To be honest, beethoven, I didn't get much out of reading this one. For me, there isn't enough original material contained within the 'story' to make it an interesting read. I've read this section of script before - been there, done that - so there's nothing new there to interest me. If I wanted to read this dialogue, I could just as easily click on the scripts than your post.
As others have also pointed out, where you could have worked in differences to fit your premise, noting changes that the presence of children instigates, you didn't seem to take the opportunity. Which was a little frustrating for this reader.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh. I think you have a nice idea and it could be developed into an interesting story. But, this isn't it, for me, and I do think you need to write much more into this if you want this to be considered a story and not just a posting of a section of script with a few lines added here and there by the author.
LabRat
