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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,724 Likes: 1 |
I like the way you used Red/Ruby to sense that there was something different about Clark. And Clark overhearing so many conversations was a great way to introduce that Story Brook is not a normal place. Love Lois' comments that most secrets aren't good.
Joan
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,804 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,804 Likes: 30 |
Lois and Clark are in a situation which is quite unique for them and for us FoLCs to see them in. Better, because if anyone was better at hiding behind walls than Clark…it was her. A great deal of tension exists between Lois and Clark already, but toss in a town that was never on any map and the oddities of it citizens means one whale of a story. Which is just what the town does not want. No way should they eat anything Granny serves up... especially apples! Although I am totally unfamiliar with the territory our favorite reporters have gotten themselves into, this story has my rapt attention. So please bring on the next part! 
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Hmm... Very interesting twists.  I like it a lot so far. Please update soon!!
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 4,425 Likes: 1 |
I just had a chance to finish reading this part. Well done! Knowing the characters from both shows as I do, I'm not sure who to root/barrack (pick your choice according to dialect.  ) for. Then again, if L&C do figure out the town's big secret, I could easily see them being convinced to pass up the Pulitzer. (Clark more easily than Lois, of course.) Actually, I could see Clark being thrilled to find other people who, in their own way, are at least as alien as he is -- I doubt anyone from Fairy Tale Land would think twice about Clark's super abilities; he'd fit right in. That would be a novel and a healing experience for him, I think. As you can see, your story is making me ponder what might happen. I'm looking forward to reading the remaining three parts to find out. And may I put in an extra-early request for a sequel? Joy, Lynn
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,823 |
The man was tall, broad, with a smile that reeked of innocence and friendliness, thick glasses obscuring his features and dulling the gleam of dark eyes. But his scent…it was unlike anything Ruby had ever encountered before. It was…otherworldly--not otherworldly like the Enchanted Forest, but…different. It smelled of sky and wind and rain, a little hint of lavender and ink rubbed off from the woman he hovered next to so protectively, and something more indefinable, something just outside of reach. Excellent description. What would an alien smell like? In fact, the only person who’d ever feared her, outside the residents of Storybrooke, was her partner. Even now he was watching her out of the corner of his eyes, breathing calmly, keeping his voice even and measured, careful and wary in his movements. Afraid he was going to lose her. Afraid she wouldn’t love him, wouldn’t stay with him, now that she knew the truth. I really like this. It implies that Lois hasn't decided yet. It goes right to the heart of Clark's deepest fears. No wonder Lois is on edge; she knows that she has to come to some sort of decision, and as you pointed out earlier, it's too soon for her to have come to terms with Clark having a secret identity. A one-armed man with a bloody bandage over his stump, a ripped shirt, and a hospital cooler over his good shoulder. He looked as if he’d just been attacked, mauled and beaten by a bear--and yet not a single person reacted to the sight of him. Since I haven't seen the show, could you put an author's note at the end that tells us who all the characters are? “Look, Clark”--abandoning the door, she stepped to his side and laid her hands on his chest--“they’re not you, all right? Your secret was that you save thousands of lives in your spare time, but most people? Most people who keep secrets keep them because they’re bad. Secrets are affairs and money under the table and charitable companies like LexCorp really being the front of a vast criminal organization. People lie for reasons—and those reasons hurt. You’re the exception, Clark, not the rule.” This is probably another reason why Lois is so off-balance. She automatically think "Secret = Bad", so Clark having this Good Secret causes some uncomfortable degree of cognitive dissonance. Whatever was bothering him was once more locked up tight, and even before she’d known the secret that haunted and ruled his life, she’d known that Clark could hide behind walls better than anyone. and Because if anyone was better at hiding behind walls than Clark…it was her. Again, excellent writing.
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,549 |
I really liked this part. I like seeing how Lois and Clark react to the oddness of Storybrooke. I also like seeing them work together.
I also like seeing them work through their relationship. This is the most crucial time, and Lois needs to take long hard looks at herself to get past the trauma of the revelation.
John Pack Lambert
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,181 Likes: 29
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,181 Likes: 29 |
I loved your description of Ruby's reaction to Clark. She knows he's different. She can smell it. I find it interesting that Lois is experiencing a different world - a world where she's not comfortable and she doesn't know what to expect. That can only help her understanding of what Clark has endured his entire life. Corrina.
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966
Features Writer
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OP
Features Writer
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 966 |
Wow, sorry, everyone, that it's taken me so long! I broke my arm a couple weeks ago, so typing has been somewhat troublesome for me!  But I very much enjoy reading your reactions and writing more about these two worlds combined. One doesn't have to be in Storybrooke longer than a couple minutes to realize there is definitely something off about it, scifiJoan, and I couldn't imagine how many terribly absurd conversations Clark would be able to overhear! Thanks, Morgana! Hopefully all will come to light for you as soon as it does for Lois and Clark! They've stumbled onto something pretty big, but what else is new for them, I guess? Thanks, mouserocks! Sorry the update was delayed! See, Lynn, all those possibilities you keep coming up with are what motivated this story! There's just so many options about what could happen, and very few clear-cut answers as to what's right or wrong -- no pressure for the ending or anything.  And a sequel? You had to mention it, didn't you? Hmm... I've always loved the episodes directly after Lois finds out Clark's secrets, Iolanthe, which is why I picked this time period, because there just has to be so much going on in her head. I liked the idea of getting to explore those a bit. And yes, definitely I can provide a 'who's who in Storybrooke' list for you! It's hard even for us regular viewers to keep it all straight sometimes! Thanks, John! Lois and Clark both have to adjust to her knowing the secret now! Ruby's fun to write for, Female Hawk, though it was challenging to try to think of what an alien would smell like! Love what you said about Lois gaining a bit of empathy for Clark's plight through this town -- definitely a theme in the story! Thanks, everyone!
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
Hansel’s liable to spill the beans faster than-- A speeding bullet, perhaps?  with a smile that reeked of innocence and friendliness “Massive role-playing on a scale I don’t even want to think about?” <chokes on tea> “Lois, they’re…whatever’s going on here, it’s a secret they’re all keeping. Maybe it’s…maybe it’s someone like *me*. Maybe they’re all protecting just one person.” Awwww! He's so cute. You’re the exception, Clark, not the rule. Awwww! They’d booked two rooms, but they hadn’t needed to, because when Lois snuggled into Clark’s side on the bed as they watched some mindless program on TV, neither one of them could bring themselves to move. I'd been wondering. Better, because if anyone was better at hiding behind walls than Clark…it was her. She *does* take the cake with that one. Oooh, Lois and Clark are on the trail! Loving it and can't wait to read more!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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