Yay. The next chapter decided to make itself known to me.
A knock heralded a visitor.
“Yes?”
“May I come in and speak with you,” Zara asked politely, not yet having opened the door. LL smiled grimly at yet another illusion of control. Zara was so strong, she could have smashed down the door easily, yet, LL trusted she wouldn't. She trusted that Zara would abide by decent behavior. This trust had been hard won, but shared misery and Zara's own sufferings she undertook in order to protect LL had enabled a close bond to form between the human and Kryptonian. LL was grateful for this. She needed someone to talk to, and Zara was perfect for the task. Zara knew what it was like to suffer at the hands of 'Lord Kal'. She never defied him – she had submitted to red radiation under his threat that if she didn't, he would have killed scores of earth people. Zara had bled for humanity.
“Please,” she answered, grateful for the interruption.
“How are you doing?”
“Picking up on my stress?”
“Yes,” Zara answered calmly, refusing to apologize for her telepathic ability.
“Well... what can I possibly do, Zara? This sucks. This really sucks.”
“I know it is difficult.”
“What about you?”
Zara's face darkened with turbulent emotions. Her war torn gaze met LL's and LL saw the extent of the other woman's despair.
“This was the man I was meant to bond with.”
LL swallowed. Oddly she didn't feel at all threatened that her 'soul mate' had a wife. Zara didn't make her feel replaced or outshone the way her 'twins' did.
“You suffered so much,” she murmured.
Zara squeezed her eyes shut, remembering her first encounter. She had been so young and hopeful. He had left her torn and bleeding.
“Kal-El is a good man,” Zara spoke, as if narrating her thoughts. “I believed he would be a good man, and then I learned I was horribly wrong. Then – we learn that he had been replaced. And I let it happen by being so blind. I should have known. The kind boy would not have become a vicious monster.”
“Zara, you can't blame yourself. The odds of this having happened... I know your society uses cloning technology, but to replace someone with a fully grown clone? That seems incredibly unlikely.”
“The boy I knew would not have grown to be the monster I married,” Zara insisted. “In hindsight I cannot believe I was fooled.”
“Does he blame you?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, Zara -”
“He denies it. Although he did say I should have known, but he also believes he should have seen it coming and better defended himself. He blames himself for my suffering... and yours. But when he looks at me, I see the betrayal in his eyes.”
“What is his plan for you two?”
“He has dissolved our bond. He suggested I find happiness with Ching.”
“That is … a good thing.”
“No. Ching... has not behaved honorably. To protect me, and you, he hurt her.”
“If he hadn't, Lord Kal would have gotten her some other way... or killed her.”
“Nonetheless... such a man cannot be ruler at my side.”
“Isn't Kal-El the rightful ruler?”
“He will not be ruler. He says he cannot rule those who did this to him. He cannot trust himself not to fall prey to schemes in the future, and he cannot trust his own people. He is angry, Lois, even if he will not show it. He was victimized as we were. His whole life was stolen.”
LL hugged herself and nodded.
“I know.”
“I am next in line , but I do require a husband.”
“Archaic.”
“Yes. I see that it is, but one change at a time.”
LL smiled sadly.
“I suppose we all live in the fishbowl we are given.”
“Ah. I see. Yes. The walls around you. You do not see them, but they are there.”
“So to rule you need a mate, and it can't be Ching because he behaved dishonorably.”
“I must find one with honor to join me in leading. Kal-El is perfect for this, however he will not agree.”
“Can't you order him to do it if he abdicates?”
Zara smiled at her sadly.
“No. Even if I could, there has been enough forcing... no more. Besides, I cannot imagine laying with him,” she shuddered. “No. My mind sees a good man, but my reactions would hearken to all the abuse.”
LL paled and nodded, turning to pace away.
“I am sorry, my friend. I did not mean -”
“No. Its okay. It's just, it's been on my mind a lot... them. Together. He and I – meant for each other on some cosmic scale. Lois allowed Kal-El into her life – into her bed. Doesn't that mean it's possible you could do so too ?”
Zara shook her head.
“There are too many reasons why this will not work. The most important one being, I will not hurt him anymore. He does not wish to be leader after knowing what his own people would do to him – and I will not use his sense of honor to push him into continuing in a role that is distasteful.”
“Will he stay here, on earth?”
“Only he can answer that. I imagine if he did, he would live in seclusion. I know he would not ever hurt you or anyone else.”
LL nodded, her gaze shadowed.
“I... don't know, Zara. I'm not sure how scared I should be that I believe you... even if intellectually... “ she shuddered.
“You are afraid because you trust his motives?”
“What does that mean? Does it mean that he's gotten under my skin somehow?”
“Most likely you feel this way because of the two Clarks. They are very nice people – and you see Kal-El as a variation of them. You are a long way from friendship with him, if you fear falling into some kind of 'trap' the way I think you feel your doppelgängers have done.”
She shivered.
“I could never let him touch me,” she said bluntly. “Not like that. Not anyone, really. However – you are right. Clark and the other Clark have changed how I view … them. Kal-El. In plural. God. In triplicate. But once I see 'Lord Kal' and Kal-El together, I imagine those similarities will override everything. And yes – that terrifies me.”
“He knows, Lois. Kal-El will never trouble you. Of that, I have no doubt.”
