Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Revelations in Captivity Part 5 - Feedback

I adore this revelation scene, tvnerdgirl! You've taken all my favourite elements of a revelation - Lois working it out and being hurt, Clark feeling guilty but also angry and defensive, and of course the TOGOM aspect. Lovely!

Some terrific lines in here, too:

And that's so absolutely true. He did give up everything for her. His whole life. You know, in Lois's usual anger in TOGOM fics over Clark letting her think he was dead, I'm not sure I've ever seen her actually realise the enormity of what he did for her. She's too busy yelling at him for hurting her to recognise that he really did die for her.

Oh, by the way, something I noticed when I pasted that quote into the posting window: you have the Word ellipsis auto-correct running. What that means is that on websites which don't understand Word formatting ... will look like . - and this includes the Archive. The best way to deal with it is to find an ellipsis in your document file, select it, go to File/Replace and in the Replace box type an ellipsis manually. Oh, and take off the automatic 'correction'!


And poor Clark really isn't getting very far with her:
Yeah, we all know how true that is. Which reminds me, has anyone ever written a TOGOM fic in which Clark was powerless going into the club? I can't remember - and what a story that would make!


And this shows how much Lois's feelings have changed since the end of Season 1. That she'd take Clark over Superman... (Oh, by the way, you need a comma before that last 'Clark' - when you're addressing someone, their names are always set off by commas).

And Clark notices the change, too:

He should be pleased, but I know how hard this is for him.

Oh, Lois! And how understandable that she thinks Clark himself is one big lie. After all, she's only just found out and it's not as if there was any sign that he was going to tell her himself. What hope is there for them now?

Incidentally, have you looked at the grammar FAQ on the Archive website? Your biggest challenge seems to be punctuation, in sentences and dialogue, and there are lots of examples on the FAQ which explain how it should be done. Of course, your Archive GE will work with you on this as well, and will explain what you're doing wrong so you can get it right in future.


Wendy

Well, it's progress... such very painful progress, and not (so far) in the right direction, but... they can't get to a happy ending without going through something like this; not from this point.

Here's hoping Lois calms down a bit before morning, and is able to think her way past some of the hurt.

PJ

Wendy,

Thanks so much for the grammar help there. Me and punctuation can sometimes be iffy, so I will definately take your advice and to go the FAQ so I can fix 'er up.

Incidentally I don't think I've seen a fic where he went in powerless either, but it's a REALLY interesting idea...

Didn't realize the elipses weren't showing up. I'll fix that too. Thanks so much!

wonderful story! more please

This is so good! Please don't keep us waiting too long!

Hi,

Great part.

Lois slapped Clark hard enough to make his glasses fall off? I don't know if I can buy that one. However, once revealed, you have a good, heartbreaking discussion between the two of them. I'm assuming you'll put the pieces back together soon! Susan

This part was so painful to read. But I'm glad that Lois, for once, got to hear Clark out and understand that he did give up a lot for her that night. I like when Clark stands up to Lois. Painful though it may be, he deserves to be angry with her sometimes. On that note, I love this part:

And the whole argument...just so well written, I don't know what to say. Except and a little .

I hope you don't keep us waiting too long for the next part. It looks really bad right now, but I'm interested to see where you take them and how you resolve this little predicament.

And I would LOVE to see a story where Clark really did lose his powers that night. Of course, I'm not a huge fan of deathfic so there would have to be a resolution.

~Kristen

Wow that was a very emotional part. Wondefully written. I hope you fix them soon. Laura

oh wow... I just caught up w/ this! I've been sick for a few days now and haven't been on the computer once, clearly I missed a lot! This... this was fantastic. I mean, ditto what's been said already. What a great and different revelation here.

I just want them to figure things out and work through it already!!


And on what Wendy said about a TOGOM story w/ Clark going into the club powerless; I've thought about that too; I'd love to see a story like that! The closest one I can think of is by Stopquitdont... Unexplained Events. A great story featuring Kryptonite bullets. I'd love to see one though, where he gets hit in the same way from the actual episode, only powerless to begin w/, and see how he could *actually* come back from the dead. Would Hamilton's procedure actually work??? I'd love to see!! Okay, just running w/ Wendy's thought, because I'd hoped for a similar fic myself!!

Again, this story is great, the revelation was fantastic, and I hope to see more, now that I'm feeling better and have all this time on my hands!!

~NICOLE

Groobie,

If you hit a person a certain way, it doesn't matter whether it would actuall hurt them or not, you could knock their glasses off. I mean, she'd have to hit the edge of his glasses and knock 'em off, but I think it could be done. They don't have any power attatched to them so it's not like they're affected by his Super powers...course, it's just not cool to hit a person with glasses, but that's a whole other thing entirely he he!

I certainly agree that someone could knock a pair of glasses off by hitting them just so...my two year old son recently did it to me (active little kid!). It's just that I noticed when it happened. In your story, Clark doesn't seem to notice that it happened. Well, Clark is very neurotic about his glasses - always seems to be aware of whether they're on or off. It would just ring truer to me if Lois slaps the glasses off and Clark does nothing to retrieve them, silently acknowledging that it's well past time that he reveal his secret to her.

Of course, it's a minor point and has not hindered my enjoyment of the story. Susan

Wow great part. I love the Lois's reaction. So believable.

Actually, Groobie. That's not totally true. There's an episode (I guess it's "Church of Metropolis") when Clark come back to Lois after a Superman intervention without his glasses, and even talk to her. Lucky him, she don't notice, because she's looking and talking to the guy Superman just arrested, and he put on the glasses while Lois has her back on him.

Today's almost over. Where's the next part?!