Lois braked to a stop at the “Welcome” sign, climbed out of the car she’d rented at the Wichita regional airport, and sighed. Coming to Smallville this weekend might be a huge mistake. It was almost noon and she had no idea where to look for Clark. It was Saturday, and Perry had told her that he often worked on the weekends, but if he wasn’t at his office she had no idea where he might be. Besides, he could send emails and submit his articles from any place that was next to a phone plug.
No way would she look for him at the Kent farm. Jonathan might pull out his old 12-gauge shotgun and shoot her. And if he didn’t, Martha almost surely would. They had a family bond that Lois had never really experienced except with them, and each one would defend the other two to the death.
And she’d thrown away any chance of being a part of it.
She stepped back into the car and looked at the gas gauge. She still had half a tank, but she’d need to fill up before she headed back to Wichita for her flight back to Metropolis. Maybe she could ask someone at the nearest gas station for directions to the building and say she was thinking of renting an office there.
As soon as she pulled back onto the road and rounded a gentle curve, she saw the convenience store with three gas pumps in front. The snarky voice deep in her head said that it was surprising to see they weren’t the kind from the 1920’s, the ones where you hand-pumped the gas into a glass container at the top before you let it drain into your car’s tank.
She told Snarky to shut up as long as they were in town. Snarky replied that she’d better find Clark fast or she’d have to spend the night in a postage stamp-sized town that named itself after its tiny land area.
She mentally slapped Snarky against a trash can beside one of the pumps and she shut up. Lois pulled up beside the first pump.
The man inside came to the door and called, “You know how to use the self-service, ma’am?”
She waved. “Yes. I’ll be in to pay for it as soon as I’m done.”
“Sounds good.” He smiled and waved back. If she’d tried that tactic in Metropolis, the guy would’ve run out to her car, snatched the hose from her hand, and demanded cash or a credit card up front before she could pump an ounce of fuel. There was definitely less stress, less crime, and less traffic in Smallville. Lois could see its appeal for a long weekend getaway.
But she wouldn’t want to live here. Not ever. It was mid-day on Saturday and the town was just too – too quiet for her.
*****
Rachel drove her cruiser past John Paulson’s store on the edge of town. Someone in a late-model sedan was parked by the pumps out front, probably stopped for gas, but she couldn’t see who was driving. The driver might have been in the restroom or out of sight in the store.
But the sticker in the upper corner of the windshield told her it was rented from a location at the Wichita airport. It wasn’t impossible that someone would just drive through Smallville on the way to somewhere else and stop to gas up. Nor was it probable that Rachel knew the driver.
It still gave her a little shiver and she didn’t know why.
She shook her head. She was supposed to meet Clark at his office, change into civilian clothes, then take a long lunch with him. The thought that he might kiss her again made her breath catch.
She thought no more about the rental car.
*****
Lois paid for her gas, turned down the clerk’s suggestion of a sandwich and soft drink, then asked where the Kramer building was.
The man gave her an odd look, one she couldn’t interpret, then said, “Go down this road into town. Five streets in, turn left on Second. Sam Kramer’s building is on the right, just across from the main sheriff’s office.”
“Thanks.” She turned to go, then realized that he probably was surprised that a stranger knew about the building but not its address.
Snarky opened her mouth and Lois growled. Snarky crawled back into her cubbyhole without contributing anything.
Lois got in and started the car, then sat for a moment. Did she really want to do this? Did she really want to drop in on Clark with no warning and no hint of why she was coming?
No, she told herself. She didn’t want to. But she needed to. She almost had to.
She’d thought about the situation before she’d left Metropolis, on the flight to Kansas, during the drive to Smallville, and she thought she’d figured it out. Clark’s revelation, his hiding of his dual identity, his heartfelt confession, his avowal of love, they were all just him being honest. Her reaction to Clark’s revelation about Superman was the betrayal.
She’d betrayed his trust in her and her own love for him. In a moment of weakness, she’d allowed her stunned shock to overwhelm her good sense and she’d reacted emotionally instead of rationally. Making up with Lucy had reassured her that she hadn’t destroyed her entire life with that one insane act, but there were many more amends to make before she was finished.
She’d tried to apologize to Jimmy the following day, but he’d cut her off. The only way to gain his forgiveness was to make up with Clark somehow. Getting back into Jimmy’s good graces wasn’t why she was here, of course – she was seeking Clark’s forgiveness and his alone. Anything that developed from that would be a positive collateral effect, but her only goal was restoring the relationship with Clark.
And maybe – just maybe – she could find out if he still felt the same about her now as he had almost four months ago.
Those four months reminded her of Perry’s message. Clark had to either return to the Planet, in Metropolis, very soon, or the paper would have no choice but to terminate his employment. Lois’ problem was that this looming deadline was no longer a lever to get him back. Clark’s columns had proven so popular that he’d gotten the okay to own the reprint rights even while he was still a Daily Planet employee. The Planet got part of the money because he was still an employee, and the reprints in other papers – and a few travel magazines – were delayed at least fifteen days following the first printing in the Planet. But it was still lucrative for Clark, and if he were to decide to freelance them on his own, his income would surely increase, even given the loss of his regular Planet salary.
She couldn’t get him to come back with financial pressure. It had to be a successful personal appeal, one she couldn’t fake. He’d know in a flash if she tried to pretend.
That, of course, assumed that he wanted to come back. His most recent letter to Lucy had been full of chatty news and gossip about Smallville, stories about the former sheriff’s continuing recovery from his car wreck and the two surgeries he’d undergone to further repair his damaged legs, anticipated crop yields, and little hints that his relationship with Rachel Harris had moved beyond just being friends.
If that last were true – that Clark and Rachel had formed a bond that superseded the one he’d had with Lois – it would rip her heart out.
And she deserved every erg of pain it would give her.
*****
Rachel leaned into Clark’s office. “Hello? Clark, you back yet?”
No response. No sound at all, in fact. If the office had been big enough, she would’ve heard the echo of her own voice.
Rachel frowned. She had little enough time to spend with him as it was, and she really wanted to talk to him. Tommy had asked – very gently but quite seriously – if she and Clark were “going steady” now, and Rachel hadn’t known how to answer. She’d covered it with bluster and fake scolding, but the question bothered her because she didn’t know their exact status as a couple either. She needed to make sure Clark knew that the gossip had caught up with them and the secret appeared to be out.
And she needed him to make some kind of commitment to her, even if it was “we’re just dating.”
She also wanted him to know that he’d heard from Lana. The recruiter in Topeka had connected her with an insurance company in Tulsa, Oklahoma, that needed an executive assistant with experience in local politics. Lana was tailor-made for the job, and she’d moved to Tulsa the same week she’d talked to Rachel and Clark. And while Mayor Hayes knew why she’d moved and that the affair was over and done with, he didn’t know where she’d gone. It appeared that Lana had a good chance to restart her life there. She’d already made a good beginning.
She sat down at his desk and leaned back. The laptop was turned off, but she knew the kinds of things that were on the hard drive. Her own writing efforts were limited to police reports and office paperwork, places where creativity and a clever turn of phrase were just unnecessary. She was still amazed at the different ways Clark could describe a scene, an event, or a person. He was simply brilliant.
And she loved him so much.
She heard the sudden clip-clop of shoes on the hardwood floor in the hall. That wasn’t Clark’s gait, so she ignored the sound.
“Clark? Oh, sorry.”
A woman’s voice, low and musical and gentle. Rachel looked up.
“Sorry. Do you know which office is Clark Kent’s?”
Short brunette hair. Very pretty. Young and slim. Casual clothes, but still city chic.
I don’t like her.
Rachel ignored her inner self and stood. “This is his office. I’m waitin’ for him too.”
The woman’s eyes widened. “You – you’re a c – a police officer.”
“Not a cop. Sheriff. And Mr. Kent ain’t in legal trouble.” She walked around the desk to face this beauty. “What can I do for – do I know you?”
The woman’s hands fluttered in front of her. “You’re Rachel Harris? Sheriff Harris?”
“Yes.” Rachel looked closer and felt her navel pucker. “You’re Lois Lane. Haven’t seen you for over a year, closer to two.”
“Uh – no. I mean, yes, I’m Lois, and no I haven’t been here for – for a while.”
The two women stood gazing directly at each other for perhaps fifteen seconds. It was almost a challenge. Rachel could just about hear the Western gunfighter music in her head.
Rachel finally sighed and said, “I figger you’re here to see Clark on a personal thing.”
Lois took a step farther into the office. “Personal and professional both.”
Rachel nodded. “Okay. I’ll get back to my office. If you see him, please tell him I was here.”
As she passed Lois, the woman said, “Wait. Please.” Rachel turned and tilted her head. “I – I want to ask you something.”
Rachel crossed her arms. “Okay.”
Lois seemed to deflate a little. “Do you – has Clark told you about me? About – him and me, I mean.”
Rachel nodded. “Some, yeah. Enough for me to know you’re ‘bout dumb as a box o’ rocks.”
“What do – rocks?”
Rachel turned her head and sighed. “City folk. Think about how smart a rock ain’t, multiply that by how many’s in a box, and you’ll get it.”
Instead of acting offended, Lois lowered her eyes and held her purse in front of her with both hands. “I get it. I’m brainless and totally stupid. Or brainlessly stupid. That’s pretty much what I planned to say to Clark.”
Rachel felt her heart speed up. It sounded like this Jezebel was planning to apologize.
That would be a disaster. But sabotaging the effort would be even worse. Even so, Rachel refused to give up without a fight.
Rachel narrowed her eyes and said, “You got any idea how bad you hurt that man?”
In a barely audible voice, Lois said, “Yes.”
The admission startled Rachel. “Oh.” She’d been ready to lay into this overdressed fashion model and skin her alive, but the woman’s quiet admission of guilt stopped her.
A long pause ensued, and Rachel finally felt the need to break it. “Mind if I ask what all you’re gonna ask him to do? Besides forgive you, I mean.”
Lois’ eyes came up. “I’m going to ask him to come back to the Planet. I know he has no reason to trust me – or even like me – but I really believe his place is there, not here. As well as he’s doing now, he can do much more in Metropolis than in Smallville.”
“You might be right about that. But do you think he wants to go back and see you every day? To be reminded of what you done to him, how bad you tore up his heart?” Rachel took a step forward and spoke louder. “Do you understand how hard it was for him to leave his friends, his job, his life? To leave you?” She was almost shouting now. “And now you want him to come back and jump on those razor blades because you think it’s what he should do?”
Fluid pooled in Lois’s unblinking eyes. “Yes. I won’t ask him to partner with me. And I’m not asking him to – to care for me the way he used to. I just want to take away the hurt I caused him and make things right for him.”
Rachel’s voice lowered and she got in Lois’ face. “And what if that hurt’s already gone? What if he thinks things are just fine right here in Smallville?”
Lois blinked. The tears fell. “With you?”
Rachel moved back a half-step. “Yes. With me. I don’t happen to be offended that he has a really super part-time job.”
After a moment, Lois nodded. “He told you.” She wiped her face with her hand. “That must mean he – he cares deeply for you.”
“I already knew. But he did volunteer the information.”
No he didn’t! You
told him
you knew! That’s not what—
Shaddup! She don’t have to know everything! Lois nodded again. “I guess I’m really stupid, then.”
“Can’t speak to that.”
“No, I think you can. Maybe – I think I should just go back home.”
“No.”
Lois frowned. “What? You want me to stay?”
“You came all this way to see Clark. He’ll probably be upset after he talks to you, but if he finds out you was here and talked to me and then left without talkin’ to him he’ll be even more upset, and I don’t want him that upset with me. You need to talk to him and say whatever it is you come to say.” She hesitated, then added, “Without me listenin’.”
She took Lois’ arm and pushed her toward Clark’s desk. “Have a seat. He’ll be here before too much longer.” Rachel turned to go, then stopped and spoke over her shoulder. “You want him to hear what you tell him, you need to listen to him too. Listen real good.”
She strode out of the office and closed the door. Maybe the brunette harpy would stay and have it out with Clark. Or maybe she’d open the window and fly away on her broom. Either way it would be her own choice and Clark would stay free of her.
*****
Clark pulled into his parking space in front of his office and yanked the truck’s door open. He was late for lunch with Rachel and her schedule wasn’t as fluid as his was. He’d have to admit he’d gotten stuck in traffic on the road outside Smallville behind a stalled tanker truck, and the state cops were making each opposing lane of traffic alternate on the single clear lane. It had taken eighteen knuckle-popping minutes to drive past the mess and he couldn’t wait to hear her laugh about Superman being caught in a traffic jam.
He shut the door and raced into the building, then almost flew up the steps. The prospect of spending time with Rachel pleased him more than he would have believed three months before. He wondered again if he was really falling in love with her or just reacting to losing Lois.
He slowed to a walk on his floor – didn’t want anyone to notice how fast he was or hear his shoes super-clopping along. He opened his door and said, “Sorry I’m late. I was—”
The woman looking out the window across the office wasn’t Rachel Harris.
It was Lois Lane.
He froze in the doorway with his mouth open. Why was Lois here in his office? How’d she get here? Did she want a Superman quote?
His inner voice slapped him and demanded that he throw her out.
Now. She turned from the window in the far wall, put her purse on his desk, and took two halting steps in his direction. “Hi, Clark.”
Her voice was pure velvet and low and lovely and soft and he didn’t say anything.
Couldn’t say anything.
“I’m sorry for just showing up unannounced like this, but I wasn’t sure you’d listen to me if we didn’t meet face-to-face.”
He finally remembered how to speak. “Me—” his voice cracked and he started over. “Me too.”
She took another hesitant step and stopped about eight feet from him. “I – I want to talk to you. With you, actually.”
He unfroze and closed the door behind him. He did not want Rachel to see Lois in his office. “I’m waiting for someone. In fact, I’m late for that meeting and I hope it’s still on.”
Lois blinked and looked to one side, then turned back to him. “The sheriff asked me to tell you that she went back to her office.”
Oh, great, they’ve already seen each other. It’s going to be like untying another Gordian knot trying to unravel this mess.
Best to cut through the social pleasantries and get to the reason she’s here. “Why are you here, exactly? What do you want to talk about?”
She leaned forward but didn’t take the step she apparently considered. “I want to ask you to – to come back with me.”
He crossed his arms and huffed. “To do what?”
“To work at the Planet.”
“I already work for the Planet.”
“I know. But Perry told me that four months is the maximum you can be on this assignment and still have a job. I don’t want to be the reason you get released.”
“I’m doing pretty well with my column. It’s going region-wide in three weeks. And I’m getting a bigger piece of the pie now.”
“But you’ll still be here instead of in Metropolis where you belong.”
He dropped his arms and took a hard step forward, then stopped when she flinched. “You’re the reason I’m in Smallville. You’re the reason I don’t have a mailing address in Metropolis. You’re the reason someone else has my desk at the Planet.”
“Nobody has your desk.”
That surprised him. “Really? Nobody?”
She shook her head. “Perry wouldn’t assign anyone to sit there. And I don’t think anyone in the newsroom wants to sit that close to me, especially after those letters you left.”
“I didn’t accuse you of anything and I didn’t mention you in any of them.”
She sighed. “No, you didn’t, but you didn’t have to. They all saw that I wasn’t upset that you’d left, Jimmy figured out that – as he put it – you and I had hit an iceberg and sunk, and everyone is still mad at me for running you out of town. No one will talk to me on anything other than business. Even Bobby Bigmouth is angry at me. If I were to drop dead in the newsroom one day next week, a party would probably break out before they called 911.”
“I see.” He watched her face for signs of anger and saw none. “That’s not what I was going for. I didn’t want to disappear without explaining why, but I wasn’t trying to make you the bad guy. Or gal, in this case.”
She shrugged. “I am the bad gal in their eyes.” She moved a little closer. “And in my own eyes.”
He nodded. “Okay. That still doesn’t explain why you’re here. I doubt you came fifteen hundred miles to give me that little tidbit.”
“No. I didn’t.” She took another small step closer. “I came to tell you that I’m very sorry. I was totally and completely out of line, and none of my anger was your fault. It was my fault all the way and I absolutely screwed up by giving you that ultimatum.” She stopped and took a breath. “I’m very, very sorry for the way I’ve been acting. I’ve been wrong from the beginning of this horrendous mess.”
She sniffed and waved her hands. “I want to ask you to forgive me for being so horrible to you. I want to put all of that in the past and ask you to come back to the Daily Planet where you belong.”
“And do what, be partners with you again?”
She shook her head. “No. I know you don’t trust me and I understand why. I want you to come back because – because I really think you can do so much more there than you can here.”
“Is that what you think?” His hands found his hips and his feet separated as if by reflex. “Or are you trying to get back your Queen of the Newsroom status by bringing me back like a hunting trophy? You must miss being the top dog, Mad Dog.”
Her head jerked to one side as if he’d slapped her. It took a moment before she straightened herself and said, “That’s not the reason. Yes, I think it would be better for me at work if you’re there. But they won’t love me just because you walk back into their lives, just like you – just like I can’t expect you to love me because I’ve come to you to beg you to forgive me and come back.”
He waited. Her eyes dampened.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
He took another and held it, then let that one out slowly.
Lois in tears had always melted his heart before. He’d always broken down and given in to whatever ridiculous or absurd thing she wanted. He’d never been able to stand up to her before when she turned on the waterworks, largely because she’d never deliberately used them against him. Her tears had always come naturally.
She was on the verge of weeping now.
And he found that he was too angry at her to care.
He shifted back a half-step and dropped his arms. “I wonder if you have any idea how much self-control I’m using right now to keep myself from screaming at you to get out and stay out. I was shocked when I saw you in here, but my next thought was ‘throw her out on her ear.’ Literally. All you’re doing right now is rubbing salt in my wounds. And those wounds were healing just fine before you appeared in my office.”
She dashed at her eyes with her fingers. “I know. Rachel told me.”
“What else did she tell you?”
Her gaze fixed on Clark’s shoes. “That she – she cares a lot about you. She didn’t say it straight out, but I think she’s in love with you. And I can understand that you’d rather have a level-headed and calm woman like her than a hot-headed idiot like me. And one who can handle you being – you know.”
She turned to the side and stepped away from him. “I’m not asking for us to pick up where we left off. I won’t ask you to partner with me. I’m not even asking you to like me. All I’m asking is that you come back to Metropolis where you belong.”
She was still trying to make decisions for him. She wanted him to come back. She’d laid out the terms for his return. Granted, they were terms she thought he’d insist on, but she was still setting them.
She wanted him to leave Rachel. She wanted him to throw away a chance at a home and family of his own with a woman who knew everything about him and still said she loved him. Lois wanted to take him away from everything he cherished, from a place where he felt he belonged.
And at the moment, he wasn’t willing to give up any of that.
An almost-random thought hit him. “Does Lucy know about my part-time gig?”
She shook her head. “Not from me. We’ve never talked about it. I never told her what you told me. Never told anyone but Perry.” She huffed without any humor. “When I first told Lucy what I was forcing you to do, she said I was the stupidest bitch who’d ever lived.” She wiped her eyes again. “She was right, too. I was.”
“Have you made up with her yet?”
Lois turned to face him again. “Last week. She warned me that you might not want to come back. Because – because of me. Because of how I’d treated you.”
“Good that you had that warning. Has she let you read any of my letters to her?”
“All of them. You’re still a wonderful writer. I learned a lot about Smallville I didn’t know before. And I know you’re keeping up with Perry and Jimmy, too.”
He gritted his teeth and crossed his arms again. “What’s your opinion of Rachel Harris?”
She shrugged. “All I know about her is from your letters to Lucy and the column you wrote about her solving that cattle rustling case. She seems – I don’t know what you want me to say about her.”
“The truth as you see it would be nice.”
She closed her eyes and took a breath, then opened them. “I think if you weren’t in either of our lives, I’d like her. At least, right now I think I would. I probably would’ve thought she was full of corn starch six months ago.” She sighed. “But I’ve learned that I’m the one who’s full of – of nasty, smelly stuff people don’t like or talk about in polite company.”
He shook his head and turned away from Lois. “You’re wasting your time. I’ve built a life here – a good life – and I don’t want to leave it.” He turned to face her again. “And it’s not just my relationship with Rachel. I’m still living with my parents, which is great even with the chores. I’ve helped people here in town as Clark Kent. I’ve reestablished several friendships from high school and before. I’ve made new friends with new people. And these people don’t ask anything of me that I’m not willing to give.”
She didn’t bother brushing away the tears this time. “I see. You’re saying that Superman’s base of operations is in Kansas now.”
A flash of anger pushed him two steps closer to her. “You don’t have that right!” he hissed. “You don’t bring Superman into this conversation! He’s not gone, you know that, but he doesn’t have to be in Metropolis to save people there and you know that too!”
She’d flinched again when he’d stepped toward her but she hadn’t moved back. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I shouldn’t have mentioned that name.”
He forced down his fury. “Great. I’m right. But I still don’t want to go back.”
Her lips trembled. Then she took a breath and steadied herself. “Okay. I knew there were no guarantees. But I really do want you to know how very sorry I am, Clark. I was wrong. I freely and honestly admit the entire problem between us is entirely my fault. And if I’ve hurt you too badly, if I’ve let too much time go by, then that’s my fault too. And if I’ve caused any trouble between you and Rachel, I’m really sorry about that too. I had no intention of letting her know I was here.”
“Well, now I probably have to do some damage control with her. She probably thinks you’re going to lure me away from her with your wiles and your emotional appeal to my forgiving nature.”
Lois’ face fell. “You’re – you’re really not coming with me, are you?”
He tried to put all of his strength and anger and hurt into one calmly delivered word. “No.”
She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath, then looked at him and nodded. “I understand. And I deserve every angry thought you have for me and every barb you throw at me. I hope that someday you can see your way to forgive me.” She turned to pick up her purse, then slowly walked past him. She stopped at the door and said, “And I hope you and Rachel are happy together for the rest of your lives.”
She opened the door, then turned partway and spoke softly. “I hope it goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway. I will take your secret to the grave with me, Clark. No one will ever hear it from me. No matter what.”
With that, she walked out of the office and out of Clark’s life forever.
He certainly hoped so, anyway.
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