This.
"I can’t do this. I have to go,” Clark said abruptly, turning toward the door.
“Clark,” she pleaded.
“I have to go, Lois. Now. Before I say something I’ll regret.”
He was out of the room before she could say another word, and seconds later she heard the front door open and close, and then the sound of his truck starting. She dropped into her chair, letting her head fall onto her arms, folded on the desk. She just kept hurting him. Over and over.
And this.
“Just what?!” he exploded. “Just want every bit of our relationship on your terms? I’m not the only person in this relationship with control issues, Lois. You pull me in and then push me away. You touch me like I belong to you and make love to me like-” His voice cracked and he bit back the rest of his tirade, breathing heavily through his nose a few times before continuing more calmly. “But only on your terms. I can stay for dinner and touch you sweetly and make love to you on my worst nights, but only if I go home alone afterwards. Only if I don’t break the rules and tell you how much I love you.”
It was true. Every word of it. But her pride and fear flared in her as anger. “You’re not a victim here, Clark! I don’t pull you to me. You come of your own volition. You touch me. You flirt with me. You come to my bed and make love to me. Why am I to blame for responding when you are the one initiating?”
“I’m not upset that you respond! I love the way you respond! I’m upset that after you respond, you shove me back into my nice-guy ex husband role! I want more of you, not less!”
“What if I can’t give you more? What if this is all I have to offer?”
“I know that’s not true.” His voice was so confident. So final.
“You’ve always had more faith in me than I deserved,” she whispered.
“I have faith in US. We have been to hell and back. Over and over. We have survived more than most couples could even imagine. It broke us for a while. But we glued ourselves back together. We deserve to be happy, Lois. Why are we torturing ourselves?”
Double gah.
I know that Lois has issues. And they're legitimate issues. The trouble is that she won't admit that
she's the freaking problem! She has to do something about them, because they're not going anywhere.
Clark should insist on couple's counseling for them. If Lois hears a professional voice saying the same things Clark says and Kate says and her coworkers say maybe she'll listen. If she doesn't do something soon, she's going to carpet-bomb that little oasis she thinks she's built for Mattie and JP. It's already under siege and she doesn't want to acknowledge the assault she's allowing through her own willful blindness.She knew when her parents fought and she knew why they fought, even if she didn't fully understand the depths of the issues. Mattie's old enough to see a lot more that Lois thinks the girl sees. It's going to bite them even harder very soon.
Sure, Lois is convinced that she's a relationship murderer, but is that an excuse to keep Clark on a string and constantly yo-yo him back and forth? Would she rather push him far enough away to lose his closeness, his gentleness, his (dare I say it) deep love for her? Because that's where this is going if she doesn't change her course. He's almost to the point where he just won't take it any more, where he draws a line in the concrete (not the sand - that's too easily altered) and refuses to allow his heart to be punctured by the protective spines Lois extrudes whenever she thinks he gets too close.
You're telling this from Lois' POV, and that's fine. We get to see her mind and her heart when these pressure points crop up, and we get to understand her reactions and her reasons for them. But she's
got to understand that this situation can't last. She can't keep shaving slices from Clark's heart and ignore the pain she inflicts. There has to be a resolution, and if she's not ready to be Clark's wife again, the resolution will be that Clark will move away emotionally because he has to in order to survive.
Wow. I think I identify with Clark in this situation because I've been through some similar things. I hope he finds a solution that brings him back to Lois forever. Kind of like I did.
Great story, lady. Just put a blue arrow on the story parts so we can zero in on the new ones quickly. I want to hurt for Clark some more.
