Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Louis and Clara (4/4)

LINKS: Table of Contents

Thanks everyone for reading, and everybody who's commented so far, especially those who have engaged in discussion and helped me brainstorm and improve the story. If you haven't looked at the TOC yet, you can see cover art for the series there that includes a drawing of what Superwoman's costume looks like.

Constructive criticism is welcome. I only ask that you provide an example of ways I can fix what you think is wrong. :3

This is the end of the first episode of the series. I'm working on the next one, and will start posting once I have a respectable cushion. ^_^

More episodes, eh? Excellent idea. I usually don't like gender-benders, but this one works very well. I especially like Lou's thought that Superwoman was so strong that he couldn't hurt her.

The only thing I can think of to advise as a change is to write "All right" instead of "Alright" because, as I was admonished when I first began posting here, there is no such word as "alright" even if the spellchecker doesn't flag it. And that's such a miniscule thing that it hardly counts.

I think you did a very good job showing Louis' and Clara's character by their actions and interactions. And this was just hysterical:

But we know he's not a complete throwback because he takes such good care of his little sister and because he snapped at Jimmy when he was describing how Clara's anatomy looked when she dropped her purse. Not only that, he protested Perry's "Supergirl" preference both emotionally and logically. He has a good head on his shoulders. His heart is in the right place, too, even if his self-image is badly dented.

I can see some real friendship possibilities for Clara and Cat. I can even foresee Cat figuring out Clara's secret before Louis does. That would give Clara the logistical support she'll need to maximize her time as Superwoman, along with a shoulder to cry on when Louis breaks her heart - which he surely will.

Write fast! I'm eager to see more of this body-swapped alternate universe. And if the rest of these tales are of the same high quality as this first one, we'll all have tons of fun.

Well done and believable from beginning to end. You've made a smooth transition with the switch.

I love the Martha / Clara bonding, and kind of felt bad for Jonathan being left out (then again, he was left out during the Clark / Martha suit making session too).

You keep telling yourself that, Louis. Just don't mention it to Clara. She's liable to believe you.

So, Jimmy has designs on the new reporter. I'd think, he'd be too uncomfortable hitting on someone above him on the DP hierarchy. We know Jimmy would hit on Cat in canon, but only because he knew it would never develop into anything.

The whole dinner scene is quite sad from beginning to end. Although this line: was quite funny.

That neither Lucy nor Louis ever had a sit down meal with their parents, nor had to set the table, was all too heart-wrenching. Adding Clara to the mix, suddenly made these misfits into a family. Awwwwwwwwwww.

I liked this scene rewrite as well: Louis wants Clara to lie to him despite knowing the truth and not believing the lie.

Here he's trying to tell Clara that he still doesn't want a committed relationship, even though he's talking about his past: I don't think Louis broke Claudia's heart, but she sure broke his trust.

This is a bit more believable than what happened in canon. It makes sense that as a woman she's helping Louis think that he "helped" free them, even though he didn't.

Nah. I doubt Jimmy weighed more than 125 lbs.

So much for asking Clara out.

As they were putting the costume together, I was worried about not being able to believe that Cat wouldn't recognize Clara, but I think the mask and body language make it work. Though maybe Louis should have recognized the legs.

Louis's fascination with Superwoman seems appropriately unhealthy. It seems that his ambition is to be tolerated, not loved (since he probably doesn't believe in it) --- he can't hurt her because she is noble and aloof, but maybe she'll take him on as a trusted male concubine of some sort. He's got the right makings of admiration and respect, though, with the Supergirl thing. Boo, Perry.

Also, I like Josephina. Shuster, I assume.

I really like this story. I was glad to see Clara and Louis have dinner, although I have to admit I never expected Lucy to be their to, or Clara to make it. So they really did not go on a date.

It was good to see that Louis is totally enthralled with Superwomen. I was also glad he stuck up for that name. Supergirl is just plain demeaning to a women who is clearly in ther late-20s. I guess the issues is Superman is 3 sylables, and we cannot figure out how to do another name in 3 sylables other than Supergirl or Superchick. That would go over even less well. Superlady is not written as long, but still is 4 sylables. Really I think Superwomen totally works, and really do not think it is too long.

I guess Clara will have to move out soon, but I like her being at the Lane apartment.

I can't quite have as much sympathy for Louis' situation with Claudia as I always did for Lois with Claude. Still, it sounds like Clara does see Louis as the wronged party.

I like how Clara tried to make the break-away belieable. I guess Louis assuming he is better to carry Jimmy makes sense. I guess another plus with the Supermwoman costume is Clara will not have to deal with people assuming she is not very strong.

I guess her concession of carrying Louis on the side makes sense. I also like that you explained where Louis was while Clara lifted the space shuttle into orbit. That was always unclear in canon.

I can't wait for the next episode.

I loved this story!

The only thing I'm wishy-washy on is the idea of the pointe shoes as the footwear. It really isn't that pretty in reality up close. And there are some really awesome-looking demi-pointe ballet slippers that if she holds her feet like she WAS on pointe would negate the need (and the resulting discomfort.) I know she's invulnerable but I know from experience just how awkward and painful (as well as uncomfortable) they are if her feet had changed between the time she first wore them as compared to today.

Here's some suggestions for slipper/pointe shoe alternatives...
"Pro Elastica"
Cobra Split Sole
So Danca

Just some suggestions. The first costume IS meant to be a work in progress after all.

The roll from pointe to demi to flat is actually a little more visible with ballet slippers than it is with pointe shoes (from my own experience.)

Detailed replies later when I'm at home, but just wanted to say thank you to everyone for commenting. :3

Oh, and -- neither of them knows about Luthor! This will be interesting!

Once again loving every bit of this - but too tired for really long feedback. (Got an awful cold as well as a new job.)

Just love this, Pris! Keep'em coming!

I'd love to see how you handle PML and GGGoH!!

Thanks, Terry! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and appreciate you taking the time to comment. :3

Re: 'Alright' v. "All right' - I've been told that before, but my personal preference is for 'alright.' Maybe I'm just a bit of a Lois that way, though I've never gone so far as to claim that 'chumpy' is a word. ^_~

I'm really glad you like Lou's characterization. It's been a real challenge, keeping him in character, but still making him likable. In doing the gender switch, I've found that a lot of behavior that we accept from Lois or brush off as being a cover for vulnerability is just plain -unacceptable- from Louis, especially towards a woman. Which, really, is the whole point of this exercise, exploring how the story changes/has to change if you flip the gender of the main characters.

And I think you're spot on with your predictions for Cat and Lucy, though I haven't got it all quite nailed down yet!

Thanks for the thoughtful and encouraging feedback. I've got bits and pieces of most of the episodes plotted out, now I've just got to go back and write the connecting bits!

Thanks so much for all the lovely feedback! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

With Jimmy, I sort of seeing him as having a crush on both Clara and Superwoman, but whenever actually faced with the opportunity to approach one of them romantically, he just sort of stammers and says he thinks he hears Perry calling. XD

The thing with the toe shoes came about because as I was thinking about it, I decided that Clara was probably still a very athletic person, and in a town like Smallville, that would mean her choices for female sports would probably be cheerleading, dance, basketball, soccer, or volleyball. Now, Clark is usually characterized as liking team sports because it takes the whole team to win, so it's not like they're getting too much of an advantage by having him on the team. I decided that Clara would probably be a dancer, because while dance is a lot about endurance and strength, it's even -more- about balance and technique, so it's something she would have to really work at, just like anyone else. And, though she's good, she probably still turns down lead roles, feeling like it's unfair somehow, even though she comes by the skill mostly honestly, and that's why she was the Wicked Witch of the East in The Wizard of Oz rather than Dorothy (the only two characters who would need red toe shoes). And then I have this sort of mental image of Superwoman being a really graceful sort of avenging angel figure in the air.

Which brings us to the mask: It's metal for several reasons. Firstly, the costume design is in large part inspired by the costume for She-Ra, Princess of Power. I don't really like the traditional design for Supergirl, or Wonder Woman for that matter, so I wanted to come up with something that had the sex appeal factor, but wasn't just ridiculously revealing or plain awkward looking. So I used She-Ra and Hawk Girl as inspiration, and both their costumes involve metal headpieces, which I sort of adapted into the mask. The second reason was that I did want it to be reminiscent of a helmet, to sort of give the feel of armor, like when she puts on the costume she becomes a warrior. And thirdly, I have this mental image of her flying and the sun is angling off the mask, and it makes it sort of glow, like a halo, adding to the angel image. And it occurred to me too, that if her mask creates a glare, it could make it that much harder for people to recognize her, because they wouldn't look at her face directly, and it would mess up any flash photography.

Thanks for catching the typo! It's fixed now!

And the scene with the crane, yeah that just sort of happened. I honestly have no idea where that even came from, it wasn't in my outline. But I'm glad you liked it, and that it got the job done. :3

Glad you enjoyed the story, and thank you again for all of your wonderful feedback. :3

I worried about that too! And I actually am starting to think that Cat will figure it out sooner, rather than later, depending on how much time she gets to see Superwoman and compare the hero to Clara. We'll see how it goes, but as of right now I anticipate Cat figuring it out during Woman of Steel Bars, with Lucy probably not far behind her.

And yes! I went with changing 'Joseph' to 'Josephina' for Shuster. ^_~ I know that in the L&C continuity, his middle name is Jerome, but I just couldn't figure out how to turn that into a recognizable woman's name.

And yes, neither of them are onto Luthor yet! We'll see how things progress... *OMINOUS MUSIC*

Thanks again for the lovely feedback!

Thanks for the great feedback!

Re: Louis and Claudia - That's part of the reason that genderflip stories are so interesting, I think, because of the way we're socialized to view interactions differently for men and women. I mean, Louis didn't have his heart broken here, but he was still misled and had his work stolen. But because he's a man, we have a more difficult time seeing him as a victim, and might even view him as deserving what he got since all he wanted from Claudia was sex. If however, the genderflip was reversed, but the twist on the situation remained the same - that Claude pretended to just want a sexual relationship, but was really after the story notes, and then told everyone Lois led him on and broke his heart, suddenly we're much more sympathetic towards Lois, because society teaches us to view women as victims, and because society teaches us that women are fragile, especially when sex enters the equation. And society also teaches us that men are more likely to be predators.

I actually also had to sit down and have this conversation with myself, when I was trying to find a way for 'Claudia' to still be the bad guy and it work with Lou's characterization, and I realized, she still is the bad guy. What she does to Lou is awful, but it just seems less so because of the way we're taught to think.

/my two cents

Thanks for all your feedback! I'll try and have the next episode out in a week or two.

Thanks for the feedback and the links! I'm glad you liked the story, and I'll check out the links and think about if for future episodes.

Thank you! And thank you for all your lovely feedback on previous parts! Hope you feel better soon.

Thank you! I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and yes I plan to tackle those episodes eventually! You can see a list of episodes in the TOC. ^_^

First, sorry for not getting around to giving you much feedback for the last chapter. It was great.

Second, might I suggest that you add a little blurb from the previous chapter when you post new ones?

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How could she tell? Was his face red? Was his heart rate up? I don't think she could actually "see" high blood pressure.

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Loved the origami thing. That always goes over great with kids.

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Oh, yeah, she does!

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Yeah, right, Lou.

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LOL

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Hah! They aren't teeny boppers anymore, Louis.

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Yep, you're right.

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She's giving the secret away already? Hmm... Wait and see...

Oh, I see. She didn't literally crash through the door.

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Love it.

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Nothing justifies someone taking another's work. Last year, I had a co-worker (someone I was supervisor over) claim my work/idea for his in front of a lot of other people. I was seething. I guess he thought I wouldn't say anything. I did, but when something like that happens, people often don't believe you.

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I like the subtle change in the explosion scene.

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Ah-oh!

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You just keep telling yourself that, Louis. Maybe you'll even believe it then.

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I've always wondered what Lois thought she was going to do if she actually made it to the space station. How did she think she was going to get back to Earth? I like that you addressed this.

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Looking at this in the context of a daddy concerning his baby girl, I'm surprised Jonathan wasn't aghast.

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Awesome idea. At first, I was going... "Toe shoes"? Really? But then you said this. Wow.

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I was expecting something about Martha saying they wouldn't be looking at her face...

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How interesting that you chose a name so close to Lois' middle name - Joanne. It would be a hoot if you give Louis the middle name of Joseph.

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A good second name and alternate to the "Man of Steel."

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Good! I like it.

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Awww.... Softy.

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Someone once pointed out to me that I should put the end or some such at the end of a story, and I think it's a good idea.

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Pris was probably thinking of the 2nd Jimmy. As the 2nd is my favorite, I was imagining him in this story until I had to tell myself he wasn't around yet.

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This might make more sense as pointe shoes would be hard to walk in in a regular manner and she will need to walk (and not en pointe) at times. And ballet dancers get strong enough that they can briefly stand en pointe without wearing the shoes at all.

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I've always been told this, too, and GE's are supposed to change this when stories are sent to the archive, but the feelings on this are changing and alright is starting to be recognized as okay.

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When you are posting response to feedback, I think it would be better if you put it all in one post rather than breaking it up. And if you can't because you have to take a break or whatever, you could say that you'll post more later. It just seems to rattle me that the responses are all separate. Most boards usually won't allow you to make "double" posts. I don't think that's particularly the rule here (It should be, I think.), but I do think it would look better if they weren't separated.

I really liked this story and I'm thrilled that you're going to post more episode adaptions. It's interesting to see Lou as the protective one, who considers Clara in need of help. I'm curious how you will continue to portray their relationship. Keep it coming!

I don't know, Classicalla, I've seen it done both ways. I, personally, try to respond to the shorter FDK posts all together, and then people who tend to do longer FDK separately. I don't think it's necessary to quote LONG FDK in the response. If there's something that you're directly responding to, you can quote that little bit. It does require a bit more cutting and pasting, but I like the cleaner look. I've seen some people who respond to quotes without mentioning the names of the person who wrote the initial FDK, and I do find that a bit confusing to read. Personally, I'm just happy to get a response to my FDK ('second only to receiving FDK itself, that is,' admits another FDK junkie).

Yeah, I like the cleaner look, too, than quoting the entire feedback. I don't think I've seen anyone else posting separate responses for each person, but that doesn't mean much since I haven't been able to leave as much feedback for folks as I used to. (That really bothers me, too, but there's not much I can usually do about it.)