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Joined: Apr 2023
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Hack from Nowheresville
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OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
Hello! Part 2 is freshly edited and posted. I'm still my own beta for this whole story, so I'd love to hear thoughts on what's making an impact and if anything's unclear. It's my first story in this universe, so I'm still feeling it out! The story began here: Undercover Reporter (1/3)And continued here: Undercover Reporter (2/3)The final part will be up around the weekend or Monday. Thanks for reading!
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 9
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 9 |
Another thrilling part. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time, hoping she would make the conection. I have to highlight this quote: In this new colder, colorless life, missing Clark was the best part of her day. This line was so powerful and poignant. It's as if her life has become so unbearable that drowning in sorrow is a reprieve.   We only have Lois' POV, but I imagine it was also incredibly hard and painful for Clark. He misses their friendship, their routine and their partnership. He is with her, but at the same time he is not, because Superman is not Lois' partner.  One part left!?  I'm looking forward to seeing how you wrap this up in a chapter.  Andreia
"My wife's love is what unites Krypton and Earth in my heart. Without it, without her, I truly would be in hell."
~ Superman: Man of Tomorrow #15
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JadedEvie |
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Joined: Jan 2019
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
This was awesome. The interactions and feelings :3  I really liked the snippets of teasing amid uncertainty, especially as Lois sees a side of Superman she doesn't believe she's seen before (but has). I'm really curious to see how this is going to end....
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1 member likes this:
JadedEvie |
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
He didn’t look like he believed her, but he didn’t reply. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was intentionally trying to wind her up.
“I wasn’t! Please, I have a little more faith in you that that!” she said, condescendingly. “Honestly, you’re acting exactly like —“
The air left her lungs.
Clark. She’d been about to say Clark.
She closed her eyes against the slash of pain that lanced through her collapsing chest. The interplay between them is amazing and painful. The words are so crisp and paint a picture that is so powerful it feels like Part2 of TOGOM. Lois shouldn't be Mad Dog Lane and Superman really needs to be Clark again. How will this be resolved with only one chapter remaining? 
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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1 member likes this:
JadedEvie |
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
This is really good. We get to see Lois at her investigative best, Superman protecting her, and some very near misses in the secret identity sweepstakes. Clark almost forgot what Suit he was wearing more than once, and Lois's subconscious is nudging her to make that connection. It's a tossup as to how she'll react when the truth blossoms in her mind - plasma-hot unreasoning fury or passionate relief or something in between. Maybe even both at the same time - she's that talented. I'm looking forward to the third chapter when all this gets resolved.
Or does it?
nitpick: digital cameras don't use film
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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1 member likes this:
JadedEvie |
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Joined: Apr 2023
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Hack from Nowheresville
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OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
Andreia, thank you so much! Grief is a funny thing, isn't it? Sometimes getting through it means really embracing it. It felt like Lois would look for any connection she could find. Even if it hurt. --I couldn't bring myself to add in Clark's POV on this one. I felt like if I'd written them both drowning in pain, I'd never get over it. One part left! BlueOwl, so glad to have held your attention after garnering it in part 1!  I appreciate you sticking around - thank you for the kind words! Morgana, awwww, thank you so much for reading! You were such a kind, welcoming member of the community that I decided to finally post one of my own -- so it means a lot that you're reading along. "Part 2 of TOGOM" is such high praise!  Terry, oooooooo, what a great catch. That camera comes back in chapter 3 (and ALSO referenced both film and digital) so I'm SO glad you said something! This story exists in a multiverse apparently: one where I wanted her to have snatched Jimmy's new-fangled digital camera, and another where I wanted to describe winding the film, lol. I went back and edited to achieve continuity - it's officially a manual camera now: "Very carefully — very, very carefully, with the fallen recorder in mind — she pulled out the Planet’s smallest SLR camera and double checked that the flash was off." SLR's get used in low light settings, so this should work out better for Lois, anyway. --Outside of that - 'secret identity sweepstakes' is now my new favorite phrase, so thank you for that delight! I'm so grateful that this story is hitting those points for you in a believable and fulfilling way. I'm just getting used to this universe, so I'm not sure about their personality balances yet for their most deeply held traits. Lois is certainly talented at expressing several emotions at the speed of light, and one of AnnieM's comments on the last thread inspired me to go back and see if we could push that talent of hers a little further, too. This was never a 'how-to-solve' it piece for me, but there is an emotional resolution. <3
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31 |
Hi Evie! This story is highly addictive. You have a very vivid style  “Are we inside the warehouse?” she asked. It was the only logical possibility that fit the blinding night that surrounded them.
“Yes.” Good. He’ll survive another day. . She might look ridiculous, she conceded. But that didn’t make her a willing object of derision! Excuse her for being just a plain human with ordinary eyesight, She’s adorable! One of her arms wound around him so that she could grip his shoulder, and she felt him chuckle lightly in reaction. Her irritation rose another few degrees. He loves himself a ticked-off Lois. That meant the blonde woman was probably in charge here. Of course. They wouldn’t bring a dame to a business meeting at the docks. when it suddenly slipped from her grasp.
The arm around her waist disappeared, and for exactly one beat of her heart, she was suspended in mid-air. Whoops? Superman didn’t roll his eyes, but she swore she could feel him fight the urge. Yeah, what’s up with his prioritizing? During the hostage situation, he’d made dropping her off seem like a chore. It was probably more painful than carrying kryptonite. Very carefully — very, very carefully, with the fallen recorder in mind — she pulled out a small digital camera and double checked that the flash was off. She advanced the film as quietly as she could, and leaned forward to get a better angle. I see Terry already mentioned it In fact, she had the sneaking suspicion that he was trying to keep her still.
Like that would ever happen. She’s very self-aware, that one She advanced the film as quietly as she could, and leaned forward to get a better angle.
She felt herself jerked backward and looked up at her current mode of transport.
Was that exasperation creeping in behind his eyes?
What did he think they were here for? Those details are great! Lois turned to her own now-brooding muscle man. “Let’s go,” she urged. “We need to get in there so I can get photos of the hand-off.” Good luck with that! “They’re opening one of the crates in there,” he said urgently. “Give me the camera.” So awkward if the boxes contained kryptonite. or as her temper gave way to fear and she finally called for help in the seconds left before the building was about to explode. That wasn’t the situation she was in now.
She hadn’t even been caught, yet, for goodness’ sake! Your just have to hug her. One if the most adorable Loises ever! Lex was just the gift that kept on giving. It was one of Lex’s special project warehouses, and probably one that stored something nasty, since its connection to its owner had been concealed. Great job with the background crafting! Stepping backwards, she headed for the far, dark corner of the room.
“Superman!” Given the Lex connection, is there really green-k around? “I told you that you wouldn’t like it fast,” his voice said into her ear. “Honestly, you’re acting exactly like —“
The air left her lungs.
Clark. She’d been about to say Clark. Huh… relegating her emotions back to the place she kept them hidden during the day. Oh boy. But she’d discovered that if she gave in, it would effectively be the end of her day. It was long past that time now, and her mind and body were insisting upon their usual routine. Oh boy. You made it sound like she was healing and now you’re pulling the blanket away. Very well done! Spinning toward the sound, she realized belatedly that her eyes were expressing her still-raw sadness.
“Lois?” His voice became soft again.
Getting sloppy, she thought, already compartmentalizing Such wonderful yarn — and reached for the door.
“Ready?” she asked.
The door opened before her hand could touch it.
“Ladies, first,” he said lightly, ushering her through. His hand landed lightly on her lower back as she passed him Yeah, that’s gonna come back to haunt him. They had stopped, just like this, and she had caught an appreciative look in his warm, darkening eyes before he’d hidden it. It was in that moment she’d decided that her flirty red dress had just become her new favorite.  As they alighted into a star-filled sky, she couldn’t help but wonder…
How tempting? This is such a delicious story! Okay, sorry for all the repetitive gushing   Michael
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Hack from Nowheresville
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OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
Michael, This story is highly addictive. You have a very vivid style My blush deepens. Thank you so much! Of course. They wouldn’t bring a dame to a business meeting at the docks. That seems to obvious when you say it, and I didn't even think of that. Obviously the docks aren't a hot Metropolis date spot. Was this one unbelievable? I know our nearly limitless hero is capable of just dipping down with her, but with the 'fast' caveat coming up, and the fact that he's teasing her a bit, I was hoping I could get away with it. It was probably more painful than carrying kryptonite. Ooof, that one hurt me. She’s very self-aware, that one Let's call it a work in progress  Thank you, thank you! So awkward if the boxes contained kryptonite. I laughed out loud at this. Now I really want to see that happen. SO awkward. One if the most adorable Loises ever! Aw, thank yoooouuuu. Just don't tell her that, or she'll think she can get away with even more than she does! “I told you that you wouldn’t like it fast,” his voice said into her ear. THANK you for popping this one! I felt like this was my naughtiest tidbit in the story (and a favorite!), and I wasn't sure it played. V happy that it does.  Oh boy. You made it sound like she was healing and now you’re pulling the blanket away. Very well done! Thank you, Dr. Beckett. And I truly wonder how far she could have healed without him. A broken bone will knit, but if it isn't set properly, you're still going to have damage that might leave it ultimately unworkable. Yeah, that’s gonna come back to haunt him. OH, YEAH! Big time. When they can't be together, they just haunt each other. Okay, sorry for all the repetitive gushing I'm a writer - that's never something to apologize for! I'm so glad you enjoyed this one!
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31 |
Hi Evie! That seems to obvious when you say it, and I didn't even think of that. Obviously the docks aren't a hot Metropolis date spot. It *was* just a wild tangent! Was this one unbelievable? I know our nearly limitless hero is capable of just dipping down with her, but with the 'fast' caveat coming up, and the fact that he's teasing her a bit, I was hoping I could get away with it. Nah, worked perfectly! I laughed out loud at this. Now I really want to see that happen. Only one way to find out!  Aw, thank yoooouuuu. Just don't tell her that, or she'll think she can get away with even more than she does! Yes, we must not ever tell those Lois’s about those terrible hidden agendas we have for them. THANK you for popping this one! I felt like this was my naughtiest tidbit in the story (and a favorite!), and I wasn't sure it played. V happy that it does. Glad I commented on it then! There’s always a balance on which parts to mention. Umm…I swear, there is! And yes, the more naughty fun a bit allows for, the more likely it is to get picked up I'm a writer - that's never something to apologize for! Indeed! Michael
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Joined: Jun 2006
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,628 Likes: 42 |
I loved to this second chapter and the slightly strained relationship between Lois and Superman. It's good to see she notices that something about the man is familiar beyond the spandex. I'm wondering why he never told her the truth. It would be interesting to have a version from Clark's POV.
It's never too dark to be cool. 
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
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Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41 |
I’m working on catching up today! I’ve been so eager to finish reading this! Once settled, she had to resist leaning into him. She only now realized just how much she had missed this.
While they hadn’t exactly gone on leisurely pleasure flights before, there had always been a shared intimacy in flying together - his arms around her, cradling her to his chest, as they shared a wordless connection and affinity to the empty skies and the sunset beyond. It had always felt both soothing and exhilarating. And try as she might, particularly in these recent months, she could never quite shake the feeling that it was where she was meant to be. Oh!! I love this!! So wonderfully phrased, and the insights and characterization are just perfect! I honestly wanted to keep highlighting more of the passage to quote, because you go on to have some amazing juxtaposition all about how Superman carries her. “I wasn’t implying anything about you!”
He didn’t look like he believed her, but he didn’t reply. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was intentionally trying to wind her up.
“I wasn’t! Please, I have a little more faith in you that that!” she said, condescendingly. “Honestly, you’re acting exactly like —“
The air left her lungs.
Clark. She’d been about to say Clark.
She closed her eyes against the slash of pain that lanced through her collapsing chest.
“Lois?” His voice was soft. ACK omg that was great!! Her shoulders slumped at the dour future that laid itself out before her. She hadn’t married Lex, but she was still stuck with him. Tonight proved to her that she’d be hunting Lex’s ghost for years — tracking down other crates like Blondie’s, ferreting out a story if there was one, and keeping all of Pandora’s many boxes out of the wrong hands. Even with all her skills, her confidence in her own talent, and the inside track on Luthor, the job already felt like an insurmountable climb. Gahhh! Great insights and emotions here! “Ladies, first,” he said lightly, ushering her through. His hand landed lightly on her lower back as she passed him.
The sensation of familiarity was excruciating and undeniable.
She stopped dead and twisted back to look at him.
And she really looked at him for the first time that night.
“What?” he asked, studying her face.
Yes, what? her mind echoed. What was happening? OMG OMG!! This!! Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m an absolute sucker for the hand on the small of the back! And GAHH I love, love, love when it’s used so cleverly like this! And the whole rest of the part is just a wonderful blend of tension and curiosity as Lois puzzles things out and challenges Clark! Ahhhh! Because you asked for constructive feedback, I’ll mention my only minor nitpick is that there was just a smidge too much info about the Luthor stuff there in the middle for the pacing of the scene. It’s all really clever and great information!! And wonderfully worded, too! Actually, going back and rereading a little to be sure, I think it’s more the fact that you’ve got Lois’s introspection about the holidays and stuff *as well as* the background info on Luthor as to what’s slowing the pacing a bit. (Also, please know that I ramble a lot and overexplain, so don’t take the length and ramble of this comment to mean that this is a major issue or anything! It’s more of a refinement point.) In any case, all the emotions and everything are so well done! And we’re so lucky to have you as an author!  On to the last part… Sara 
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Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 351 Likes: 13
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 351 Likes: 13 |
Thanks for another great chapter! It was emotional and had me on the edge of my seat. Lois is slowly putting two and two together and is on the verge of figuring out that Clark and Superman are the same. The following sentence gives me hope that Lois won’t be too mad at Clark.
“In this new colder, colorless life, missing Clark was the best part of her day.”
I can’t wait to read the last chapter! I love this story!’
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Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31
Hack from Nowheresville
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OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
So sorry not to have a replied to a few of these sooner!
Bakasi, thank you so much for the kind words. I think he never told her for a lot of the same reasons he never told her he was Superman - at first he was figuring out if he could fix it, and then it was too soon, and then he tried dealing with it, but then he kind of just wasn't successful at that, and then they ran into each other but it wasn't the right time, and then it was never the right time... and then time just passed and her we are in a warehouse. This felt like Lois' story to me, but I did add quite a bit more of Clark's POV into the sequel!
Sara, thank you for commenting on this one, and being such an awesome cheerleader! I also loved the bits about how he carried her - it felt like it was a useful way to give us some info on the state of their relationship. I really appreciate your ability to articulate some of my favorite parts of this story, too. It really feels like I made an impact, just reading how you respond to it - thank you so much!
(And I did backtrack to nip that overly dense section - I split it up with a little dialogue, but also shortened those two sections - you know how much I really appreciate your constructive feedback, but I'll say thank you again!)
Songbird, thanks for responding! I'm so happy that you found this moving. The best part of her day being the few minutes that she can indulge in missing him really hit me when I was editing the draft, too - definitely a little bit of hope in there!
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