Meanwhile...----------
In the darkened storage room of the Daily Planet, not a creature was stirring. Clark Kent slipped in through the window, smiling to himself as he spun back into his normal clothes. Hiding Lois's present hadn't been easy. In fact, it probably would have been impossible if he'd been restricted to normal means. His wife was brilliant and relentless, whether she was investigating a story or snooping for her presents. It made her a daunting opponent and a wonderful ally, and he was a lucky man to have her as the latter most of the time.
“Ho, ho, ho!”
Clark froze. A figure stood in the shadows, the edges of a metallic jumpsuit shimmering in the city lights from the window. Clark closed his eyes and groaned. “No, no, no! Tempus, not today!”
“Oh, don't be like that, Kent!” Tempus stepped toward him, his features twisted into a maniacal grin. “Don't you know that Christmas is a time for truces? Have some comfort and joy: I'm here to invite you to a party!”
“A...party.” Clark's eyes narrowed.
The grin on Tempus' face expanded. “Of course! I know it's unlikely, but believe it: I was just sitting in my cell in Utopia, and I thought, you know what? It's a shame that the old boy-scout has to work so hard during the holidays. So in the spirit of the season, I figured I'd invite you somewhere festive, with live music and tiny food on toothpicks! Of course, there is a dress code...”
“Tempus!” Clark gritted his teeth and seized Tempus' shiny collar. “Whatever you're really plotting—”
A sensation much like a bolt of lighting struck Clark before he even noticed the device in the other man's hand. The world seemed to swim around him, bending and stretching in all directions. When it finally stilled, the storage room had disappeared.
Clark blinked against the brighter light. He seemed to be standing in a massive ballroom, surrounded by people in fine suits and elegant dresses. They all chatted softly while a string quartet at the far end of the room played 'Deck the Halls', and waiters with large platters of refreshments unobtrusively wove through the crowd. Tempus was gone, and instead of the man's collar, Clark's small and delicate hand now held a tiny gherkin on a toothpick...
...Wait...
He looked down at himself: apparently, he was no longer...well, himself. His free hand froze half-way to the strange new curves on his torso; the plunging neckline of a long, black gown showed him that the source of these shapes was...organic. Clark swallowed. Those were... He had... A dress! He was wearing a dress!
His stomach roiled and his heart began to pound. Clark forced down the growing panic and looked around again. Tempus was nowhere to be seen, and none of the party-goers seemed to be aware that anything unusual had happened. In fact, none of them were even looking his way, save for one dark-haired man in a suit that probably cost more than Clark's annual salary.
The eye-contact was apparently enough of an invitation for the man to come over, and he grinned roguishly at Clark while idly swirling the remnants of a drink. “You alright, Beautiful?”
Bruce Wayne. Clark recognized him, now. He'd only met the playboy billionaire once, but it was certainly enough to leave a lasting impression. The last fundraising gala Perry had sent them to cover was one that Mr. Wayne had invested very heavily in, though he'd also proceeded to get very heavily drunk. He then spent an absurd portion of the evening hitting on Lois, despite her protestations that she was happily married, and asking them questions about Superman which ranged from ridiculous to alarming. When Lois's rejections finally passed through the alcoholic haze and several thick layers of skull, a butler came along and gently shepherded Mr. Wayne away on the pretext of needing to take a phone call. The man would never know how close he'd come to being put straight through a wall, and that would have been *before* Clark got to him.
“I'm fine.” Clark winced at the higher pitch of his voice.
An arm suddenly came up around Clark's shoulders, pulling him close, and the playboy's breath was hot against his ear. “Want to get out of here?”
Despite the dramatic difference in Clark's physique, he apparently still had his Kryptonian speed. He paused at the edge of a sprawling, manicured lawn, a sonic boom rolling in his wake. The sounds of the party reached him from the mansion, perfectly uninterrupted. With any luck, Mr. Wayne would be too drunk to realize just how literally Clark had disappeared.
He scanned the unfamiliar skyline in the distance and frowned. Tempus had certainly put him in a pickle... The thought called to mind the tiny gherkin he'd found himself holding when he arrived, and which he had absently brought along with him. It was surprisingly tasty. Incinerating the toothpick prevented littering and confirmed that he also had heat-vision. He was also able to levitate, and while he had no idea about the Superman costume, at least the black dress he now wore would help camouflage him in the dark.
Clark shot up into the sky. There was exactly one person who could help him untangle this mess. If he could find her, everything would be all right.
**********
Metropolis still looked the same, though Clark knew better than to assume it was the city he knew. His wife had once found herself in another universe thanks to Tempus, and she'd told Clark how uncanny the resemblance to their own world had been. Sure enough, when he hovered over their townhouse on Hyperion, there were signs that another family was living there.
The next stop was the Daily Planet. Looking inside showed the same bullpen he remembered, and all the people there were familiar. However, Lois wasn't among them. He found her desk, but the photo they'd taken for their first anniversary wasn't on it.
There was one more place to try before going back to the drawing board: her old apartment on Carter avenue. As soon as he neared the building, the strong, steady beating of her heart reached his ears from inside. Clark made his way to her door and knocked. The familiar sound of locks turning brought a smile to his face, though it vanished when Lois opened the door and scowled at him. “What are *YOU* doing here?!”
Clark took a step back in surprise but managed to recompose himself. “I need your help.”
Lois crossed her arms, blocking the doorway with her body, and her scowl deepened. “What's the matter? Prince Charming turned back into a frog?”
He took a deep breath. “This might be complicated. Could I come in?”
She stared at him for a long time. Finally, curiosity apparently won out over whatever animosity she harbored. “Fine.” She stepped back from the door and Clark hurried into the room. “But make this quick.”
He turned to face her. “I should probably start out by explaining that I'm not who you think I am.”
“Oh, I figured that out a long time ago!” Lois slid the chain back into its position and marched towards him. “You know, you really had me fooled with the whole 'sweet farm girl' act! All that stuff about wanting to make the world a better place really sounded sincere! But I guess tipping the staff at a five-star resort is a good enough way to make a difference, isn't it?!” Her voice may as well have dripped acid.
Clark sighed. “Look, can I just try to explain?”
“Sure. Fine. Explain.” Lois stomped to the sofa and dropped heavily onto it. “But I don't know what you could possibly say that would make up for abandoning journalism to marry Gotham's biggest airhead!”
**********
A long time later, Lois sat unmoving on the couch, staring into the middle distance with a stunned expression. “So, you—or rather, Claire—is Superwoman?!”
Clark shrugged and landed gently on the carpet again. “I don't know that name or much about Claire. But I am Superman back in my universe, and I still have my powers in this body. So, it sounds likely.” He retrieved the pair of glasses from her coffee table and slipped them back on.
She gave a slight shake of her head. “Sorry, this is just a lot to take in.”
“I know.” After a moment's hesitation, Clark seated himself on the other end of the couch. “If it is true, then I hope you won't let whatever grudges you have against her cloud your judgment. It's a very dangerous secret, and once something like that gets out—”
Lois held up a hand. “Don't worry about that. Actually, it's a relief.” A smile broke out on her face. “If she's Superwoman, that means she's still fighting the good fight. She's still working to uphold all those ideals she talked about, rather than sitting on a beach somewhere sipping cocktails while the rest of the world falls apart.” Lois leaned back against the couch and sighed. “It means the best friend I ever had wasn't just another fake.”
After a long reverie, her gaze shifted back to Clark. “Hey, if you're an alternate version of Claire, can you give me any insight on why she didn't just tell me herself?”
Clark shrugged. “It's a pretty big secret. If her parents are anything like mine, they would have drilled into her never to tell anyone about it.”
“You told me yours, though.” Lois tilted her head. “Does the Lois on your world know? Or...Louis, I guess?”
“Lois.” He smiled. “Yes, she knows.” After a moment, his smile dissipated. “I probably owe her an apology when I get back, though.”
“Why?” She shifted on the couch and looked at him curiously.
Clark let out a breath and stared up at the ceiling. “She had dated Lex Luthor, and I used to wonder how she could have been so dazzled as to nearly marry the man. Even if he weren't a criminal, they still didn't have much in common. He wasn't someone she could exchange personal secrets with, and they wanted different things out of life. Pretty much the only thing he had to offer her was his looks and money! But...I guess those things go a little farther than I realized.” His face felt warm. “At least Luthor had more intelligence than a brick.”
Lois tilted her head back and laughed. “Well, I guess it's easier to judge things from the outside. And hey, I bet that Bruce Wayne's constant obliviousness makes it easy for Claire to keep her secret from him.”
His eyebrows rose. “You think she didn't tell her own husband?”
“I wouldn't.” Lois snorted. “I'll grant you that he seems to be much better behaved since marrying Claire, but I can still picture him getting tipsy and yapping to everyone about his superhero wife. That man probably couldn't keep a secret if his life depended on it!”
**********
The next morning found him and Lois riding up the elevator together as usual, save for a few major differences. Clark tugged at the hem of the sweatshirt Lois had lent him, trying to conceal that last sliver of stomach that it stubbornly wouldn't reach. This was the first time he'd ever had to borrow any of her clothing, though there had certainly been many occasions where Lois had borrowed his. It was also the first time he'd ever slept on her couch, and—well, mercifully, he could float.
The noise of the newsroom hushed at their arrival, and everyone's eyes were fixed on them as they made their way down the ramp to the bullpen. They had just reached Lois's desk when Perry approached them, staring perplexedly at Clark. “Claire?”
“Uh, hi, Chief!” Clark smiled and tried to look like everything was normal.
Perry looked back and forth between him and Lois, who had just taken off her coat and was now booting up her computer. “Darlin', is everything all right?”
Clark waited for Lois's reply, only to realize that Perry had been addressing him. “Uh, yeah. Everything's just fine.”
A frown creased Perry's forehead. “I heard from an old friend that there's a rumor going around that you and your husband arrived at a party together but left separately. Heck, they're saying that you eighty-sixed the place before cocktails were even served!”
Clark winced. He hadn't known at the time how his departure would reflect on his counterpart, but he should clearly try to be more careful in the future.
“Honey, if there's anything you need to talk about, you know Alice and I are here for you.” Perry rested a hand on Clark's shoulder. “Anything at all.”
“Thanks, Perry, but everything's fine. Really.” Clark offered a tiny smile. “I just...uh...”
“She got a really hot lead and needed to share it with me.” Lois leaned back from her computer and looked Perry in the eye. “We'll let you know if it pans out.”
Perry gave them both a long, assessing look, then nodded. “All right. Tell me if I've got a new front page.”
Lois flashed a grin up at him. “We will, Chief!”
He turned to Clark again. “But if you do need to talk, my door is still open.” He went back to his office, leaving the door ajar just as he said.
Not long after Perry's departure, Jimmy came bounding up to them. “CK! Or, uh, I guess CW now?” He gave an awkward chuckle. “Long time no see, huh? How, uh, how have you been?” He wrung his hands together while watching Clark with a strange expression.
“Uh, good, thanks.” Clark gave what he hoped was an easy-going smile. “And you?”
“Oh, good. Keeping busy, you know.” Jimmy sniffed and drew himself up to his full height. “Got to help Perry keep this place running, you know? Can't let things get out of hand for a second, so it's busy, busy, busy.”
“I see.” Clark glanced at Lois. She had bitten down on her lip and was staring fixedly at her computer screen.
“So, do you need anything?” Jimmy scratched the back of his neck. “Coffee? Research? I overheard the chief saying something about you needing to talk, so...if you need a shoulder to cry on...”
Lois pushed her chair back a little from the desk. “Actually, Jimmy, we need a list of any scientists or laboratories that might be researching parallel universes.”
Jimmy's forehead scrunched. “Parallel universes? Um, sure! I'm on it.” He turned back to Clark with a toothy grin. “Time to work my magic! So, um, welcome back!” With a wave, he dashed off.
Clark leaned towards Lois and lowered his voice. “Is Jimmy okay?”
“He has a crush on you,” she whispered back.
His eyebrows rose. “Oh!”
Lois turned back to her computer and opened a web-search program. “I think we should start by looking for anyone else who might know about this stuff. From what you told me about that Tempus guy, he isn't the type to stay hidden; so if he were around, we'd hear something.”
A sound from the floor below them made Clark's back stiffen.
“—brings you to the Planet, Mr. Wayne?”
“Oh, just dropping in on an old acquaintance.”
With his x-ray vision, Clark found the elevator as it came up the shaft. Bruce Wayne was riding inside with a few of their coworkers. Clark made it to the storage room just as the elevator chimed.
He kept watch on Mr. Wayne as the man sauntered down the ramp, smiling in every direction and waving at everyone. Here indeed was a man who didn't have a thought in his head or a care in the world. Clark started to roll his eyes but then paused: why would a man whose wife had vanished be smiling and care-free? But on the other hand, if Bruce Wayne really didn't have any concerns about it, then why was he at her former place of work? Clark frowned, looking through the wall again.
Lois was still staring at the spot where Clark had been when Mr. Wayne reached her desk and leaned against it. “Lois! Long time, no see! How's tracks?”
Her confused expression was quickly replaced with a polite smile. “I think you mean 'how's tricks'. Work's been good. How are you?”
Mr. Wayne shrugged. “Oh, about what you'd expect. Say, has Claire gotten in touch with you, recently?”
“No. Was she supposed to?” Lois managed to sound perfectly innocent.
Another shrug, and he idly picked up a stack of papers from her desk. “I thought she'd mentioned it, but maybe she was talking about something else. Who can say?” He seemed to suddenly notice the papers he was now holding and began flipping through the pages. “Say, what are you working on?” The top few pages found their way to the back of the stack, and he fished out a page from the middle to scrutinize.
Lois's eye twitched as she leaped up to take the papers from his hands. “Nothing you need to worry about! If it pans out, you can read about it in the Planet!”
While she attempted to return the papers to their proper order, Mr. Wayne slipped a hand into his pocket and leaned over to look at her monitor. A frown crossed his face, but it was gone by the time she looked up. “Aw, no sneak previews of tomorrow's front-lines?”
Lois closed her eyes and sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. That fast, Mr. Wayne's hand left his pocket and darted under her desk. “They're *head* lines, and they go on the front *page*.”
Something electronic began to whine at the range above normal hearing. Clark's jaw fell open.
“Right, right. Something like that.” Mr. Wayne nodded agreeably. “Well, look: this has been fun, but I've really got to get going. We should get together for lunch, sometime! Let me give you the new number...” He fumbled for a card in his wallet, then looked up at her with a confused frown. “Or did Claire already give you the number when you talked to her?”
“I haven't talked to her,” Lois sweetly reminded him.
“Right. Right. Ah, here it is!” He handed her the card, beaming like a little boy who'd successfully tied his own shoes. “Just give a call when you're not busy scooping your bylines!”
“That's not—!” Lois sighed again and took the card with a tight smile. “I will. Thank you.”
The billionaire made his way back to the elevator without any further incidents. Once it began to descend, Clark headed back to Lois's desk. The device underneath it continued to whine.
Lois leaned back in her chair, rubbing her forehead, and looked up just as he approached. “Oh, there you are! I guess you noticed that Bruce Wayne was here. You know, I hope for Claire's sake that idiot is at least good in—”
Clark held a finger to his lips.
Her mouth snapped shut, though she frowned at him in confusion.
He took a notepad and pen from her desk and scribbled the words “Say nothing and come with me”.
She nodded and grabbed her coat. Without a word, they headed for the stairwell.
**********
The roof of the Daily Planet was covered in a thin layer of snow, and more flakes drifted down from the clouds overhead. Clark went to the railing and scanned the city below for any signs of Bruce Wayne. Finally, he turned back to face Lois. “Okay, I think we can talk here.”
She pulled her coat tighter around herself and looked at him with a worried expression. “What's wrong?”
After a moment's consideration, Clark decided to just come right out and say it: “He bugged your desk.”
“Wait, what? Who?” Lois looked confused.
“Bruce Wayne bugged your desk.”
She stared at him. “You're... kidding. Bruce Wayne? The man who needs a butler to remind him how to put on pants?”
Clark nodded. “I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but he did. He distracted you, planted a listening device, and I'm pretty sure he tried to trick you into admitting you'd been in contact with Claire. It was...more subtle than I ever would have thought him capable of being.”
Lois gaped at him. “Incredible...” She stared into the distance for a moment, then brought her eyes back to his. “Do you think maybe he was swapped out too? I mean, maybe there's another universe out there where Bruce Wayne is smart?”
Clark thought it over. “I guess it's possible, but then why all the subterfuge in looking for my counterpart?”
“Well, maybe in his world, Claire is some kind of super-villain or something, and...and...” Her breath puffed out in front of her. “I have no idea. Still, if we're going to keep a low profile while working on this, we'll probably need to do something about that bug. Can you destroy it?”
He grimaced. “I could, but it would probably just tip him off that we found it, and that might raise questions.”
“We'll have to work somewhere else, then.” She blew on her hands and shoved them in her pockets. “We could try to go back to my apartment, unless you can think of somewhere safer.”
Clark stared out over the horizon. “How do you feel about a flight to Kansas?”
Continued...
