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Chapter 2: When I'm Gone, You'll Need Love
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Late February 1997
9 months, 14 Days Since Clark Left Home

"I know now, just quite how,
My life and love might still go on.
In your heart, in your mind,
I'll stay with you for all of time."

Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
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"Mom?" Lois said on a yawn as she walked into the kitchen to find Martha already cooking breakfast. Kallie was cradled in one arm, snug against Lois' side.

"Good morning, dear. You're up a bit early. Is everything all right?" Martha asked, setting the spatula down for a moment to turn and greet her granddaughter. "Good morning to you, too, little one," she cooed in a soft voice as she wiggled her fingers lightly on her cheeks.

Kallie wobbled her head towards the voice and grunted with an apparent smile.

"That's right, sweetie," Martha continued. "Smile for Grandma!"

"Mom, you know as well as I do that was just gas." Lois couldn't help but smile.

"Oh, pfft. Don't be a spoilsport!" she scoffed with amusement before she softened her face. "Now, was there something you needed?"

Lois ran her free hand through her longer locks. "Do you know where the bassinet is? I have vague memories of a 3 a.m. poop explosion and a dream that Clark was here. So I'm a bit confused and sleep deprived, if you can imagine." She chuckled at herself. "All I know is I woke up with Kallie in bed again and a missing bassinet."

"Lois, honey..." Martha said, trailing off as she moved to put her hands on Lois' shoulders and turn her gaze and her body to the couch. "He is home. Remember?"

She gasped when she saw him, all the emotions of the past day and a half came flooding back. The relief, the love, the pain and sorrow, the exhilaration and joy. "He's back?" she whispered.

Martha just nodded at her side, giving her shoulders a light squeeze as they both looked towards his sleeping form, hovering three feet above the couch cushions.

"He's...floating," Lois said.

"He does that sometimes when his sleep is troubled. Nightmares or even just stress or lack of sleep can bring it on."

Lois looked down at Kallie in her arms and back over to Clark. "Should I...go to him? Calm him? Wake him?" She fretted, unsure what to do when she felt like she should know. Kallie started fussing quietly.

"He'll be okay, I promise," Martha soothed. "I'm guessing he didn't sleep very well...up there. We should probably just let him sleep for now." She frowned as she lifted her eyes skyward. "Besides, it sounds like someone is ready for breakfast."

Lois nodded, still feeling off balance, and headed towards the padded rocking chair Jonathan had moved into the kitchen for her. As she got herself settled and Kallie latched and suckling, Lois felt the guilt creep in at the fact that she hadn't even remembered Clark was home.

All she'd wanted from the moment he'd left was for him to come home. And while they'd had the joyous homecoming she'd imagined, or something close to it, anyway, things had been markedly different in the morning and the rest of the day. Not bad. Just...different.

She rocked gently as Kallie ate and Martha started making biscuits while humming softly to herself. She closed her eyes and let her other senses take in the smells and the sounds and the gentle motion of the rocking chair. The routine and familiarity of it all was comforting even while her heart warred with too many different emotions.

After three weeks, she, Jonathan, and Martha had settled into their own new routine with the baby. And then Clark was back. It was a thought that filled her with overwhelming relief and joy, but she couldn't help but feel ashamed of herself for being a bit annoyed with him.

This might be his childhood home, his parents...but for almost six months now, it’d been her sanctuary. And it hadn't quite started out that way; it had taken them some time to get used to each other, learn a new routine, and then it'd felt like they'd had to start all over again when Kallie had come. While they all loved and respected each other, living together was a whole different thing.

*#*#*#*

Early October 1996
5 months Since Clark Left Home

Lois felt like she was overstaying her welcome. Oh, she knew Martha and Jonathan loved her as part of the family and that they wouldn’t dream of letting on that there was anything wrong. But Lois could feel it. There was a tension in the air, and she knew it was because of her.

She looked over at the clock. 8:47 a.m. Martha and Jonathan had been up and at it for hours already. All she'd done was doze on and off for an hour and pee twice. She felt another guilty pang at the thought that she wasn’t exactly earning her keep...unless gestating their first grandchild counted? She’d have to ask Martha if she could help with...mortgage, utilities? What else was there to pay on a farm? Hay? Groceries! She could pay for groceries.

Especially since she was eating for two. She groaned at the overused phrase. But she was actually hungry. Ravenous, really. The smell of bacon and coffee still permeated the air. Oh, how she missed caffeine. Her doctor had said she could have a cup a day, but she'd found that coffee didn't agree with pregnant Lois, and the resulting heartburn and all-day jitters wasn't a price she was willing to pay. She put her hand on her belly. "You're not Mommy's favorite person right now. I love you, but you'll learn eventually that I work best with at least one cup of coffee in my system."

She smiled wryly. If you'd asked her a year ago if she'd be the type of woman to talk to her stomach while pregnant...well, she would have scoffed at the mere idea of being pregnant, let alone talking to a fetus.

She pulled herself out of bed with more effort than she was used to using, and then she half-waddled—five and a half months pregnant and she'd started waddling already!—to the kitchen. Martha was off in the living room, sitting on the couch and reading the newspaper. Lois wondered idly if it was the Planet or the Smallville Press.

A plate was waiting for her on the counter. Bacon, scrambled eggs, a homemade biscuit, and a small bowl of fresh-cut melon on the side. She couldn't help but note that the kitchen was already clean, no evidence of preparation or Martha and Jonathan's breakfast remnants to be found. How was Lois supposed to help out around the house if Martha kept doing all the dishes? The guilt played at the forefront of her mind again, but it was quickly replaced by the swift return of her hunger.

"Thank you, Martha," she said, raising her voice a little to be sure she'd be heard across the way.

Martha half closed the paper to look over at her. "You're welcome, dear. You'll just need to heat it up for a minute."

"I really appreciate it." Even when she'd been first engaged to Clark, she hadn't received quite the ministrations as she had so far staying with his parents. It filled her with a sense of love and gratitude...yet still tinged with guilt. "I wish you'd at least let me do the dishes or something."

"Oh, it's no trouble at all," she said, giving her a brief smile before returning to the paper.

Lois eyed the coffee pot wistfully for a moment before sighing. Instead, she got some orange juice from the fridge and poured herself a glass while her food heated in the microwave. She gathered the glass and the bowl of melon and set it on the table, then she grabbed her food as well when it was ready.

Today was like most days had been in the past three weeks, unlike the first week when Martha would keep her company at the kitchen table while she ate. Now, she ate alone at the table while Martha read the paper on the couch in...companionable silence.

She should be brainstorming and researching for her next op-ed piece, but she was distracted. She couldn't help but fret a little at the idea that she was any sort of bothersome or annoying to Clark's parents. They hadn't done anything to make her feel unwelcome, just the opposite. But lately it seemed like they were giving her a lot more space, a wide berth, even. And not just because of her increasing waistline, she thought sardonically.

She knew living with anyone took some adjustment, for all parties. She tried thinking back to when she'd lived with Lucy. It's not like they'd hung out all the time or ate every meal together. Maybe Martha and Jonathan were just giving her space because she was transitioning from guest status to resident? That seemed logical, at least.

She'd feel better if she could clear the air. Hopefully, Martha would be willing to have a little chat before Lois started work for the day.

When she'd finished up the last of her breakfast, she stood and took her dishes to the sink. She washed them slowly, trying to think of exactly how to approach the subject with Martha. One by one, as she rinsed off the soap, she set the glass, the plate, the fork, and the bowl neatly in the drying rack. But she still hadn't thought of what to say by the time she'd finished. She sighed heavily, placing her hands on the counter on either side of the sink and leaning against it.

"Something wrong, Lois?"

Lois squeaked, jumping back slightly, and turned around. "Martha! You startled me!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to startle you," she said gently. "I was just coming to check that you didn't need anything before I head out to the art studio to work on my latest project."

Lois smiled and ran a still-damp hand through her hair. "I'm good. I'm fine," she rushed to assure her, but then continued, "No, wait. Actually...I, uh..."

Martha smiled at her, that warm, would-be-mother-in-law smile and waited for her to finish.

"Do you have a minute to talk? I mean, it'll obviously be more than a minute...but the expression...and..." she trailed off. Even her babble was fizzling out, though that was probably a good thing.

Martha nodded and gestured to the kitchen table. "Here, why don't we sit? What's up?" she asked as though trying to sound casual. She sat and Lois took the seat to the right of her.

"I just...wanted to...check in, I guess," Lois started, fussing at the tufted fringe of the maroon placemat in front of her.

"Oh?" Martha raised her eyebrows in question. "About what?"

"Oh, just things, you know." Lois gestured casually with a wave of her hand. "How's your art project coming along? And crops...how are the...uh, corn? Crops? Jonathan's been spending a lot of time outside lately. In the barn? Fields? Which makes sense, of course. Duh, Lois." She laughed nervously. "Farmer. Farm. You know, outside. So...things. How are things?" she finished weakly and looked down, studying the placemat and smoothing the fringe she'd just mussed.

It was quiet for a long moment before she saw Martha's hand come to cover hers, stilling her anxious movements. She chanced a look up from behind her hair, biting her lip. All she found was Martha's loving, concerned eyes.

Lois smiled weakly and let out a shaky breath. She didn't think she'd be this worked up about it. "It was the babbling that gave me away?"

Martha smiled, her eyes crinkling. "Yeah. Clark warned me about that, one time," she said, her smile turning a little wistful.

They actually hadn't talked about Clark much, she realized, which struck her as a bit odd, considering he was the one and only thing they all had in common. "I miss him," Lois said quietly.

"Me too, honey. Me too." Martha grasped her hand and gave it a squeeze, and then she released it and gave a reassuring pat before giving her a bit of space again. "So, something on your mind? Anything I can help with?"

"Well..." Lois started. She bit her lower lip again before she continued. "I was wondering..." She chickened out and went for the low-lying fruit instead. "Can I help out with expenses, pay for the groceries or something?"

"Sure thing," Martha replied, smiling. "That'd actually be a big help. Thank you."

Lois smiled back, glad to be able to help and to have another of Martha's warm smiles. "You're welcome."

"Now, what's really on your mind?" Martha asked, leveling a different kind of smile at her.

Lois should have guessed. Nothing gets by this woman. She smiled weakly at her. "Have I done anything to...upset you or Jonathan?"

Martha's reaction was instantly one of reassurance. "Oh, Lois. Of course not! What makes you ask that?"

"It's just that...it feels a little like you're avoiding me. But I'm probably just being paranoid..." she trailed off, entirely uncertain whether or not she was indeed being paranoid.

"Oh, no. I'm sorry we've made you feel that way! We've just been trying to give you your space. We figured you'll be staying for some time now, and you probably didn't want two old fuddy duddies hovering over you all the time."

Lois laughed. "Fuddy duddies?"

"Well, we're no spring chickens, I'll tell you that." Martha chuckled. "I guess maybe we should have had a family meeting to discuss it, though, instead of just assuming?"

"Yeah, I guess that would have been good," Lois agreed, smiling and ducking her head a little. Then she cocked her head a bit. "Family meeting?"

Martha raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

"I know what one is...it's just...never been to one, is all." Lois shrugged shyly.

Martha nodded in understanding. "Well, let's fix that! And we'll go ahead and fix that feeling of paranoia you've been having, too," Martha said, winking at her as she stood and pulled Lois out of her chair too.

"Where are we going?"

"To the barn!" Martha declared as she marched out of the house into the slightly muggy October morning and across the yard, Lois in tow. She didn't stop until they'd entered the wide barn doors that were already open to allow the air to flow through.

Jonathan didn't look up until they were nearly in front of them, the sound of the loud floor fan masking their entrance. He looked a little startled, like he'd been caught at something. "Martha! Lois! I...what brings you two out here, Martha?" he asked, emphasizing her name, clearly trying to convey some secret meaning.

She waved him off. "It's fine, Jonathan. We're here for a family meeting!" she announced, almost a little too ceremoniously, but it made Lois smile anyway.

"Oh?" Jonathan asked in a playful tone.

Lois looked between the two of them, sure she was missing something. Was this what people were fussing about when she and Clark talked in tandem in the newsroom?

"Yes," Martha said, with mock solemnity. "It's Lois' first, actually!"

"Well, then," Jonathan said, smiling broadly. "I guess it does call for an early reveal of our surprise."

Lois eyed them curiously, so distracted by their mysterious banter, that she'd only now just taken a moment to look at what Jonathan had been working on. She smiled at them and asked, "What's going on?"

Martha held up a hand. "Hold that thought," she said as she dashed off to the corner of the barn that housed her art studio. She came back a few seconds later holding...pillows? No, cushions...for the rocking chair in front of Jonathan.

"It's not quite finished yet," Martha said, "but I think part of the reason you've been feeling left out is because we've been sneaking around to keep your present from you."

Lois felt a lump start to form in her throat. "My present?" she asked, her voice a little more shaky than she meant for it to be.

"We made this rocking chair for you, figuring you'd be needing one eventually," Jonathan started.

Martha finished, "But we decided to move up the time table because we'd noticed how uncomfortable those kitchen chairs are getting for you as your pregnancy progresses. So whaddya think?" She ended with an excited flourish as if she were presenting the almost-finished rocking chair on TV.

Lois let the tears fall freely. She'd been in the habit of sitting in the kitchen with Martha as she cooked sometimes, just chatting and learning more about each other. But those chairs had been getting increasingly uncomfortable.

"I don't know what to say." She sniffled and wiped at her face.

"You say 'thank you', dear," Martha said, smiling and gathering her into a hug, and Jonathan joined her, putting his arms around his wife and Lois both.

Lois let out a tearful laugh and said, "Thank you. Thank you both so much." She was surrounded by so much love.

The next morning, the padded rocking chair had found its way into the kitchen.

*#*#*#*

Lois felt the beginnings of tears form in her eyes at the memory. She really had gained a new family through Clark, especially in his absence. Her parents had been...well, she didn't like to think about them. They were so hard to get a hold of now anyway, since they'd started galavanting around the world and back during their latest reconciliation attempt. It's not like she could have told them the whole story.

No, Martha and Jonathan were just as much parents to her now as her own, if not more. They could understand her situation better than literally anyone, and she really couldn't have survived without their love and support all these months.

So, now...having to share them again, to disrupt their comfortable routine and...make room for Clark.

She cringed and then sighed heavily at herself. What right did she have to be annoyed? He was home. That's all she'd wanted for the better part of a year. Cried herself to sleep over it. Made herself sick over it. Ached for it. And oh God, she was so beyond grateful that he'd come home to her. Come home to them.

She stared down at Kallie and studied her features, somehow equal parts Clark and Lois. She had fallen asleep, so Lois took the edge of her shirt and dabbed at the trace of unfinished milk trailing down Kallie's cheek, then she pulled her shirt all the way back down.

It was just that nine months—almost ten—was a long time. She'd had to change, grow, learn, grieve...so many things on her own. And it wasn't that she'd exactly had her equilibrium back, but it'd been a comfortable routine even if it'd been lacking the person they'd all wanted to return home. But she'd survived that. This should be a piece of cake in comparison to all she'd been through.

She just hoped that it would be the same for Clark. She glanced over to him, still floating above the couch. And suddenly something grabbed at her heart and she ached with the need to go to him.

"Mom?" she asked.

"Yes, dear?" Martha responded, turning from just having put the biscuits in the oven.

Lois' brow furrowed a little. "Could you..." She lifted Kallie ever so slightly in her direction. "I...are you interruptible? I need..." Her voice broke a little as she trailed off, looking over at Clark again, her heart clenching in her chest.

Martha wiped her hands on her apron and immediately came to collect the baby from her. "We'll be fine." She nodded down to the still sleeping Kallie now in her arms. "You go."

She smiled gratefully and went into the living room. Standing in front of him on the couch, she had a bizarre urge to run her hand under and over his body to check for wires or tricks, and her hands moved of their own volition, even though she knew quite well she'd find nothing.

She touched his chest, pushing down gently, testing, though she wasn’t quite sure for what. His body moved slightly down, but then back up as soon as she removed her hand. She wondered if maybe...

She sat down at the end of the couch, just below his head. Once settled, she reached up and pulled him down carefully towards the couch. He came easily without waking, his head coming to rest on her lap, his legs stretched out to the opposite end of the couch. Her heart unclenched and she breathed a sigh of relief now that she was able to touch him, hold him.

Maybe she was imagining it, but he seemed more peaceful now, as if he’d settled into a deeper, more restful sleep because of her touch. She hoped so.

Though...she'd expected to feel...something of their connection, the one she'd somehow also felt with the other Clark, though much more faintly.

It seemed...distant...or absent...and her heart ached at the thought that it might no longer be there.

He'd been off facing God knows what on a far off planet with those...people who didn't quite value life and love the way she and Clark did. They thought Earth and its inhabitants to be sloppy and far too emotional. What if they'd taken it from him, killed his connection to her with their abhorrence and disdain for emotions?

She stared at the scar over his left eye. She brought her hand up to trace its curve lightly, from just above his eyebrow and down through it, ending just near his cheekbone. It was a little lighter, smoother than it had been when he'd arrived.

She cupped his cheek and stroked her thumb over the stubble that had grown since he'd gotten home. What had happened? What horrors had he witnessed, attacks suffered? She could only imagine, and she selfishly didn’t want to.

He'd had other scars, too. It'd been dark when they'd made love after his arrival, but there'd been just enough moonlight coming in through the window to see some of them. She'd traced them with her fingers, hoping to heal them, heal him with her touch somehow. It seemed like the sun might be taking care of that, though, the sun and his Kryptonian physiology.

She wondered...how was it that a body so different, a different species, technically, would be compatible enough with human biology to create a life? She'd read all about the conception process after she'd found out. Of course she'd known things vaguely—the timing of her cycle and sperm meets egg equals baby. But she'd had no clue just how delicate and complex the whole endeavor was.

Ovulation. Fertilization. Implantation. If just one little thing was off or didn't happen or the timing was off, then no baby. Honestly, the fact that she'd gotten pregnant at all was a bit miraculous, even to someone who didn't much believe in such divine things. When you added alien physiology and DNA—well, she was inclined to believe that miracles did exist after all.

She watched his face as he continued to sleep. Her man. Her Clark. All the way across the stars to a small farm in Kansas, then landing in Metropolis—of all the places he had been around the world—and then finding his way into her heart and soul? Yeah, miracles had to exist.

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