Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic AITA - The Clark Kent Version (1/1)

Judgment Bot - OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

Even though I trust her, I waited too long to tell her my secret.

u/H4Ck3R$

You proposed! Way to go! What’s the secret? Do I know the secret?

NMI

u/GossipQueen

I’ve heard who you’ve been dating and I’m not surprised she said no.

YTA - You’ve known her for how long and you still don’t get that she’s a control freak?

u/Elvis_is_King

MODERATOR - Comment removed. Contained a long rambling story about Elvis and someone named ‘Colonel,’ but had no judgment.

u/Jack

NTA. That’s not the kind of secret you tell just anyone.

u/SupermansNo1Fan

For those of you saying OP is NTA, that means the girlfriend is the AH. How can you judge that when you don’t know the secret?

This isn’t an insignificant secret, but a huge, life changing secret. It changes who he is to her and even though he had many opportunities over the last few months to share this, he chose to continue lying to her. Everytime he covered up his secret he made a conscious choice to lie to someone who has been hurt repeatedly by guys who have stolen, lied, and been all around jerks. Maybe she has trust issues, but that’s not the point. You knew about it, and still lied.

What was this? Some kind of test?

YTA

u/Bek

Sounds like a big and important secret, I'll give you that. But if she's as special to you as you say (and enough that you'd ask her to marry you!), there's no excuse for not telling her before you proposed. Just sayin'!

YTA

u/ bakasi

If the secret could put her in danger, I think you are right waiting to tell her until you were sure that she was in for the long term.

But perhaps you should have told her before you went as far as to propose.
NETA (Not entirely the asshole)


And wait a moment, did you say you froze and then revived her?

YTA

u/BlindPassenger

I think there are two major points that have to be considered here.
One is that you said that this secret of yours is potentially dangerous knowledge, and that, more precisely, your GF would be in danger as soon as she is aware of that information. Now, I don't think that makes a lot of sense. Because, see, knowledge of secretive stuff is only then risky when A: the person in the know can't keep their mouth shut or B: someone else is aware that person knows what they know. So, you said you trust that perosn completely, which implies she would not tell your secret to anyone, and you also said you haven't told anyone else. Therefore, I don't see a possibility how knowing that secret would bring any danger to your GF since no one else would know something in what she knows has changed. The only person who MIGHT be endagered thorugh this step would, in fact, be YOU...that is, if you have doubts your GF will not spill the information...which means you either don't trust her as much as you said, or you're a coward in this regard. So, YTA.

The second thing that comes to mind is the question of relevance. Because naturally, everyone has a right to some privacy, including some personal stuff that you don't necessarily have to tell people, not even your partner in some cases. However, I'd say (and that's just my opinion maybe) that only goes so long as this "secret" of yours is simply about you and will not influence the relationship of you two. As in, the question you have to answer in this regard is: Does the secret have an effect on how the GF will feel about you in a major way? And more importantly, will "the secret" affect your life and relationship together in some form? Because if the latter is the case, your GF absolutely needs to have the right to decide on her own if she can deal with that baggage in a relationship. It's a decision SHE has to make for herself, you can't just decide for the both of you that she is "the one", propose, then, say, she agrees, and then later come up with, lets call it "additional conditions". So, if it's that big a secret that will have a major influence on yor potentila life as a couple, then, again, YTA.

That said...Now she apparently already knows, and said no. I think that's fair if the secret is really that big a deal. Now, what you have to find out is the following: Did she say no because she's mad that you didn't tell her...or did she say no because the secret, itself,made her reject you? Because in the first case, you might still have a chance to get things fixed, although I'm sure it'll require lots of hard work and some groveling from you. But if it's the second, you might just need to accept that a relationship for you two is not meant to be an dlive with that reality. It will be better for the both of you in the long run.

And that's my two cents.

PS: Did I read that correctly that she died and came back...somehow? WTH is going on in your lives? Like seriously!

IronyLover2374

OP, you should have just let her die. It would have saved you from a lot of heartache. She does not appreciate you. Find someone else to date.

Seriously, everyone has secrets. It’s normal. Even the darn nicest guy you will ever meet has secrets. If she can’t accept that, that’s her problem, not yours. It’s good you found out now how much maintenance she is.

NTA

LeftAtTheAlter94

I had the very same experience once. I was going to give her the world but she kept digging and digging and when she found out some details about my life that I wanted to share with her only after we were married, she left me at the altar! At. The. Altar.

I recommend Verdi’s Rigoletto with “La donna è mobile”, best enjoyed to at the Scala in Milano.

NTA

RalphingBudda

MODERATOR – Comment was removed. Contained only vitriol and misogynist ranting that violated the standards of this community. And publicly asking the OP for the phone number of his girlfriend is just plain tasteless. One more such post and you are banned for life.

ExpressionistFarmgirl

I can’t believe some of the sentiments shared in this discussion. Were you raised by wolves? Of course she’s upset. Asking someone to marry you means that you plan to entrust them with your life and your future. You don’t start off by lying to them. Now go and bring her home-cooked chocolate chip cookies. Made from scratch! PM me if you need a recipe.

YTA

FarmerJon

I don’t think I have seen a bigger mess since that tornado in ’78. Go and buy her flowers and beg for her forgiveness. It might take a couple of tries though. Those cookies also sound like a great idea. I think I’ll send a message to ExpressionistFarmgirl myself. My wife is always on the look-out for new recipes.

YTA