OK, I've had time to reread Parts 4 and 5 more closely now. And I see that Part 6
hasn't been posted yet! Why?
In Part 4, I personally would have liked to see a visual of Clark as he approached the cell door and was suddenly stricken with pain from the kryptonite. As readers we knew it was buried there and have been fretting about it for days (OK, once it's archived it'll be just a couple of pages
), but we
know that his reaction is coming. For me it would have been more powerful to see it: his legs suddenly collapsed under him, beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead, waves of pain radiating from his body, that type of thing. If you chose to do so, I think that you could have this happen and have the guards laugh it off as his "sudden" realization of what's actually happened to him, rather than them making a connection to the kryptonite.
Then I'm a little confused on some of the timing during Lois' and the Kents' investigation. First, Lois gets a telegram from M&J after they had gotten Clark's "death notice" and personal effects.
(But why didn't they just call her with the news? It's faster - and more personal - than a telegram.) So they had the DNA test done, got the results, and started doing some more digging. Now M&J get an official report from the UN. All fine so far, but then you have this paragraph...
Martha and Jonathan had been devastated. Lois had flown to Smallville immediately after she’d received the telegraph from the Kents informing her that something was wrong with Clark. Martha had fully denied that her son could be dead. He was invulnerable! How could he have been executed? The trio threw around scenario after scenario, trying desperately to cling to some kind of hope that Clark was still alive and that this was all some kind of horrible mistake. When the DNA report came back proving beyond doubt that the lock of hair was indeed Clark’s, the small family had had to face the fact that something far more serious had taken place.
Is this a second telegram to Lois from M&J then? So first she went to Smallville to see the personal effects and arranged the DNA test, possibly staying for the results two days later. Then returned to Metropolis while the UN investigated. OK, I can accept that - after all, Perry might not be able to grant her indefinite leave, and I don't know how long all of this takes.
But then at the end of that paragraph you suddenly refer to the DNA results, which had come back days -
weeks? - before the UN report.
So the timing on that seems a bit confusing to me. Then Lois heads off to Port Stanley after these reports are on, and that all works just fine.
I felt so terrible for L&M&J. Such a bitter truth for them to accept under these circumstances.
The "green gloater"...what a wonderful moniker for kryptonite! I like that.
Oh, and I was a little confused on the date thing as well. You had Clark found guilty on April 14, 1993. But if you're going with canon up until the point at which Lois told Clark she loved him
, that should actually be 1994, if one assumes that the L&C's fictional timeline is roughly the same as the show's broadcast timeline in our world. It's a teeny thing, I'm nitpicking a bit here...
And now on to Part 5.
Being an ordinary man was not all it was cracked up to be.
Be careful what you wish for, right...Oh my god. Poor Clark. Nine years! Unbelieveable.
. Or, being Lex, once he decided that Superman wasn't going to show up to rescue Clark, maybe he decided it was better for Clark to suffer...and suffer...and suffer...rather than be put out of his misery.
So may we have more please? I'm worried about what's going to happen when Warren (?!) sets the "no longer gentle, no longer compassionate and loving" Clark Kent free. What will he find when he makes his way back to Metropolis? Will his Purgatory be over by then...or still ongoing?
KathyM
