Impatient by nature, LL considered waiting to be torture – that is, until she endured torture for real – and after that was careful never to misuse the word. 'Rape' and 'Nazi' were also relegated to positions of respect – no longer casually bandied about to reflect lesser discomforts and demons.
Waiting here with Clark wasn't quite torture, but it was emotionally painful. She finally believed him to be a good person but she still couldn't relax and make idle conversation with the man wearing the face and form of her tormentor. God, even his voice... his voice... she shuddered, wishing she had the courage at least to sit down and alleviate the ache in her leg.
Clark saw her minuscule shifting of weight – she clearly was uncomfortable standing so long and also unwilling to concede it – a perceived defeat in the face of a perceived enemy. He understood – he would never have shown weakness in front of Luthor either. Hoping to encourage her own rest, he very casually – too casually to be anything but obvious – dropped down to the ground to sit, rather than stand.
She angled her gaze downward to the Kryptonian who now rested on the floor. He didn't meet her gaze, instead staring at a spot in front of him, trying not to unnerve her with his presence. She fought back a bitter smile. This man would shrink himself down into the smallest possible footprint of space if doing so would alleviate her suffering, and yet she couldn't even concede to the gift he had just given her. She remained standing, even though her legs were beginning to hurt even more insistently.
“So how did it happen?”
Her question startled him – he wanted to look her way, to gain more clarity but then he realized she meant his relationship with Lois. He knew how important a question it was, despite her attempt as disinterest.
“I suppose I got lucky,” he finally said.
“I'd appreciate elaboration. I'm going to assume you didn't happen upon her drunk – and... get past her defenses that way.”
“Ah. No. Never that. Although she had a bit of wine – that first civil interaction between us, and I'm certain it was to bolster courage...”
“No amount of alcohol in the world could get me to face him. It's obvious that she no longer saw you as his double if she was willing to drink in your presence in the guise of a 'civil interaction'.”
“Ah... are you referring to him,” he indicated the room, “Or -”
“No... him.”
“Right. Well, yes – I suppose the fact that she could let down her guard that much in my presence is a testament to how far she'd moved away from her first impressions of me... I did take note of it at the time, for what it's worth. To me it was a miracle.”
“You loved her already?”
“I loved her from the start.”
His sidelong glance did not miss the shudder she actually seemed to want to conceal. Revulsion of course made complete sense, but as one who was taught to fear his differences, her revulsion cut to the core. He was an Alien. A thing.
“So … you never did tell me how it happened...”
“When she came home, she started a series of articles designed to raise the alarm about my presence on earth. She claimed I was a conqueror at heart and eventually I'd show my true colors.”
“As I would have done. Brave, when you think about it -”
“Extremely brave.”
“Were you angry?” Her voice was very careful as she asked her question.
“Not even in the slightest... well, not at her. Not even when it seemed to work. I felt a great deal of loathing to those responsible for her suffering – and that includes the jerk who stole her from her world in the first place.”
“Tempus.”
“Yes.”
“Would you kill him if you could?”
“Not for reasons of vengeance... I wonder if I could in self-defense – to say no would be naïve – I simply don't know. I have never wanted to kill.”
“Lucky us.”
“She … hated me. It burned bright – I could feel it – she pushed it out into the ether with her telepathic abilities honed from years living as she did... and I felt it whenever she was near. I didn't even know I could communicate that way until she came back home.”
“Did you try to change her mind?”
“I only once aattempted to contact her.”
“I'm intrigued.” Her tone said 'terrified', but he let it pass. She had an infinite supply of passes where he was concerned.
“An asteroid was going to collide into earth – I was asked to try to divert it. I wanted her to have the results of years of investigation that Perry White and I had conducted into Luthor enterprises – “
“Perry,” she whispered. “I miss him so much.”
“I'm sorry,” he muttered.
“No... go on.”
“Okay. She'd worked with Lex to expose the threat she felt I presented... and so I wanted her to know that he was dangerous. I think she already knew by then because he'd behaved in a way that brings to mind a stalker...”
“Yes... Lex is … an interesting man. I suppose if not for the invasion he well could have skewed towards dangerous.”
Clark was silent. He was very leery of the man, but had no desire to say so.
“You probably should watch out for him, Clark.”
“I... try to keep out of everyone's way.”
“I noticed. It's appreciated.”
“It's the very least I can do -”
“No... honestly none of this is your fault, yet you accept that we dump it on you – the blame. It's admirable, Clark.”
“I just want to see this world freed, and then go home – all of which can't happen if I throw hissy fits over how people treat me.”
She chuckled unwillingly.
“Lois did not react well to my attempt at contacting her – not that I really expected otherwise. Anyways what really tipped things over was when I came back without any memory of who or what I was. She was at my home trying to find the information I'd tried to give her, and I showed up – knowing somehow it was where I lived, but not knowing much else. I thought she was a threat – and – acted as if she was – and... well, eventually it went from two people who though the other was going to kill them to two people working together to get my memories back so I could go out and try again.”
“Wow...”
There was a long pause while she filled in the blanks of what he'd left unsaid. Truly Lois must have been terrified. But the world was at stake and she persevered. Not unlike what LL was doing in the here and now. Trusting that perhaps the dangerous one might not be so dangerous after all. She shuddered. She at least would not fall in love with the Kryptonian.
“So I used to think it was Stockholm syndrome -”
“Yeah.. that makes sense.” He desperately wanted to ask her if she still thought it. But this was the most she'd ever conversed with him and he didn't want to risk ending it. She obviously had her reasons and he was sure it had to do with trusting Kal-El enough to help them.
“And I watched you interacting... and I see that I was wrong. No stockholm syndrome as far as I can discern, maybe alien mind tricks,” she joked feebly, trying somehow to lighten the mood after hearing the subtle pain in his voice.
He remained silent, unwilling to believe she might be making a star wars reference. Likely she was referring to the brutal telepathy she'd been forced to endure.
“That was kind of a joke,” she muttered. “Perhaps I need to work on my delivery.”
“Well – ah – I wasn't sure. But I'll laugh dutifully if it'll make you feel better.”
“I do appreciate your attempt, but no worries. I realized as I said it how unfunny it was.”
“Can I … say something?”
“Okay...”
“I think you knew it was unfunny before you said it, but you are testing me and that's fine. I don't mind – but – as long as there's a some semblance of honesty discourse – I thought I should honestly say how I perceived it.”
“You talk a lot,” she chuckled. “You really are more human than Kryptonian.'
“Well, I was raised... that way. So yes. I suppose in my mind, in my heart, I am - “
“Do you feel defensive about it?”
“I don't want to presume.”
“Oh... yeah. I guess I'm used to the arrogance -it's weird to see the humility.”
“Are the Kryptonians who are in support of ending this invasion arrogant as a rule?”
“Zara isn't. Ching is.”
“Not the biggest 'Ching' fan anyway, he's the one who -”
“I know. I was aware of it. I think he did it to keep me safe – to keep Zara safe too. Do you resent us, knowing that?”
“Never.”
“But he... yes. I do.”
“He's been instructed to keep away from her.”
“Good. Because I'm sure she'd unleash her full wrath on him and that might involve red radiation.”
“So she's threatened.”
“And I... can't say I'd want to help the guy.”
“I get it...”
They were silent a while and then LL spoke again.
“Do you think it's probable that Kal-El wants to help us?”
“I sense only good intentions. I sense anger and guilt over what was done in his name. Like I've said, I could be fooled – I'm not good at this form of communication – but still – it's what I feel. And I'll be totally honest – I want to go home. So how much of my believing it really translates to wishful thinking? I just don't know.”
“In the end, do we have a choice? I think it's do or die at this point.”
“Yeah... I see that.”
“If it comes down to die, please go home – both of you groups. Please don't die here.”
He turned at that, meeting her unflinching gaze. He had no idea what to say in response.
