Hi Mary!
His Story
You know, you really spoil us with those long parts. Did you get swapped out, too?
She pulled back and studied his face, cradling it in her hands. “Honey, what happened? Bruce called last night asking if you were here, and this morning he said you never came home!”
See? Martha knows about the Chiroptera humanis, too. And assumes Lois knows about the kryptonis xenohumanis.
“He thought I came here last night?” Clark’s eyebrows rose. “So, he knows I can fly?”
Yes. He likes airborne acrobatics.
Her gaze moved behind him to land on Lois, and her eyes widened.
Oops?
“Thank you!” He reached for one of the plump, green delicacies and bit into it with gusto. It was even more heavenly than he remembered! He opened his eyes to find Lois giving him an odd look. “Um, sorry. What were we talking about, again?”
Okay, did the bat manage to knock up the alien?
“About why you left your husband wondering where you are, and why you flew a reporter to our house.” She looked up at Lois. “No offense, dear.”
Clark squirmed a little. “…Yeah.” He straightened and met Lois’s gaze. “I’m sorry for not telling you. I guess I just figured it wasn’t relevant.”
“Right. Of course not.” Lois huffed. “Secrets are just a *thing* with you and Claire, aren’t they?”
She’s cute when she’s ticked off.
He stared at the depleted jar in disbelief. “I don’t know if Claire’s taste-buds are different from mine or if pickles just taste better in this universe, but they seem to really hit the spot. It almost feels like I *need* them!” He licked a drop of brine from his fingers.
Yeah about that…
Lois stilled. “You mean, like a…craving?”
Clark shrugged. “I hadn’t thought about it, but I guess that’s—” He froze.
His mother nodded.
“Of course, I have no idea what to tell her husband.”
He likes girls now?
She nodded. “I am. In fact, rely on him to help us get you home and my daughter back.”
Yes. He’s wearing the smarty Kevlar in this family.
She held up a hand. “You won’t need to; he’s coming here.” At his shocked expression, she smiled. “You’re not the only one who comes to us when there’s a crisis. He’ll be needing his parents, and as of last year, that’s Jonathan and me.”
Awwww…he’s got a Martha again
“Uh, yeah.” His dad pointed in the direction of the old barn. “He was really worked up, so he went straight to the barn to tackle that old tractor.”
Oh boy. Turning it into a black monstrosity that’s gonna scare the neighbors?
A faint “pop” went off in his ears, and Clark’s limbs suddenly felt stiff. A startled yelp escaped him just as his entire body went rigid. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t move; his muscles wouldn’t even respond.
What the bat?
Eventually, the figure circled around between him and the tractor, and Clark could see plainly who it was. Tempus grinned. “Hey, Clark, how’s it hanging?”
So, Tempus does not know that this Clark is married to…a man with abandonment issues, a man who therefore does not take kindly to strangers hurting his loved ones.
And at first, it even seemed to work: imagine how excited I was when I skipped ahead a few centuries and found out there was war in the future, instead of that insipid Peace Council!”
“Tragically, it turns out that what those morons call ‘war’ is really just a glorified game of freeze-tag!”
. “But then, I remembered the words of the greatest philosopher of the twentieth century:” His mouth curled into a sadistic grin as he pulled out a revolver and leveled it straight at Clark’s head. “’Why don’t ya just shoot him?'”
Uuuummm…
/Points at giant, mad Chiroptera Humanis hanging from the rafters/
Bruce Wayne stepped into the light, turning the pole so that the long, metal tines at the other end were now right under Tempus’ nose. “This is a pitchfork.”
Specifically: how it can be used on anyone foolish enough to hurt his little girl.”
does that mean that Batman got bested by a Kansas farmer?
ALFRED: Very good, Master Jonathan. Now, as you can see, young Master Bruce has already begun reconsidering his approach toward dating other women while still courting your daughter. Apply one more strike *here* and he will not only decide to *stop* dating other women but also consider strongly to buy a gift for young Miss Claire.
Given that the man was now unconscious, it was probably an unnecessary precaution.
And people wonder how Tempus keeps escaping.
Given that the man was now unconscious, it was probably an unnecessary precaution.
![[Linked Image]](https://cosgan.de/images/smilie/figuren/g080.gif)
“Mr. Clark Kent, I presume?”
*Squints*
“You, uh, really did a number on him, Mr. Wayne.”
He’s still breathing, isn’t he?
“It’s been…a long time since I watched a stranger pull a gun on someone I care about.
Villains never try to shoot Robins anymore?
BATMAN: Has gone out of fashion after medical insurance companies raised their deductibles.
I admit it’s not something I can handle very well.” He looked at Tempus. “Of course, now it seems we’re going to have to wake him up somehow, so we can have a little chat.”
’ve got Brainless, the Man of Rust, and a psycho who needs to ask the wizard for a therapist.”
He doesn’t know about Batman?
Now, Clark over there tells me that you love violence, but I bet there’s still an exception for violence directed against you.
Cute.
If I’m wrong, though, then Clark and I can simply leave.”
Now, either you’re the man who can make that happen, or you’re just a man who made me very, very angry.” His eyes narrowed. “Which is it?”
Oh boy, that guy is bats crazy.
“The first one! The first one!” Tempus swallowed.
Interesting negotiation tactic.
BATMAN: I learned it from Joker. It works very well outside of Gotham.
“Hrm.” Bruce glared down at Tempus again. “It could be a trick.”
“No tricks!” Tempus wriggled a bit in the rope, but it didn’t give. “If you don’t trust me to swap them, Wells can do it himself when he gets here. We shop from the same catalogs. All I need to do is fix the beacon.”
Most adorable!
Tempus closed his eyes. “Utopia’s Re-Harmonizing Center had better not be showing Green Acres in the rec room again.”
Utopia physician: Fascinating. I have never seen this intense bruising without any broken bones or major organ damage.
“But I’m invulnerable,” Clark pointed out. “You’re not.”
Lois looked up from the device again and met his eyes. “Tell you what: how about we bet one of your mom’s homemade pickles that I can do this?”
That was a low blow.
Also, did she just at spoil the surprise?
Her meaning was clear: it wouldn’t be just his own life he’d be risking for hers. Clark slowly nodded and backed away from the tractor.
See? Also, his girl brain must help him think. Much more efficient, that one.
Clark’s attention snapped to Wells’ passengers, particularly the familiar-looking man in spandex seated behind Lois. “You!”
Oh, look who’s coming to dinner!
“You!” They spoke at the same time and raced towards each other, meeting half-way. “You’re in—”
“—my body!” They turned to the elderly gentleman dismounting from the machine. “Mr. Wells—”
“—change us back!”
“Batman, actually.” She jerked her thumb towards a corner by the door, where a dark figure in a cape and cowl stood shuffling awkwardly next to her counterpart. Lois shifted her gaze to the couple behind Clark and frowned. “Wait, Bruce Wayne?”
Whoops!
“Thank *you* for everything.”
“Don’t mention it.” She gave a sheepish smile.
“If there’s anything I can do to repay you,” Clark began.
How about a compatible Alt-Clark?
“In what universe does Lois Lane *not* want to go first?” Clark drew himself up into a kneeling position and held the box out towards Lois again, giving it a slight shake so that it rattled enticingly.
Aww…did Lois gift Clark a peed-on stick?
“Oh, I do want to go first. I’m *giving* you your gift first, see?”
“Yes. I won’t keep you long. I just…” There was a pause. “Given the recent situation, it seemed appropriate to call and make sure that you were having a good holiday.”
“Bruce, I don’t know what your plans are for today, but if you have time, we were hoping you might be able to join us for Christmas dinner.”
He doesn’t eat after dark.
Now, we were thinking of serving around one o’clock; would that work out for you if Clark gives you a lift?”
So they’re leaving the poor manservant alone with freshly cooked goose?
“No, *I* give. You get!” Lois grinned impishly at him.
Very cute!
The plain cardboard box gave no indication of its contents. He lifted the lid, finally exposing a coffee mug.
Oh? She stole, erm re-appropriated, the gift idea Claire had?
“All right, let’s see here…” He lifted it out of the box and read the slogan on its side. “World’s Greatest Da—” He broke off.
Lois slipped her arms around him. “Merry Christmas, Clark.”
_And A Happy New Year_
Awwwwwww
Wonderful His Story. Now, for Her Story.
Michael
I hope yall enjoy.
