Author's note: LL is the lois in the current universe. Lane is the one from the TV show (no trauma) and Lois is the one from Long Strange trip.
LL brooded in her private quarters, trying to recover from the emotional onslaught of three Kal-Els in one room. It was hard to think of either earth-raised Kal-El as Clark when they were in the same room as Lord Kal-El. Together it looked like an alien invasion. Zara's presence only enhanced that illusion. LL shuddered. She hoped it was an illusion. It could so easily sway the other way. She was 'free' by their whims. Even Zara's, and she mostly trusted Zara. At least - as best as she could trust any Kryptonian. She shivered, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. How did Lois ever get over this all-encompassing sense of menace enough to be able to befriend Kal-El, let alone... be lovers?
She nervously watched the seconds hand of her clock tick. She should go back in, act as if she needed a bio break. Act casual and cool and in control, but why bother? Lois Lane was having a panic attack. What else is new? That was the problem. The aliens in the room must have picked up on her fear - the increased respiration and pulse speed... let alone her smell - she probably smelled the way prey smells. Frightened. Cornered. Knowing death was near even if she had some small amount of trust that the aliens wouldn't harm her, she had felt the old memories crushing in on her, bringing her down to her knees. She had been so close to slipping into a flashback, into a panic attack. Pleas of mercy had been so close at hand on her tongue - waiting to be uttered.
She couldn't let that happen. Bad enough Zara had witnessed her shame in person- she had witnessed LL cringing and begging Lord Kal for mercy - at least Zara never once mentioned it. Zara had her own ghosts.
She hated the memories of being weak and openly fearful. Begging. Crying. Cringing away on the floor. LL was broken. 'Lord Kal' had broken her. Make no doubt of that. She played a good game, but in the end, she was broken and she knew that the others knew it. The Clarks knew it. Lois and Lane knew it. Zara knew it. And worst of all, Kal-El knew it. He absolutely had to know it – she had gotten so much from him inadvertantly during their telepathy session, she knew he also had received as much from her. He had seen her true self. He knew what she was. A weak and pathetic nothing.
She loathed herself for caring what he thought, but she did. Perhaps because she hated his clone so much, she wanted him to see her as strong... but she knew he didn't. He couldn't. And she hated him for that. For not letting her have her illusion. For knowing her. This whole thing happened because he'd been sending inadvertent telepathic messages. She knew he had received sendings from his clone. That meant even without their shared interaction, he knew what his clone had done to her. Perhaps he'd even felt it. Perhaps he'd gotten off on it while in stasis, a remnant of a shared link with the thing he unwittingly 'fathered'.
Worse - she hated seeing him interact with Lane. Lane was so undamaged. She was ebullient and beautiful, because LL knew that she herself had once been beautiful. Lane was what LL would have been without the invasion. Lean, muscled and glowing from exercise and healthy eating, her skin was radiant and her eyes were bright from a life well led. The other damaged Lois on the other hand was shadowed and tentative, like herself, but living back in her home world and no longer coping with the daily trauma of living in a conquered world, she had thrived. She also loved and was loved in return – by Clark. Her supposed soul-mate. LL had nothing. In contrast to her doppelgangers... especially Lane, she was haggard and hard. All beauty long stripped away. Her body suffered the years of privation – nothing about her suggested youth, beauty or vigor. She kept her body taut and strong by ruthless exercise, but nothing could truly make up for the lack of sun and good nutrition. Her skin was sallow, her eyes dull, and even her teeth had seen better days.
But why would her physical inferiority upset her? She knew that Kal could never be hers in that way. The very idea made her sick. Yet seeing Lane and Kal smile at each other, as they had, was deply troubling nonetheless. Her prettier, more vivacious twin was poaching into her territory. Just because she didn't want Kal-El didn't mean she wanted him to smile at Lane like that.
During their interaction, She'd flicked a quick glance over to Kent – not for long, because although she had formed a connection – brief and tentative though it was – to Clark, Kent made her nervous. He had admittedly borne the name 'Lord Kal' for a short while when his people had arrived on earth so she thought of him as more alien. Also – he had no understanding of what she had gone through. Not like Clark who lived with the repercussions daily. Kent had confused her when he saw his wife with Kal-El– his reaction to the shared smile had been his own returned smile – as if he found something endearing in the exchange. Had Kal been 'flirting' with Lane? And if so, wouldn't that bother Kent? Or did he see it as further evidence that Lane was attracted to him?
And why did she care about any of this? This was the part that bothered her the most. She was upset over a perceived connection between an alien that made her shudder in revulsion and herself from another universe. Was she perhaps concerned that Kal might find her attractive, despite her obvious shortcomings? Or... was she afraid he never would because she was so lacking in beauty now, because Kal, no matter who he looked like, was physically gorgeous – and if he hadn't looked like the man who had tortured and raped her, she would have been transfixed by his perfect beauty. It bothered her to think that her looks were in no way in alignment to his, and then... it bothered her that it bothered her.
She shook her head angrily. Now was not the time for her to have these thoughts. She knew if Kal had shown an interest in her, she would have been sickened and terrified, so why was she dwelling on this? Besides, Kal-El was bonded to Zara. He wasn't seeking another mate. If he was, he wouldn't look to Lane – nor would he look to her. And if he did look to her, she would be horrified. So in the end, this line of thinking was completely unproductive.
She exhaled. It was time to reclaim her world. That was all she should think of. If this worked, they would all be gone. She could forget Kal-El, his clone and all the rest. She would miss Zara... but she yearned for the day that this world was free of all Kryptonians.
