Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic So Far Away 1/21

This story is completed—20 parts and an epilogue. I’ll be posting every other day.
Links to the first two stories (PG and nfic versions) can be found via the TOC here.

Author's Note: Honestly, I thought this was the fic that would never get written. Granted, I didn't think that in 2004 when I wrote the first story, nor in 2006 when a wonderfully optimistic version of myself *PROMISED* the sequel would be written. Eventually.

Even when I came back to fandom last year after a long hiatus, I was certain this would remain unwritten. But here we are, 18 years since I wrote the original story, Wherever You Will Go. I've never been more happy in my life to be wrong.

This story would never have made it if it weren't for two PHENOMENAL beta readers. I'm not even sure how to thank them properly because words really don't seem like enough. It's certain that they went above and beyond, then went ABOVE that. Cheerleaders. Consultants. Researchers. Brainstormers. Hand holders. Editors. Heck, one of them even wrote two and a half chapters for me!

lovetvfan, there were so many times over the past year that I doubted myself, doubted that I should even bother, doubted that anyone even cared to read a sequel after all this time. You were there every time, telling me to care, that it was worth it. Even if we were the only two that would ever read this story (which I believed but you never did), it was still worth it. THANK YOU for doing all of the things above (including writing those chapters) and more! I'm so honored and grateful that you were my fandom comeback buddy last year!

Queen of the Capes, oh my! I can't quite remember if I railroaded you into BRing or if you jumped into the deep end on your own. Either way, I'm SO lucky! I got wonderful feedback and suggestions, begging and nagging (encouragement) for more story along the way, so many hours of chatting and brainstorming and troubleshooting (aka nerd fun), AND when things got really, REALLY dicey at the end...you did ALL the things! I will forever be grateful for your time and your genius, especially when it came to making the gosh darn ending work! Long live #shirtgate.

AnnaBtG—you!! How wonderful you were to me to spend time looking up and studying Kryptonian grammar and sentence structure and all the things so that I could have accurate Kryptonian phrases in my story (because I am ridiculous and you, my friend, still love me anyway)! Thank you, thank you!!

(And I should note that all stuff came from kryptonian.info — thank you Darren Doyle for having this website so I could nerd out when I found it!)

CarrieRene made some wonderful graphics for the story and series. She was also kind enough to give me feedback and let me know if the end was working as I'd hoped. Thank you!!

I'm also grateful for the help from the FoLCs on the #loisclark Discord server for cheerleading, moral support, and grammar and canon questions! You rock!

This story is a sequel to Wherever You Will Go (2004). It's recommended that you read that first (even though I do cringe a bit at my writing from so long ago). Away From the Sun (2006) was written as a sequel, but it's set chiefly in the alternate universe from canon; it's not strictly necessary for you to read that to follow this story (but AFTS is a personal favorite and it's really good, so you should).

Like so many other stories of mine, this one has a playlist of songs that inspired me while writing. Some songs I listened to hundreds of times! Most of those songs were incorporated into the chapter headers, lyrics becoming the chapter titles. Many lyrics were lovingly borrowed and used within the story. You can find the playlist in the story teaser post (linked in TOC).

If you feel so inclined, I would absolutely LOVE to know...what gave you the FEELS? What are some of your favorite lines? What's your favorite part? Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Clark finally made it back from New Krypton, but how can he ever hope to adjust to life back on Earth after everything that happened up there? Can he be the same man Lois fell in love with, be a father to Kallie...be Superman? Or will his own demons defeat him when everything he used to know seems so far away?

So Far Away
By KSaraSara (skfolc@gmail.com)
Rated: PG-13 for sexual situations and references to war and violence (and there will be nfic posts as they appear in the fic )


Chapter 1: Keep Breathing, 'Cause I'm Not Leaving You Anymore
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Late February 1997
9 months, 13 days Since Clark Left Home

"So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know,
I wanted, I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, for being away for far too long..."

Far Away by Nickelback
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Clark woke with a start. The sirens were blaring again. Another middle-of-the-night attack from Nor's army. He forced himself awake, tossing the sheets aside in the process. Having had so many unpredicted attacks, he'd gotten in the habit of sleeping in his suit, so he was all ready for...

He stopped short when his feet hit the floor. The wooden floor, not the cool steel of his bedchamber. The siren was still screaming, but it sounded off...smaller, closer. His breathing was heavy as he tried to get his bearings.

There was a figure moving behind him and he swiveled quickly, ready to strike if it was another assassin. And his breath caught in his chest.

Lois.

It was Lois.

And she was saying something, throwing words desperately in his direction.

Lois.

He was home. Home. Smallville.

And he had a baby. A daughter. Already three weeks old.

Kallie.

He exhaled finally, bursts of emotion hitting him and fading just as quickly.

"Clark!" she yelled, her words finally filtering through. "Get a towel from the bathroom. Now! Don't just stand there!"

Towel. Now. Okay. He started moving in the direction of the bathroom, wholly unsure of what was going on. All he knew was that Lois was frantic and mad.

He came back with the towel quickly and held it out for her as he stood next to the bassinet. And then he saw it.

"Lois! Oh my God, why is there poop everywhere?!"

"Because that's what babies do! Now be useful and start cleaning," she said, exasperated, as she hastily stripped Kallie of her pajamas and diaper.

Clark started haphazardly cleaning the bassinet, not entirely sure what he was doing. Kallie was still screaming, but not as loudly now.

"Clark! The baby...wipe the baby!" she cried. "Ugh, the towel is dirty now. Just grab a bunch of wipes and get the majority off of her. No...forget it. There's too much. She needs a bath."

He watched in fascination and horror as she cradled a poop-streaked baby against her clean shirt and marched into the bathroom. He used the clean parts of the towel to get any remnants off his hands and followed Lois to the bathroom.

His heart was still racing, though his breath had returned to somewhat normal. Control yourself. Restraint. Calm your body, his mind prompted. This wasn't war, but it was...something. Definitely not something he expected.

Somehow, by the time he'd gotten to the bathroom, Lois was already finishing soaping up and rinsing off the baby in the sink, and she was standing there half-naked, her soiled shirt inside out on the counter. She seemed half asleep—but somehow still irritated with him, he could sense—as she grabbed another fresh towel from the rack to wrap Kallie in.

He felt a little more than disoriented, feelings flitting in and darting away, and definitely out of place. He washed his hands in the sink as she scooted past him back into the hallway, grabbing her dirty shirt on the way. He wanted to help. Should help. But...he clearly didn't have any idea what he was doing.

It'd only been a little more than 24 hours, but he was at least feeling like maybe he was starting to get the hang of diaper changes? At least the easy ones. But his parents, nor Lois, had given him a heads-up on this one. There'd been no training for this.

Back in his bedroom—Lois' bedroom? Their bedroom?—Lois had already put on a clean shirt, diapered and dressed Kallie, and now she was sitting on the bed shushing her, reassuring her that all was right with the world.

Was it, though? Don't feel.

He watched as she laid down, but quickly averted his gaze as Lois lifted her shirt to offer Kallie a breast. He still felt a bit like an intruder, like he wasn't supposed to witness this intimate moment between mother and child. Even though they were his family, he still felt like a bit of an interloper.

Without saying a word to interrupt, he wheeled the bassinet out of the room silently and over to the laundry room. He stripped the soiled bedclothes and tossed them, along with Lois's shirt, the towel, and Kallie's pajamas, into the washing machine, careful to toss the diaper in the trash. He started the load and went to wash his hands again.

He couldn't remember where the clean bassinet sheets were. Did he even know? He supposed he needed to go ask Lois, even though he was beginning to hate himself for asking so many questions.

He'd been home not even two days, but he still felt more than inept. It’d been the same feeling on New Krypton. Ineptitude. More than one elder and house lord had accused him of such because he’d been so out of sync with any and all of the strange Kryptonian customs. He hadn’t exactly gained trust quickly, but he had commanded respect.

He’d been more than practiced at hiding his emotions when behind the S—the crest of the House of El, he corrected himself—but on New Krypton...just masking them hadn't been enough. He caught his breath and steeled himself, trying not to remember Ching's training sessions.

He was home now. Here. Home. Earth. Smallville. With Lois.

It should be easier to be here.

Assuming the royal birth right of his home culture and heritage and stepping directly into a leadership role in a politically unstable government? Making life or death decisions that...He closed his eyes against the memories. Somehow, all that had been easier than this.

And maybe because this meant more. This meant everything. It was the life he’d always dreamed of and was never sure he’d ever have.

New Krypton had been, in a way, like an extended Superman rescue. Sure, it had meant more, knowing these were his people, that he wasn’t the last of his kind. He’d felt honor-bound and obligated to see this through, as much as it had killed him to leave Lois behind. And he'd wanted the opportunity to learn about his heritage. But all the same, it was something he’d wanted to complete and come back home. To Lois.

It hadn’t been that simple.

And, God, had he paid for it. He hadn’t known all that he was leaving behind. He hadn’t known it would take that long. He hadn’t known...hadn't realized...what he’d have to do and what it would cost him.

He reached under the neckline of his t-shirt for the chain, her ring. His lifeline, his talisman these past nine and a half months and the key to his vault of emotions. He had liked to pretend he could feel her in his heart across the miles, through space and the stars. But he'd known it was only an echo of what he'd always felt in her presence. And after training...he'd barely had the echos to hang onto.

He felt the familiar pang of her absence and sought his way back to the bedroom to quell the pain in his chest. He stood in the doorway, at once arrested by and awed at the sight before him.

Lois was sprawled out on her side of the bed, facing him, asleep in almost in the middle of the queen-sized bed. Her shirt was scrunched up on one side, leaving a breast and nipple bare. Kallie was close by her side, mewling lightly in her sleep. He watched, captivated, as her tiny mouth formed an O and started moving rhythmically. She leaned and wiggled her little body ever so slightly and latched expertly onto her target, all without opening her eyes. Lois murmured something unintelligible even to his super ears, and reflexively brought an arm around Kallie to hold her more closely.

Clark slowly released the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. How could she have ever doubted that she'd be good at this?

It was both magical and heartbreaking to watch, and he didn't have the heart or courage to risk waking them, so perfect an image all on their own. He gave them one final look and heaved a quiet sigh, then turned to head for the living room. He'd sleep on the couch tonight.

All the events of the past year...the leaving, the war, the customs, the training, the impossible decisions, the death, the destruction...they'd unmoored him.

He'd wanted, needed to do something good. Help them. Lead them. Learn from them. And come home.

He wasn't at all sure where home was anymore.

The longer he'd been gone, the stronger his aching for home, for Lois had grown. And the more feelings he'd had to lock away, only to be felt alone at night in his bedchamber, lest he find himself back in the training room with Ching.

But down here on Earth, it seemed that the longer he'd been gone, the further his family had drifted from him. Oh, not that he didn't think they weren't overjoyed and beyond relieved to have him home; he didn't doubt that or their love.

But they'd...adjusted, had their own metamorphosis, and learned to live without him. Already he'd seen how fluidly and effortlessly they moved together, how they tended to chores and the baby, how she called them Mom and Dad now...

It was his fondest wish come true, but somehow he'd been left on the outside, an observer. He felt strikingly out of place in his childhood home, in his relationship with his parents, in his relationship with Lois.

And Kallie.

His breath hitched and tears pricked at his eyes. He reached out with his senses for her heartbeat, their heartbeats. He found Lois' easily, though he was long out of practice. It was slow and steady. Then a faster, staccato rhythm joined in. A new and unfamiliar, but wholly comforting rhapsody. He held fast to the sounds of their heartbeats, wanting to keep his emotions flowing for this. This...indescribable feeling.

They had a baby. He was a father.

The thought, and the truth of it playing in his ears, filled him with awe and reverence and the most profound appreciation for whatever force in the universe had deemed him worthy of such a gift.

He laid down slowly on the couch, closing his eyes and letting the sound of their heartbeats wash over him, calm him against the threatening overwhelm of emotions. The tears slipped out slowly.

"I'm sorry, my loves," he whispered into the pre-dawn hours. "I'm so sorry for leaving."



Comments