Response to feedback:
Thanks everyone, but is anyone spotting any problems with it? It looks OK to me but I know what I meant and what didn't get written in.
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Names:
Laurel makes sense to ME. It's a standard girl's name, it begins with L...it's a pun when you realize it can also be written Laur-el.
Why the boyfriend doesn't have a name: it turned into a game for me to see if I could write the whole thing without giving him a name<G>. (and I didn't have a name I really liked for him).
This was written to answer the question of how Lois could survive; but while Lois and Clark share some sensations (I decided) they weren't aware of it until Laurel described it, because the link invovling Laurel is stronger because she is half-human herself. (Does this chain of reasoning need more explaining? I deliberatley mislead people to think Lois's answer was figurative.)
There was going to be a scene with Laurel at work (she's a statistician, she crunches numbers for a couple weeks and then writes a report, it doesn't matter if she suddenly disappears for a while. It was going to be the boyfriend and best friend from her work not knowing the other knew until Laurel gets back and lets them known. I decided it didn't add much and I wanted to get this story finished this year (literally!).
The bar scene only makes sense if electric lights are needed. Does it work or do I need to cover this point? (Either say after sunset or make it windowless).
There are a lot of parallels between Laurel's story and Lois and Clark's, on purpose. Their song is the same. He sent her 11 yellow and one purple flower. (I think I remember that from the show). I thought there were a couple of other points.
So...What doesn't make sense/isn't clear/needs work? I know there are things in there that are clear to me that I didn't make explicit. Please help.
R.C.
