|
|
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31
Hack from Nowheresville
|
OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
Hello! Part 3 is up and Lois and Superman are making their way to the end of this mini-adventure. If you catch any other nitpicks, moments where there isn't solid clarity, etc. let me know! As my own beta, I know I've missed things, and I'm hoping to send this one to the archive. If anything really made an impact, I'd love to know. I always use feedback for future writing.  I wanted to thank everyone that's commented on this so far. This story has been residing in my brain for SO LONG that it's such a rush to finally get to be able to talk about it with other FOLCs.  You've been such a welcoming group for my first story in this universe! The story began here: Undercoer Reporter (1/3)And continued here: Undercover Reporter (2/3)Concluding here: Undercover Reporter (3/3)...but they still have some things to solve...look for more in 2024. SPOILERS: * * * This story was actually something I'd thrown out. I have a much longer TOGOM story in progress. I'd written this scene as an ending to that, but after 80+ pages, it felt a little too easy/pat for both Lois and Clark. That story feels like it does need to have the problem solved of how you bring a man back from the dead. But even so, my mind kept coming around to Lois sneaking around this warehouse, kept safe by her ever-vigilant but now silent partner. So I thought maybe it could become something else, something a little waffy and hopeful. I moved the warehouse to another part of town, gave Woolf his own nightmare from that night, and decided to blame the whole thing on Luthor (since I can't believe he ever really leaves Lois, even in death - too much mental trauma). I'm really happy that this little story made it. And that they get a happy ending. ...for a while, at least. And while I'm sure that Luthor Corps' many arms are wreaking havoc on Metropolis, this is the end for our Undercover Reporter. I'll be concentrating on other stories - another TOGOM piece (somehow way darker than this), a spin-off of All Shook Up, and an alt-universe re-interpretation of The Rivals. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to reading more stories here, too! Thanks for reading!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Jan 2019
Posts: 1,007 Likes: 19 |
Loved this and how she became more cautious. It makes a lot of sense. I also really liked the scene with Henderson and how Superman’s small actions led Lois to digging deeper. It was so satisfying. Looking forward to your future fics
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
She felt her future slide indelibly into place.
With the confidence of someone who knew firsthand that impossible things could be made real, she said, “We’ll come up with something.”
And that’s exactly what they did. That's it? That's IT?!I understand that the whole point was to get Clark and Lois back together, which you did in a masterful fashion. But to end it with "They came up with something?!" As much as I enjoyed the balance of this tale, the whole journey from Lois' pain to her reasonable self-control and deliberate decision to waste no more time, the end came too soon for me. I want to know what impossibly brilliant and convincing story made the entire city believe that Clark a) came back from the dead b) was in hiding for his own protection c) was seriously wounded and needed extensive surgical repairs and physical therapy AND that Lois Lane didn't know any of it?Maybe I'm too grounded to suspend that part of my disbelief. I just know that I loved every single word of this story until the last sentence. I feel like I tried to step on level ground but found that it was a foot deeper than I'd thought and I tripped and bruised something special. And I'm sure that few if any others will feel this way. So ignore me as a crusty septuagenarian who has outlived his romantic fantasies if you wish. I'm sure you'll be nominated for a Kerth next year. The story is quite original and compelling. It shows Lois as a competent if guilt-driven and grief-soaked warrior for justice who gets what she wants the most in her life when she's sure it can't happen. Overall, this is an excellent tale well-told. Thank you for allowing me to share it.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020
Kerth
|
|
Kerth
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,020 |
Framework4
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 9
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 9 |
“Ask me, then,” he said.
It was harder than she expected, to ask for the one thing you wanted most.
She put her hand to his cheek and looked into his warm, achingly familiar, chocolate eyes.
“Clark?”
“Is that your question?”
“Yes,” she said, holding back a sob, existing on a hope.
“Yes,” he said simply. It seems he was tired of keeping up the pretense with her, but he didn't see the point in bringing this up after so much time had gone by, because he didn't have any hope of making things right again. But he didn't have it in him to deny the truth any longer, too.  “You could have told me,” she said seriously.
He nodded back. She could see the regret written across his face and reflected throughout his whole body. “I know. I should have. I’ve been… a little lost.” He could. He should. But Clark was infurianting like that sometimes.  Like in the situation with Mayson and then with Scardino... Sometimes I wanted to slap some sense into him and scream: Say something! Do something!  And he would stubbornly refuse to make anything and just wait for things to resolve itself.  Good thing Lois is not so passive. He was still shaking his head. “Lois, I don’t understand how this can possibly work.”
She grinned at him, feeling the world right itself around her.
“That’s what you have me for.” Yeah, Lois is back to her old self. You go, girl!  With the confidence of someone who knew firsthand that impossible things could be made real, she said, “We’ll come up with something.”
And that’s exactly what they did.
THE END What? What do you mean "The end"? Are you going to leave us there? ![[Linked Image]](http://smilie.expert2.be/pix/nooo.gif) Please, come back! An epilogue would be great. Please?  Pretty please with cherry on top? ![[Linked Image]](https://web.archive.org/web/20151028191033if_/http://scraporchard.com/forum/images/smilies/pplease.gif) Andreia
"My wife's love is what unites Krypton and Earth in my heart. Without it, without her, I truly would be in hell."
~ Superman: Man of Tomorrow #15
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5
Top Banana
|
|
Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5 |
This was great. Please write more! 
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31 |
Hi Evie! She took a small step closer. “Ever consider going under cover as a reporter?” she asked.   He could never say ‘yes,’ of course. But even as she asked it, she was absolutely sure he wouldn’t say ‘no.’
He hesitated before replying quietly, “It’s tempting.” “Her?” Henderson asked.
“Yes,” Yes. You see, women can be criminals, too, now. It’s already the 1990s. Henderson jumped in then, “Lois hasn’t mentioned that she’s been the unofficial Luthor Corp clean-up crew these last few months?” Oops? LOIS: A girl needs a hobby. Superman’s eyebrows jumped to his hairline. “What?!”
“Bill!” she protested. one Luthor lackey or another is wracking up felonies /Psst/ I believe you mean ‘racking up’? “We’re getting pretty used to it, too. She’s saving my guys a lot of field work.” Henderson looked like he was really having fun with this. At her expense! We are, too! The return of her favorite precinct sparring partner evoked a sense of normalcy that she hadn’t felt since — Well, that she hadn’t felt in months. She’d have to bring Superman along more often on visits to Henderson. Can we make a doll out of her? LEX: I could have her covered in a thin layer of epoxy resin? “That’s dangerous,” Superman said to her disapprovingly, breaking into her thoughts.
Or not, she immediately recanted.  frying pan and fire situation? “I’m not going after Luthor, obviously. I’m going after his secretaries,” she said archly.  “The Planet expects copies of that roll of film, Bill!” she shouted to the Detective’s retreating back. When he didn’t reply, she shouted, “Bill! I have deadline!” Also, did you miss the ‘a’ before ‘deadline’ or is this intentional? “Why are you going after the House of Luthor?” /Must not quote Arya Stark/ “We were only paired up for a coupla’ months,” he said gruffly. “Then I moved over to narcotics.”
“When?” she heard her voice ask.
He looked at her steadily. “About 5 months ago.” Lois drove him off? She hadn’t realized that he’d been leaning over her shoulder to look along with her. Couldn’t he see this from a city block away? Habit. /Cocks eyebrow/ Woolf settled more heavily into the door frame, eyes cast down. “One of the witnesses had been there with the guy. She was sobbing when the uniforms questioned her. Ummm…he might have missed something? “I was sorry for your loss, Ms. Lane,” he said. Oh. Ah. I see. She couldn’t help that her thoughts flashed over to the red dress that she couldn’t bring herself to throw away but couldn’t bear to look at. Never noticed the lack of blood, did she? That night she had gently, carefully wrapped it, and stuffed it far out of sight beneath her bed Wonderful juxtaposition! “Can I do anything for you?”
She shook her head mutely.
“Would chocolate help?” he asked.
She shook her head again.
“Even chocolate from Switzerland?” Cute! She quirked her mouth in a failed smile. She’d already tried chocolate to solve this problem. It tasted like ash every time. But if he really wanted to help… “I don’t suppose you can race around the earth so fast that you could turn back time?”
“No,” he said sadly. “Time isn’t always exactly linear, but I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way.”
She took that in. “Then, no.” /waits for time machine/ She cut him off. “You’re a crime-fighter, right? Well, you didn’t do what a cop would do to fight the crime. You did what a reporter would do,” she said accusingly. “How do you always know where I am when I’m in trouble? You always know exactly where to go to save me. How?”
“You usually call for help,” he said weakly.
It was the correct answer. So adorable! “Yes,” he said. “I would forgive you.” His arms tightened around her almost imperceptibly. She felt it. “Will you forgive me?”
Her heart raced. “I think so.”
“Ask me, then,” he said. /Looks around at all the china standing around everywhere/ “Clark?”
“Is that your question?”
“Yes,” she said, holding back a sob, existing on a hope.
“Yes,” he said simply. Awwwwww “You could have told me,” she said seriously.  Her hero wasn’t off the hook, not by any stretch, she acknowledged to herself. And Swiss chocolate wasn’t even going to make a dent in this one. SUPERMAN: So, that’s a no on the chocolate? LOIS: Now, let’s not be hasty. She had, in fact, learned caution this year. Right now, that caution was telling her not to explode. It was telling her that forever letting her temper take the reins wasn’t a sustainable means for a relationship. And it was telling her that her partner might have been lost in agony, too. Awwww So instead of six rounds of ‘who was right,’ and a week of the silent treatment, maybe, just maybe, starting tonight, they could just be happy. Together. Maybe it could be simple. Awwwwww But I just can’t. Clark Kent is dead.”
“That’s what the page eight story is for,” she replied, /cocks eyebrow/ “We’ll come up with something.”
And that’s exactly what they did.
THE END That was a beautiful story and a great ending. The actual resurrection has been done numerous times and it’s a detail, nothing more, for this story And to me, the that final lines are so poignant. It just fits in this fandom Also, I've been guilty of the tidy-bow-implied / oops-let's-leave-things-messy option my self, so I can perfectly sympathize. So great that you have delurked!  Michael
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 16 Likes: 2
Blogger
|
|
Blogger
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 16 Likes: 2 |
Great story. Very poignant in painting Lois' grief. I could picture the tortured look on Superman/Clark's face when Det. Woolf said the reason for transferring departments. I would like a glimpse at the page eight story that brings Clark back in maybe an epilogue, but that is me wanting to read more. I get why you ended it like you did. Once again, great story.
Sarah
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,784 Likes: 28 |
Fantastic story my friend. Beautifully written and executed. As for an epilogue, that might be cool, but in this case I am content to leave how everything was resolved up to my imagination.  Welcome to the Lois and Clark fandom.
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
Blueowl, thank you very much! I was so happy when Henderson found his way into this one! I just love when he winds up Lois. That was one of the most fun sections to write. I've got a couple of other ideas, but they're much more basic drafts (and much longer  ), so it might be a little while! Terry, yeah, I think that's all more than fair. It's a major (major!) sticking point for me, too - that Lois didn't know what was going on. It would have to be literally the biggest secret in the world, for Clark to keep it from her . It's basically indisputable by this point that they're thick as thieves. I don't know how you solve that. (Well, actually, I do have one idea on how to solve it, but that's a different story. Literally.) I have a really heavy background in folklore/fairy tales in the 1600-1800's, and it reared it's ugly head here. I'd been writing another story, and a big section of this scene (the whole ending) basically wrote itself one night. Once I'd read it through again, I'd felt about it the way you're describing here. But in lieu of chucking it, I thought I'd try it as a stand-alone. Maybe it's a darling that I should have killed instead of building it a house, but I just couldn't do it. The last sentence picks at me, too, but that folklore background is hard for me to bury. I think that the one thing I can offer is that we don't get all the information we want here (how they get out of this one), but I think we get all the information we need (they do get out of it - Lois already has the story forming in her head, and she's a lot better at this than I am). I am sorry if it bruised that I wrapped the emotional plot, but not the full story plot. Thank you for the amazingly kind words here. I've read some of your stories on the archive and I won't soon forget being described as 'masterful' by you. Any story nominations are hard to come by, and a Kerth would be quite a compliment. A true to character by "grief-soaked" is the absolute best descriptor of the Lois I was aiming for, and I couldn't have articulated it nearly so well. Thank you for reading this with such depth! Framework4, thank you so much for stopping into the feedback thread! I really appreciate it, and I'm glad that you liked this one! Andreia, thank you for the kind words! And he would stubbornly refuse to make anything and just wait for things to resolve itself. This... makes... me... CRAZY!  I know the writers are trying to stretch out the dramatic tension, especially in the love triangles (love rhombus?), but I do want to physically shove Clark into action sometimes. I sincerely believe that Lois doesn't go for him for her soulmate for A FULL YEAR because he literally just isn't asking. I have to remind myself that he's never been in a long-term, adult relationship before, and so this caution of his is actually charming. And I try to see it as a super human vowing to do no harm -- and that can be hard not to over-correct. It's a slippery little slope. But great shades of Elvis, some days I want to give him that push. And so, that's what Lois does here, lol What do you mean "The end"? Well, technically, for them, it's just the beginning.  An epilogue would be great. I honestly hadn't considered this. That's not a bad idea. I'm so grateful to everyone who has read this and commented! I'm trying to sneak replies in a work, so I'll be back for the last half of this thread soon! <3
|
|
1 member likes this:
Ultra Woman |
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
Gr8shadesofElvis, that's very nice of you to stop in and comment! I'm glad you enjoyed this one! Michael,Yes. You see, women can be criminals, too, now. It’s already the 1990s. Ope, I guess my subconscious accidentally made him a touch misogynist. Aw, Henderson deserves better. I'll have to make it up to him somewhere. /Psst/ I believe you mean ‘racking up’? Oh, yes, I do! ...would you be opposed to my borrowing this comment from you? Would you mind seeing it pop up elsewhere? D'aww, thanks. This scene was soooo fun to write. I got to drive them all a little crazy. frying pan and fire situation? Almost equivalent to a Clark Kent and Superman situation. Also, did you miss the ‘a’ before ‘deadline’ or is this intentional? Yes, yes. Thank you for catching this one! I fixed it in my original. YES. This one word just covers so many sins between them, doesn't it? Delicious. YAY! I was SO psyched to sneak her in. She'd have to be an alt-version anyway here, so I got to have a little fun. Thank you for catching Mercy!!!  Re: Woolf: Was that build worth it? Clark needed a solid reality slap here, but I had trouble balancing this section and was still in my head about it when I hit 'post.' I tried giving Woolf some physical/body posture clues and eye contact issues to support it. I thought Woolf's emotional trauma and Lois' emotional trauma could butt heads in order to create enough distance to pull this off (since they're essentially representing each others' nightmares here). Would a little more discomfort from him have guided us better?  Never noticed the lack of blood, did she? She never noticed the face behind the glasses, either. This discrepancy never bothers me that much, especially once she's out of the casino. The dress is red, blood is red... grief and shock do such funny things to our brains, don't they? Swiss chocolate is the Lane panacea. “You could have told me,” she said seriously. Bahahahaha. My favorite version of Lois is when she lies really big and really out loud. Our girl is self-aware until that critical moment. That was a beautiful story and a great ending. As my first story in this universe, of course this one is close to my heart. xo The actual resurrection has been done numerous times and it’s a detail, nothing more, for this story. And to me, the that final lines are so poignant. It just fits in this fandom. Thank you for saying that. I do love writing all the bits where Lois dangerously pussyfoots around a dark building (with various degrees of success), but the story here - from behind the keyboard - was always the journey to the emotional resolution. Thanks for reading so closely from that perspective. So great that you have delurked! Thanks for being such a cheerleader for a newbie! The welcome here is so warm! I'll be around.  saraj, I really appreciate your kind words! Your wanting to read more is such a compliment - thank you! I didn't really expect anyone to ask for more of this one, but I'll do a bit more thinking about the Planet's upcoming page 8 stories. I could picture the tortured look on Superman/Clark's face when Det. Woolf said the reason for transferring departments. Oh, good! I was really invested in this moment! I'm glad it gripped your imagination! Morgana, thank you! That's so, so kind of you to say! If I start on an epilogue, I'll never get back to beta'ing. And that's my next priority! Very happy to be here! Thank you to everyone for reading! <3
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 31 |
Hi Evie! Ope, I guess my subconscious accidentally made him a touch misogynist. Aw, Henderson deserves better. I'll have to make it up to him somewhere. Nah, Henderson was just playing the odds. LOIS: he should still have known better. Look! /spreads out her arms/ HENDERSON: Hmm…yes, I can see now how women can be prone to criminal behavior, too. Where’s that B&E form again… /Psst/ I believe you mean ‘racking up’? Oh, yes, I do! ...would you be opposed to my borrowing this comment from you? Would you mind seeing it pop up elsewhere? Sure, go right ahead! Wait, are you suggesting having Clark point our Lois’s typos to her? Yes, please! YES. This one word just covers so many sins between them, doesn't it? Delicious. YAY! I was SO psyched to sneak her in. She'd have to be an alt-version anyway here, so I got to have a little fun. Thank you for catching Mercy!!! Re: Woolf: Was that build worth it? Clark needed a solid reality slap here, but I had trouble balancing this section and was still in my head about it when I hit 'post.' I tried giving Woolf some physical/body posture clues and eye contact issues to support it. I thought Woolf's emotional trauma and Lois' emotional trauma could butt heads in order to create enough distance to pull this off (since they're essentially representing each others' nightmares here). Would a little more discomfort from him have guided us better? Hmm…It didn’t jump out at me until he started telling his murder story. And then I wondered if he forgot it was Lois. You know, just focusing on the victim and his emotions, not the witnesses personal stories. I think there’s two…issues here, for the lack of a better word. I managed to forget that Det. Woolf was the one investigating during TOGoM at first. It’s a fallacy of fanfic--which little detail does one remember and doesn’t require to be told/reminded of? And the other, since I wasn’t getting the original connection, I just focused on Lois’s side so I didn’t see anything before he started with the story about the murder. I rechecked now and didn’t find too many hints. I also considered the five-months timeline during the first read but figured ‘coincidence?’ On the whole, it felt like he just rotated out from murder after a couple of months, and not because of ToGOM in particular until the reveal. So…yeah, more discomfort could have helped. Maybe Lois mirroring his due to his presence and her memory of his being there? This discrepancy never bothers me that much, especially once she's out of the casino. The dress is red, blood is red... grief and shock do such funny things to our brains, don't they? Yes. As my first story in this universe, of course this one is close to my heart. xo but the story here - from behind the keyboard - was always the journey to the emotional resolution. Thanks for reading so closely from that perspective. Thanks for being such a cheerleader for a newbie! The welcome here is so warm! I'll be around. Aww, thanks! And yes, FoLCs are such great people! There’s also a hangout spot on Discord, if you’re interested! Michael
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,626 Likes: 42
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,626 Likes: 42 |
I liked how you resolved this, even though we don't get a fleshed out resolution. I enjoyed the banter between Lois and Henderson and how Clark was sitting in between, not believing what he heard.
I also loved the reconciliation between the two characters, how Lois decides to not be angry at him though she would have every right to be.
What a wonderful tale. Again, welcome to the boards. We're glad to have you here.
It's never too dark to be cool.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
|
|
Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Evie, I want to make sure I get this point across.
I loved the story. I think it's outstanding. The understated conflict between Lois and Superman and his unconscious (or maybe not so unconscious) neglect of the separation between CK and SM was delicious. And I get that your literary background is more in fairy tales than, say, military history or detective/mystery novels. I'm an amateur historian and I tend toward military matters in that area, so I'm used to stories that have a definite ending, and if there's a cognitive disconnect in your ending the fault rests with me. I apologize for being more abrupt than I should have been. Again, this is an excellent tale that is well told, and I sense a Kerth nom in your future.
Oh, and if you do figure out the result Clark and Lois' brainstorming, please let us know. I'm certain it would be absolutely brilliant.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
Michael, HENDERSON: Hmm…yes, I can see now how women can be prone to criminal behavior, too. Where’s that B&E form again… Absolutely cracking me up! Oh, yes, I do! ...would you be opposed to my borrowing this comment from you? Would you mind seeing it pop up elsewhere? Sure, go right ahead! Wait, are you suggesting having Clark point our Lois’s typos to her? Yes, please! Maaaaaaaayyyybeeeeeeeeeee... And thank you! Hmm…It didn’t jump out at me until he started telling his murder story. And then I wondered if he forgot it was Lois. You know, just focusing on the victim and his emotions, not the witnesses personal stories. I think there’s two…issues here, for the lack of a better word. I managed to forget that Det. Woolf was the one investigating during TOGoM at first. It’s a fallacy of fanfic--which little detail does one remember and doesn’t require to be told/reminded of? And the other, since I wasn’t getting the original connection, I just focused on Lois’s side so I didn’t see anything before he started with the story about the murder. I rechecked now and didn’t find too many hints. I also considered the five-months timeline during the first read but figured ‘coincidence?’ On the whole, it felt like he just rotated out from murder after a couple of months, and not because of ToGOM in particular until the reveal. So…yeah, more discomfort could have helped. Maybe Lois mirroring his due to his presence and her memory of his being there? Super, super helpful! Wondering if the five-month timeline was a coincidence was intentional - I wanted to lead you here but not force you to drink, for lack of better terminology. I can spell out their OG connection a little more AND connect them to each other with a tighter, more tense rope during the scene. In re-reading, I also realized that I put in some hints at the top of Woolf's entrance, but then we go through the whole Luthor Corp look book. I think that we've forgotten/reattributed the Woolf physical clues by the time we come back to it, so they become more subtle with distance. I'm going to tighten this - thank you so much for very good notes, and for taking the time too look back! I appreciate you! I may make it to the Discord eventually. I'm the classic introvert, so I'm just starting off with the boards first. Bakasi, Thank you so much for the feedback! Superman in disbelief and Superman being inexplicably a background character are two of my favorite things, and definitely hard to craft a believable situation where it can happen! I'm so glad that popped out for you! Thank you for the warm welcome! Terry, I really don't think you have anything to apologize for. I very much enjoyed your first round of comments on this. And I was aiming for a conversational tone with my reply. I got a little chatty because I think you're right about the cognitive disconnect. Those older folklore stories really do pull the rug out from under you ("...And then she died. And the prince left. The end. ...And then they went home. The end. ...And so they killed her. The end.") in a wild way when they wrap up. I'm not sure if it's an acquired taste or just a stylistic stumbling block. But college-thesis-writing-me would be so mad at present-day-me for using this ending. So I'm still thinking through it. I enjoyed that you were, too. That said, I'm grateful for your coming back to the thread. You've been very, very kind about my writing, and I'm deeply flattered. I'm still carrying 'masterful' with me. ...I have developed an idea about what comes of their brainstorming session, but without a 'grief-soaked' Lois, I'm having trouble locating the tension until we get to the final act, and it feels a bit, well, light. If it stays that light, it'll never see daylight, lol. But if it helps, I'll be posting another TOGOM story in the next year or so that will give you the ending that you're looking for. It's just that it's about 80 pages in its current first-draft version and I think it's a 120-ish page story. Also, while since we're chatting, I wanted to say that I really enjoyed your Play Some Mountain Music. I read it earlier this year, and I remember really sinking into it. Absolutely genius way to use the Metro Club and work in the Toni Taylor story. It really brought us into a new, fleshed out world with favorite and familiar characters guiding us through it. Lucy was truly elevated and much more of a whole person than we're usually treated to. And, naturally, I adored Lois as an undercover investigator. The feint at the end where Lois was worried Clark wouldn't see her off was delicious.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
|
|
Boards Chief Administrator Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 3,109 Likes: 41 |
I’m finally caught up! Gahhh!! I really love the scene in the interrogation room! The interplay between Lois and Henderson and Lois and Superman is so, so great!! There’s really too much great stuff there to quote it all. “That’s dangerous,” Superman said to her disapprovingly, breaking into her thoughts.
Or not, she immediately recanted.
“It’s my job,” she said stiffly, remembering those times he’d undercut her stories by dropping her off halfway across the city when she’d been perfectly positioned in the middle of the action. Looking back at Bill she asked, “So what can I print?”
“Everything but the distro list. I don’t want to tip them.”
“Your job isn’t to go after Luthor,” Superman said, steel still in his voice. Eeeeep! She’s pushed the Overprotective Clark Button! Ahh, the tension here is sooo good! (And psst… there are a few misplaced spaces here on that last sentence. :)) “The Planet expects copies of that roll of film, Bill!” she shouted to the Detective’s retreating back. When he didn’t reply, she shouted, “Bill! I have deadline!” He didn’t turn, but his hand came up in a lackadaisical wave. She sat back in one of the chairs, satisfied. From Henderson, that was as good as a written agreement. hahaha I love this!! She told herself again that wishing didn’t make things so. She'd had that fact reinforced almost nightly over these past few months. Then again, his upper lip had a freckle that she hadn’t seen in the weak moonlight, but couldn’t deny now. Gahh! Right?? And that freckle… I mean… and a smattering of larceny in their hearts. Hahaha! That phrase made me snort! She glanced back at him, stifling another rush of emotion. She hadn’t realized that he’d been leaning over her shoulder to look along with her. Couldn’t he see this from a city block away? Why lean in? She could feel the heat from his hand on the back of her chair now that she’d leaned back. She shifted in her chair. OMG! I love this! This is soooo good! It was her reporter’s intuition rearing its head in the ugliest way. She had a feeling the answer would hurt, but she had to ask it anyway. She’d become such a glutton for anything connected to him, even if she had to wipe the blood off later. Wonderful phrasing! She couldn’t speak.
He still didn’t look at her.
“I was sorry for your loss, Ms. Lane,” he said.
Superman looked at her sharply.
She didn’t move or reply. Gahhh! Ouch! It seemed like he was taking the scenic route over to Carter Street tonight. She didn’t mind. The night was quiet and her thoughts were jumbled. They unspooled in different directions, but she didn’t have the energy to chase any single one to its conclusion. Ahhh such beautiful phrasing again! “Will you forgive me if I’m wrong and this is just the grief finally winning?”
His eyes changed at that, as if he was reassessing how fragile the woman in his arms really was. Was that grief of his own that flitted across his eyes? Or guilt?
But instead of addressing any of that, he asked, “Is that your question?”
“No,” she said firmly.
“Yes,” he said. “I would forgive you.” His arms tightened around her almost imperceptibly. She felt it. “Will you forgive me?”
Her heart raced. “I think so.”
“Ask me, then,” he said.
It was harder than she expected, to ask for the one thing you wanted most.
She put her hand to his cheek and looked into his warm, achingly familiar, chocolate eyes.
“Clark?”
“Is that your question?”
“Yes,” she said, holding back a sob, existing on a hope.
“Yes,” he said simply.
“Yes?” she asked again, surprised even though she’d already had the answer, pleading with the universe that he’d understood, that her hunch was right, that every emotion in her body wasn’t betraying her.
“Yes, Lois, yes,” he said, his carry-hold becoming an embrace as she dissolved in his arms. WOW GAHHH OMG!! I got literal chills reading this—SO GREAT!! He was still shaking his head. “Lois, I don’t understand how this can possibly work.”
She grinned at him, feeling the world right itself around her.
“That’s what you have me for.” Ahhhh! Love it! I'll be concentrating on other stories - another TOGOM piece (somehow way darker than this), a spin-off of All Shook Up, and an alt-universe re-interpretation of The Rivals. I’m so excited for these!! About the Woolf scene, since I see that you’d checked in with Michael specifically about it… it was so very close to playing just right! I think what would have helped would be more cues earlier on from Lois….that understated body language of both of them being uncomfortable because of what was unspoken so that, by the time Lois asks the question, Woolf doesn’t really have to say as much… And after reading all your back and forth with Michael on this, I think you’re spot on with how to tighten things up! What Michael says here: The actual resurrection has been done numerous times and it’s a detail, nothing more, for this story. And to me, the that final lines are so poignant. It just fits in this fandom. Yep! Wholeheartedly agree! Re: Discord—here’s the secret… we’re ALLLLLL introverts! Okay, there might be a few extroverts among us, but gosh… there are so many commonalities among us FoLC! We’ll be there when you’re ready. Again, so great to have you de-lurked and writing!! Sara
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2024
Posts: 6
Blogger
|
|
Blogger
Joined: Mar 2024
Posts: 6 |
This moved me! I can tell you put your love of these characters into every scene.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31
Hack from Nowheresville
|
|
OP
Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Apr 2023
Posts: 255 Likes: 31 |
ArcadeDreams, thank you so much for popping in and taking the time to comment. I do completely love these characters, and I'm glad that came through in the text. I'm so happy you found this moving - it's very kind of you to say! KSaraSara, thank you SO much for your in-depth comments. I did go back and adjust that section that you and Michael were kind enough to point out, including an earlier cue from Lois. And I'm not sure I ever said that I appreciated that you felt the emotional journey wrapped up here for these two in this story. ...although you and I both know how that really turned out! You're the absolute best cheerleader, and every "GAHHHH" goes straight to my heart!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 351 Likes: 13
Beat Reporter
|
|
Beat Reporter
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 351 Likes: 13 |
Thanks for a great chapter!! I love this story! It’s beautifully written and the emotions felt so real. I could feel Lois’s pain. I like how she figured out that he was Clark. That whole exchange just touched me. I also know that they’ll come up with something for Page 8. Lane and Kent are the best! I’m looking forward to reading the sequel. Thanks again for a fantastic story!
|
|
|
|
