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Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 440 Likes: 18
Beat Reporter
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OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 440 Likes: 18 |
Set pre Lois and Clark dating, no specific time. This is something that was a nugget in my mind for a while, and has been begging to be written. Every time I've sat to finish Aftershocks, I've ended up here. Hoping that I can now move past it! It's much shorter, and a bit darker, than something I'd usually write. As always, feedback is welcome. Story is here.
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 152
Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 152 |
You simply cannot be serious. You are leaving us with this "cliffhanger?" Can a full story be extrapolated from this? Please, don't leave us "hanging...."
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
I like this snippet of a story. But as Supesfan said, you cannot seriously consider this finished, can you? So many questions left unanswered. How did Lois end up in the middle of nowhere? Will she survive?  Come back here! No, seriously, this was touching, and angsty and great and I'd love to read more. But if this is all you give us, that's fine too. After all, it's your story. 
It's never too dark to be cool. 
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Weeks of searching had taken their toll. Fast searches, desperately listening for her cries, anything he could use to pluck her from danger as he’d done so many times before. He’d crisscrossed his way across the Contiguous United States, venturing into Canada and Mexico when he couldn’t find her. Oh my goodness!  Who could have taken Lois? Why? Also, why was she asking forgiveness? There are so many questions which are unanswered here. If your muse allows, please continue someday.  By the way, your descriptions were so powerful I was actually getting a little chilly!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Great story. I question only one thing - his decision to take her from Colorado all the way to Metropolis. If we had more context, like if Lois had been captured by Intergang West (or some other criminal or terrorist organization) and would know if she were admitted to a hospital west of the Mississippi, it would make sense.
In fact, that's the continuity in my head now. That's why he did it.
I want to know what she was doing that got her into trouble. I want to know why it took Clark - because even though he's wearing the Suit he's Clark at this point - so long to find her. (Large area to search, leaded decommissioned missile silos, all that notwithstanding.) I want to know why she went to Colorado in the first place - was she running from intimacy with Clark or chasing a story or on a vacation that got out of hand? I want to know whether or not that was her planned destination. I want to know how long she's been held and how long she was free and how she got away and how long she was hanging on that tree root. Be real nice to know why she thinks she needs his forgiveness - and if she's asking Clark or Superman for it.
Beautiful. Touching. Heartfelt. Evocative. This vignette is all those things and more. But it's not complete! This is like watching a trailer for a movie you really want to see because you have to know how the characters got from the start of the story to this place. I join the chorus for more! More! More! More!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 440 Likes: 18
Beat Reporter
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OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 440 Likes: 18 |
Well, twist my rubber arm...
Thank you for all the wonderful feedback. Even as I was writing it, I was fighting the urge to make it more, wanting to try something short. However, it seems another portion pretty much wrote itself, and will be posted in due time.
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,761 |
Ooooh, intriguing!! I like the writing and am curious to see more!!
What we've got here is failure to communicate...
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 14
Blogger
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Blogger
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 14 |
Great little story, so much A-plot there isn't room for it all. Cant wait for the rest of the story.
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Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3
Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 6,142 Likes: 3 |
You left us THERE???? *faints*
Great little ficlet and I hope it blossoms into something a bit longer. I'm curious as to who took Lois and why. I would have expected some trap to be sprung on Clark when he rescued her. I need to know the bigger picture!
Thanks for sharing!
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41 |
Oh wow!! That was fantastic!!! I mean… I’d love to see the rest of it, but I’m fine with just a little vignette revelation like this. VERY well written!
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31 |
Hi Toomi! and a bit darker than something I usually write. **** The gloomy grey sky hung heavily, obscuring even the foothills of the eastern slopes Ah, I can see why you’re warning us about this being darker. Weeks of searching had taken their toll. Fast searches, desperately listening for her cries, anything he could use to pluck her from danger as he’d done so many times before. Eep! As the sun began to set behind the mountains he heard the cry again. Quiet. Almost whispered. She wasn’t screaming for help; she was barely raising her voice. She was close by, he was sure of it. Is she cursing? About a fiddly lock? He flew into the canyon the narrow, frigid river had carved, and after a few twists and turns, found her, hanging on desperately to the steep embankment, high above the icy rapids. So, how did she get here? After all, this position must be relatively new. One of her arms was wrapped securely around a tree root that hung over the cliff and if she wasn’t ready for him to move her, he could easily hurt her. Oh, this takes me back to Tim Zahn’s Heir to the Empire, when they needed special training to remove/collect some tree lizards without killing them. “Hold on, hold on,” she mumbled. “You’ve been telling me to hold on. Now let go?” Teeping? Regardless, he’d found her. That was all that mattered. Well done scene! Now, about the rest of this story?  Michael
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Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 440 Likes: 18
Beat Reporter
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OP
Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2021
Posts: 440 Likes: 18 |
Well done scene! Now, about the rest of this story? Michael Thanks for the feedback  There is a sequel coming. I had to take a bit of a break from writing it...
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31 |
There is a sequel coming. 
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