Chapter 15
Once the remnants of dinner had been cleared away, the house seemed to settle. Martha and Lois cleared the dinner table away while he helped his father with the remainder of the farm chores and took care of a few odds and ends of his own. Clark found it both comforting and exhilarating to have Lois here, and were it not for the circumstances that brought them, he would feel as if he were well and truly happy.
Still, as he half-listened to Lois and Martha gossiping in the kitchen while he made them all some Oolong tea--the right way--there was a part of him that felt...quiet. For the first time in weeks the nightmares--always so close to the surface--seemed to recede and he allowed himself something hadn’t ever since Mayson’s death--hope.
It was that hope that allowed his heart to feel full. Well, hope and the looks that Lois kept shooting his way that caused his body to tingle all over with anticipation. It certainly wasn’t anything obvious--his parents were right there after all--but something about the way her eyes darkened as she looked at him while her lips curved into a sultry smile stole his breath away. He didn’t need to be an experienced man to know what that look meant.
It was a look he had only ever dreamed of seeing her give him and one that he still couldn’t believe he was worthy of. But he was trying to.
And it was with that thought in mind that he waited with bated breath as his parents eventually retired to bed for the night.
“Don’t stay up too late, you two,” his mom sing-songed. An attractive blush flooded Lois’ cheeks while he found his own mouth drop open in mortification.
Before he had time to respond, the two of them had ascended the staircase, leaving him and Lois alone in the living room. An awkward silence descended as Clark wondered what on Earth to say to her after such a long and emotionally charged day.
He ended up not having to say anything as Lois scooted closer to him and leaned her head against his chest with a soft sigh of contentment. His arms seemed to wrap around her of their own accord, and his heart sped up ever so slightly as she placed the palm of her hand on his chest. She ran her other hand gently through his hair, placing soft kisses on his temples.
“Mmm, that feels nice,” he murmured, feeling his entire body respond to her touch. He’d always been hyper-aware of her presence and his own response to it--always making sure that she couldn’t see or feel how much he wanted her.
But now, she wanted him back. If that look she’d given him earlier was any indication, she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. It was wonderful not to have to hide from her in any capacity. Never in a million years had he thought she would respond to him this way and yet, as he dipped to kiss her--softly at first, then deeper as their tongues connected--he knew that her need matched his own.
Lois broke the kiss first, and Clark fought to catch his breath. She had never looked so beautiful to him as she did in that moment. She was tired--they both were--but she looked at him in a way that told him sleep was the last thing on her mind.
They were in agreement there as well. Clark hadn’t given himself much space to think about their previous lovemaking. The first night had been born out of a desperate need for connection, while the second time had felt like his world was spinning out of control. Like their first kiss, both encounters had been both incredible and devastating at the same time.
But now things were different. They were in his parents home--a place that had always been a sanctuary. He’d been given the space to air his feelings and had those feelings validated. Having that permission to sit with those feelings had given him the courage to begin to forgive himself--something he hadn’t thought possible the night before.
Had it only been that morning since they’d last made love? It felt like an eternity ago and yet, looking at her now, her face softly lit by the glow of the table lamp beside them, he wondered how he would ever get through another twenty four hours without making love to her again.
“Clark?” she said, running her finger inquisitively down his cheek and to the tip of his jawline. “Are you in there?”
“Yeah,” he said, and he captured her hand and kissed her finger tip ever so lightly. “Just thinking.”
“Good thoughts?” she asked, her brow furrowed ever so slightly. Did she know how adorable she was when she did that?
“Some,” he said, knowing he needed to be honest with her going forward if things were to work between them. “It’s been...a long day.”
“It certainly has,” she agreed. Her stomach gave a small, satisfied rumble and she laughed. “Thank goodness for your mom’s cooking. I think she made enough to feed a small army.”
“More like a teenage Kryptonian,” Clark reminded her. “Keeping up with me when I was younger was a challenge.”
“I can only imagine,” Lois replied, sounding slightly wistful. A shadow passed over her face, reminding Clark that from what little he knew about her past, her childhood must have looked very different. He kissed her softly in an effort to banish any dark thoughts from her mind.
“Speaking of,” he said as she settled her head against the hollow of his neck, “you two were thick as thieves tonight. Do I want to know half of what you talked about?”
“Nervous, farmboy?” Lois teased.
“More like worried about you,” he said with mock seriousness. “You give my mom an inch and she will take a mile. One minute it’s learning how to make butter chicken, the next she’s showing you her album of naked baby photos of me in the tub.”
“I bet you had the cutest little bum,” Lois said, sitting up and giving him a wicked grin that robbed him of speech for the moment. Then, after a moment of consideration, she added, “The adult version of it is pretty good, too."
Clark’s eyebrows shot up at the tone in her voice. She’d been flirting with him in a way that set his blood racing all night. He couldn’t deny that he loved it--loved seeing her eyes twinkle or her voice drop an octave.
And suddenly all he knew was that he wanted to be with her--to make love to her. It felt like an eternity since they’d woken up together, rather than that morning. There was so much he wanted to say to her, and yet sitting there in front of her in that too-quiet living room, he found himself unable to do so.
They’d used enough words tonight. Maybe it was time their bodies said everything they needed to say.
“Clark?” Lois said worriedly. He realised he had zoned out again. “Was that okay? Mentioning your butt? I mean it’s a great butt, so worth mentioning, but…I know we…we’ve been together already, and it was amazing and I thought…you know, I was trying to flirt, but if you don’t want me to, or it’s too much I can…”
She trailed off and he could see she was flustered. He took her hand and kissed it gently, palm up, which stopped her babbling slightly. She gave him an embarrassed smile.
“If you don’t want to be with me right now…physically, I mean, I would understand,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I can’t pretend I would like it, but if you need the space, I can give it to you.”
“Lois, believe me when I say that all I could think about during dinner was how much I wanted to be with you,” he said, his voice gruff with emotion. “And I love it when you flirt. I guess I’m just not used to…well, all of this. It’s still very new to me.”
Her eyes widened ever so slightly as she took in his meaning. She blushed again, which he was starting to discover was a major turn-on.
“I keep forgetting,” Lois said in a tone that conveyed both love and awe. “Last night was the first time you…”
“Yeah,” he replied, suddenly feeling more than a little insecure. Now that he found himself alone with Lois, his soul quieted for the time being, he worried about whether it had been as incredible for her as it was for him. He’d had no experience whatsoever, and that was suddenly quite frightening for him.
As if reading his thoughts, she leaned in and kissed him softly.
“I was scared, too,” she admitted. “I still am.”
That surprised him.
“Really?” he exclaimed softly, “but I thought you...I mean you’ve…”
“I have,” Lois acknowledged, and he was grateful that she hadn’t made him say it. Although, there was not a single part of him that begrudged her her past, he also didn’t know if he could verbalise the fact that she’d slept with other men before. “But it was different.”
“What do you mean?” He wasn’t sure if he should ask--wasn’t sure if it was even his place to ask, and yet something about the honesty in her expression told him it would be okay. Lois took a deep breath as if she’d expected this question.
“I haven’t had the same kind of life you have,” she said and the tremble in her voice was unmistakable. This was a difficult topic. “This house...your parents...I didn’t have any of this. I didn’t grow up seeing a loving, supportive marriage. I grew up with two people who could hardly bear to be in the same room together. My own relationships were usually pretty short lived. Either I didn’t stick around, or they didn’t. And then...well, you know about Claude. He was the first person I opened up to and trusted and he…”
“You don’t have to tell me this,” Clark said, noting the way she bit her lip, betraying her own vulnerability.
“I know,” she said and took a deep breath. “But I want to. I need you to know two things. The first is that I never slept with Lex.”
“Lois, I…”
“No,” she said, lifting her hand as if to stop him. “I need you to know. I didn’t. I couldn’t.”
“Oh,” Clark said, and he wasn’t sure what to say. Should he tell her a major wave or relief had washed over him? Would that be seen as selfish? He had no claim on anything she had done before him, and yet knowing she hadn’t been with that sociopath the same way she’d been with him filled him with immeasurable relief. Was that wrong? He swallowed his reaction and nodded.
“What’s the second thing?” he asked, his voice gruff with emotion. She looked away for a moment, then back at him.
“I need you to know that you’re the first man I have ever been with that I have loved.” She swiped a tear away as she spoke. “The other experiences I’ve had...I was searching for something. For belonging...acceptance...security. But I never found it. Not until you. So yeah, everything is new to me, Clark. Brand new. And it’s terrifying.”
He didn’t know what to say. It was every dream he’d ever had come true in one fell swoop. Lois saying she loved him. Only him. And for once he didn’t question whether or not he deserved it, or worry about whether his happiness would cause the world to implode. For once, he let his instincts take over and placed both hands gently against her cheeks and brought her close for a long, lingering kiss.
“I love you,” he whispered when they broke apart.
“I love you, too.”
He held out his hand and stood up.
“Come with me?”
Lois did, looking curiously at him as he led her out the back door of the house and into the field behind. The stars were bright and the air felt clean and crisp in a way that it never could in Metropolis. He loved the city--had made it his home--but there was nothing quite like a beautiful Kansas sky, a fact made even more special by the presence of Lois by his side. He took a deep breath and allowed himself to enjoy the moment.
“No allergies,” Lois murmured tremulously, looking at him curiously.
“What do you mean?” he asked, not sure what it was she was talking about but knowing from the look on her face that it had her rattled.
“When we were here before...with Trask. He had Kryptonite. You said you had allergies, but it wasn’t allergies, was it? You were exposed to that rock.” She buried her head against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her in reassurance. Of all the things he’d expected to happen if she ever found out, this was not one of them. He thought she’d be angry, but not scared. Not for him. “You could have died.”
“But I didn’t,” he murmured, running a hand gently through her hair and tipping her face up to his. “I’m here.”
“Yes, you are,” she agreed. Then, after a look around at the fields and star-filled sky, scrunched up her nose. “But where is here? I mean, why are we out here?”
Now it was Clark’s turn to blush. While Lois had been making dinner with his mother, he’d thought about what might happen between them later on. He’d had a lot of fantasies in which he made love to Lois, and none of them involved doing so in his former childhood home with his parents only a floor above them. He wasn’t sure if anything would happen between them tonight, but if it did, he wanted it to be somewhere a little more private.
To that end, he’d grabbed some blankets, some fairy lights, and other supplies and taken them up to the treehouse that he and his dad had built years ago. He’d found a long extension cord and plugged everything in before his mom had finished cooking dinner. His dad had seen him go back and forth putting it all together, but he hadn’t said anything.
It hadn’t been until Lois had told him that she was nervous about their physical relationship as well that he’d decided to bring her out here. He took a deep breath and pointed to the treehouse behind her.
“I used to come here at night when I needed to be alone, to figure things out,” he explained as he pulled down the rope ladder. “It was...a sanctuary.”
Ever a good sport, Lois went first and began to climb to the top. He floated up behind, and her gasp of pleasure at the sight that awaited them was all he needed to know he had done the right thing.
She crawled inside and sat back on her heels, running her hands over the mattress and soft bedding he’d brought up. He followed behind her and sat down on the other side of the mattress, unsure of what to do next.
“Clark, it’s beautiful,” she breathed. He grinned, pleased by her reaction.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“When did you do this?” she wondered aloud. He gave her a shy smile from across the small distance of the treehouse.
“While you and Mom were making dinner,” he admitted, still feeling slightly nervous. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to…I mean not that that’s why I brought you here. I’m not assuming or anything…”
“You mean you didn’t intend to seduce me tonight in your childhood treehouse?” Lois asked with mock innocence.
She patted the spot on the mattress next to her without breaking eye contact, and he felt his temperature rise at least ten degrees. How on Earth did she have this power over him?
“I absolutely want to seduce you in my childhood treehouse,” he replied as he shifted to his hands and knees to crawl towards her slowly. He continued as Lois drifted forwards until their lips met in a tantalisingly slow kiss. Whatever lingering nerves he had seemed to vanish in that moment, and she seemed to melt into the kiss.
His body reacted to hers immediately, and he found himself sitting back on his heels. Then he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her onto his lap. She wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened the kiss as she ran her hands through his hair.
His brain function ceased and all his blood went south. He groaned as she shifted in his lap.
“Clark,” Lois whispered as she ran her hands down the expanse of his shoulders and back. His lips had now made their way to her neck, kissing, licking, and nipping her extremely soft skin ever so lightly.
She rolled her hips against him again and this time it was deliberate.
He needed to touch her. He needed to feel her skin under the pads of his fingers--needed to run them up the curves of her hips until he reached her breasts. His hands followed his instincts, and her breathless pants increased as he found his way under her shirt and up to her breasts, running his fingers against the fabric of her bra.
“Please,” she pleaded into his ear, and he felt her own hands make their way under the fabric of his t-shirt to his bare chest.
Her touch felt like a brand, and he drew in a sharp breath as she moved against him again. Teasing him, torturing him. He never wanted it to stop.
“Please,” she said again, this time more urgently.
“What do you need?” he murmured, kissing his way back to her lips.
“You,” she whimpered, tugging urgently at his shirt. “I need you.”
He needed no further invitation and the two of them came together in a way that was entirely different from the first two times. Instead of feeling as if the world was closing in on him, Clark felt his heart lighten with every touch, every kiss and every caress. She was his light in the dark and he knew as long as he could be with her like this—touch her like this, then everything would be okay.
When they came back down, he brought her lips back to his and kissed her deeply and passionately. It wasn’t until he tasted salt on his lips that he pulled away.
Lois reached out and wiped the pad of her thumb against his cheek. Was that him? Were those his tears?
“I’m sorry,” he said, not even sure what was wrong with him or why he felt this way. He only knew that he felt this sudden overwhelming wave of emotion that he was powerless against.
“It’s okay,” she whispered, wiping each tear that slowly trickled down his cheeks away. “Don’t be ashamed. You’re safe here, Clark. You’re always safe here.”
He gathered her in his arms, pressed his forehead against hers, and allowed himself the release. It was different than when he’d broken down earlier. Then it had been harsh, body wracking sobs of a pain he had no idea how to deal with.
This feeling, this outpouring of emotion was less about pain and more about catharsis. Well, that and trust. He knew now he had permission to fall. That here, in the dark she would catch him. And so he allowed himself to fall apart, trusting in her strength to save him.
The End
(…but for the epilogue)
