, Lois. It takes away my powers. It saps my life. It makes me vulnerable to everything, just like a normal person. The rocket tonight was laced with it. When the firework exploded, I got pelted with Kryptonite dust. I blacked out when I was in the water. You're the only reason why I'm not a permanent fixture at the bottom of the lake right now. You saved my life, Lois. I'll never forget that."
"I...I had no idea. I thought Trask was just some nutcase."
Clark grinned wryly. "He was. He just happened to be right about that one particular thing."
"And you knew about this? When we went to Smallville, I mean."
Clark shook his head. "No. I didn't know until that first night, when you and Mom went off together so you could see where you were sleeping. I went with Dad out to the shed. He told me what was really going on at Wayne's property and showed me the chuck of Kryptonite they'd hidden from Trask and his men. That was the first time I was ever in contact with it. It took almost a day for my powers to come back, even after I stopped feeling sick."
"So, wait. Wait a minute," Lois said, pinching the bridge of her nose as if to ward off a headache. "Did Trask...know...about you?"
"Well, no," Clark said, his shoulders slumping a bit. "At least, not at first. But when he was about to kill my folks, I had no choice. I had to reveal myself, or they would have burned in the fire he'd set. I'm just glad that my powers came back in time for me to save them. Of course, that prompted Trask to try his luck in killing me."
"So, you're saying you didn't have your powers when you fought with him? When he had a gun pointed at you, his finger on the trigger, half a second from shooting you in the back?"
"I was just as vulnerable as the next guy, and a little weak and woozy from being exposed to the Kryptonite again."
"Oh, God," Lois moaned, burying her head in her hands. "I've always known that I almost lost you that day. But to have you confirm it..."
"I'm sorry, Lois. I never meant to upset you."
Clark stood from his seat. For a moment he stood there, looking lost. Then he crossed to Lois. Kneeling before her, he took one of her hands gently. He looked into her eyes, hoping she would see how much he meant the things he was saying.
"Lois? Lois, please, look at me."
"I'm okay, I think. And you? Are you okay now? I mean, aside from your powers not...uh..."
"Not working?" Clark supplied. "I'll be fine. I'm a little tired and achy, but I'm fine now, thanks to you."
"I didn't do all that much," Lois mumbled.
"Sure you did. You pulled me out of the lake. You helped me get out of the park without being seen. You're washing the dust of my suit. And you loaned me your shower to get the rest of the Kryptonite off my body. I can't thank you enough."
Lois nodded but did not speak. Clark remained on his knees before her. As before, he wasn't quite sure what to make of her silence. Either she was processing everything he'd said, or she was getting ready to unleash all the wrath of Mad Dog Lane upon him. He tried not to wince as he waited for her to speak.
"Oh, get up already," Lois said, finally breaking the silence.
Clark did as he was told. He chanced sitting next to her on the couch. He wanted to touch her - to put a hand on her shoulder or to hold her to him - but he firmly squashed the desire. He knew he was still walking on a knife's edge with her. And he was unwilling to do anything that might push him off that precarious perch.
"Get comfortable," Lois said, a little of her earlier annoyance tainting the edges of her words. "You still have a lot of explaining to do."
"I know. And I want to."
"Good. Now, start from the beginning."
Again, Clark did as he was bid. He settled into the couch cushions and told Lois his story. He started from how his parents had seen what they had thought was a meteor, crashing in their friend's field. He told them how Jonathan and Martha had found his ship there, with him inside, no more than two months old, and how the orphaned boy had become the answer to their prayers. He told her of his childhood, and of how hard it had been developing frightening powers. He told her of how he'd come to the decision to never tell a soul about who and what he really was, how his father had always warned him that scientists would want to lock him in a lab and dissect him like a frog.
He went into detail of how'd he concocted the idea of becoming Superman, thankful that he could finally express his sincerest gratitude to her for putting the idea into his mind in the first place. He told her of the struggle it had been in the beginning, to keep his two identities apart. He told her of how uncomfortable he'd been, appearing in public in such a skin-tight outfit, and of how he'd slowly come to enjoy being Superman, to the point where the suit now felt strangely good to him. With each new discovery, Lois' eyes grew wider and wider.
And as he spoke, Clark found himself discovering things as well. Specifically, he was finding out just how easy it was to tell Lois all of these things. Things he'd never before told a soul. Things that even his parents didn't know - things he'd hidden from them, not wishing to burden them with more of his problems. And not only was it easy to tell Lois all of his secrets, but it felt so right, so natural. It took Clark off-guard for a moment as the realization hit. All this time he'd been fretting over how to tell her about himself. Now that he was, it was as natural as breathing, as freeing as flying, as empowering as his strength. He could scarcely believe that it had taken him so long to finally do it.
When he was through, Lois sat quietly, absorbing all he'd said. Then, slowly, she reached over and took his hand.
"I'm sorry," she said, casting her eyes down at the couch cushions. "I guess I didn't realize that it wasn't exactly a picnic for you either, all this time, hiding who you are."
"It wasn't so bad," Clark said, shrugging, trying to allay the sadness he detected in her demeanor. "I always had my folks to talk to. And I always had you too. Even if I couldn't tell you everything, you have no idea how often you said just the right thing to me. Something that made me feel less alone, or less of the alien that I am, or stopped me from hanging up my cape for good. And I want you to know, Lois, how glad I am that you finally know."
Lois nodded. "I'm glad I know too," she offered, giving him a smile. "Looking back, it makes so much sense. Why you'd space out in the middle of a conversation, only to snap back to reality, make a lame excuse, run off, then come back with a Superman exclusive. And it certainly explains how I could have been equally attracted to two men. Because both are the same person."
"You're attracted to me? The uh, real, Clark me?" Clark asked, a bit of a twinkle back in his eyes.
Lois grinned. "I did agree to go out with you, didn't I?"
Clark chuckled, for what felt like the first time in a long, long time. "Good point."
"So...I guess...the next question is...what exactly happened tonight? Why did the rocket go rogue? How?"
"Well, I think we know the why. Someone was targeting me. That's the only logical explanation for why the firework was laced with Kryptonite. I don't know if that was a rocket that was tampered with or if it was specially designed and somehow slipped into the ones that were supposed to be shot off tonight. As for the how, I think we'll need to know more about the rocket first. Maybe we can talk to Henderson in the morning, see if the police can recover the pieces from the lakebed. I won't be able to examine it with you, but it may give us some clues so we can track down whoever did this."
"You think someone put the lives of hundreds, maybe thousands, in jeopardy just to get at you?"
Clark shrugged. "Well, why not? Remember what happened just after Superman made his debut? Suddenly we had people jumping off buildings across town from each other. We had bombs planted in buildings, then remotely detonated only after I entered the building. I was being tested then, I'm sure of it. But tonight was no test. Someone wanted to kill me. I'd stake my life and reputation on that."
"Any ideas who might want that? Trask is dead, after all. He's the only one deluded enough to think of you as a threat, that I know of. And, he's the only one who knew about the Kryptonite."
Clark nodded slowly. "I have an idea. But you're going to think I'm crazy."
"Crazier than the fact that you moonlight in tights?" Lois arched a skeptical eyebrow.
Clark chuckled. "Maybe. I'll leave that determination up to you." A second later, his smile faded and he turned serious.
"Clark? What is it?"
"I have...reason to believe...that it could be Luthor's doing."
"Lex?"
He nodded again. "Yeah."
To his infinite relief, Lois only looked at him with interest. There was no mocking disbelief in her features. Nothing to suggest that she thought him insane.
"Why?" she finally asked.
Clark shifted a little in his seat and shrugged, as though that would help him find the right words. "It's more of a gut feeling than anything," he admitted. "But I've gotten the sense that he's been behind some of the near-disasters we've seen since Superman arrived."
"Like?"
Again, it was a genuine question. There was no animosity, no disbelief, nothing to indicate that she was merely humoring him.
"Probably a dozen things," Clark said. "The space program debacle, for starters. The tests that I mentioned before. The smart kids. The heat wave that Superman was blamed for. Think about it. Every time, Lex has been lurking the shadows. His companies have been there, involved in some way. Lex Labs made the smart serum. Lex's company was responsible for the nuclear reactor. Lex was ready and willing to send up a space station of his own. LexCorp has always, always been there."
"Lex employees thousands of people in the city though. It doesn't mean he is personally responsible for anything."
"That's true, but in all of those cases, who had the most to gain? Objectively speaking, it's Lex. Let's take the sabotaged the space program - and we do objectively know that sabotage was involved with that bomb that got planted. Luthor was perfectly poised to swoop in and be the savior of it. Then he'd make millions - billions - off any medical discoveries made aboard his own station. Who saved the space program? Superman, killing Luthor's dreams of looking like a hero while making a ton of money in the process. So Luthor started to hate him. He probably decided to get rid of him. But to do that, he needed to know Superman's limits. Hence the tests. He learned how fast he is, how invulnerable. How do you get rid of someone you can't kill?"
"You drive them away," Lois said, fitting the pieces together.
"Exactly."
"You think the leak at the nuclear reactor site was...intentional?"
Clark drew a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Yes, I do. I didn't see it at the time, but looking back, I'm almost sure of it."
"But...he must have known that would expose millions of people to harmful nuclear waste. Not to mention blistering heat. Thirty-nine people died of heat stroke during that fiasco."
Clark nodded. "Knowing and caring are two very different things, Lois. My guess is that he wasn't willing to let a little thing like millions of lives sway him from his ultimate goal of getting rid of Superman."
"And what about tonight?"
"I don't know," Clark admitted. "Somehow, someone, Luthor or otherwise, discovered that Kryptonite is real. And somehow they got a hold of some, probably from the chuck that Wayne sent out to a lab to be analyzed, but went missing. My guess is that no price tag would be too high for Luthor to pay for something that could potentially kill Superman."
"Okay, I have to ask. Do you always talk like this?"
"Like what?"
"Like Superman is some sort of other person?"
Clark smiled and laughed lightly. "Yeah. Drives Mom nuts. Even more so when I start talking completely in the third person, like Clark and Superman are both separate from who I am."
Lois laughed too and shook her head, before turning back to the subject at hand. "Do you have any proof of this? The stuff about Lex?"
He shook his head. "Not yet. But believe me, nothing would please me more than to take him down when I do find it."
To Be Continued...
