Recently, there was a brief talk about the "very patient man discussion" in Virtually Destroyed. Not one of my favorite episodes, A-plot wise. And it turned out that most of us were a bit miffed that a possible issue with Clark's powers wasn't even addressed. So I decided to rewrite their conversation, without the whole Virtual Reality shebang.
So, here's my take. Hope you enjoy. A Conversation Long OverdueClark raised his hand to knock at Lois’ door, but before he could work up the courage, he let it sink and had one last look at the flowers in his hand. Eight red roses. Was it too much? Not enough? He wasn't sure. Lois had seemed so preoccupied lately. All the crazy stuff that had happened since their engagement…And with Superman always getting in the way, they hadn't had the time to really talk.
Clark took a shaky breath and pushed the uneasiness aside. He wouldn't let Superman get in the way tonight unless there was a natural disaster the size of an asteroid heading their way. He needed this time with Lois.
With new found resolve he knocked at the door and involuntarily his hearing zeroed in on the small sounds behind her door – the rustling of fabric, her heartbeat picking up slightly, her steps as she came to the door.
The peephole in the door darkened for a moment. There was a sharp intake of breath and then he heard the locks clicking.
His own breath caught in his throat as she opened the door. She wore slacks and a gray tank top that hugged her soft curves. He couldn't help his eyes dropping to her cleavage for a moment, that hint of the enticing valley between the swell of her breasts.
Clark's mouth ran dry and with difficulty he dragged his gaze back up to her chocolate brown eyes. He could get lost in those, too.
Tongue tied, he held out the flowers.
A smile spread across her lips. “What's the occasion?”
He swallowed hard. “Does there have to be an occasion?”
“Nope.” Her smile broadened, making his knees weak.
She stepped aside, letting him in. He brushed his lips against her cheek.
“It's so good to see you,” he mumbled.
He let his lips linger on her skin as he pulled her into an embrace. Today they hadn't seen much of each other. Different assignments had them leave the newsroom in alternating intervals, the rest of the time Superman duty had interfered. Which was why Clark had preferred knocking at the door over tapping on her window.
If he could help it, the hero had the night off.
“It's good to see you, too.” She buried her face in the crook of his neck.
Reluctantly, he pulled back and looked at her. “I was thinking… would you like to spend the night in? Or would you rather go somewhere? I mean, I know we didn't plan anything for tonight, so…”
“Well, you were busy saving the world.”
He let out a breath and sighed. “I know. But Superman will have the night off, so unless you have anything else you need to do, I would love to spend some time with you.”
Lois grinned and nodded. Then her gaze drifted over to her table that was covered with various stacks of papers. “I've been thinking about our honeymoon…”
Clark's heart beat faster. “There's a nice thought.”
She pulled him towards the table and spread out some of the prospects she'd been studying. “With all the money we can save on airfare, we can stay just about anywhere we want.”
He looked at the pictures of beaches, cities, mountains and sights scattered across the table – the Eiffel Tower, Taj Mahal, the Pyramids.
So far they hadn't really talked about getting married. “And where do we want?”
Lois shrugged. “Our options are wide open. Paris, Hawaii, anywhere…”
There were so many places he wanted to show her. He'd explored the world on his own, looking for a place where he’d fit in. Now that he knew that the home he'd been looking for was her, he desperately wanted to share the world with her.
His heart swelled with love for her. “Lois, I don't care where we go, as long as I'm with you.”
He lost himself in the dark pools of her eyes. Her hand cupped his cheek and he leaned into her touch. Clark's lips tingle with the urge to kiss her soft lips. But he held himself back, just savoring the moment and what she was willing to give. He'd vowed to himself to spend the evening talking to her, much as he'd rather shower her face with heedy kisses.
“Well, let's say we go to Hawaii.” Her hand left his cheek and trailed down his neck, coming to rest on his chest. “We could stay in a little shack on our own beach…”
“...great…”
His mind pulled up images of Lois’ in a bikini, her usually pale skin a soft bronze. He felt the heat of her hand through the fabric of his shirt. His thoughts wandered to all the things he'd loved to do on that beach, her body under his as the waves splashed around them.
He couldn't hold himself back any longer and sealed her lips with a kiss, tasting the sweetness of her mouth.
“...thatched roof …” she mumbled between kisses.
“...nice…” His hands explored her back as he sucked on her lower lip.
“ ...ceiling fan…”
“...mmmmm…” God, how he loved that woman.
“...soft bed…”
“...perfect…” He never wanted to stop kissing her.
But she stiffened and pulled back. “That is, if you like soft beds.”
He ran his thumb along her cheek. “Soft bed's fine.”
She squirmed under his touch, the magic of the moment suddenly broken. “You don't have to have a soft bed though. They have other kinds: big ones, small ones, fluffy ones, hard ones, ones with a little curve. It's just a matter of choice.”
Clark wasn't sure what had happened that suddenly had her so on edge. He knew she was nervous about the whole marriage thing.
“Any bed you choose will be fine with me,” he said softly.
Her eyes widened. “What if it's not? What if you expect one type of bed, and you get a completely different kind? What if it's not the bed you wanted or expected at all? What if you're horribly disappointed?”
Clark's heart went out to her. He hated seeing her so distraught. Her haunted look spoke volumes about the fears she was harboring, but couldn’t put into words. While he loved her rambling, he was also sure that his comfort or lack thereof wasn’t the real issue here.
“Lois, how come I have the feeling this isn't all about beds?”
She bit her lower lip and averted her eyes, heaving a small sigh before she looked at him again.
A blush crept across her cheeks. “Well, it just occurred to me, there are one or two things we've never talked about.”
He raised an eyebrow. “One or two things?”
“One thing,” she relented.
Clark studied her tinged cheeks. Adorable though they were, he wasn’t sure where this was going. “What thing?”
“The…” She waved her hand between them. “...thing.”
“Oh.”
He took a deep breath as it dawned on him what exactly she was talking about and how it was related to the softness of beds and their upcoming honeymoon. Of course it was the natural next step in their relationship, the thing he’d been dreaming of ever since he’d met her. The moment he’d spent a lot of time fantasizing about while the chance of it ever happening had been slim to non-existent. The thought he’d pushed as far from his mind as he could when they’d gradually grown from friends to lovers and had finally gotten engaged.
Clark took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, not sure how to address the issue. When she’d asked him to wait until they were married, he’d been all too ready to comply, hoping that time would bring answers he didn’t have.
Of course that wasn’t how things worked.
He slipped his glasses back on and reached for her hand, leading her towards one of her love seats. Once she was sitting, he took a seat next to her, still holding her hand in a light grasp. It looked so small in his larger one, delicate and so very fragile. Clark remembered the times well when he’d been too scared to touch anyone, when he’d still been trying to figure out the right balance in a world that wasn’t made for a person with powers like his.
He licked his dry lips, trying to get back enough moisture to speak.
“It’s possible, isn’t it?” The blush on her cheeks adopted an even deeper shade of red. “I mean, you did say that you had all the parts of a man, didn’t you?”
Her gaze drifted across his body, coming to rest on his lap as if she was trying to see right through his pants to inspect his more private parts and find out for herself. Then, upon realizing what she was doing, she abruptly looked up again, winced and averted her eyes.
“Yes,” he said roughly. His own cheeks were ablaze with embarrassment. “I never found a difference between me and… uh…other men… in that regard.”
“Good.” Her stiff shoulders sagged a bit in relief.
He watched her and his heart sank. While there was no doubt in his mind that he could make love to an Earth woman, he couldn’t quite push away the lingering fears whether he should. Though he was almost certain he could maintain enough control over his powers to keep Lois safe in his arms, there was no real guarantee. Which was part of the reason he’d never crossed that threshold with anyone.
She stared at her hands, fumbled with the fabric of her pants, let go of it and rubbed her sweaty hands dry.
“See, the thing is... I've gotten through a lot of my fears. A lot. Except maybe one. And it's not even a fear, it's just... a concern.” She swallowed hard and, after a moment’s hesitation, met his gaze. “About... that thing.”
He nodded and drew a shaky breath. Painful though it may be, he knew he needed to be upfront with her… about how much he
didn’t know.
“Actually, you bring up a good point, because we've never really talked about... our pasts.”
Her lips twitched in a small smile. “Right, exactly, and I just want you to know why
I've always been a little skittish about crossing that intimacy threshold. And you've been so understanding about it, I wondered if maybe
you're skittish.”
Clark closed his eyes. Skittish probably wasn’t the right word for it.
“Given who I am, I guess you have every right to be concerned,” he whispered. “And we should have talked about this a while ago. I just didn’t want you to think I was expecting anything you didn’t feel ready for, but…”
Gee, how was he supposed to address her fears when he didn’t even know for sure what would happen, should he really engage in intimacy?
She frowned. “Given who you are? Clark, do you think this is about your powers?”
He let out a nervous chuckle. “Is it not?”
She bit her lip and shook her head. “I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed! I mean, we’ve waited for this moment for so long and have worked up all sorts of fantasies and expectations. But reality might not turn out to be the way you’ve imagined. The men I’ve been with, they’ve all ended up disappointed.” Tears welled up in her eyes and she lowered her gaze, staring at the hands in her lap.
Clark reached out and cupped her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a tear. “Are you worried that I could compare you to my previous experiences and find you lacking?”
She pressed her lips together and nodded.
Clark leaned in and kissed another tear off her cheek. “That’s not going to happen, Lois. You see, that intimacy threshold you’re so worried about - well, I have never actually crossed it.”
He held his breath. There, he’d admitted it, the truth that weighed so much graver than the slim chance that a woman who evoked feelings in him he’d never even thought possible should disappoint him as a lover. There was no doubt in his mind that making love to Lois would let any fantasy he’d ever had pale in comparison. Because she was warm, and pliant, and incredibly sexy, and - real.
She stared at him, her jaw dropping as the wheels in her mind turned and clicked into place. Clark was almost sure he could pinpoint the moment the enormity of what he'd just said hit her full force.
He squeezed his eyes shut. Really, he should have mentioned this sooner. One of so many mistakes he'd made with her, starting with not telling her who he really was before asking her to marry him.
It could be considered in his favor that sex hadn't been on the forefront of his mind when he'd proposed. Well, for any other man, that may be true. But there was a dimension to being intimate with him that didn't matter with anyone else.
She gasped. “You…never?”
Clark couldn’t quite look at her as he shook his head. “I’m different.”
“No kidding.”
He felt her eyes on him as she studied him from the side, curious as though she was seeing him for the first time. Her scrutiny made him squirm. Again, he wished he’d told her sooner. But this wasn’t a topic that usually popped up in a conversation. Hi, Lois, how was your day? By the way, I’m a virgin. He almost snorted at the thought.
“I’ve had girlfriends,” he mumbled. “And I have… dated.”
She said nothing. When he raised his head to see how she was taking the news, she was still patiently waiting for him to continue. Which was odd in itself. Maybe he’d finally succeeded at stunning her speechless. Though, at the moment, that didn’t at all feel like a victory to him.
“But being what I am, I needed to be sure I was with the right girl.” He swallowed.
That she knew what she was getting herself into, he wanted to add, but didn’t.
“I've stepped right up to the threshold, gotten a good look but… I never actually crossed it,” he concluded.
He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, praying that she wouldn’t ask him what the stepping right up he had mentioned had entailed. Clark wasn’t sure he’d survive going into detail about the girls he’d kissed before Lois. None of them mattered to him anymore, though he had to admit that was unfair. Because at the time they had mattered to him, just not enough that he’d been ready to go all in and trust them with his secret.
At that time, he’d let himself get carried away once or twice, overwhelmed by sensation, the intoxicating scent of arousal clouding his better judgment. But he’d always stopped before he’d been in any danger of really losing control. He'd never let any of this get past the point of exploring hands and hungry kisses.
She laid her warm hand on his. “So, you’re scared, too?”
“Uh huh.” Clark looked at her.
In her presence, he was always scared witless.
Despite everything, she smiled at him. “That you’re going to hurt me?”
His breath caught. That had always been his worst nightmare. He’d never lost control before, not like this. And he didn’t think he would. He desperately hoped he wouldn’t. Still, he nodded.
“It’s a possibility,” he croaked.
“So that’s why you so readily agreed to wait until we’re married?”
He sighed. “I know marriage isn’t going to magically solve this. It might take time, both for you and for me. Honestly, I don’t care if it happens before or after we’re married. As long as we’re both ready. There’s no pressure there.”
Lois gave him a teary- eyed nod before she reached out and cupped his cheek. “Do you know that I love you, Clark Kent?”
Yeah, he did. And he loved her too, more than words could express.
So he just sealed her lips with a long, fierce kiss.
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