Clark didn't know what to do with himself, when he left the D.O.D.. Wired as he was, he still felt confined, even as he soared across the sky. Going home was out of the question, returning to the Fortress didn't seem like such a good idea either. So he visited every last corner of the world, saving each and everyone in trouble he could find.
It did little to soothe his frayed nerves. Because, deep down, he knew that what he was trying to accomplish simply couldn't work. Even if he spent his every waking moment trying to save the world, there would always be people he failed. And trust wasn't something he could force people to give. If they didn't give it voluntarily, there wasn't a thing he could do about it, regardless how powerful he was.
It was close to midnight, when Clark returned to Metropolis. He landed in a quiet backstreet behind his apartment and changed into his regular clothes. With slumped shoulders, he walked toward his apartment.
Though he rarely felt physically tired, the day had worn him out. He was emotionally drained after his encounter with Lois' father. And with the many hours Superman had spent rescuing people, both before and after his picnic with Lois, Clark felt exhausted.
He rubbed the forearm General Lane had cut with the kryptonite. There was just a phantom ache left, the echo of an injury that ran much deeper than the superficial cut it had really been.
Clark reached for his keys and looked up, stopping dead in his tracks as he spotted Lois sitting in front of his apartment door. She had fallen asleep, her head resting against the door frame.
She had been waiting him.
A surge of love flooded Clark. She looked so fragile, lying in that awkward angle that couldn't possibly be comfortable. He knelt down beside her, reaching out to touch her arm and wake her up. But he hesitated in the last moment. After everything that had happened in the past few hours, he no longer knew how to act about his feelings for her.
He'd been thinking about telling her for a while now. It was obvious that she had to know about his powers if he wanted a relationship with her. But could Superman even have a love life? Could he ask someone to share this life with him, in which at least a part of him would probably stay an outcast forever?
And a possible relationship with Lois would be so much more complicated because of who her father was.
But he couldn't imagine spending his life with anyone else.
She had given Clark Kent his life back, or had really made him live for the first time. He wasn't sure which it was, exactly.
During his adolescence, he'd often been a quivering mess, the victim of immense powers and the desperate attempt to hide them from everyone else. And when he'd left Smallville to find out who he was, he'd learned so much about Kal El and his Kryptonian heritage that he'd almost forgotten who Clark Kent was. When he'd returned to Smallville and found out that Lana was engaged with Kyle, he'd felt like any tie to his life as just Clark had been severed.
He hadn't expected to find himself in Metropolis of all places. But through the friendship with the amazing woman, who was now sleeping on his doormat, he'd come to realize that his powers weren't the only important part of him. There was a whole other side of him, things he could do to change the world for the better without using brute force.
As much as Clark needed to be Superman, Superman needed Clark.
And before he'd even realized what was happening, Lois Lane had become his source of strength. He needed her, like he needed the sunlight and the air to breathe.
Clark smiled to himself. It was a sad and wistful smile. For a moment, he was tempted to just sweep her up into his arms and cradle her against his chest. He longed to feel her warmth against his skin and inhale the soft scent of her shampoo. But their relationship hadn't yet reached the stage where he could just pick her up without her permission and expect to survive the fallout.
Gently, he touched her arm. "Lois, wake up."
She stirred, her eyelids fluttering open and she looked at him. "Clark, you're back."
"It's late, Lois," he said quietly. "What are you doing here?"
She looked a little confused as she realized where she was. Her gaze dated to her wristwatch and a frown appeared on her forehead as she realized that it was midnight.
"I've been looking for you." Once again, there was a hint of anger tinting her voice. "Where have you been? I thought you were heading home because you had a headache."
He bit his lip and cast his eyes down. "I'm sorry. I needed some fresh air."
"I went to check on you because I was worried." The frown on her forehead deepened and she got up. “Back in the park, you looked like you were in need of a friend. And I’ve never before heard you complaining about a headache. What is wrong Clark?”
"Nothing. I’m fine.” The words were out, before he had even thought about what she’d just said. It was the standard reply that he’d perfected for years, brushing off anyone’s concerns, lest they got within arm’s reach.
As he saw her crestfallen expression, he realized that he’d just pushed away the hand she’d offered him. He’d been so occupied with his own worries, that he behaved like a jerk back in the park. She deserved a real apology, not some platitudes that rolled off his tongue so easily, nowadays. He’d been an idiot and yet, she was here and willing to talk to him. She’d waited for him for so long that she’d fallen asleep.
“That’s not true, Clark,” she whispered. “You looked so distraught before you left. Please, talk to me.”
He rubbed his face, at a loss for words. Where should he even begin? How could he possibly tell her that he’d just given her father the means to kill him? That the next time he rescued someone in Metropolis might very well be the last time?
Her eyes narrowed. “And don't tell me you just had a headache. I don't buy that for a minute. Why do you lie to me? That's not like you at all."
He let out a breath. The truth of the matter was that he kept lying to her all the time, mostly by omission with the occasional white lie on the side.
"I'm sorry, Lois," he repeated, because he had no clue at all what he should tell her.
She laid her hand on his forearm. "I can tell that something is seriously wrong."
He withdrew his arm, ostensibly to unlock the door, but also to get some distance between him and Lois. Panic rose within him, because he knew very well that nobody stood a chance when Lois was on a mission, not even Superman. And tonight, he really felt anything but super.
“Come inside,” he said thickly.
His emotions were a mess. The lingering pain of the government’s obvious distrust in Superman was still eating at him. And then there was Lois, this wonderful, caring woman who was ready to camp outside his apartment, just to lend him a sympathetic ear. A part of him just wanted to sink into her embrace. He longed to tell her everything and get all those bad feelings off his chest, so that he would no longer feel suffocated by the overwhelming sense of loneliness that had enveloped him ever since Lois had told him that the government was looking for a means to get rid of him.
Clark opened the door to his apartment, wracking his mind how he was going to explain his behavior. Should he tell her the truth? But it wasn't the right time to drop his secret on her, not like this. If he told her, he wasn't going to do it in the middle of the night, when she was half awake and his secret would only take a backseat to his real problem. That wouldn't be fair, because to Lois, his secret would certainly be the more important issue.
He closed the door behind them and uneasily rubbed his forearm.
Lois studied him, her face drawn and just a little pale. Her lips became a tight line.
"It's me, isn't it?" she asked quietly.
"Huh?" Clark stared at her, taken aback.
"I promised you a nice afternoon and then I'm talking about work and my father shows up. I know he can be quite scary." Her lower lip was quivering slightly.
Helplessly, he ran a hand through his hair. "No, Lois, that's not it, I swear I…" How was he going to get out of this one?
Her eyes widened in horror. "Or am I too intense? Am I reading too much into our friendship, Clark? I was hoping that we were on the same page here, that you wanted…" She trailed off and swallowed visibly. "We have been dating a few times and I thought that… I'm in love with you Clark. If you don't feel that way about me, I need to know."
He felt as if he was dropping right out of the sky, powerless to break his fall.
"You think that I ran out, because I don't care about you?" he gasped, startled.
"Well, I must admit that the thought has crossed my mind." She blushed. "I mean, there's clearly something bothering you that you won't tell me about."
"Lois, I…" he opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no words would come out.
"I'm not going to get a straight answer, am I?" she said bitterly.
The pain in her gaze tore at Clark's heart and took his breath away. Lois turned to leave and he could swear that there were tears in her eyes. Clark felt his gut twist with guilt. He'd never wanted to make her cry.
"Lois, wait," he pleaded softly. "Don't go. You're right. The reason I left wasn't a headache. I was upset. I still am. But not about something you did or said. It had nothing to do with you. You mean the world to me, Lois. I love you, too, so much."
Her lips were small, anger and hurt still radiating off her. "But you're not going to tell me what it is that made you so upset, are you?"
"I want to, really I do," he let out a breath. "But honestly? I don't know how." Clark closed his eyes, still fighting for what to tell her. He didn’t want to lie, but he couldn’t heap the truth on her either. “I’ve been a loner most of my life and - talking about what’s going on inside me? That’s never been easy for me. And it’d take time to explain what happened back in Centennial park that bothered me so much that I ran out on you. I’m going to tell you soon, I promise. But tonight? I’m sorry, but I just can’t. I wouldn’t know where to begin.”
Her expression softened. “Clark…”
“I appreciate that you came to look after me.” He couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “You were right, I could use a friend. But I understand if you’re mad at me at the moment.”
She shook her head. “I’m not mad at you, Clark.”
He gave her a lopsided smile. “Now, you’re the one who’s lying.”
She looked a bit embarrassed and replied with a small shrug. “Okay, I’m a little mad. But I’ll get over it, if you promise to tell me what’s going on.”
He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “I will, Lois, I will.”
She stepped into his embrace. Clark felt himself relax for the first time in hours. For a long moment, they just stood there, arms wrapped around each other. Tears were pricking in his eyes as he wondered if she would still let him get this close, when she knew that he was Superman. The arms that were holding her, were strong enough to crush her in a heartbeat. Would she, too, be afraid of a man who had that kind of power? Would her view of him change? He was terrified of losing her. But he knew that she was even less likely to forgive his deception, if he continued to lie to her.
“Come to Smallville with me this weekend,” he said impulsively.
She looked up at him, her brows raised. “To Smallville?”
“I want to introduce you to my Mom,” he replied. And then he would tell her everything, he vowed to himself.
“But the weekend is just two days away,” Lois argued. “That’s an awfully short notice.”
Clark smiled. “Mom won’t mind. She’d be thrilled to meet you.”
Lois bit her lip. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if she doesn’t like me?”
He cupped her cheek and ran his thumb along her soft skin. He’d been dreaming of touching her for so long. “She will love you, just like I do. And I’m pretty sure you’ll love her, too. Everyone does.”
“Okay,” Lois agreed, reluctantly.
“Great.” He beamed.
She smiled back at him, shyly and his heart was swelling with love for her. But then he saw the jawn twitching at her lips and her desperate attempt to hide it.
“It’s late,” he said softly. “Shall I walk you home or do you want to call a cab?”
Lois shook her head and a deep blush crept across her cheek. "I don't want to go home."
His breath caught. "You want to stay for the night?"
His heart thumbed loud in his chest, his mind reeling with all the possible implications of her staying overnight. He didn’t feel like he was ready for any of that.
"Do you mind?" She asked, a hurt expression flashing across her lovely features.
"No, I'm just… I didn't expect this," he managed. Again, he absentmindedly rubbed his forearm.
"You said you needed a friend." Lois laid a hand on his arm. "And I need to know that you're not trying to push me away."
He gave her a small smile. "As long as you want to be a part of my life, I‘d never willingly push you away."
Though he was telling her the truth, his throat tightened with guilt. Circumstances might very well force him to leave her. But his heart would never be in it. Never before in his life had he wished more that he could be normal, that he could just wrap his arms around her and proclaim his undying love. Because this was what he wanted, more than anything else.
She studied him for a long moment and he was afraid that she would notice the sad note in his voice. But if she did, she didn't call him out on it.
Instead, she rested her head against his shoulder and laid her hand on his chest. He wrapped his arm around her and placed a kiss on her hair.
"Please, don‘t send me away." she whispered into his shirt.
"Okay," he said, a smile playing around his lips. "I'm going to make the bed for you. I'll take the couch."
"No, Clark," Lois looked up. "I want you to hold me tonight - just hold me. I need to know that you're really serious about us. Besides, you still look like you’re in desperate need of a hug."
He pulled back. "Are you sure that's what you want?"
"Very sure." Lois took his hand and pulled him with her toward his bedroom. "Come on, Smallville. I'm beat."
He followed her, reluctantly. There were about a million reasons why this was a bad idea. Having her so close would certainly be wonderful, but he was definitely entering unknown territory and that scared him. What was on her mind? Did she really just want to offer comfort, or was this sine sort of test that he would either pass or fail?
Before he even realized what was going to happen, she slipped out of her pants and crawled under the blanket. Clark watched her, mesmerized. She lifted the other edge of his covers up, inviting him to join her.
Clark froze and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Are you really sure this is a good idea?”
Her intense gaze rested on him. “I trust you not to take advantage of the situation."
His mouth ran dry. "I wouldn't."
"Then I see no problem." She patted onto the empty side next to her. "Come on, Clark. I can tell you need this. When I embraced you, I think I felt every single muscle in your body relax."
He desperately tried to moisten his dry lips. "Lois…"
"[B]I[\B] need you," she pleaded. "As a friend. Tonight."
He hung his head. There was nothing he wanted more than to sleep with her in his arms. But something held him back. As if something about this was wrong, as if he didn't have the right to accept her comfort.
"I trust you," she repeated.
Clark's reluctance crumbled to dust. He’d hoped for this for so long, that she would allow him to hold her, that he would fall asleep beside her and wake up next to her. After everything that had happened in the past few hours, he was aching for her and the way her presence could ease his pain.
He let out a breath, he didn’t realize he’d been holding and sat down on the bed. Then he stretched out next to her, on top of the blanket, still fully clothed and careful to keep his distance.
Lois rolled onto her side and watched him, a smirk on her lips. "Don't you want to get more comfortable?"
"I am as comfortable as I can be," he replied softly.
Her hand came to rest on his cheek and he felt her thumb caressing him lightly.
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me about it, tonight?” she asked, no longer sounding angry - just concerned.
He shook his head. “I still wouldn’t know how to explain. Can you be patient with me?”
"Patience is not exactly my strong suit, but I guess I can wait a little longer." She lifted her head and closed the distance between them. She brushed her lips against his cheek. "Good night, Clark."
Then she ran her hand down his arm and wrapped it around her waist. Then she rolled over and turned her back on him.
"Good night, Lois," he whispered and placed a kiss on the top of her head. He switched off the light on his bed stand and placed his glasses next to the lamp.
For a moment, both were silent, just enjoying the presence of one another.
Lois' voice was thoughtful as she spoke again. “Something strange happened this evening. Dad called me to let me know that the D.O.D won’t continue the tests on Superman. He asked me to pass on the message, if I saw him.”
Clark felt his gut clench. “Did he mention what changed his mind?”
“No, of course not." Clark could almost hear her roll her eyes. “But the most remarkable thing was that he said he didn’t want to betray Superman’s trust. Usually, he’s claiming ‘National Security’ reasons if he clams up about one thing or another. Superman must have done something pretty drastic to make my Dad change his mind. He can be awfully stubborn. I wonder what it was.”
Clark shrugged. “I guess you could try and ask him.”
“Superman?” Lois laughed. “I doubt he’s going to tell me anything, Clark. I interviewed him once. It’s not like we’re best friends.” She turned serious again. “I wonder what that must feel like - to know that someone is testing you, that someone wants to find a way to defy you. To have people, who you only ever helped, fear you.”
“Terrible,” Clark whispered back. “And very lonely.” Startled by his own admission, he hastily added. “I guess.”
“Do you think he has someone he can turn to?” Lois asked.
Clark sighed. “Who knows. I doubt he has many friends who truly know him, if he has any at all. It’s only natural that people are scared of someone who has powers like his. I can understand why your Dad was looking for something to stop him. If he chose to use his powers for evil, who’d stand a chance against him?”
Lois frowned. “But he’s never harmed anyone. Shouldn’t we give him the benefit of the doubt? He’s been here for months. Don’t you think he’d already have taken over the world if that was what he wanted? Why lull us into a false sense of security, if he could rule the world within a matter of days? I believe he’s a good person.”
Clark was overwhelmed with the need to kiss her. But he refrained from doing so. He knew very well that he was still on probation, and he didn’t want to push his luck. For tonight, Lois had offered her friendship, and that was all he really wanted for the moment. It was probably more than he even had the right to ask for.
It felt so good to finally talk to her, even if she didn’t know yet that they were really talking about him.
“Your father isn’t being paid for believing in good people.” Clark said quietly.
“No, he isn’t.” Lois admitted. “I still wonder what Superman might have done to get my father to trust him.”
Clark took a deep breath. Could he tell her? “Perhaps there is a way to hurt him - and he told your father about it?”
Lois sounded surprised. “You really think he would do such a thing? Why? Could he be that desperate?”
“Perhaps he just might be,” Clark replied hoarsely. “Trust is so much easier lost than gained. When people are afraid of him, he's going to be so much more lonely than he already is."
"Then, we should better tell him that it worked, whatever he did." Lois muttered.
Clark smiled to himself. "Yeah, we should."
Once again, there was silence. Clark listened to Lois breathing and felt the steady rise and fall of her belly. Had she already drifted off?
"Clark?" Lois asked.
"Yeah?"
Lois turned to face him in the dark. "Do you think Superman has someone he loves?"
Clark felt his heart constrict. "Wouldn't that be awfully risky? Would it even be right, if he gave his heart to a single person, when he is responsible for so many people?"
Lois shook her head. "That he chooses to help doesn't make him responsible for anyone. And the way I see it, he deserves love, same as everyone else. Maybe even more so, given what he has to face every day."
Clark closed his eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you're amazing?" He whispered. "I love you so much."
He could almost hear her smile. "I love you, too, Clark."
She snuggled against him, her breathing becoming even as sleep claimed her. For a long while, he lay there, just enjoying having her in his arms.
Things definitely looked brighter now. And part of him wished that the night would never have to end, because he didn't want to leave her side.
Ever again.
Last edited by bakasi; 09/09/22 01:44 PM.
