I haven't read your fic yet, but I wanted to say this.
JuST ONE FAVOUR TO ASK...
THE EPISODE ADAPTATIONS WITH KIDS as far as I know, is my idea... I would love to be able to do as many as possible.... so if you could leave it to me, that would be great
I wouldn't bet on that. There are already fics in existence with kids in episode adaptations. Here's the most current that I've read (Pilot adaptataion):
Secret Fears, et al. I rather much think that you are assuming a lot here.
Even if someone writes a story
after this with kids in episode adaptations, you can't really say the idea is original. The link above leads to three fics, and I know I've read others.
EDIT:
Okay, now I've read it.
Okay, the first thing I’d suggest right off is that if you are going to do an episode re-write to do it in the form of a fic - not a script. I found this ‘script’ form difficult to read, and I probably missed a lot because of it. I’d also suggest just posting the part of the episode that is different. But wow, you sure did some work on reformatting the script so it would work on the board.
She leans against her desk, listening to JIMMY talk about
his babe du jour, AURORA, 18, a Gothic poster child for
urban angst.
So, let’s see. In the pilot Jimmy was approximately 21 (according to the script). Your fic is set 10 years into the future of Season four. That means Jimmy is around 34 or 35. Robbing the cradle much? I would think Jimmy would be married by then.
ELIzabeth
Mummy, mummy! Ere is your Tea
I’m not generally one to mention Britishisms (or Australianisms), but I thought it was fairly well known that Americans don’t call their mothers mummy.
I really didn’t see much of Elizabeth, Matthew, and James. I kind of expected more.
I liked the interaction between Clark and Lois and their kids. The doorbell bit was really cute.
