I went back in the house, curious as to what Clark would do with the kryptonite. He had seemed almost desperate to get rid of it. What must it be like for him to be so powerful and yet know that a tiny stone can rob him of that strength?
To have something to do while I waited for him to return, I began to do the dishes. I swear I haven’t done so many domestic chores in the last few years as I have over the last few days. I usually just fill up the dishwasher over about a week – seeing as how most of my cooking involves reheating takeout — and then run the dishwasher. But out here I didn’t mind it too much. It felt so homey and comfortable in Martha Kent’s kitchen, and I enjoyed embracing that warmth.
As I put the last pan away, I wondered what was taking Clark so long to return. I turned on the TV, hoping to see some news about Superman helping out somewhere, which would explain his delay. But there wasn’t a mention of him on any channel. I knew I shouldn’t worry about him, but knowing it was just Clark under the suit made me more concerned about what could be taking him so long. He seemed so much more vulnerable to me now.
But while he was gone, it would give me a chance to do some snooping around for wrapping paper. Thankful to have electricity once again, I turned on practically every light in the house, and began searching high and low for Christmas supplies.
I finally came across some in the upstairs hall closet. There was a box full of ribbons, paper, tape, and a pair of scissors. I selected what I needed to wrap Clark’s present and got to work.
The telescope looked beautiful, now that I had shined it up. I hoped that Clark would appreciate the gesture, and not see it as some sort of invasion of privacy. The awkward round shape of the telescope made wrapping it difficult, though the end product looked pretty good. One could see the many messy folds I had made in the gold and red paper I had selected, but I took a creamy velvet bow, and tied it around the middle to cover up my sloppy handy work.
“There. All ready for Christmas,” I said, gathering up the remainder of the supplies to put them back.
I heard the back porch door slam shut, and felt myself jump despite myself. “Clark?” I called down the stairs, the ribbons and paper still in my arms.
I didn’t hear a reply, and suddenly became nervous, wondering if it was one of Trask’s stray goons. I shoved the remaining Christmas supplies in the hall closet, and looked for a weapon in case my fears were founded.
All I came across was a spare curtain rod, but it was better than nothing. I edged my way down the stairs, fearing every little creak I heard on the old wooden steps. My heart was pounding, as many horrific scenarios played out in my head.
I made it down the stairs and slowly headed into the kitchen, the rod held in my hands like a baseball bat. I came to stand next to the doorway, afraid to peek in, lest someone was about to pounce on me first.
Slowly, with my rod still raised, I leaned in to see what was around the corner.
There was no bad man ready to make me his hostage, as I had feared. No goon lurked in the kitchen, ready to attack me. I recognized that I was still traumatized after our brush with Trask. The rod fell out of my hands, and I let out an involuntary gasp at the scene before me.
Superman was seated at the kitchen table, his head in his hands, with his majestic cape sweeping down behind him. The kitchen light above him shone like a sort of simple halo, casting a soft glow over my weary hero. He didn’t look up at my entrance, and I thought I saw his shoulders shake.
“Sup—Clark?” I asked gently, coming to sit across from him. “Are you okay?”
“I—“ he looked up suddenly, and I saw a deep pain in his eyes, a look I had never seen in him before. He looked as if he had been crying. “ I couldn’t save them all, Lois… those… children…”
My hands reached across the table to him, and he quickly grasped on to them. I caught the faint whiff of smoke on his clothes, and noticed smudges of soot on his uniform. He bowed his head once more, and I sensed that he was trying to gather himself. I sat there, watching him, appreciating that if I was to mean more to Clark, I needed to be his strength now. I didn’t know what solace I could offer, but I would be there for him, however he’d let me be.
“I took the kryptonite, and dropped it into the deepest part of the Indian Ocean… ” he eventually said. “I watched it for longer than I needed to, seeing it fall deeper and deeper into the cavernous sea… just wanting it to disappear forever.” He sighed and looked up at me, his face a calm facade. “I don’t have to tell you all of it, Lois. I’ll be all right----I –just need a minute.”
I suddenly realized that he had done this many times, that a distant coolness was coming over his features. In the past I had always assumed that look was one of indifference, trying to hide how he felt about me. I felt myself blush in shame, finally grasping how often that look had probably been a result of some harrowing rescue that he just absorbed the pain of on his own; grieved for, on his own. Perhaps in the past, he had come to my apartment to check on me or tease me, only to fly away to wherever and grieve, like I saw him doing now.
But I didn’t want him to feel alone anymore. I didn’t want him to shut me out.
I got up and walked around the table and sat next to him. Gently, I touched his shoulder. “Clark, it’s okay. Tell me what happened.”
I heard the wind whistle through the screen porch door, feeling the cold air pour in. I glanced over and saw that it had started to snow again. Quietly I closed the door, giving Clark a moment to gather his thoughts. I sat down again next to him, waiting for him to speak.
“I was heading home, towards China. I thought I might stop in Shanghai for that really good Chinese food you liked.”
That stopped me in my tracks a second. I remembered the Chinese food he had bought, a few days after he had started work at the Planet. It had been divine, and I had pestered him for days after to tell me where he had gotten it. Son of a gun… It had been Chinese food from – China.
“I had felt so relieved and well, happy to be rid of the kryptonite, that I thought I’d earned a lazy flight home. So I slowed down, and then my super hearing kicked in. There was a fire. At an orphanage in Bangkok. I—flew as fast as I could, Lois. But I wasn’t fast enough. The fire had started in the middle of the day, when most of the administrators were out to lunch. But there were classrooms full of children, that had no idea what was going on. There was no alarm to warn them…”
Sometime during his explanation, he had reached for my hand again. He squeezed it gently now, and looked in my eyes, perhaps needing to convince himself that he was all right.
“I helped where I could… but half of the orphanage was already on fire… several of the classrooms there were—“ he couldn’t speak, but I could tell from his distress what had happened to the children in those classrooms.
“But you did save some of them, didn’t you?” I asked softly.
He nodded. “Yeah… about fifty kids, and three teachers. But the rest, Lois… I – just wasn’t fast enough.”
I saw a bit of soot on his cheek, and I tentatively reached out to wipe it off. “Clark, you did what you could, and that is so much more than most people could have done. You can’t beat yourself up about it. I bet those people that you saved are so grateful… remember, it’s important to do what you can. You only fail if you don’t try.”
His eyes never left mine, and for the first time since he got back, I saw just the barest ghost of a smile. “When did you become so wise, Lois?”
I felt surprised by the compliment. “It’s how I keep myself going as a reporter. I know I can’t fix all the world’s ills. But I do what I can. We do what we can,” I said, giving him a slight nudge. “I tell you what, why don’t we write a story about this orphanage in the Planet? Perhaps we can get some public outcry about the lack of alarms in the orphanage, and perhaps get some charity money to help them rebuild?”
He nodded, seeming to warm to my idea. “Yes, and actually, I have been thinking of setting up a foundation… I get offered money now and then for my work as Superman, and I just never know what to do with it. Perhaps this could be the impetus to start one. And we can use the Planet to announce the plans to the world.”
I smiled at him, admiring his heart and his courage.
His eyes rested on mine, and for the first time, I felt his guard slip away. His eyes became tender, and he reached to cup my cheek. “Lois…thank you,” he said simply.
“What for? I didn’t do anything,” I answered, feeling those butterflies kick up a whirlwind in my stomach at his touch.
“You did… you gave me hope. Some way to make something good out of a bad situation. Thank you.”
“Clark, you give me hope every day,” I said, my heart in my throat. “And I don’t mean just as Superman. That’s the obvious one.”
“What do you mean, Lois?” he asked, his voice sounding careful and guarded.
I sighed. It was now or never. “Clark, you give me hope that maybe there really are still journalists out there who want the truth as much as I do,” I said, taking his hand on my cheek and holding it in my own. “You give me hope that there are still nice guys out there in the world… that maybe everyone doesn’t have a hidden agenda,” I said, my words becoming softer as my throat tightened with inexplicable tears. “Clark, somewhere along the way… I think I fell in love with you.”
There. The words were out. I felt on the verge of tears and as if my heart were about to explode. I needed a positive response from him, as I didn’t know if I could survive his doubt of my true feelings.
“Clark, say something, please,” I whispered.
Instead, he cupped my head, bringing me close to him. His eyes locked with mine, and I suddenly knew… it was going to be all right. He felt the same way about me. My fear about him worrying that I loved only Superman suddenly became moot. He could see right into the very soul of me, and I suspected, he always had.
I closed my eyes, just as our lips met. I melted into his embrace, surrendering all that I was to him, and I felt his love in equal measure.
I had kissed Clark on several occasions, almost all of which had been under some sort of duress. And while I had secretly acknowledged to myself that Clark was a good kisser, nothing compared to this roiling feeling of total trust and surrender.
There were no more secrets between us.
I couldn’t have been more terrified and yet so free…
I loved Clark, and he loved me.
~L&C~
Sometime later, Clark changed out of his Superman uniform and we snuggled up to a fire, listening to Christmas carols.
We shared stories about childhood Christmases, and while his were nigh on idyllic, mine were fraught with family arguments and dysfunctional get-togethers. For each story Clark told of simple Christmases on the farm, I tried to search for a Christmas that could even hold a candle to his, and I failed miserably every time. When I pointed that out to him, he seemed shocked.
“Lois, it isn’t a contest. I’m just happy to share memories with you.”
“It’s just that your Christmases all sound so homey and wonderful, and I—every year it has always just been an effort to get through the holiday.”
He turned to me, laying a hand gently on my shoulder. “Lois, then we’ll just have to make new and better memories.”
There was that frisson again, making my stomach flip. “Does that mean you might want to spend more than one Christmas with me?”
His arm moved down to grab my hand, securely cradled in his. “Lois, I suppose I should say it. You were brave enough to tell me how you feel… “ He took off his glasses, holding them in his hands. “These represent my disguise, my fears, but also my hopes… to have a normal life, to be—loved as a normal man. Lois, you know more about me than probably even my parents do. I trust you with my secret, and I trust you with my heart. I love you, Lois. I always have… always will.”
“Really? You’ve always loved me?”
He nodded, slipping the glasses back on. “Crazy right?” he laughed ruefully. “But there was something about you, from the moment you burst into Perry’s office my first day at the Planet… I just knew…”
This thrilled me beyond measure, solidifying in my mind and my heart that Superman had always belonged to me, as selfish as that thought was. But it was the vulnerable man that I was drawn to now. I thought of how he always looked after me, in both of his guises, and how the truth had been there all along, if I only had been brave enough to see it.
“Must be love, Clark… Cause I was a world class—itch to you, on more than one occasion,” I said ruefully, scooting closer to cup his cheek in my hand. “I hope you’ll let me make it up to you.”
“We’ve got all the time in the world, Lois. I can’t think of a better Christmas present than hearing you say you love me.”
I brought his face closer to mine, gently set aside his glasses, and held his face in my hands. “I love you,” I whispered, kissing his cheek. “I love you,” I said again, kissing his other one. “I love you,” I whispered a third time, almost as if under a trance, and kissed him on the lips. “Merry Christmas, Clark.”
~L&C~
We fell asleep on the sofa, wrapped in each other’s embrace. We had kissed and talked into the early hours of the morning, neither of us wanting to part the other’s company to head upstairs to bed.
I lay pillowed on his chest…one I had often admired in the blue spandex and had had the luck to peek at once, when he had first moved to Metropolis. I couldn’t believe that my dream man was really that – a dream, and a man…
“Merry Christmas, Lois,” he whispered, nudging me more fully awake.
“Christmas morning!” I suddenly squealed like a kid, like I hadn’t done in years. I scrambled off my very cozy place next to Clark and dived upstairs to his room to fetch his present.
“Lois, where are you going?” he called after me, laughter in his voice.
I bounded down the stairs a few moments later, a wide grin on my face, holding out his present. “Open it! Open it!”
“Lois, you didn’t have to—“
I shook my head and shoved the present into his hands. “Of course I had to. Just open it, okay?”
He took the present and made a show of shaking it and feeling the paper, though I thought he probably already knew what it was. When he opened it, he let out a long sigh, heavy with memories.
“Lois, where did you find this?” he asked quietly, turning it over in his hands as he inspected it. “It looks in much better condition than I remember last seeing it.”
“Don’t be mad… I did a little snooping upstairs. I couldn’t help myself, Clark… And well, it just seemed like it had been well used and therefore well loved, and I — I just wanted to do something for you.”
He looked down the lens, pulling it out to its full length. “I got interested in astronomy when I was about ten… I had no idea then where I came from. But there was something about the stars, that drew me towards them… I wonder now, if I had been searching for home.”
“Then, you aren’t mad that went through your things?” I couldn’t resist asking.
“Lois, I know you pretty well. I actually expected you go snooping in my room…” he answered wryly, the melancholy look of a moment ago all but vanished. “Thank you for reminding me about this… and for cleaning it up. Perhaps we can have a look at the stars together sometime?”
“I’d love that.”
The front door suddenly opened. “Merry Christmas everybody!” said Mr. Kent, wearing a Santa hat.
“Dad! I wasn’t sure if you guys would make it back today,” Clark said, heading to the door to help his parents with their luggage.
“Well, the snow is melting, and we got an early flight back from Wichita,” said Mrs. Kent. “Hello, Lois. I guess you survived a few days out here after all? Clark take good care of you?” she said, glancing between the two of us. I swore she could tell something had shifted between me and Clark, but we just stood there, unsure of where to begin.
“Um, yeah… kind of. It’s a long story, Mom. I’ll tell you and Dad all about it.”
~L&C~
Clark may be able to fly, but I was amazed at how quickly Martha Kent was able to whip up a Christmas dinner. Within minutes of arriving, she had basted a turkey and was peeling potatoes. Clark and I helped — well, Clark helped. I handed things to people now and then, and helped Clark recount our misadventures with Trask.
“So… that’s how Lois found out I’m Superman… and now—“ he glanced over at me, his gaze warming me to my toes. “We’re closer than ever before.”
Martha stopped her multitasking of chopping onions and checking the turkey to look at us. “I can see that… I’m happy for you two. And I’m glad you get to spend Christmas with us, selfish as that sounds. I’m sure you’d rather be with your family?”
Clark tried to ward off the comment, but I patted his arm, letting him know it was okay. “Trust me, Martha. I’d much rather be here with you guys. My family is a bit of a mess… especially around the holidays.”
Martha gave me a sympathetic smile. “Aw, well then I’m glad you are spending Christmas with us… Clark honey, could you set the table? We won’t eat for a few hours yet, but I like to have everything ready.”
~L&C~
Hours later, we were all sitting around the Christmas tree, sated from a fantastic meal. I was still in awe of how Martha had whipped it up out of little more than thin air and a few groceries, but I certainly appreciated it.
We learned that Jonathan might need a bypass surgery, and that he had to watch his diet. So Martha had fixed him a very meager plate, with very little butter. Clark seemed worried about his father’s health, but I knew that Superman would see that he got the best care in the world.
Martha and Jonathan headed into the kitchen to clean up, leaving Clark and I to our own devices in the living room.
We sat close to one another, holding hands and enjoying the soft sounds of old Christmas classics. Bing Crosby was crooning White Christmas on the radio, and I couldn’t believe how relaxed I felt. It was more than the tryptophan in the turkey, that was for sure.
I just couldn’t believe how far we had come in such a short amount of time… I was almost thankful for Trask putting us through that hell! Without his intervention, how many lonely months would Clark and I have spent, dancing around our feelings for each other?
“Hey, you want to take a look at my telescope? I think the sky should be pretty clear tonight,” he whispered in my hair.
“Mmm… sure. But I feel so comfortable where I am now. Clark, I don’t think I ever want to leave your parents’ place,” I admitted, voicing a tiny fear that things might change once we returned to Metropolis.
“I admit, that despite the mess with Trask, this has been an ---enlightening, shall we say? --- couple of days.”
“Yeah, it has… Clark, we haven’t even gone on a first date yet. Aren’t we doing this a little backwards, confessing our I-love-yous way up front,” I said lightly, though secretly I was worried about how we would go on from here.
“Then we’ll remedy that when we get back. How about a date for New Year’s?”
I smiled, imagining him in a classy tux, and us dancing in some upscale club in downtown Metropolis. “Could be fun.” I started to scoot myself out of my cozy nook under his arm. “All right. So now that that’s settled, how about we take a look at this telescope?”
We headed out to the front porch, the night sky blanketing Smallville with a perfect mantle of diamonds, scattered as far as the eye could see.
“Well, we couldn’t have picked a better night,” I said, shivering despite my winter coat. Clark noticed my shiver and pulled his glasses down his nose. I suddenly felt toasty all over. “Wait… was that your—buzz buzz?” I asked, gesturing towards his eyes.
“’Buzz buzz?’” he laughed. “You mean my heat vision? Yeah. Do you feel warmer?”
“Actually, I do. Thanks.”
Clark had dug out an old tripod that I had failed to find in my fortuitous expedition through his belongings. He set the telescope on it, and adjusted the settings, aiming at heaven knew what. The sky was filled with stars tonight… any one of them would be magnificent under the telescope, I imagined.
“There it is…” he said finally, gesturing for me to have a look.
I peered into the telescope, but all I could see were a bunch of stars, some brighter than others. “What am I looking at, Clark?”
“Do you see the three brighter stars, that sort of form a triangle?”
It took some searching and focusing on my part, but I eventually spotted them. “Uh huh.”
“And to the left of them, some lesser stars, but all together they sort of form a kite shape?”
“Oh yeah… “
“That’s Libra.”
“Wait, is this an astronomy or an astrology lesson?” I asked, glancing up from the telescope.
“Both,” he smiled back. “Libra means balance… I know it’s your star sign, and I think it makes a whole lot of sense… because you—you bring balance to my life, Lois.”
I stopped caring about the stars, suddenly more enthralled with the man before me who had so captured my heart and my imagination. That I could mean so much to him, knowing what he meant to me — well, it stole my breath.
I threw myself in his arms, and he caught me, as I knew he would. As I knew he always would.
“Just when I don’t think it’s possible to think you are more amazing, you surprise me. Every time,” I whispered.
“Well, then I hope you are ready for one more surprise, Lois. Because I haven’t given you your Christmas present yet.”
I stifled a giggle. “You have a present for me, more amazing than what we’ve already shared?”
“Hold on,” he said softly, and suddenly, we were floating.
We floated up above the farmhouse, and then even higher, until it felt like we could reach right out and touch any star in the sky.
“Usually when we fly together, it’s because I’m rescuing you from some crazy bad guy… I wanted to take you up here… just us… with no pressing crisis to attend to, no article to write… I just wanted to show you this.”
We floated even higher, high above the landscape. The universe seemed massive and extraordinary, a shimmering sea of light above us. “It’s so beautiful,” I whispered, completely in awe.
“I used to come up here a lot by myself and just... drift. Not part of the stars, not part of the Earth. Not knowing where I fit in... till I met you.”
“Oh Clark… I love you so much… and I want you to know, you are not alone anymore. I’ll always be there for you.”
“I know, Lois… I love you too. And perhaps, that is best gift we can give each other this Christmas, and all the many more to come… because, my love won’t change. It is more constant than the stars… I promise you, Lois.”
He cradled me close to him, and we drifted in an endless sea of stars.
I had been determined not to let Clark into my life, let alone my heart. But now that he was there, I realized, he was my balance too. I needed his constancy, just as he needed mine.
I hadn’t understood Clark Kent when I met him, too wrapped up in my own insecurities to recognize his guileless love. For it had been there, since the beginning, despite all my faults, despite all my defenses.
My best friend, my hero.
We were more now, stronger together than we ever were alone.
The labels didn’t matter, because I knew we were everything to each other.
Friends. Partners. And so much more.
~The End~
