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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,644 |
An interesting beginning  I'm wondering why that particular prologue; it doesn't seem immediately connected to the next scene. Speaking of which, I like that girl's attitude  She's going to be fun to get to know. I'll bet Spaceb--, err, Supernova thinks so, too.  One minor editing goof: the kids new uncle was referred to as Uncle Brad *and* Uncle Mike. I'm assuming there's only one new husband here...  Look forward to seeing more of this. PJ
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Well, now, this is certainly interesting. Supernova has apparently met his Lois Lane. Wonder who this mystery woman is, and what her job is that she'll be in danger on a regular basis? And she has some serious martial arts training if she believes can take out two opponents (even two inept ones) at once. And I have no doubt that she could do it, too.
Now, don't tell me - she works with Spaceboy in his civilian identity, right? Naw, too derivative. Anyway, I plan to follow this one to see if the rest of it is as good as the beginning.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,662
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,662 |
Hey Pam, she could be bigamous.  Great beginning. Just verifying, but the I in the first part and the I in the second part aren't the same person, right?
I think, therefore, I get bananas.
When in doubt, think about time travel conundrums. You'll confuse yourself so you can forget what you were in doubt about.
What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?
I don't know and I don't care one way or the other.
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5
Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,011 Likes: 5 |
This is very cute. Billowy fabric technology. I've (and I can't believe I'm saying this!) rather overdosed on LnC fanfic lately, so it's nice to find something a little different. Looking forward to part 2. 
When Life Gives You Green Velvet Curtains, Make a Green Velvet Dress.
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31
Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,066 Likes: 31 |
Hm, a story with a non-superpowered female super hero? Not by any chance the future heiress to Wayne Enterprises? Nah, who would cross over those two realms on this board.
About the prologue: It's either preparation for Jon's bond or a very bad precursor about his parents current state of affairs. Or perhaps I'm just thinking that way because "Creation" is currently floating across the board as well.
Please continue.
Michael
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351 |
hey,
I noticed the bigamy too.... and figured is lucy cheating already on her honeymoon
so
If more than one mouse is mice
and more than one louse is lice....
than as plain as can be
that its easy to see
More than one spouse is....
spice
You can't have MANSLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER
The Neuroscientist: Eating glass makes you smart...do you want to see what you can learn?
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 351 |
Originally posted by beethoven: another Limerick on the theme
There was a young man from Lime
who had three wives at a time
when asked: Why the third?
he said: Only One is absurd...
And Bigamy, Sir, is a Crime
You can't have MANSLAUGHTER without LAUGHTER
The Neuroscientist: Eating glass makes you smart...do you want to see what you can learn?
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 81
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 81 |
i love next-gen stories! can't wait to see what else you have up your sleeve.. 
Sarah,
Tempus: You want to know the future, Miss Lane? No one works, no one argues, there are 9,000 channels and nothing on!
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700 |
Thanks everyone for the great FDK. I'm blushing at my editing goof though. I changed the uncle's name, but then forgot to change it all the way through, whoops! Lucy is NOT bigamous, that's for sure!
About the prologue PJ: Michael is half right about it being a foreshadowing of Jon's bond, but it also has a little bit more importance than that which we will see later on. But, do not fear! Lois and Clark are still happily married in this fic.
Woody, I'm a little confused by your question. The prologue isn't written in 1st person perspective, more like 3rd person from Lois' POV. So there isn't two 'I's. This story will switch narrators, but the only time it will be in 1st person is through the eyes of Jon's love interest which hopefully makes things less confusing.
Anyway, gr8shadesofElvis and Mishmishat, I'm glad you guys are looking forward to a next gen story cause I'm looking forward to finishing writing it!
Thanks for the FDK guys!
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 78
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 78 |
I like Next Generation fics! And this one is promising, can’t wait to read more, I’m anxious to know more about the girl who is narrating the story. She sounds too much like Lois don’t you think? lol… Loved the whole flashback scene, Jon is a sweetheart, just like his father! I glanced down at my tightly shod foot as it glided smoothly over the sidewalk and landed with a sharp *clack*. The other followed. *Clack-clack*. What was it about a gorgeous pair of shoes that inspires a woman? Nothing like a good clack-clack to make us feel powerful! But the combination of night air, an awesome pair of shoes, and the long period of undercover induced inactivity had me on a natural high, and I was anxious to prove myself to someone, even if it was just a couple of petty offenders. See, this is what I’m talking about! What is it the she does? Or did? I’m dying to know! Oh no. What happens when I DO actually need him? Given my… extracurricular activities, What extracurricular activities? Here you go again making me curious! Unless he tells them. Maybe they have weekly meetings where they discuss people they’ve saved. And they have a list of some sort. A ‘No Save’ list of people who were rude to them, or who committed crimes or something. Crap! I’ve just condemned myself to death through sheer rudeness.
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 67
Freelance Reporter
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Freelance Reporter
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 67 |
my favorite line: teehee he's so cute! Cheers, Em
Lois: Clark, you don't have to be embarrassed. That's what friends are for. Just tell me how much.
Clark: Lois, I want you to go out with me!
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 367
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 367 |
Very intriguing beginning. - Alisha (who can take a hint, but finds it very hard to write good fdk, especially when she's leaving fdk months after the part has been posted and has been reading the story all along and knows some of the answers to the questions posed in the first part... and can babble away like Lois!)
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700
Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 700 |
Thanks Alisha! I'm glad you took my not so subtle hint and posted feedback!
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