This is, indeed, a powerful story. It's interesting how you've chosen to show how destructive alcohol can be to the lives of both children and adults. I have to wonder if you're simply using something already established in the canon of the show (Ellen's drinking problem) or if there's something partially autobiographical in there. You don't have to tell us, of course, which it is, or if it's simply something that has come to your attention. Or, maybe it's just a handy plot device. Whatever it is, you're handling it well.
I, too, like the way you're portraying young Lois and young Clark. And I think you've nailed Lucy as a child perfectly. Her actions and reactions are age-appropriate, and she's cute as two buttons! Lois's overwhelming desire to 'take care of her sister' is so very appropriate, too. You're doing a marvelous job with this story, and don't be concerned with the length! Sometimes it takes a while to tell a particular story.
The only suggestion I have is that you might consider breaking up some of the longer narrative paragraphs into shorter ones. It would make it easier for the readers to grasp the vital information you're giving us. And I'll be looking for the next chapter!
And you're already mulling a sequel? Wonderful! I want to read it, too, but not until this story is finished. Keep up the good work, okay?
And let Clark keep dropping subtle little hints about his abilities where Lois can see or hear them, so she can figure out some of the things he can do that are so special, and so she can help him understand that his abilities aren't a curse but a blessing. Maybe she can help Jonathan realize how positive Clark's powers are, too.
