Anyone that has read my Luck and Consequences stories will know that I like to explain things. Well, here, among other things, is my best attempt to explain just exactly how Revenge worked. I made every attempt possible to get the science right.
Of course, there is more here than just some science.
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Identity
Chapter 5 – Results
Revenge + 20 days
Lo-lo opened her eyes to find that she had anticipated the alarm clock again. On workdays, the alarm was always set for 6:15 a.m. She woke up this morning to find that the clock read 6:11. This wasn’t unusual, since her system was adapted to getting up at this time. Part of her wished that she’d gotten those extra four minutes of sleep. Still, she did appreciate that she didn’t have to deal with being startled awake by the alarm. She reached over to the clock and turned off the alarm, then turned to face the other side of the bed. The sight of Clark asleep next to her brought a smile to her lips every morning.
She was happy that she and Clark had meshed so well. She’d worried that Clark was going to find living together to be awkward. But from that first day, it had been the most natural thing in the world. Even so, he’d still tried to get her to go home after the first few days were past, but she could tell that he was doing it out of concern for her, and not because he really wanted her to leave. They’d had a slow and carefully reasoned conversation and he’d been easy to convince that it was okay for her to stay. In the end, while she knew he was worried about her long term welfare, she also knew that he loved her being here with him.
She slid over and worked her arms around his sleeping form. As usual, he pulled her into an embrace and kissed her without seeming to wake up. Sometimes she thought these were her favorite kisses of all. They weren’t the deepest or most passionate kisses, but she always thought that these felt like pure statements of the love Clark felt for her. As she snuggled closer to her sleeping fiancé, she realized just how much she loved her new life.
As she lay pressed up against Clark, her body quickly reminded her of her seemingly omnipresent arousal. She still wondered how much of that was Revenge, and how much of that was sleeping every night with someone that could easily be a male model. Whatever the reason, her desire was nearly unquenchable. Fortunately, Clark seemed to draw as much pleasure from helping her deal with this aspect of Revenge as she did. In any case, right now she just wanted to cuddle.
She spent a few minutes in Clark’s arms before she decided that it was time to get the day rolling. “Clark,” she said softly. “We need to get up.” Then she gave him a few seconds to stir. After another moment, she decided stronger measures were called for. This time she nudged him a bit and said, slightly louder this time, “Clark.”
He finally stirred and opened his eyes. When he realized that her face was within an inch of his own, he gave her a quick – but not too quick – kiss. “Good morning,” he said.
She could tell from his voice that he wasn’t a hundred percent this morning. “You’re tired,” she observed aloud. “I woke up at 3:00 a.m. and you were gone. Was it a busy night?”
“I’m sorry,” Clark said sincerely. “I hate not being here when you wake up. I must have been dozing lightly at around 2:00 a.m. because I heard the police report about an apartment building fire at the edge of Suicide Slum. You were sound asleep and I thought I’d be back before you noticed I was gone.”
“I understand,” she said reassuringly. “We’ve talked about this before. I have to adjust to life with the ultimate emergency worker. I know that if you aren’t here, it’s because someone else needs you. But Clark, I’m still worried about how tired you’ve been since Nightfall. I don’t think you’ve completely recovered from that first impact that left you with amnesia.”
“You’re probably right,” Clark said tiredly.
“Probably?” she replied with a smile and note of challenge.
That triggered the first bright Clark Kent smile of the day. “Okay, you’re certainly right. But I’m getting stronger every day.”
“I still think that Superman should have taken a few weeks off after the Nightfall crisis,” she said with a hint of worry. “As strong as you are, that was nearly too much even for you.”
“Lo, you worry too much,” he defended. Clark had started using Perry’s variant of her name the day after the big fight with Lex. She knew that Clark preferred to use ‘Lois’ all the time, but he also knew that her preference was the different name that reflected her new life. Reconciling her new life with the old one continued to be a challenge for both of them.
She put her hand to his cheek. “Who else is going to worry about my super man?”
He pressed his cheek into her hand. “No one. At least, not the way you do. Not the way Superman… I need. And we’re both lucky to have you,” Clark said with sincere affection. “I don’t know what would have happened if I’d gotten amnesia and you hadn’t been here to tell me who I was.”
“It’s like I keep telling you,” she said trying to lighten the mood. “Our being together is destiny,”
Clark kissed her again and glanced at the clock. “We need to get started,” he said, a slight note of urgency suddenly present in his voice. “Remember that we have an early appointment at Lex Labs to go over your test results.”
“Is that today?” she asked brightly. “Do you remember your promise?”
“Of course. And if the tests come back the way we want, I’ll be delighted to keep that promise.”
“You’d better. And I’m still going to hold you to flying us to Las Vegas so we can get married immediately.”
“It’ll be my very great pleasure,” he said as he kissed her again.
~~ *** ~~
Lo-lo couldn’t help tapping her foot impatiently. “Why is it that any time you have to meet someone whose title is doctor, you always have to wait for them?” She and Clark were waiting at a table in a sterile-feeling room at Lex Labs. When they’d arrived, they’d been shuffled into this room and told to wait for a Dr. Jensen. That was more than ten minutes ago. The old Lois would have probably already walked out. However else she’d changed, a lack of patience was one thing that she continued to share with her earlier self.
A minute later, the door opened and a middle-aged black woman came in. “Good morning. I’m Doctor Althea Jensen, the team lead on the Revenge project. I’m sorry to keep you waiting. I wanted to be sure I had copies of all your test results so you can take them with you.” She closed the door and placed her material on the table. “You must be Lois Lane,” she said offering her hand.
Lo-lo shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Jensen. This is my fiancé Clark Kent.”
Dr. Jensen shook Clark’s hand. “Mr. Kent.”
The doctor sat down in the chair across from Lois. She put her papers on the table between them and looked a Lo-lo. “We’ll get right to it,” she started in an all-business tone. “Ms. Lane, you are still under the influence of Revenge.”
Lo-lo felt the disappointment wash over her. She wouldn’t be getting married today. “Are you sure?” she tried. “I feel fine.”
“I’m sure you do,” Dr. Jensen replied, still all business. Then the doctor smiled just a tiny bit. “Feeling well doesn’t mean you’re under the influence of Revenge, but if you are affected by Revenge, you will certainly be feeling well.”
Now she was talking in riddles. “What? Doctor, please,” Lo-lo said. “I have no idea what you just said.”
Doctor Jensen’s smile faded. “Sorry,” she said. “I’ve been talking about this with the other researchers too much. Let me clarify by going over how Revenge works. That will also go a long way toward your understanding the nature of how you’re still under the influence of this drug.”
“Go ahead,” Lo-lo said.
“Let me warn you both that this is a little technical. I know that neither of you are scientists, but I think you’ll be able to follow. Okay?”
“Doctor Jensen,” Clark replied, “We’re both reporters. Less than six months ago, we were involved in an investigation into the EPRAD space transport. As long as you don’t get too deep, I’m sure we’ll be able to keep up.”
The doctor looked at her for confirmation. Once she nodded in agreement, the explanation began. “Revenge is all about brain chemistry and how that affects your actions and emotions,” she began. “There are two key areas that govern most emotional triggers and how we process those emotions. The first is a structure called the amygdala. It does many things, but the one that we are concerned with is the function of associating thoughts with emotions. This includes those emotions that govern attraction, aggression and sexual responses. For example, when you see or remember a bad experience, it’s the amygdala that ties that thought to an emotional reaction of anger or sadness. It has a similar functionality for feelings of affection and sexual excitement.
The doctor paused and looked at her. “Ms. Lane, you introduced Mr. Kent as your fiancé?”
“Yes,” Lo-lo confirmed.
“Do me a favor and look at him. Do you find him physically attractive?”
The doctor paused as Lo-lo looked at Clark and felt her face flush as a wave of arousal washed over her. Lo-lo looked back at the doctor to find that she was watching her intently.
“Um, Yes,” Lo-lo answered.
Dr. Jensen’s knowing smile told Lo-lo that her physical reaction had not gone unnoticed by the older woman. “That, Ms. Lane, is also the amygdala. The other element we need to worry about is a structure called the anterior cingulate cortex, which we usually just call the ACC. If the amygdala is the engine for our emotions, then the ACC is the brake. The ACC acts to mitigate the effects of those emotions triggered by the amygdala. Mostly it keeps us from overreacting when we feel an emotional surge.”
She paused but neither Lo-lo nor Clark seemed to have a question. “Okay, so let’s talk about Revenge. It acts on both those regions. First, it essentially shuts down the emotion-governing function of the ACC. While it’s in full effect, as it is during the first 36 hours after exposure, a person has no mechanism to prevent them from acting on every emotion that they feel.”
“Couldn’t that be dangerous?” Clark asked. “What if someone got mad?”
She smiled at Clark as if he were a quick student in a classroom. “Very good, Mr. Kent. Revenge also affects the amygdala so that it is incapable of producing the hormones and chemical signals that trigger anger and aggression. Thoughts that would normally trigger anger simply don’t produce a reaction. At the same time, Revenge amplifies those elements that trigger feelings of well being and sexual attraction. The combination of the effects on the amygdala and the ACC give you the behaviors that were documented during the 36 hour period of primary activity.”
“But Lois isn’t acting anything like she did during that time,” Clark insisted.
“I’m sure she’s not.” Then Dr. Jensen pulled a sheet out of the stack in front of her and glanced at it. “Our evidence indicates that 578 people were affected to Revenge.”
“That many?” Lo-lo asked. Her initial investigation had suggested only about half that.
“Yes. The Daily Planet was the smallest of the three tests that Miranda performed. All but seven of those 578 people returned to normal after 36 hours. Those seven had the same reaction at first, but it didn’t wear off the same way as for everyone else.”
Dr. Jensen paused long enough to make sure she had Lo-lo’s attention. “For those people, including you Ms. Lane, both the ACC and amygdala remained impaired. Your amygdala has recovered the ability to produce anger triggers, but only to a greatly reduced degree. At the same time, the production of the sexually related triggers remained artificially high. The effect on the ACC is similar, but it’s more difficult to determine when the amygdala is out-of-balance. We are continuing to investigate, but the evidence suggests that the ACC is not working at its normal levels.”
She pushed an envelope toward Lois. “Here are your test results. You’re blood chemical levels and EEG scans are entirely consistent with the other six victims. You are in a state of continual positive emotional and sexual stimulation combined with an impaired ability to control your reactions to those feelings. So, going back to what I said when we began, if you are affected by Revenge, you will certainly be feeling well.”
“Is Lois in any danger from these imbalances?” Clark asked, concern clearly in is voice.
The doctor shook her head. “From what we can tell, there’s no apparent physical danger from her condition,” she said in a reassuring tone. “They’re significant enough to affect behavior, but not enough to endanger her health.”
Clark sighed, visibly relieved. “Will I… recover?” Lo-lo asked.
“We really don’t know,” the doctor admitted. “The data we have indicates that you, and all the other long-term victims, appear to be completely stable. There are no indications that your body is correcting this on its own. At this time, the opinion of the research team is that without something to reverse the effect of Revenge, it is possible that you may remain the way you are now for the rest of your life.”
~~ *** ~~
“So we can’t get married,” Lo-lo said once they were both in the car.
Clark looked as sad as she felt. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we can yet.”
“It’s because I’m not a whole person,” she replied dejectedly.
Clark didn’t respond and it seemed clear that he couldn’t think of anything to say. He reached over and squeezed her hand, then started the car and headed for the Planet. After a few blocks, he seemed to think of a new approach to try to lessen the blow. “She really didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already suspect,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone.
“Do you think they’ll develop a cure?” Lo-lo asked, more to keep Clark talking that any real interest in the answer.
“I don’t know. They seem to have a good understanding of the mechanism of Revenge. She seemed confident that they’ll come up with something.”
There had been something in his voice. He sounded like he wanted her to go back to being Lois. “If they develop a treatment, do you want me to get… fixed?” she asked, slightly afraid of his answer.
“I want you to be healthy,” he replied immediately.
“But what if my feelings – my attraction to you – are only because of a broken armadillo…”
“Amygdala,” Clark corrected.
“Whatever. What if without that extra boost, I don’t love you anymore?”
Clark considered this for nearly a minute. “I hope with all my heart that what we have is real enough to survive. If it’s not… It will hurt. A lot. But at least you’ll be able to make decisions about where you go from here knowing that it’s not because you were suffering from the aftereffects of a chemical attack.”
He paused again, but Lo-lo had no response so he continued. “I have to believe that what you told me that first night will prove true. We are where we are today, because you convinced me that you were falling in love with me before Revenge.”
“I was,” was what she said, but ‘I hope I was,’ was what she thought. She took a second to quell her fears, then continued. “But without Revenge, I might never have shown it. I’m afraid of how I might be without the drug. I just don’t know how I’ll act. From my perspective now, I don’t understand why I acted the way I did before Revenge. I’m afraid there’s something I felt, or something I thought, that I’m missing.”
“You said you were scared of showing your feelings… scared of being hurt,” Clark suggested.
“I was. And I was angry. I feel like I was angry all the time,” she explained.
“You were certainly a lot more – intense,” Clark commented.
There was that tone in his voice again. Then she had it. Clark missed that intensity. “Clark, did you like old Lois better than me?”
Clark pulled the car to a stop and turned to her. “Honey, there is only you. Remember, I was in love with you from the beginning. I swear that’s true,” he pleaded.
“No. You were in love with her!” she retorted with a flash of anger that popped out in spite of Revenge.
“Now you aren’t being fair. You know I love you.” He really sounded like he meant it.
“Then marry me. Today!” she begged.
Clark looked like he was in pain. “Lo, we’ve been through this before. I wish I could. But...”
“You might as well call me Lois,” she snapped back at him. “She’s the reason we’re stuck. She might come back and not like our relationship.” Lo-lo barely got the words out before she started crying. “She’s the one you want to be with,” she sobbed.
Clark leaned over and pulled her into a hug. At his touch, she felt the anger slip quickly away, but the hurt was still there. She needed him so much. She loved him so much.
“Lo, please,” he pleaded. “We’ve been over this. You’re only one person. The old and new versions are both the woman I love. I owe it to both parts of you to do the best that I can for all of you.”
“I’m just so scared,” she whispered through soft sobs. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose me.”
~~ *** ~~
Dinner had been pleasant as always. Clark cooked and they’d cleaned up together afterwards. She’d been worried that after the events in the car, there would be an uncomfortable tension between her and Clark all day. Fortunately, that hadn’t been the case. She guessed that it had something to do with Revenge. Once she’d gotten past that moment, she found her cheerfulness return quickly. Clark also helped. He’d been even more attentive than usual all day and she loved him all the more for that.
They were just finishing the dinner dishes when there was a knock on the door. Clark lowered his glasses and looked in the direction of the door. “It’s your mom,” he said.
Lo-lo felt herself frown. “I’ll get it,” she said tiredly. She crossed the apartment, pasted a smile on her face, and opened the door.
Lo-lo started to say hello, but never got the chance as Ellen cut her off. “Lois, once you told me the news about the Lex Labs results, I knew that I had to see you tonight.”
Her mom was the only person with whom she interacted on a regular basis that still called her Lois. She’d given up asking her mom to call her Lo-lo after the first few days. “Hello, mother. Please come in.”
Ellen Lane came in, took off her coat and handed it to her. While she was hanging her mom’s coat on the hook by the door, Clark stepped out of the kitchen and tried to greet her mom. “Good evening, Mrs. Lane. Would you like some tea?”
Ellen looked at him coldly and said, “No,” her voice filled with venom. From the moment that her mom had met Clark, and learned of his relationship to her daughter, Ellen had been barely civil to her fiancé. After a cold few seconds, her mom turned to face her. “We need to talk,” she said urgently.
This tone was never a good sign. Lo-lo headed for the sofa and sat down. “Okay, let’s talk,” she replied, trying to sound cheerful. Where was that Revenge attitude fix when mom was here?
Ellen indicated Clark with her eyes. “When we spoke on the phone, I’m sure that I told you that I wanted to talk without HIM nearby.”
Even Revenge couldn’t keep her from feeling a burst of rage at the way her mom had referred to Clark. “You did, mother,” she said in as controlled a voice as she could muster. “But anything we need to talk about, we can talk about in front of Clark.”
“I can leave,” Clark offered.
“No!” Lo-lo said sharply. “I want you here. Now come and sit with me.”
Clark’s eyes widened for just a second at her tone, but his smile told her that he didn’t mind her commanding attitude. In a flash, she realized that for just that instant she’d acted the way she would have as Lois. No wonder Clark smiled. When he sat beside her, she immediately took his hand in her own.
Her mom’s eyes remained locked on their clasped hands for a solid second or two. Then she got to the reason for her visit. “Now that you know your condition, you need to stay away from… him,” she said sternly. “When are you going to move out?”
She just had to smile at her mom’s audacity. “Mom, you know that isn’t going to happen,” she said easily.
“You still have your own apartment, don’t you?” Ellen asked.
“Yes, but I don’t plan to keep it. I don’t need an apartment of my own anymore. And that’s not the issue anyway. I’m not going to leave Clark.”
Her relaxed reply seemed to catch her mom off-guard. “But the test results… He’s taking advantage of you. You know that now.”
“I don’t know any such thing. It’s not as if I lost my memory from the time before I got hit with Revenge. I was in love with Clark before that,” she said confidently.
“That’s the Revenge talking,” her mother countered. “My daughter would have never been interested in someone just off a Kansas farm. You had aspirations. You were dating Lex Luthor.”
“We weren’t dating. I just had dinner with him a few times.”
“How many times did you go out for dinner with the farmer here before Revenge?”
“His name is Clark, mother.”
“Fine,” Ellen said sharply. “How many times did you go out for dinner with Clark before Revenge?”
She paused for only the barest moment. “That doesn’t matter,” she said.
“Yes it does,” Ellen countered. “You told me that Lex Labs is working on a treatment for your condition.”
“So?”
“After we talked I called them and was able to speak with Dr. Jensen. She told me that no one under the influence of Revenge is able to make decisions about… personal issues. I’m going to meet with her so that she has a correct picture of how much Revenge has changed you.”
“Mother, I know that I’ve changed,” she tried to explain. “But can’t you accept that I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life? I don’t care if this is part of being exposed to Revenge.”
“That’s why you have to leave. The drug has you all confused. You’ve turned away from your future because that poison has twisted your mind to think this… man is what you want. He’s just using you. He doesn’t really love you.”
That was too much. Clark’s love was the single thing she needed to count on most. It took several seconds to regain her composure. Then she stood. “Mother, please leave.”
“What?”
“I said leave. When you’re ready to accept me and Clark being together, you can come back.”
Ellen stood and walked quickly to the door. She took her coat and walked out leaving the door standing open behind her. Lo-lo walked slowly to the door and closed it. She heard Clark following and when she turned away from the door, he was right there. “Clark, hold me,” she pleaded.
His arms went around her. “I do love you,” he offered. “More than anything.”
“I know.”
“But as much as I hate to admit it, your mom has a point,” Clark added. “The decisions you make now aren’t necessarily the ones you would make if not for Revenge.”
She pulled him tighter. “I know that too… and that scares me most of all. I really am afraid that if I ever go back to the way I was before, I won’t love you anymore. I don’t want to live that way. What I said to my mom was true. I’ve never been happier than I am now. I’m sure that if Lois had known what this would be like, she would have jumped at it.”
“I kept hoping you’d see me,” he mused aloud.
“She… I… She was so scared of being hurt,” she explained. “And so angry. I just don’t trust her. If that all comes back, I’m afraid she’ll do something stupid.”
“Stupid?” Clark asked fearfully.
“I know her. I know everything she did and felt, but the reasoning she used to make decisions just seems completely wrong. Her fear makes her nasty. There’s a good chance that she’ll shut you out. Or even worse, she’ll attack you.”
“Why? Won’t you – Lois – remember what you and I have talked about… what we’ve shared?”
“If she doesn’t, it will be really bad.” Lo-lo closed her eyes and concentrated for a few seconds. “You know she’d been taken advantage of before.”
Clark nodded slowly.
“I’m sure she’ll think all the worst that my mom does. She’ll feel violated. And since she liked and trusted you, she’ll feel betrayed.”
Clark shuddered at the thought. “All we can do is hope that she… that you’ll remember what we’ve had.”
“Even if she does, there still might be a problem. She’ll be angry because she’ll feel like she didn’t make the decision to start our relationship. She can get so very angry.” Lo-lo pulled Clark into an even tighter hug. He felt like a life preserver in a storm. “I’m afraid of what she might do.”
“I’m afraid of that too,” Clark said solemnly.
TBC
Bob
