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Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Comments? Again, I had no clue what to do for the ending, so I hope it went to everyone's liking. If not, I am totally open to suggestions before I attempt to send it off to the archives. 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jun 2013
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I love it. Lois doing her usual thing and accidentally uncovering the biggest secret in the world. And poor Clark...what a time to be exposed to Kryptonite! I guess that takes unsafe driving to a whole new level. But I really liked the talk afterward, and the happy ending. You shouldn't change a thing. The ending is perfect. 
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Most excellent and fun in an unusual way. I wonder why no one ever thought of this angle before? Very good.  Artemis
History is easy once you've lived it. - Duncan MacLeod
Writing history is easy once you've lived it. - Artemis
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 9,509 |
 You did both a secret-keeping story and a reveal story all twisted together into one. Who ever knew that Clark didn't drive due to epilepsy? I'd have never guessed. Although, it does explain why he seemed to go into a daze whenever he sees flashing red lights. I do wonder how STAR Labs ended up with a Kryptonite sample, unless -- of course -- they are the lab that Irig sent his sample to. I named this one "again" because John Lambert also posted a fic for this challenge before I got the chance to. Perhaps an alternative title might be "Don't Take the Keys!"  It seems natural that Lois wouldn't give up her hunt for that elusive stuff that Trask said would make Superman dead. I'm a little curious where exactly Lois and Clark were going though. She stole the Kryptonite from STAR Labs and *wasn't* going to write it up at the DP, then where were they going? Only Lois would think to break into the heavily guarded STAR Labs to test a theory. Hopefully, they up their security after this. Actually, now that I think about it, this is a triple reveal and a cover-up. Lois reveals how far she'll go for a story (especially one on Superman), Clark accidentally reveals he's SM, Lois covers-up the revelation to the EMTs by helping Clark get out of going to the hospital, and then Clark admits he loves Lois. That's some putting all his cards on the table at once. A big gamble. Luckily, with Lois, the pot was worth it. LOIS: Who are you calling a pot, Mr. Kettle? Fun story. I can so picture Lois using this against Clark the next time... every time... as the reason why she should always drive.  "Maybe you can help up both out a bit and lean up against the wall until I get the door open?" I think you wanted "us" here, and not "up".
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2013
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I agree, the ending of this fic was really great as-is. It does totally justify why Lois always drives! Very fun story.
Ultra Lucille
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2012
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I liked the story, especially the ending.
John Pack Lambert
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Sep 2013
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Great story! Very entertaining from beginning to end...I thought it had a wonderful flow to it, and I really liked the ending "What?" She snapped as she flung open the passenger door and ducked into her newly designated seat.
"Hi?" He hinted as he slid slowly behind the wheel.
Lois rolled her eyes at his constant need for proper etiquette. "Hi, how are you, let's get going. Now can you drive?" Can totally picture this exchange--Clark being "Clark" and Lois being exasperated with him--very first season. Great!  "Ibrokeintostarlabs"
Lois huffed irritably. “I broke into Star Labs, okay? Look, after the whole thing with Trask when he attacked you and your family, I got worried. And when you told me about what he thought about that… that Kryptonite, I had to find out for myself. So, I did some research for a while, secretly looked up who might have access to some, spent the last two weeks learning the ins and outs of the building and getting familiar with the people there. And about a half hour ago, I broke in and took some. Look-- this has got to be it! It is real!” Both confessions so "Lois"....a very quick, 'drag it out of her' explanation......and then she's babbling like a brook. Loved this part  How often did he use his powers in non-rescue situations? Did he always heat his drinks that way? His food? Her food? Little things came flooding through her mind, things that didn't add up over the past several months. How her once cold coffee had gotten warm again, how he'd maybe responded to something she said that she hadn't thought he could hear. All those times when he ran off to go "call the police" or some other nonsense like that and then turn around two seconds later and fly to the rescue as Superman. She couldn't believe it. Her partner was Superman. Clark Kent, the man she sat less than ten feet away from every day at work and argued and bantered with. The man who wore ridiculous ties and took three sugars in his full fat latte and went back for two donuts in the bullpen. The man who single-handedly lifted a rocket into outer space and who saved her innumerable times. Really liked this paragraph as she's coming to terms with everything...great 'reminders' pulled from their friendship over the last year. Lois shook her head, trying to snap herself out of it. She knew it was the combination of worry, confusion and the lateness of the hour that was making her so giddy. Brushing away her tears and slowly coming down off her hilarity, she breathed a sigh. "I'm okay, Clark. You don't need to worry."
"I always worry about you."
Lois turned to look into his eyes, and the most honest, hopeful, sorry expression she'd ever seen on his face stared back at her. Immediately, her giddiness was gone, and there was an unresolved tension in the room. She couldn't turn her eyes away, as much as she wanted to escape from the unwanted intensity of it all. "I," she tried, but suddenly found her words stuck behind a lump in her throat. Really liked how you had her go into a fit of laughter...those moments--when all of a sudden you just sorta 'crack' and loose control like that laughing--that feeling seemed to be very fitting to where Lois' emotions would be then...it's late, in Clark's kitchen, w/o a kettle, with a water-logged broken vehicle, and a 'super' partner somewhat passed out on the couch. And it all is sinking in  . Lovin' it!!! Clark laughed, glad she was able to take it with good humor. He bit his lip. “So… Are we okay?”
Lois thought about it for a moment-- a moment too long for Clark’s liking. He was about to open his mouth and start apologizing some more when she cut him off with a hard, passionate kiss to his lips.
When the kiss broke apart, and they were both quite breathless, Lois finally smiled and gave him the response he was looking for.
“Yeah. We’re okay.” Can not find any fault when a story ends with  ....great job--loved it! Keep the ending--perfect! Laura
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Kerth
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OP
Kerth
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,131 |
Glad everybody seemed to like the ending the way it was! I was concerned, because I wrote almost all of it in one go in less than an hour and then I ground to a halt and spent four days waffling over how to wrap it up.  Everything I tried seemed to just make it keep spiraling on, so I finally just gave up and cut it off.  Oh well. It seemed to work.  VirginiaR: Perhaps an alternative title might be "Don't Take the Keys!" 
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Feb 2008
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Excellent banter.
Excellent dialogue between Lois and Clark. You really captured it.
Well done.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,804 Likes: 30
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,804 Likes: 30 |
Mouserocks, you did it again, great story! “I don’t have a nice little happy family like you do.”
He shrugs. “Most people don’t. And my family isn’t exactly normal. I’m an alien, remember?”
“I focus on my work purposely so that I leave no time for anything else.”
“You’re tenacious. I like that.”
“I routinely commit felonies if it’s all that stands between me and my story.”
Clark couldn’t help a wry grin at that one. “You definitely keep me on my toes.” Banter, when well written is so much fun to read! “Sure,” he nodded. “I don’t know of many people out there that would want to be with an alien. I can’t blame you if you want a human relationship. Maybe I’d feel the same in your shoes.”
Her heart sunk at his words, and before she could think twice about her words, Lois found herself kneeling in front of him on the floor and grasping his chin firmly. “Clark, no!” His eyes had a hard time meeting hers. “That’s not what I meant at all! Look at me, Clark.”
Finally his chocolate brown gaze met her own, filled with a different sort of pain. She’d had no idea that he’d felt so insecure about himself.
“Then what?” he asked on a whisper. Honest communication between a man and woman deeply in love can sometimes sting a little, but oh how wonderful when the stinging stops!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
This was *great*! Thanks for sharing, and yeah, the stories that come out of nowhere and surprise us are sometimes the best. The ending is wonderful just as it is. I really enjoyed Lois psyching out the EMTs to protect Clark Also, the "double manslaughter" line... fun!! PJ
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,070 Likes: 31 |
Hi Mouse! ![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/froehlich/a120.gif) You call me up at eleven o'clock at night, say you might have found something big and to be waiting on the curb outside my apartment for you to show up. Now you get here and you pretend like nothing's wrong? What is it? What did you find?" /scratches head/ He watched out of the corner of his eye as she shifted slightly in her seat. "Found might not be the most accurate term...."
Clark's brow immediately furrowed as he considered her highly suspect words. "Lois. What did you do?"  "I can't be responsible for a double manslaughter charge."  Michael
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