Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Bob and Carol, and Lois and Clark, and Kids

I haven't read your fic yet, but I wanted to say this.

I wouldn't bet on that. There are already fics in existence with kids in episode adaptations. Here's the most current that I've read (Pilot adaptataion):
Secret Fears, et al.

I rather much think that you are assuming a lot here.

Even if someone writes a story after this with kids in episode adaptations, you can't really say the idea is original. The link above leads to three fics, and I know I've read others.

EDIT:

Okay, now I've read it.

Okay, the first thing I’d suggest right off is that if you are going to do an episode re-write to do it in the form of a fic - not a script. I found this ‘script’ form difficult to read, and I probably missed a lot because of it. I’d also suggest just posting the part of the episode that is different. But wow, you sure did some work on reformatting the script so it would work on the board.

So, let’s see. In the pilot Jimmy was approximately 21 (according to the script). Your fic is set 10 years into the future of Season four. That means Jimmy is around 34 or 35. Robbing the cradle much? I would think Jimmy would be married by then.

I’m not generally one to mention Britishisms (or Australianisms), but I thought it was fairly well known that Americans don’t call their mothers mummy.

I really didn’t see much of Elizabeth, Matthew, and James. I kind of expected more.

I liked the interaction between Clark and Lois and their kids. The doorbell bit was really cute.

Look...
To me it doesnt really matter who's idea it was...

I had a lot of fun writing it...
It was more a writing exercize for me, I have only written one fanfic before this one... and ust wanted something easy to get me started....

Just as in the disclaimers, I said that most of the script was not mine, there is nothing gained from me owning any sort of claim over the rewrite issues...


*SHRUG*

What more can I say...
I hope you enoy reading it...

I wasn't trying to bust your chops. (And notice that I added more feedback.) I just thought that the way you worded your 'favor' was a bit presumptive.

I have to ask... Nancy - why does the title say "Ted" ? Who's Ted?

I'd have to side with Nancy on the 'favor' thing... what's wrong with anyone else doing episode adaptations of the sort? People have been known to do things that are similar and I think it's great to have different takes on the same spin - I'd hate to think what would happen if we all staked claims on one idea each and asked others to keep away. Where's the fun in that.

This being said - the story was fun, but I would have loved to have seen in in a "story" format, rather than script. Easier to read, imho. I'm not sure I get what all the (X) mean in the text either. ?

I would have to agree about Jimmy and the age thing as well. Not just because he's dating an 18 year old when he's about 30-some, but going to a rave at 30-some is... somewhat unusual. Unless of course Jimmy is still 20-some and then it would be nice for you to mention that.

that's sad.. she's leaving her kids at little league with, what - the sitter? Lois... be with your kids, girl. Then again, if they're boys, then superdad should go along with them, like most dads, right?

Seems to me a couple with kids might want to take kids to such a thing. Mind you, I get that this is a double date and not a family outing. Also, as for the excuse, they could so easily say they can't get a sitter. It would be quite logical.

What about the kids?

I think the scenes with the kids are sweet, although I'm not sure why they all ended up in the newsroom - don't some of them go to school? I would have liked to have seen how having kids could put a *twist* on the ep - as it is, the story is just exactly the same. That's kinda sad, I was expecting there to be some hurdles and problems and... I dunno, something exactly because they have children.

To be honest, beethoven, I didn't get much out of reading this one. For me, there isn't enough original material contained within the 'story' to make it an interesting read. I've read this section of script before - been there, done that - so there's nothing new there to interest me. If I wanted to read this dialogue, I could just as easily click on the scripts than your post.

As others have also pointed out, where you could have worked in differences to fit your premise, noting changes that the presence of children instigates, you didn't seem to take the opportunity. Which was a little frustrating for this reader.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I think you have a nice idea and it could be developed into an interesting story. But, this isn't it, for me, and I do think you need to write much more into this if you want this to be considered a story and not just a posting of a section of script with a few lines added here and there by the author.

LabRat

I think the main problem with this one is the fact that these are episode rewrites. I mean, the things that happened in these episodes transpired the way they did because there were no children. Period.

If you add children to the mix, things have to develope in an entirely different way. So different, in fact, that it's moot to call the result an episode rewrite.

Things to consider in this part:

• Lois and Clark wouldn't have been double dating. Not with Perry and what's-her-name, not with Jimmy and Aurora, and not with Bob and Carol.
• If they had been looking for people to befriend, they'd have looked for a family. Okay, from the comics I know that Deathstroke does have children, but they're quite a bit older than the Kent children.
• How old are the Kent children, anyway? I didn't really get it.
• As a mother of a three-year-old, I can't imagine having dinner with her at a befriended family's place. McDonald's (or Burger King) is more like it.
• And what are the kids doing all day in the first place? A fic with children involved is not a challenge in creativity on 'How do I get rid of them for the time being?', it is about living and interacting with them. Kids take up an unholy amount of time. Which should have a major impact on the things going on in the fic - or 'episode'.

Ooops… (The original movie was Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice.) Fixing it.

huh? that was a movie? well, I'll be... Are all the titles from S4 inside jokes on something else? Looks to me like a lot of them are...

I think all the titles in the whole series are inside jokes for something else.

For instance:

In season 1--All Shook Up is the title of an Elvis song, Vatman was used in the synopsis for Superman IV, Fly Hard is a play off of Die Hard, etc.

Then in season 2--Season's Greedings plays off of Greetings, The Eyes Have It could have been "The I's have it," and Tempus Fugitive=Tempus Fugit or "Time Flies."

Season 3--Just Say Noah ("Just say no"), Chip off the Old Clark ("Chip off the Old Block"), and Double Jeopardy is a double-entendre.

In season 4 you have Lord of the Flys ("Lord of the Flies"--which I read in 11th grade), 'Twas the Night Before Myxymas ("'Twas the Night Before Christmas"), and Toy Story.

Hi, Beethoven!
You the new author on the block? Welcome!

I noticed you posted a story. Sorry, I didn't read it yet, but I did take a *very* quick peek and skim through the FDK. I like the idea of Lois and Clark with kids, and I like the idea of episode rewrites with kids in them.

I hope you don't feel picked on here; you know any author worth his/her salt must suffer for their craft.

I've noticed a lot of new authors for TV Show fanfic choose to write in script form. It seems logical, since shows do have scripts, but the thing to remember is that scripts are made to be performed, not read like stories are. (English classes do have readings of scripts of famous plays, but that is for other, long and boring reasons ). Basically, the story form just looks nicer, that's all.

If you want practice, easy writing, etc., please feel free to check out the Challenge section of the message board! Oh, please do; I do so love fresh meat---I mean talent.

Writing is fun, yes. But good writing can also be work.

Fortunately, if you love it and you're willing to fall flat on your face a few times, you'll find it's not so bad, and you'll get better and better reviews as time goes on.

Just remember, the FoLCs here are your friends, and we're not out to get you. Please listen carefully to everyone's comments, and bear in mind we're just trying to help, not insult you.

Hope to see more from you soon, and now I *will* read that story!

Well, said, Queen of the Capes.

Thanks to Queen and Classica

I agree with a lot of you actually

the story was a little rushed though the mill... and sort of came out as blackbread (or rye) instead of white filo-pastry/croisants (i cant spell)

those things such as Jimmy did bug me at first...

And I didnt think a lot of stuff through...

again i take o claim to the epp....write genre/ nor the epp-rewrite with kids thingy...

the story was written as a script,... because i thought it easier to just copy and paste bits from the
lcficmbs.com site

I am reworking it though, to be :
a-not in script form
b- have the whole dble-dating thing sorted out...

as well as trying a few other epps.


I know, I know, ....
it never pays to be lazy

but we all learn from our mistakes...

Okay, I didn't really read the story, only parts of it. On the one hand because I didn't have time and on the other hand because I find the transcript quite confusing.

A few notes nonetheless.

I feel with you that the comments have not been so encouraging as you have probably hoped.

Don't discriminate blackbread! I don't really know why the rest of the world seems to prefer white bread. You must come to Germany and enter the first available bakery! You'll be addicted! Okay, I'm joking. Your way of writing was a bit different from the common way. That's not necessarily bad.

Script and prose have both their strength and weaknesses. In my opinion the greatet advantage of prose is that you can read the characters minds (at least if the author is a good writer imho)
But if you manage to convey all the feelings in spoken language there is only one thing I can do

I think it's a good idea to try a rewrite. I mean, it didn't start out the way I hoped, but it does have potential. And with a bit of practice, imagination and work (as well as some pestering of readers), I'm sure you can make it into something special.

I'm definitely going to read your second work. And your rewrite of your first piece. Just post it in a new thread to make sure it will be noticed.

Oh, and one last thought: Pick the episodes you want to work with carefully. I don't think that every single one of them can be changed to contain children.

Yes, you would. And, oh, how I wish that bread was available in the US. (They say it is, but it absolutely is not the same. It’s just not as good.)

Remember when you do your script rewrites that you don’t have to do the whole script. You can concentrate on one area. All you have to do is tell us what show it’s from and give us a brief reminder of what is going on.

Exactly. And when you put the kids in, make it mean something. Have them be at least partly integral to what’s going on.