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FDK Snowy Secrets (3/7) #96171 06/29/13 08:48 PM
Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 1,200 Boston, MA mozartmaid OP Top Banana
OP mozartmaid Top Banana Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 1,200 Boston, MA	The challenge with writing in first person is not being able to explain the details as to what happens with the other characters. I realize there may be a few holes as to what happened between Clark and Trask, especially in part 2. One could assume that Clark came upon Trask just as he was discovering the K in the barn, thus weakening him long enough for Trask to get the upper hand. Or Clark could have rationalized that it was better to let Trask think he had the upper hand (and Clark was still weakened from the earlier K exposure with his dad) while he thought of a plan so that Lois wouldn't be put in danger. But the longest exposure by far at this point, will have been while Trask went into the house to chase Lois. I think I made it clear that Trask was using the K as back-up in case Superman came in to rescue Clark while he was going after Lois. I don't address this initial meet-up later in the story, but I could certainly add it in if anyone feels further explanation is necessary. Comments welcome! Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way.

Re: FDK Snowy Secrets (3/7) #96172 06/30/13 11:00 AM
Joined: Aug 2012 Posts: 256 Hazelwood, MO USA Kismatt Hack from Nowheresville
Kismatt Hack from Nowheresville Joined: Aug 2012 Posts: 256 Hazelwood, MO USA	Evil woman!!! holds up bowl More, please? "It's the mythology of a sun god who wished he was a man because he saw something so great in us. It's the story of a hero who could move whole worlds and see through stars and hear a whisper on the other side of the planet... ...and who fell in love with a storyteller." - ashmaht (x)

Re: FDK Snowy Secrets (3/7) #96173 06/30/13 01:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 Southwest USA T Terry Leatherwood Pulitzer
Terry Leatherwood Pulitzer T Joined: Jun 2004 Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 Southwest USA	I'm a minimalist, so unless you think that Clark should explain to Lois at a later time (when this is all resolved) how Trask got the drop on him, I don't see a reason to address it. Of course, it might help fill in some dead time later on while our hero and heroine are discussing what to do next. Speaking of addressing something, Clark has managed to turn the tables on Trask pretty early in the story. Now we get to see if Clark (or maybe Lois) is really willing to use that pistol on Trask. A threat which carries no menace is not a threat, so if Trask doesn't believe that Clark will shoot, then he'll act. And that won't be good. And where would Clark store Trask's body? Is Trask alone or does he have snow-covered backup outside? This is going to be good! Please don't wait too long to give us the next chapter. I like this one! It's tense, fun, interesting, intriguing, and packed with action. Go get 'em, tigress! Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around. - Stephen King, from On Writing

Re: FDK Snowy Secrets (3/7) #96174 06/30/13 07:23 PM
Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,131 California Mouserocks Kerth
Mouserocks Kerth Joined: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,131 California	I don't think you need to explain really what happened between Clark and Trask. I can just as easily fill it out in my on head for the sake of not breaking the pov of the story. That being said... OMG! What a chapter! Clark has his gun! They both know he's Superman! Craziness abounds! I cannot wait for more!!! Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness. --Mark Twain

Re: FDK Snowy Secrets (3/7) #96175 06/30/13 09:58 PM
Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 3,804 Likes: 30 Somewhere on the East Coast Morgana Pulitzer
Morgana Pulitzer Joined: Apr 2010 Posts: 3,804 Likes: 30 Somewhere on the East Coast	You set up the environment of the story very well, my heart was in my mouth when Trask came up the stairs and found Lois. Quote I made it to Clark’s room. I shut the door and grabbed a chair to put against the handle. Like a frightened child, I got under the covers, trying to think what to do. We had no electricity, no phone service, and a maniac was coming after me. What do people do in these situations – besides call for Superman? Still despite being scared silly, Lois gets a potato peeler and they are able to cut themselves free! Now that Clark has a gun on Trask where do we go from here? Don't leave us hanging! Morgana A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.

Re: FDK Snowy Secrets (3/7) #96176 07/01/13 10:26 AM
Joined: Aug 2012 Posts: 2,549 Detroit, Michigan J John Lambert Pulitzer
John Lambert Pulitzer J Joined: Aug 2012 Posts: 2,549 Detroit, Michigan	Interesting developments. I guess it is not surprising that Lois did not believe, but Trask knew he had exposed Clark to the kryptonite, so his not believing is a little odder. I won't blame Clark at all if he shots Trask dead, but he will probably be better off not doing so. I also am somewhat of a minimalist, or at least I claim to be. I think you should hold to the narrative convention, and leave unexplained what Lois does not know. I doubt how Trask caught him will be a big issue, when her main issue will be "why did you lie to me, you lunkhead". Although at least he can point out he did not do it while dating her. Still, I think any point after the rescuing of Prometheus Lois will be amd about being kept in the dark. John Pack Lambert

Re: FDK Snowy Secrets (3/7) #96177 07/01/13 11:04 AM
Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 1,200 Boston, MA mozartmaid OP Top Banana
OP mozartmaid Top Banana Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 1,200 Boston, MA	Kismatt Quote Evil woman!!! holds up bowl More, please? I know it's rough to end on a cliffy. But I'm posting the next part in a matter of minutes after this goes up... Terry Leatherwood Quote I'm a minimalist, so unless you think that Clark should explain to Lois at a later time (when this is all resolved) how Trask got the drop on him, I don't see a reason to address it. Of course, it might help fill in some dead time later on while our hero and heroine are discussing what to do next. No dead time to address it. Quote Speaking of addressing something, Clark has managed to turn the tables on Trask pretty early in the story. Now we get to see if Clark (or maybe Lois) is really willing to use that pistol on Trask. A threat which carries no menace is not a threat, so if Trask doesn't believe that Clark will shoot, then he'll act. And that won't be good. I address this at the top of the next part, so I'm not going to comment here. Quote And where would Clark store Trask's body? Is Trask alone or does he have snow-covered backup outside? This is going to be good! Not answering the questions, but I hope you enjoy what happens next! Quote Please don't wait too long to give us the next chapter. I like this one! It's tense, fun, interesting, intriguing, and packed with action. Go get 'em, tigress! Thanks! Coming right up! Mouserocks Quote I don't think you need to explain really what happened between Clark and Trask. I can just as easily fill it out in my on head for the sake of not breaking the pov of the story. That being said... OMG! What a chapter! Clark has his gun! They both know he's Superman! Craziness abounds! I cannot wait for more!!! OK good. Glad everyone is on the same page about POV. Just after the last chapter, I started second guessing some of my choices... 'craziness abounds' indeed! Hope you like where I take it! Morgana Quote You set up the environment of the story very well, my heart was in my mouth when Trask came up the stairs and found Lois. quote: I made it to Clark’s room. I shut the door and grabbed a chair to put against the handle. Like a frightened child, I got under the covers, trying to think what to do. We had no electricity, no phone service, and a maniac was coming after me. What do people do in these situations – besides call for Superman? Still despite being scared silly, Lois gets a potato peeler and they are able to cut themselves free! Now that Clark has a gun on Trask where do we go from here? Don't leave us hanging! Glad you liked the suspense! It means I am doing my job. Posting as fast as my little fingers can type... John Lambert Quote Interesting developments. I guess it is not surprising that Lois did not believe, but Trask knew he had exposed Clark to the kryptonite, so his not believing is a little odder. I won't blame Clark at all if he shots Trask dead, but he will probably be better off not doing so. I also am somewhat of a minimalist, or at least I claim to be. I think you should hold to the narrative convention, and leave unexplained what Lois does not know. I doubt how Trask caught him will be a big issue, when her main issue will be "why did you lie to me, you lunkhead". Yes, you are right about that, as the next part will show... Quote Although at least he can point out he did not do it while dating her. Still, I think any point after the rescuing of Prometheus Lois will be amd about being kept in the dark. You know our girl well. Thanks for reading and thanks for the comments! Off to post the next part! Reach for the moon, for even if you fail, you'll still land among the stars... and who knows? Maybe you'll meet Superman along the way.

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