Welcome to the 2025 Kerth Quiz: Comedy Story
SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGY!: All the stories featured in this quiz qualify for the Best Comedy Story, but this quiz is not a stamp of recommendation for nomination. There are more fantastic stories which qualify for this category, but this quiz only covers 7 randomly chosen ones.
(Instructions are blatantly copied/linked from previous Kerth Quizzes.)RECOMMENDATIONS: Don't forget that recommendations for other favorite eligible stories are *very* welcome and encouraged! So don't forget to add these in a section after your guesses!
QUIZ RULES: One point each for getting the story and author from the quote. Plus, shiny gold stars for those who recognize their own stories. Please don't forget to mention which number you're answering. Rule recap: Open hard drive and open boards (+AO3!), *don't* forget to snip out the excerpts in your replies, and don't forget the spoiler tag when you post in the replies thread.
CATEGORY: These are the stories that made you laugh out loud this year. Whether they’re full of puns or totally absurd or just a series of hilariously unfortunate events, the purpose of these stories is to amuse the reader and make them laugh.
The DEADLINE for entries for this quiz is SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2025, by 11:59 p.m (Eastern Time Zone).
Here’s the full list of
Eligible Stories.
Here are the full quiz instructions:
Countdown to Kerth Quizzes Extended Instructions and Disclaimers.
Please post your answers
HERE!Good luck!
Evie
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EXCERPT #1:GOOD EVENING, MR. KENT.
Somehow, Clark wasn't all that surprised to see a hooded figure standing next to him, finger-bones curled around the handle of a large scythe. “Am I dead?”
THAT WOULD BE A FAIR ASSESSMENT.
“But...how?!” Clark demanded.
The figure's skull tilted.
MOST PEOPLE YOUR AGE DO NOT HAVE THAT QUESTION.
He folded his arms. “Well, I'm not most people; I'm invulnerable!”
A bony hand motioned towards his unoccupied body.
CURRENT EVIDENCE WOULD SEEM TO REFUTE THAT. BUT SINCE YOU ASKED: AT THE LAST SOCIAL FUNCTION YOU ATTENDED, YOU HAD A SERVING FROM A TAINTED SALMON MOUSSE.
Clark's eyes widened. “You're...kidding.” His arms lowered to his sides. “Are you telling me that after all these years of risking my life...after smashing into a giant asteroid, being trapped in a Kryptonite cage, getting shot with lasers and Kryptonite bullets, disappearing into the time stream, and even wrestling a giant mechanical spider...you're telling me that the thing that finally did me in...” He waved towards his body lying still on the bed. “...is bad fish?!”
EXCERPT #2:“Oh honey, you’ll find your place one day.” She gave his hand a soft squeeze. “However, I’m pretty sure it’s not inside this bar, between bottles of whiskey.”
He laughed. “Probably not.”
“The only problem now is to get you home.”
Clark raised his brows. “I told you, I’m sober, Mom. Alcohol doesn’t seem to affect me.” His lips curled in contempt. “Figures.”
“Ah, no, to Bob you’re certainly not sober,” Martha said. “He gave me a rough estimate of how much you’d had to drink and I tell you, you can’t walk a straight line.”
“I could even fly one,” Clark grumbled, good-naturedly.
She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Clark Jerome Kent, you'll let me drag you out of this bar now. And for your poor father's sake you better make it convincing.”
She stood up and came around to grab Clark's arm. “Bob, could you help me, please?”
Clark groaned. “Geez, Mom, did you have to do that?”
She glared at him. “Shush now. This is what you get for drinking more than you should!”
Clark rolled his eyes at that, but complied as Martha helped him up. “Isn't that supposed to be a hangover? Instead I only get to hang over your shoulder.”
“Trust me, you're not missing out on anything.”
“Uh, yeah, I do. The blackout."
EXCERPT #3:Clark Kent was back - and walked straight to Perry's office.
OK, the guy has balls to try again after being rejected. This show, she wanted to watch.
She crept quietly to the half-open office door and watched as Kent presented the Chief with two neatly written pages of paper.
Perry seemed reluctant at first, but then the curiosity that characterizes every journalist won out and he began to read.
She couldn't see his face at first, but when he finished, he looked up with something like...interest?
"Well, what can I say? This is damn good. You actually managed to beautifully portray the perspective of these immigrants on what it's like to live in a new, unknown country, to integrate, the challenges one has to face. It almost reads as if you know exactly what you're talking about. And...I appreciate initiative."
What the...? Wait, he couldn't mean that...
"Clark Kent - welcome to the Daily Planet!"
WHAT?!
This - this - hack from Nowheresville got a job by stealing *HER* story?
Oh, that meant war!
EXCERPT #4:“Krypto, be a good boy. I’m going to bring home food for you and a piping hot sausage and pepperoni pizza for me from Giovanni’s mercato in Rome.”
At the word, ‘pizza’, one ear went up and Krypto’s head cocked to the side. For a moment, Clark suspected his dog knew exactly what a pizza was.
With that thought, Clark walked back up the steps and pulled open the front door, only to see his neighbor, Mrs. Harper, poised to knock and dressed in a flamboyant orange housedress with beer-can sized rollers in her silver hair.
“Oh! Mr. Kent! It’s so good to see you again. Your fiancée, that nice Miss Lane said you were on foreign assignment.”
Momentarily caught off guard, Clark gave her an uneasy grin and said, “Uh, yeah. My foreign … assignment ended. Nice to see you too Mrs. Harper.” That must have been the cover story Lois and Perry had cooked up to hide his disappearance.
Mrs. Harper gave him a friendly smile and replied, “Well, now that your back, I wanted to know if you could look after Pepper occasionally? Besides me, he seems to like you better than anyone else.” She turned and called out, “Here, sweetie! That nice Mr. Kent is back. Remember staying at his apartment while Momma was gone? Here, Pepper!”
“Pepper? Your cat? Uh, that might be a problem. I have a dog now; his name is Krypto.”
At that moment, a cat with black, white and hints of brown padded from Mrs. Harper’s apartment and walked down the hallway as if he owned the place. The cat reached his owner, and the sleek-furred animal rubbed against her legs, purring loudly, looking for an affectionate pet or two.
Krypto, upon hearing his name and thinking Clark might want to take him on another walk, sprang up the stairs with happy abandon.
Suddenly, the two animals stared at each other, and their human staff members were afraid something bad was going to happen.
It did.
Pepper took one look at Krypto and froze, his hackles bunching up, and the cat began to hiss. Undaunted by the other animal’s strange reaction, Krypto stepped into the hallway, advanced on the frightened cat, and proceeded to sniff the feline’s rear enthusiastically. He wanted to be friends.
Clark cautiously said, “Krypto … that’s not a good idea, leave the kitty __”
Before another word escaped Clark’s lips, Pepper reared back and smacked Krypto hard on the tip of his nose!
EXCERPT #5:"Oh, Jonathon! This has to be a prank of some sort? Maybe something the Lang boys have cooked up to fool Clark and Lana?"
"I don't know, Martha. The thing is… Dumbledore seemed so sincere…" Jonathon shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Anyway, I think it's time we have the talk with Clark."
"The talk?" Martha said in a hushed tone, her eyes flicking with concern.
Jonathon reached for her hand to give it a gentle squeeze. "I know Martha… but I think it's time…we can't let him go on believing he's a wizard."
Martha looked toward the stairs, where they could hear Clark upstairs playing in his room. "Poor darling. He's become so attached to that owl that's been hanging around his window. Calls it his familiar."
Jonathon leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I'll just sit him down and explain it man to man—you're not a wizard… you're an alien. That's all there is to it."
Martha shook her head. "Oh Jonathon, please! We need to be gentle. He's still a little boy! We can't just burst out with 'Clark, you're an alien!'"
"I'm a what?"
EXCERPT #6:He felt himself reach the apex of his jump and fought with all he was worth to remain airborne, only to succumb to the pull of gravity once more.
As he fell, Clark closed his eyes, picturing Lois in what was sure to be a lovely dress. She had said it was burgundy. She had always looked gorgeous in burgundy. He longed to see her for real instead of just imagining. He wanted to see that smile light up her face the way it did only for him. He wanted to hold her in his arms. It had been too long.
It had been too long.
He ought to have hit the ground again by now.
Blinking his eyes open, he was both startled and not at all surprised to find himself hovering about two feet off the ground. He grinned. An instant later, he propelled himself back up into the atmosphere and executed a handful of loop-de-loops while shouting out whoops to his own success.
He didn’t linger long in his celebration, however. He had somewhere he needed to be and only a little bit of time to get ready. Just how long did girls take to do their hair and make-up anyway?
Speeding back to the farmhouse, he dashed upstairs and spun into the tux he had rented for his own prom a week before – thankful he hadn’t had to return it just yet. Then he brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and ran a quick bit of heat vision over the stubble which had grown since morning. A touch of aftershave later and he deemed himself presentable.
Hurrying downstairs again, he was just about to head out the door when his mom spoke up. “And where are you off too, looking so handsome? I thought the prom was last weekend?”
Clark smiled at her and barely paused as he continued out the door and into the yard, his mother following in his wake. “It was. But tonight, I’m taking Lois to her prom.”
“Lois?” his mom blinked, clearly confused. “She’s in Metropolis, honey. How are you going to get there?”
He could feel the grin splitting his cheeks as he kicked off the ground and then stopped with his feet dangling at about the level of his mother’s awe-stuck face. “I’ll fly, of course.”
EXCERPT #7:But what about youse two? Are ye winchin’?”
“I’m going to plead the fifth on that,” Lois responded with a laugh. “Mainly because I don’t know what it means.”
“Dating,” Clark replied and she noticed he looked a little bit embarrassed. “And we have yet to go on an actual date, though not for lack of trying.”
“What’s this then, ye dafty, if no’ a date?” Stewart said, giving Clark a playful punch on the arm.
“This is a work trip gone horribly wrong,” Lois said. She grimaced, though she no longer felt as angry as she had before.
“What happens if ye dinnae get tae Belfast, then?” Gemma wondered curiously. Lois shook her head.
“We have to find something to write about,” Lois replied. “Do either of you know of anything happening here?”
“For the Daily Planet ye mean?” Stewart looked suitably impressed. “No’ that Ah know of, right enough.”
“Ah’m more interested in youse two,” Gemma said, grinning at Lois. “You need tae get this one somewhere romantic an’ just gie him a wee snog! Stewart and I have been waitin’ for ages for Clark tae find someone. He’s no’ exactly hard on the eyes. What are ye waitin’ for?”
Lois laughed and felt her cheeks go pink. She wouldn’t normally feel comfortable discussing her dating life with anyone, much less two perfect strangers, but somehow she felt as if she knew Stewart and Gemma. They were intelligent, funny, and seemed to genuinely love each other. Lois found herself wondering how they got to where they were. Why did it seem so difficult with Clark when her feelings for him now felt so easy? So clear?
“I guess we were trying to find the right moment,” she admitted, realising how silly that sounded when she said it out loud. “We almost went to see Pearl Jam, but work got in the way.”
“Ye bought her tickets tae Pearl Jam?” Stewart shook his head and laughed. “Ye dinnae even like Pearl Jam, ye eejit!”
Clark laughed good naturedly and Lois was relieved to see that he didn’t seem bothered by his first date faux pas.
“I just want things to be perfect,” he said, his eyes meeting hers. She felt her heart skip a beat at the look in his eyes.
“Just take her oot, man!” Stewart exclaimed. “Ye dinnae need anythin’ fancy. Did I no’ tell ye about oor first date?” He looked at Gemma and the two of them laughed slightly.
“That bad?” Lois asked, finding she really wanted to know what happened. She looked over at Clark and he reached over and tentatively took her hand – a gesture that did not go unnoticed by Gemma and Stewart.
“Pure disaster, so it was,” Gemma confirmed with a laugh.
Good luck, everyone!
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In order to help you find all things Kerth for this year, we’ve created a TOC for all the
🏆TOC for Kerth Awards 2025 Posts🏆.
The Kerth Committee
(KSaraSara, Michael, lovetvfan, and Evie)
