Hi Nick!
Oh yeah, the meeting with that boy… Kent, something.
But Kent, he’s such a super boy!
CAT: Could also be a great boy toy.
Perry sighed – he didn’t really have the time or capacity for that.
He could ask Lois to take him for a test drive.
He had expected a rather unremarkable, shy farm boy who didn’t quite know what to do with himself.
Wearing dungarees, a straw hat, and chewing a straw stick as he’s gazing around in wonder at them candles that don’t smoke no more?
He wasn’t sure how to describe him, but Clark Kent had… a certain charisma, a kind of confidence and authority that he wouldn’t have expected from someone his age or position.
Been fostered by Lex Luthor, sent to the Daily Planet as a mole? Ends up falling for Lois just as his foster dad decides that he, too, would like to investigate more in depth, triggering a Greek drama of Shakespearen dimensions.
He seemed like someone who was used to being respected, to getting what he wanted.
I was just joking!
Well, if that was the case, he would quickly learn who was boss around here.
/Points at Lois/
”So you want a job here? Show me what you can do.”
Okay, we got more deviation from the Pilot.
In fact, his email seemed odd… impersonal, like he hadn’t written it himself.
Did Clark hack? Is he a military intelligence plant? Or military with the intelligence of a plant? Or did you go the Gotham route and build an intelligent military plant? But no, even Perry would notice a 6ft tall, talking flytrap.
![[Linked Image]](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/harleyquinntv/images/1/15/Frank_the_Plant.png)
https://harleyquinn.fandom.com/wiki/Frank_the_PlantKent’s writing wasn’t bad – there was something unusual about it, as if it came from someone who looked at the world and the things that happened in it with an immense amount of curiosity and fascination.
Like an intelligence officer would.
”Kent, with things like this,” he pointed to an article from the Borneo Gazette about bird mating,
There’s another deviation.
A wave of pain shot through Perry from head to toe and he couldn’t suppress a loud groan. He was getting too old for this shit.
That’s not good.
”Are you okay, Mr. White? That sounded…worrying.”
Oh, he’s good. First using telepathy to induce pain, maybe an aneurysm and then asking if his victim is feeling all right. He is good, you gotta give him that.
Should listen to my wife, she always tells me I work too much!”
Kent looked…sympathetic. “I know the problem.”
I might be using Discord information here, but it sounds like this time we got a Kal-El married to Zara. And she’s not happy that he went and does the menial work of the hired help. Or, does the hired help, for that matter.
Then again, Perry had learned in his many years as a journalist never to make assumptions.
Like that he’s talking to a human, non-alien lifeform actually born on Earth?
Meanwhile, Kent had started rummaging around in the work bag he had brought with him, and after a moment he pulled out a small tin with…little round somethings…in it.
Looky there!
”If you want, I can leave these for you,” he offered. “Helps with sensory overload, brain overactivity, things like that. I’ve been having a bit of trouble with this stuff since I got here.
What? The Alien did *not* trigger Perry’s brain issues? Also, he got Krypto-Zanex to help with the over stimulation!
Not used to this kind of environment.”
Too many flashy dressed humans?
CAT:
”Well, this is Metropolis. A big city is different from any small farming village, ain’t it?”
Or a space palace orbiting a red dwarf.
”So what exactly are these?” He doubted Rookie would poison him, but better safe than sorry.
Molly.
”Oh, you can’t get them at the pharmacy. Family recipe, so to speak. But I guarantee perfect functionality with no side effects.”
Oooh, Globuli
the office door was abruptly thrown open and a mini-tornado in the form of his star reporter stormed into the room and began babbling incoherently about…some crazy story.
Awwww… Perry got a crush on his newest Page One headline
”LOIS! Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a job interview? And anyway, what about that article on immigration statistics that I gave you?”
Lois: Boooooring!
Kent: I can do it. Let’s see… we got Mexico… , we got Italy… and for Aliens from outer space we got 1993 has one immigrant, 1994 had two, and in 1995 there’s 200.
”That may be so, but as long as I’m the boss here, I make the decisions. So, GET OUT!”
He’s adorable that he still thinks he’s the one in control.
The effect was… surprising. Almost immediately he felt much better. Calmer, more relaxed.
Will Lois call the cops in the form of DEA agent Call-Me-Daniel on her drug pushing partner?
Kent, this Spitfire here is our very own Lois Lane. She can be a little…headstrong, as you just saw.
Oh, and nice to meet you, Mrs. Lane. I’m sure we’ll work well together.”
“Now wait a minute, I just said I don’t have the capacity to-“
Perry was interrupted by Lois’s angry gasp. She spun around and stared at Kent with flaming anger in her eyes. Oh dear, good thing looks couldn’t kill.
“*MRS* Lane?
Oh, you snuck this in well under the radar
Can he call her ‘Ma’am’, too?
How dare you? I’m not that old and I’m not even married, you little-“
She’s also not her mother.
”Lois, that’s enough! This is an office, not a mud fight.
CAT: Someone said ‘mud fight’?
And Kent, a free tip from me, never piss off a woman. You might be sorry.
What she gonna do, scorch him with her eyes?
ZARA:
Kent looked…confused, as if he had no idea what he had done wrong. “…I was just being polite?
culture clash! /Gets popcorn/
I…assumed you were of a suitably high rank in terms of emancipation…?”
she’s…overdeveloped her rank?
Perry wondered if it was a mistake to take the pill if thoughts like this were the side effect.
Yes, they dull the brain to subtle social cues, significantly reducing the chance of men understanding women.
Then she turned around. “Oh whatever, I don’t have time for that, I have a story to follow. JIMMY?!”
Clark could offer her one of the pills. He could even explain they’re so she can calm down easier and not strain her heart with these … exuberant outbursts.
Doc. Klein: Interesting. I have never seen a human do this much damage to a fully grown Kryptonian.
”I understand. I haven’t earned your respect yet. I can work on that!”
That was… strange. Only crazy people in this newsroom, Perry thought to himself.
Well, he did hire most of them.
He certainly hoped that Lois would at least write her article. Oh, who was he kidding? If this girl wasn’t his best reporter, he would…
and now this idiotic Hack had insulted her. Just great!
The crowning jewel!
Not that Lois was interested – not at all – but Cat was just disgusting.
/Points out earlier phrasing about being emancipated/
The guy’s reaction was all the more surprising. He basically ignored Cat completely, said something like “Thanks for the offer, but I’m not interested” and… just left.
And now Cat is trying to get Jimmy to do a false flag operation to prove the New Guy has … no interest in women.
It was funny – he almost seemed to be used to constantly getting offers from women who wanted something from him or wanted to use him for their own purposes. Well, with this build-
Poor guy. Heavy weighs the head that bears the crown.
Don’t go there, Lane! Just…don’t.
But Lois is used to investigating places no Cat has gone before.
OK, the guy has balls to try again after being rejected. This show, she wanted to watch.
It’s just like dealing with the Council of Elders. If at first you don’t succeed, try and convince them again.
Perry seemed reluctant at first, but then the curiosity that characterizes every journalist won out and he began to read.
And yet when Cat is curious and intends to investigate, it’s depravity.
LOIS: I said ‘journalist’.
”Well, what can I say? This is damn good. You actually managed to beautifully portray the perspective of these immigrants on what it’s like to live in a new, unknown country, to integrate, the challenges one has to face. It almost reads as if you know exactly what you’re talking about.
Yes, immigrated from Red Krypton.
And…I appreciate initiative.”
What the…? Wait, he couldn’t mean that…
Co-opted her story? Why yes.
WHAT?!
This – this – hack from Nowheresville got a job by stealing *HER* story?
Oh, that meant war!
This is a fun tweak/expansion on exploring their states of mind!
”That’s so not the point. And I don’t need a minder, I can investigate on my own!”
Yes, but she needs a rescue puppy.
”Well, I’d say nearly being killed, multiple times, is worth mentioning occasionally, don’t you think?”
It’s not like this is an exceptional occurrence.
She’s very cute!
Lois snorted at that. Jimmy took decent photos and was good with computers, but that was about it.
Hi, people got to be billionaires before age 25 with less skills.
But if Kent steps out of line-“
“I’ll take care of it, not you. Do you understand, Lois?”
Lois is not allowed to cut him down to size?
She marched straight toward the new hire’s desk – conveniently located directly across from her own, whatever prompted Perry to do so.
Scientific curiosity.
He really needed to learn to understand the women here better, he thought. He had done something wrong earlier and now this Lois Lane was apparently on a warpath against him.
If it were just one thing.
Like Skywalker in The Last Jedi: Amazing. Every single thing you just said is wrong.
Well, he could handle war; he had more than enough diplomatic disputes to settle in his short life.
Yes, but he always had reasonable men as his opposite before.
The job he had to do would be much easier to handle if he could quickly familiarize himself with the new work environment.
/Reads this as Lois Lane being the aforementioned work environment/
Her face twisted as if she had bitten into a particularly sour Twellian fruit.
Nice. So, when *were* we supposed to figure out Clark is a new arrival from Hessecks Prime?
”Let’s be clear, this is not an equal partnership. I’m the top banana here!”
Yes, she’s the female leader of the Harem. Got it.
That was…huh? How should he react to that?
Option a) smile and nod.
Option b) make a suggestive comeback.
Option c) report her to human resources for sexual harassment.
CLARK: umm…c?
That was…huh? How should he react to that? He looked his temporary partner up and down once, just to make sure he didn’t say anything wrong, and then decided:
“Don’t worry, your proportions are nowhere near those of a banana. You’re good.”
Look, he chose option d, make her report him to human resources!
The person he was talking to was…not amused. She just stared at him, somewhere between seriously confused and irritated.
and stupid society makes it look weird for a woman without a date to show up alone.”
No, not weird. They’re called hookers and congregate at the bar during such events.
. Besides, such an event was good for getting an idea of the rich and powerful of the city of Metropolis and, ideally, even making some connections that might prove important or helpful in the future.
Like with the city’s leader, Mr. Luthor?
His expertise in the scientific field might help to improve the article in the end.
Let’s see how his alienspaining “explosions” goes with her.
LOIS:
Looks like she got it.
Maybe it would help him to gain some respect from Lois Lane – not that that was important to him. Not at all, no. But avoiding conflict was always preferable.
Nope. Also, very adorable!
Well, that was…ironic, if nothing else. In the end, he would have to be careful not to say anything…problematic.
Let’s hope he doesn’t love the irony.
”Interesting. I find the efforts of humans to venture into space fascinating.”
“Yes, very exciting, blah blah. Anyway, this Dr. Platt came into the office this morning and…”
No wonder Lex fell for her hard. She doesn’t care about sentiment, only success.
Lois groaned. She hated this. They had been here for two hours and she still hadn’t managed to intercept Lex Luthor and ask him for an interview.
What happened?
Unfortunately, his choice of clothing was…not ideal. Especially the tie he chose. Seriously, selling such garish ties should be forbidden.
They’re his house colors. Like the Scottish tartan used for a kilt.
What kind of weird stuff were these Midwest farmers learning?
The Hokey Pokey.
”Well, two reasons. First, it might help make this visit a success, and second, I’m tired of having to put up with your whining all the time. You wanted to go to this event, so stop complaining.”
Well…damn. Maybe Kent wasn’t completely useless after all.
See? They also say infuriating men are preferable in bed. Not that *that* information is of *any* interest to her.
Probably making connections. Good for him, he would need it. She certainly wouldn’t share with him.
But what if one of his connection leads to a story?
LOIS: what if one of the connections *I* set up for him leads to *me* and him getting the story?
”Well, that’s simple strategic thinking. It’s part of the basic training for being a r…reasonably intelligent person.”
Good catch. He wouldn’t want to say *politician*.
He had talked about how “her body language made it very clear that she wasn’t telling the truth.”
Perspiration. Heart rate. Pheromones.
but he was far from naïve and far from a womanizer like…certain other colleagues she could name.
*Cough* Claude?
Clark nodded. “Sure, the food here is always a special treat. I think I know a good place, if you allow me, I’ll get some and bring you a selection.”
Hey, how long has he been…inserted into society?
Whatever Clark, as someone new in town, could know. Ah well, she would risk it.
CLARK: here it’s from a place called ‘Ralph’s Pagoda’. If he vouches with his name in it, it must be good.
The grin he wore almost the entire time he was eating was…something else. This guy must really like Chinese food.
Or generally anything that’s not gray gruel.
Not that she was interested in him. That would be…just no.
Indeed. He’s still a hick. Ick.
But she was also Lois Lane. And that meant she couldn’t resist any secret.
Well, strictly speaking, it wasn’t his problem. If she died and he wasn’t there, no one would blame him or investigate him.
Yes, but considering she never died before he got there, it does seem like an odd coincidence. Also, dead Lois is only something for necrophiliacs and Lexes.
The adaptation brought about by solar radiation had to be good for something, he mused.)
It’s also good for keeping Loises alive and satisfied.
It might also make him a little more popular with them (especially Lois). That couldn’t hurt.
Yes, freshly rescued Loises make for great professional caregivers.
He briefly considered using his new uniform for this endeavor, but decided that now was not the right time. This “rescue” would not be public enough. No one would believe Lois Lane (or the photo geek).
Ah, they’re tied down for the time being.
He would find her again – and what else were there special institutions for enforcing the law for?
Documenting if your spaceship is parked in front of a fire hydra (sic).
and then was allowed to watch together with his new colleagues as Baines’ helicopter exploded with a loud bang.
Oops?
But Lex Luthor was a worry for another day.
You never, ever keep Lex Luthor for the next day.
he had to listen to a long story about how one of her colleagues had taken advantage of her and cheated her to get what he wanted.
Maybe he should express this nonchalant sentiment to Lois?
KAL-EL: huh, she got the exact same thing expression my wife had when I told her that her mother would have to stay in the guest quarters above the crew deck.
Who I should marry. How my life should go. My career. All of that.
He’s a *reporter*!
After all, Clark seemed to have managed to resist them – or did he? And why should she even care?
Because he mentioned marriage.
It was a disgrace! Perry actually refused to print her proposed article “without concrete evidence.” Which… admittedly, was kind of fair. But still.
she wanted to type up an exclusive report on what the shuttle looked like inside and be there live when it took off.
She can also report live how the bomb looks before it blows up.
She wasn’t *that* reckless, contrary to what some people might believe!)
Canon Lois: Hey!
So suddenly this guy stood in the doorway in a…really weird outfit.
/Inserts picture of Landsknecht uniform. Looks just like the Swiss Guard/
And what about that cloak-like extra he seemed to be dragging behind him?
It looks good when he gets sucked into an aircraft engine.
(She would also admit that the guy was, objectively speaking, pretty hot. Not that she was looking, so that didn’t really matter!)
Rrrrright.
Well, fashionably appropriate or not, she would take whoever she could get.
Something she and Cat got in common.
He looked up at her…irritated. “I understand that much, thank you. Step back, Lois Lane!”
Oops?
”What was…THAT?!”
Her opposite cleared his throat. “I apologize for that. The explosion created a certain amount of air pressure. And that air had to go somewhere.”
You know, we never had a fic where it went to other way.
”THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT”
There followed much angry murmuring about the mission not being able to launch. The time window was missed.
And all because of one nosey reporter. Poor colonists, prevented from ascending to heaven.
This could be a fun name for Clark’s uniform. Scratch the whole ‘super man’ idea.
LOIS: Spandex Guy, HELP!
Yes, it’s because he’s full of hot air.
Wow, those were damn good drugs. If only she knew who gave them to her and when.
The sad part is that the most obvious answer would be Lex, and she’s getting prepped to entertain him.
”I’m glad to hear that. I’ll tell the seamstress.”
Flyguy looked intrigued by this. “Interesting. I’ll be sure to visit you up there and ask about progress.
Sweet interaction!
Well, eat this, Perry! There are enough witnesses this time. This will be the story of the century, and she was there, live!
PERRY: Gas leak. Mass hallucinations. You got video?
How did the spandex wearer know who she was?
He can read minds. It’s why he’s always looking like his cape when in the presence of Cat.
In his mind he heard Martha Kent’s voice predicting: “No one will look at your face!”
Oh, and that stupid name Lois came up with. Superman. He had to clear things up quickly before that spread.
LOIS: What? It was far less objectifying than Hot Stud and Perry wouldn’t go for Spandex Guy. Something about trademark issues…
Not that he wasn’t superior in some ways – both mentally and physically, and made even more so by the yellow sun
Yes, the little princeling is quite full of himself.
LEX: I’m much fuller than him!
”The project has now entered the next phase. Today I made my first public appearance, which can also serve our own interests.
Do you know the Invincible series? Omni-Man and the Viltrumite Empire ring quite a few bells.
Science seems to have progressed further than we assumed, at least in some areas, particularly with regard to space travel and related plans.
Not really. They still rely on manual labor to reach orbit.
My solution to a problem that arose was readily accepted without the participants looking for another, own solution.
‘problem’
This suggests a search for the simplest possible way and an ability to recognize hopeless situations when they arise.”
No, the Earthbound human is simply lazy. /Inserts cross reference to ‘Spagoda, Ralph’/
”Very good. How are things going on the Infiltration front?”
Good. He already has had several requests for mating.
"Clark Kent is now officially employed by an organization that specializes in providing daily updates and opinion-forming to the planet's citizens.
Could have gone better. Other organizations are far better suited to influencing the masses. /Points at Met Star, National Inquisitor, Daily Whisper, and LNN/
Lex Luthor, however, could be a problem.
Yes, but he could simply let the problem drop.
”Very well. The Council thanks you for your successful efforts. Goodbye…Lord Kal-El!”
This wasn’t meant as a surprise, was it? You know, if you had written ‘Lord Nor’ on the other hand…
Very entertaining piece of alternate universe
Michael
