Marriage of State
By AmandaK
Chapter 5
Lois wasn’t sure what time it was when she awoke. She hadn’t bothered to set an alarm when she went to bed and outer space lacked a definable day and night. She felt more well rested than she had in a long time however, so she assumed she’d slept in.
Stretching, she sat up and swung her legs out of bed. Feeling a bit of a chill, she grabbed her robe and slipped it on before walking to the door. She hadn’t heard any noise from the sitting room and she wondered if Clark was awake yet. She reached, blindly, for the doorknob but didn’t find one. It took her a moment to remember that doors worked differently on the ship. Finding the control panel, she pressed her palm against it and the door finally slid open.
The lights were on in the sitting room, but set low so they didn’t blind her coming out. Clark was awake and standing next to the view screen through which Lois could only see black space. “Morning,” she called out softly.
Clark seemed to jump a little, as though startled by her presence. He turned and offered her a small smile. “Oh. Good morning.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t hear me come in,” Lois commented. She made her way over to the table where she’d seen a pot of what she hoped was coffee and a platter of some odd-looking pastries.
Clark shrugged. “Just lost in thought I guess.” He looked back out the window. His shoulders hung low and seemed to carry a great weight of melancholy.
Lois poured herself a cup of coffee and breathed in its familiar aroma, thankful to still have this for however long it lasted. Wrapping both hands around her mug, she wandered over to stand beside her husband. “What are you looking at?” she inquired gently.
“Earth,” he replied.
Sure enough, as Lois changed her angle on the window, she spied the blue and green marble that was her home. It was breathtaking. She’d seen the pictures of Earth from space but to actually see it…
“I used to be fascinated with space,” Clark commented, drawing her attention once more. “I remember, as a kid, I would follow the news on every mission from NASA. I learned everything I could about the solar system, the moon, what might be out there…”
“Did you know where you came from?”
Clark shrugged. “I knew I was found in a spaceship and, with my powers, we figured I was either an alien or a Russian experiment.” Lois chuckled at that and Clark smiled. “But no, I didn’t really know anything for sure until Jor-El showed up. And then, all of a sudden, I was actually going into space. I’d dreamed of becoming an astronaut – I mean, doesn’t every kid? But I never imagined just being able to go. And to travel to whole other worlds when even getting to Mars still seemed like science fiction.”
Clark sighed and turned away from the window. “But now that I’ve been out here for so long… all I really want is to go home. To be this close and still so far away… I guess I had hoped that, coming here, I’d be able to go home at least for a while. But the few times I’ve been allowed to leave the ship were short and highly regulated. There was no time for… visiting.”
He wandered over to the table and refilled his own mug. Lois watched him silently. He looked so lost – so different from the confident young lord she’d met the day before. His vulnerability mirrored what she was feeling inside – what she’d been trying so hard to hide. The more she got to know Kal… Clark… the more she realized that he was really a lot like her. It gave her hope that they might actually be able to make this marriage thing work.
Emboldened by her thoughts, Lois crossed over to his side and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be back,” she said simply. “We’ll both see Earth again. It’s only a few years, right? Just till you finish your studies?”
Clark turned and mustered up a small smile. “Yeah. Thanks… for reminding me. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in feeling sorry for myself.”
“We all do that sometimes. We’re only human.”
Clark raised an eyebrow at that. “Well… technically…”
Lois scoffed and swatted his arm. “Oh, you know what I mean. Ow! What are you made of? Steel?” she shook out her hand to alleviate the pain.
Clark winced sympathetically and chuckled at the same time. “Sorry. Invulnerable, remember?”
“Right.” Lois walked over to the bookshelves and ran her finger absently along the spines of a few books. “So, Mister Invulnerable, what are the plans for today.”
Clark shrugged. “Not much. We’ll be leaving orbit in about an hour. Did you want to go to the bridge for the official departure ceremony?”
Lois shook her head. “I had enough of Kryptonian ceremonies yesterday. I can’t understand anything they’re saying anyhow.”
“Well, I can always give you a tour of the ship,” Clark suggested.
“That sounds nice. We’ll be here for a few weeks so I should probably know my way around. Oh, that reminds me!” Lois returned to his side and sat down in one of the chairs. “Since I’m going to be living on New Krypton, I need to learn Kryptonian. Can you teach me?”
Clark smiled. “Well, I don’t know if I’m the best teacher, but I can try.”
“That’s alright. I’m not the best student – at least not with languages. I failed French in high school,” she admitted.
“Voulez-vous aussi apprendre le français?” he rattled off in flawless French.
Lois’ eyes flew open wide. “What?! That’s not fair! You know three languages?”
Clark smirked. “More like… seven. I’m good with languages. I started studying several on my own when I was a kid. I’d probably know more if I’d stayed on Earth. Krypton only has the one language.”
“Thank goodness. That’s still not fair. It’s going to take me ages to be able to talk to people,” Lois pouted.
Clark shook his head. “It won’t. Full immersion helps a lot. You’ll pick it up faster because you don’t really have a choice unless you want to use a translator for the next three years. And I’m afraid your options are fairly limited as far as Kryptonians who are fluent in English goes.”
“Maybe I’ll just stick with you. You make a pretty decent translator,” Lois teased. She snatched a pastry off the table and took a bite.
Clark laughed. “Maybe you’d better learn Kryptonian.”
********
Clark eyed the floor of the sitting room as he waited for Lois to finish changing for bed. It had been almost a week since they had left Earth and things were going pretty well. Lois was a lot of fun to hang out with. She was smart and witty and she wasn’t afraid to speak her mind – pretty much a breath of fresh air compared to the young women on New Krypton, most of whom put on airs of being demure and proper at all times.
During their first full day together, he’d shown her around the ship and started teaching her the basics of the Kryptonian language. Despite her claims to the contrary, she was a good student and a quick study. She picked up common phrases quickly and by dinner time was able to properly introduce herself to a few people they met in the dining hall.
The next few days seemed to fly by and Clark found himself growing more and more fond of his wife. They were able to connect on a level he simply couldn’t with anyone on New Krypton.
Perhaps it was the novelty of now having a connection to Earth – someone who understood a typical American childhood, someone who shared his more human mannerisms and values, someone to catch him up on current events and pop culture. He couldn’t believe they’d made two more Star Wars movies. Lois had already, accidently, spoiled the big secret about Luke and Vader.
But he didn’t think it was as simple as a friendship born of common interests and experiences. What he felt… what he was starting to feel for her was something more. There was a connection between them, something almost tangible. He wanted to explore it more but he also didn’t want to push her. They’d been thrown together in such a bizarre way and it all happened so fast. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
But that didn’t stop him from smiling every time she walked into a room or wanting to spend every waking moment by her side.
“All done,” Lois said, opening the door to the bedroom before walking back to the vanity and picking up a hairbrush.
Clark looked up and watched her go, fairly certain that if she turned around right then she’d catch him with a goofy grin on his face.
It didn’t hurt that she was gorgeous. Even her loose-fitting pajamas did little to hide her curves. He longed to find out if those curves would fit against him as well as he imagined, but that would be pushing boundaries he was sure she wasn’t ready for. They’d exchanged a few casual touches over the past few days – all friendly, strictly platonic. He imagined it would be some time, if ever, before he would be able to hold her properly as his wife.
He was fairly certain that she liked him, as a friend at the very least. But he had no idea if she felt anything close to the connection that he was feeling.
But that could be explored another time. There was a more pressing problem he needed to solve. He walked over to the bedroom door and leaned against the frame before clearing his throat in what he hoped was a casual manner.
Lois tossed a glance over her shoulder as she continued brushing her hair. “Need something?”
“Uh, yeah,” Clark replied awkwardly. Then he mentally shook himself. It was a simple request. Why was he acting so foolish? He shoved his nerves aside and asked, “Could I steal a pillow from the bed?”
Lois shot him a confused look and then glanced at the pile of pillows on the bed. “A pillow? Sure. There’s plenty. Far more than I need anyway.”
Clark nodded and moved over to the bed to select one of the larger pillows. When he looked up, Lois was staring him with a bemused smile. “What?” he asked.
“The air isn’t soft enough for you anymore?” she teased.
Clark grimaced. He’d been hoping not to have to explain why he needed the pillow. But then, it was only a matter of time before she realized. “The air is fine. But the floor is hard as a rock.”
The smile fell off of Lois’ face. “I thought you were floating to sleep?”
He shrugged. “I was. But that was before we left Earth’s solar system. It’s been three days since we last saw the yellow sun. I woke up on the floor this morning.”
“Your powers…?”
“Gone. I imagine everyone else on board lost theirs yesterday or today as well.”
“That must be so strange. I can’t imagine…” she trailed off and then a determined look came to her eyes. “Clark, you can’t sleep on the floor. Especially now that you’re not invulnerable. You’ll destroy your back.”
“I’ll be fine. Really.” Clark insisted. “It’s just a few more weeks till we get to New Krypton. We can figure something else out there.”
Lois shook her head and stood up. “No. I won’t let you sleep on the floor for the rest of the trip. It’s not fair to you.”
“Well, we don’t have a lot in the way of options,” Clark crossed his arms over his chest, the pillow still hanging awkwardly from one hand. He had no desire to sleep on the floor but it wouldn’t be right to kick her off the bed and he didn’t want to bring up sharing again. They were getting along so well. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
Lois looked at him and then looked back at the bed. She gnawed on her bottom lip for a moment and her eyebrows drew together in thought. When she finally spoke, the words she said were the last ones Clark expected. “It really is a big bed.”
Clark’s mouth dropped open and his arms fell to his sides. “Wh-what are you saying?”
Lois crossed her own arms in a similar pose to the one he’d adopted before. “I mean we are married, after all. We wouldn’t be doing anything wrong.” Her face suddenly flushed. “We wouldn’t be doing anything. Just sleeping.”
Clark nodded, willing himself not to smirk at her slip. “Sleeping. Right. So, you’re saying you want to share?”
“I’m saying…” she crossed the room to stand just in front of him and placed her hand on his chest. “…that I trust you.”
Clark couldn’t help but smile at her words. He caught her hand in his own. “Thank you, Lois. That means a lot. I trust you too.”
“Good.” Lois stepped back and snatched the pillow from his hand. She threw it towards the head of the bed and motioned him to the other side. “Now, you’ll stay on that side and I’ll stay over here and we’ll both get a good night’s rest.”
He grinned and couldn’t help teasing her a little. “What if I want that side of the bed?”
She turned a mock glare in his direction. “Then I suggest you get used to sleeping on the floor because this is my side.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Clark laughed. He really loved to bring out her bossy side. “You ready for bed?” he asked, climbing into his side of the bed.
“More or less.” She climbed onto her own side and pulled the covers up to her chin, lying on her side with her face towards him.
Clark lay flat on his back his hands behind his head but he eyed her sideways. “You don’t snore, do you?” he teased again.
Lois looked offended. “Of course I don’t snore.”
“Just checking. Lights,” he called out and the room lights dimmed to sleep mode. “Good night, Lois.”
“Good night, Clark.”
“You’re sure you don’t snore?”
“Good night, Clark.”
********
Lois wasn’t surprised when she woke up with Clark’s arm around her waist, his warm chest pressed up against her back. It wasn’t the first time over the past three weeks that one of them had gravitated towards the other in the middle of the night. In fact, the first few times it happened, she was the one snuggled up on his side of the bed.
It had been awkward at first. There were muttered apologies and fumblings to put space between them. But after about the fifth time it happened, they sort of got used to it. Instead of apologizing, they would offer each other quiet smiles and roll to their respective sides before stretching and yawning and beginning their day.
Lois breathed a soft sigh and eased herself back more comfortably against his firm chest. His arm automatically tightened around her waist. She felt herself smile. She never imagined that she could feel so comfortable sleeping next to a man. She had supposed she would eventually feel that way about her husband – and Clark was technically her husband – but that was different. In her previously imagined scenarios, she would know the man for some time before sleeping with him. She’d always felt it was a good idea to be married before giving herself fully to someone.
Now she was married but they’d done everything backwards. They were still in the “getting to know you” phase of their relationship. They certainly weren’t ready to move into anything more physical than this inadvertent early morning snuggling. But why did it feel so good to have his arms wrapped around her? Why did she feel safe, comfortable… loved?
He doesn’t love me, she thought to herself as she stared at the wall in the dark. We’re just friends forced to live together under unusual circumstances. That doesn’t make it love though. I certainly don’t love him.
But even as she thought it, a little voice whispered in her mind that she did. Another voice argued adamantly that it was just infatuation brought on by the fact that he was, quite literally, the only person within a hundred lightyears that she could relate to. It was just transference or the nightingale effect or something like that. A trauma bond. They shared in the trauma of a semi-forced marriage. Clark was her one beacon of normalcy in an otherwise alien world.
He was teaching her the language, the customs; helping her adjust slowly to a very different culture from her own. And he was kind and sweet and funny. He cared for her. Of course she would start to develop feelings for him.
But it’s not real! she told herself firmly. No matter how nice he was, no matter how much fun she had in his company, no matter how wonderful it felt to have him pressed against her in the wee hours of the morning – she couldn’t let herself fall into the delusion of being in love with her husband.
They would arrive on New Krypton in a few days. She would see then. He would go off to his studies and other responsibilities and she would be left alone. Oh, she would find something to do with herself. She wasn’t one to keep idle for long. She was already bored of this endless space voyage and couldn’t wait to figure out how she was going to make her mark on New Krypton.
She certainly wasn’t going to stay at home, pining away for a husband who didn’t love her. They would be friends. That was all. She would not allow herself to become dependent on him – no matter how wonderful he was.
With that determined thought, she decided to begin her day. She needed to get back to her language studies if she was going to make her way on a new planet.
Easing out from under Clark’s arm – slowly so as not to wake him – she grabbed her robe and headed out to the sitting room. She would order some coffee and get started.
