Thanks so much for all the comments! They really help me determine where to develop the story further. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in where I want things to go, I forget to slow down and develop where I am. So I appreciate all the feedback. Thanks!
Sheila -
But now, why did Clark collapse? Why does he have cuts on himself? Has the exhaustion compromised his invulnearability?
A very short answer to this will be coming up soon - in the next part, which I'll be posting today. But please be patient, the full answer is at least a couple more chapters away.
And bless Martha for taing the time to go and talk to Lois. I am confused as to how she got there, to Lois so quickly. Or maybe the time frame is confusing me.
If I didn't miss words in my writing (which I am prone to do) Martha didn't get to Lois until Clark was missing 2 days and one day after Lois called there. She got there by typical commercial means. Of course, this means she paid a ridiculous fee for this, but it was important to her, so that wasn't an issue. (While it seems unrealistic that farmers in Kansas would have no worries about money, they never seemed to on the show, so I decided to keep them that way here. Maybe they have a large inheritance from one of their folks.)
LoisLaneWannaBe -
I have to admit I really fell in love with this story thanks to this chapter.
Thank you! That was my hope.
I hope the next chapter works in this way even more.
However, maybe I missed it but did Lois get her own place or is she still with Lucy? I just didn't want Lucy and her family to suddenly show up with a shocked sister, and a distraught mother and superhero hanging around.
Again, I may have missed words, but Lois has purchased the place next door to Lucy and is now living on her own. I did that exactly for the reason above. The talk with Martha (and some of the things coming up) just don't work with Lucy and family around. And yet, I liked the idea of Lois still involved with Sammy's life, so I didn't want her to move too far away.
The explaintion (from Martha) was a little long for me. It might have worked better in flashback form with Martha interjecting every now and then.
This was a fantastic idea! I think I'll change it when I archive it, but I thought people would probably prefer I work on the next chapter rather than rework this one, so I haven't done it yet. However, you'll see that I did use your suggestion for the next chapter, so please tell me if this was what you were picturing. I really did like it - not only do I hope it reads better, but I have to say, it actually "wrote" better as well. The scenes seemed to flow more easily as flashbacks.
I hope the hard hitting comments do not discorage you, but help to fuel you to write more. I know how hard writing a story of any kind can be, and to put a whole new spin on a story we all know and love takes courage. You should be commended if not anything.
Thank you! Many of the posts (like this one) do fuel me on to write more. I've determined that it's okay if not everyone loves my story or what I've done with the characters - I don't love all the stories I read, either. But of course, it's good to think some people like it. And it's the desire to make as many people like it as possible that makes me write more.
I know I'm going out of some people's comfort zone here and there are some people that will feel that there's nothing Clark can do to make it up to Lois after 10 years of silence. Being rather stubborn myself, I may feel the same way if it wasn't my story. But I like to believe that with enough time and understanding, people can get past their mistakes and move on. My hope is that I write this story so that moving on from this is reasonable and believable for most people reading this.
I like where this story is going.
Aw, shucks!
Thank you!
TOC -
By refusing to tell Lois about himself for ten years, Clark more or less stole ten of what ought to have been the best years of Lois's life. That's a horrible thing to have stolen from you. What, for example, if Lois wanted to have children?
I hope I am not writing this like I think Clark is blameless for his actions. I think this would be a cruel thing to do to anyone. However, I think all people have a tendency to be selfish sometimes, and so I do see this as a real possibility for Clark's actions - in the show, he didn't seem to have any intention to tell Lois the truth, so I don't think this is a stretch if he hadn't found a way to bring himself back.
That being said, I guess I don't see this as his "stealing" ten years of her life. While what happened would be horrible, people get up and move on from bad things. If having kids was important to Lois, this wasn't out of the question for her. Clark wasn't the only man on the planet who she could do that with. While I think it's easy to let depression and guilt overtake your life (as I've written Lois doing here), that doesn't mean you are blameless if that happens. Lois had options - she could have gone to therapy, for example, to try work through her feelings. If Clark had really died and Lois' life had played out the same way, would you blame Clark for dying? Lois is an adult and she makes her own choices. Of course, losing a close friend, and someone you think you may be in love with is painful, but it doesn't have to mean the end of your life.
After all, Lana had told him he shouldn't, so how can we blame him for listening to Lana's bad advice?
Again, I'm not trying to paint Clark as blameless. My point when I said I hoped the last chapter made Clark seem less like pond scum wasn't that I thought it should read like "Look, it's not Clark's fault." As I said above about Lois, Clark is also an adult. He chose to listen to Lana and in so doing made a choice that was unfair to Lois. The point is simply that Clark is human and prone to make mistakes. The whole thing with Lana was to explain his reasoning - yes, it was flawed. But I'd hoped to show that while his actions were bad and his reasoning flawed, he wasn't purposely setting out to hurt Lois.
although I do feel sorry for Becky, who apparently had to die to save Clark from worry that she would spill his secret. Having to die for our hero's peace of mind is a steep price to pay.
I agree, dying is a steep price to pay. But given that this story isn't about Becky and it would complicate things for her to be around, it made sense for me to kill her. But if this wasn't a story, she didn't die for Clark's piece of mind, she got run over. Bad coincidence. And since it's a story, I don't think killing off a small character is all that big a deal. I purposely did not kill off Lana and Adam, too. The point wasn't that anyone who knew Clark's secret had to die. It was that there were people who knew, but if they had the inclination to go public with this knowledge, the story wouldn't work. So, Lana and Adam are unlikely to do so as while freaked out by Clark's abilities, they aren't out to get him. I needed someone who was a bit more upset than that, though, and then of course I couldn't keep her around. I feel bad for her, too, but hopefully she wasn't around long enough for anyone to feel too attached to.
I'm reminded of what another writer said when her version of Clark was criticized. She admitted that his behaviour could be thought of as really questionable, but, she reminded us, this is Clark!!! Surely we all know that if Clark does something that seems bad then it can't be bad because Clark is a good guy who doesn't do bad things.
I, in no way, am saying "Please accept that Clark is good, because he's Clark." That was the point of this chapter - to give a sense of who Clark is. I recognize this effort didn't work for you, but I still think it's a little unfair to say that I'm asking you to like Clark simply because Clark is good. I'm not. I'm explaining why Clark made the choices he did. I hoped that in so doing, I made it clear that he is good, if misguided. But you are entitled to feel that I've failed in doing this.
I feel a strong need to object to what I would call "Clark-centric" stories, the ones that ask us to forgive Clark for almost anything because he is Clark, but which ask us to feel a lot less sympathy for Lois.
While I am trying to generate a little sympathy for Clark, I am not trying to say we should feel less sympathy for Lois. I don't think I've written anything to paint Lois as the guilty party here. She was hurt deeply by something that Clark did. Just because I think his actions are somewhat reasonable given his past, doesn't mean that we shouldn't feel badly for Lois. She doesn't know any of this and has no reason to feel anything but hurt. Nor would I have any respect for her if she hears this and thinks, "Oh poor, Clark. I'm going to forgive him." She was wronged, and while Clark's reasoning may be understandable, he still owes her a pretty massive apology for what he's done.
But you didn't make me feel that Martha feels sorry for Lois for the ten-year grief that she suffered so unnecessarily. Martha isn't saying, "What was it like for you, Lois? Do you want to talk about it?"
Oh, she will. We're getting there.
I'm not at all sure you want to hear more from me now, Anonpip, but I'd like to explain what you need to do to make me think of your Clark as a lovable lunkhead instead of pond scum.
You need to show me that your Clark loves Lois.
Actually, yes, I do want to hear more from you. Comments like this are helpful. Actually, I am hoping my next chapter will go a long way towards showing that Clark loves Lois.
But, while of course, pure praise is great for my ego, I really appreciate comments on things I can do to improve the story.
But here's the rub. If he loved her, why didn't he regularly check on her, without actually contacting her, to see how she was doing?
Whose to say he didn't? But that's all I'm going to say on that. You'll just have to read the next chapter to decide if he did enough.
I think that Clark actually drew strength from Lois's grief.
I hope not - that would make Clark much worse of a person than I believe he is, or hope he is in this story I should say.
Framework4 -
Sorry but your winny loser Clark is worse than the nasty selfish Clark you've been writing.
I am sorry you feel that way, but I have to say, my feeling at this point is that you simply don't like this story. That's fine; stop reading it. While I appreciate all feedback, and constructive criticism really improves my writing, I'm not sure what to do with a comment like this. Is there a reason "winny loser Clark is worse than the nasty selfish Clark"?
I'm not trying to be mean or petty and some of your previous posts have actually helped me determine where to add more detail to the story, but this comment doesn't really do that for me.
Terry -
And I do think that Clark made the wrong decision about Lois, but then that's the point of this story, isn't it? We can make bad decisions in our lives, and we can usually make up for them, but that doesn't eliminate the negative consequences of those bad decisions. Clark is facing those negative consequences, and his willingness to "report" to Lois after each rescue shows me that he's trying to figure out how to atone for his past actions. It's too bad that Becky failed Clark so badly (did you really have to kill her?) and Lana's actions are in line with the Lana most of us love to hiss at, and while I understand Clark's actions I still think they were wrong.
Clark did indeed maim Lois on a deep emotional level. As you've presented him, I don't think this was his goal, but that was the result anyway. Sometimes our actions have unintended consequences, and no one can foresee what will result from any one person's questionable decision. As it happens, Clark shot himself in both feet, his knees, one elbow, and at least three fingers with this knuckleheaded clunker.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
This is exactly the take-away I was hoping for! Clark is a screw-up (a BIG screw-up) but he's not evil. I really appreciate your letting me know that you got that.
But you're working towards a resolution. I have confidence that you'll figure out how to bring these two damaged individuals together so they can help each other heal.
I hope so...
Alcyone -
I really appreciate Lois' ambivalence and I'm hoping that this will keep for a while, since I feel that what Clark has put her through (even if unintentional) warrants it.
Me, too. While the next chapter doesn't have any Clark/Lois interaction in it, I think/hope you'll read some things that will allow Lois to be a
little less icy to Clark, but don't expect her to be welcoming him with open arms just yet. Regardless of his reasons, he was a jerk (to put it mildly) and Lois has way too much pride to let that go easily.
Sammie-
i mean obviously he has and what caused him to crumble. i dont even know why im asking these questions as they will be answered in the next one.
Sorry - actually not. There's a little bit left before this is explained in full. (I'll be honest, I haven't actually figured out all the details yet myself.)
i hate that Lana, i hated her from the alternate world and you have just given me a reason to hate her in this world.
I have to admit, that wasn't quite my intention. I think I may like Lana slightly more than others, though, and our preconceived images of people probably color our impressions of their behavior. I see Lana as someone who really does care for Clark, but just isn't open enough to accept him for who he is as a significant other. While this certainly makes her a poor match for Clark, I don't think she's awful. I guess I see Clark and Lana like a married couple who have an amicable divorce - they realize that while they love each other, they aren't compatible.
While her coming over after Clark dies means she gives him advice that ends up leading to his making a poor decision, she didn't come over to hurt him. She really is trying to protect him - she's just projecting her feelings to everyone else. But then, given that she's married to Adam who has similar feelings towards Clark, this isn't too surprising.
great part, i loved it, well done!
Thank you!
Again, thank you all for the comments. I need to polish the last chapter off one more time before I'm ready to post, but hope to do so tonight...
