Lois & Clark Forums Forums Active Threads This Week

FoLC, I wrote this on steroids and antibiotics and no sleep so sorry if it's a bit silly.

***

Clark, dressed as Superman, stood in front of Dr. Klein, watching as the scientist paced around his small laboratory. He wished the good doctor would just hurry up and spit out whatever he had to say. It was late and after a busy weekend attending several major emergencies around the country, Clark just wanted to get home and spend the last few hours of the evening with his wife.

“Dr. Klein, whatever it is—” Clark started.

“I don’t have a lot of friends!” Klein burst out with, coming to a standstill in front of him. “I’ve spent my whole life dedicated to science! Carolyn is the only woman I’ve connected with in years! I can’t believe she said yes! I’m getting married, Superman!”

Clark’s eyebrows rose at this surprising news. “This is… great! I’m happy for you, Doc.” He gave the scientist a friendly pat on the shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks.” Klein smiled and ducked his head almost shyly. He turned away from Clark and began pacing the room once again.

“Was there something else?” Clark asked. He snuck a glance at the clock on the wall. 9PM. He sighed. He’d be lucky if Lois would still be awake if he didn’t get home soon. “Dr. Klein?” Clark reached a hand out and stopped him mid pace.

“Right! Sorry. It’s just…. well, I…have a favor to ask.”

Clark tried not to sound impatient. “What?”

“I was kind of hoping you might be my best man!” Klein blurted out. Off Clark’s stunned expression, he continued quickly. “I know it’s a bit out of nowhere! But you’re the closest friend I have in the city.”

Best man? Dr. Klien wanted Superman to be his best man? Clark cleared his throat. “Well… I’d love to, of course! It’s just, with me being Superman, I never know when I might get called away in an emergency. I don’t want to commit if I can’t follow through.”

Klein waved off his concern. “Oh, it’s fine. I was going to ask Clark Kent as a backup.” He reached for a bottle of liquor on his desk and poured it into a coffee mug.

Clark blinked, feeling a little thrown off. “Clark Kent? You guys are close, then?”

“Well, we’re not buddies like you and I are. I’ve never tested his semen, for example—that’s a thing I only do for best friends.” Dr. Klein raised his mug and took a swig.

Clark didn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he remained silent.

“So, will you do it?” Klein asked again, eyes still full of hope.

Clark mulled over the request for a moment. What choice did he have? Dr. Klein had just called him his best friend. It obviously meant a lot to him to have Superman stand up with him on his big day.

Clark plastered a grin on his face. “Well… of course I’ll do it.”

“Great!” Klein’s face lit up. He took another swig from his mug. “Oh, and one more thing. Carolyn has a favor to ask Lois Lane.”

***

Half an hour later, Clark slid into bed beside his wife.

“She wants me to be her maid of honor?” Lois asked, settling her head against her pillow.

“Well, technically, you’re married, so… matron of honor.”

“I don’t even know the woman!”

Clark chuckled, unsurprised by her reaction. “Yeah, that’s what I said. But I feel kind of bad for them. Both of them have dedicated their lives to science—to helping people, essentially. As a result, neither of them has many friends.”

Lois sat up slightly and narrowed her eyes at him. “Oh, so just like us, then. No friends.”

Clark smiled and gave her a gentle squeeze. “We don’t need friends, Lois. We have each other.”

Lois rolled her eyes, her head landing back down on her pillow dramatically. “Anyway… back to Dr. Klein and… what’s her name?”

“Carolyn.”

She sighed. “When is this shindig?”

“Thursday night. In the basement of STAR Labs. Then on Monday, I’m going to drop them both in Barbados. It’s their place, apparently.” He chuckled.

“Basement, huh? I guess the wedding is a casual affair, then?”

Clark shrugged. “Guess so. I’m happy to buy you a new dress if it will get you there.”

Lois gave him a teasing look. “Gosh, you are desperate.”

“The guy called me his best friend.”

“I thought I was your best friend.” She poked him in the chest.

“Well…. you are. Of course you are! I just…”

“Relax. I’ll do it. Forget the new dress, though—you can find another way to pay me back.”

Clark grinned and leaned in closer to her. “Fine.”

“But not tonight. I’m far too tired.” She closed her eyes and rolled away from him, tugging the blankets up over her body. “Good night.”

Clark frowned. “Okay… good night, then.”

***

Thursday night

“So, this is the basement of STAR Labs.”

Rows of chairs lined the concrete floor, creating a clear path for the bride’s entrance. Twinkling lights adorned the walls, casting a soft, romantic glow.

Thirty scientists in lab coats milled around, holding beakers full of champagne and making small talk with each other.

The low hum of machinery in one corner of the room filled the air with a soothing white noise.

Lois shifted beside Clark. “Maybe you should have bought me a new dress…” she whispered in his ear as they walked hand in hand. “This one’s a little tight.” She gestured to her chest, the burgundy fabric of her dress looking a little stretched over that region.

Clark took a quick, appreciative look. “Looks pretty spectacular to me.”

Lois narrowed her eyes at him, and he grinned in return. She hid a smile and turned her attention to their surroundings. “Smells like monkey in here.” She said, “I wonder if STAR Labs tests on animals. There could be a story here…”

“I don’t smell anything.”

“There’s definitely been some sort of animal down here!”

“You have a superior sense of smell now?” Clark teased.

“Seriously, you can’t smell anything?”

Clark sniffed the air. “Besides musty basement air and… well, the Doc is wearing way too much cologne.” he nodded toward an approaching tuxedo clad Dr. Klein.

“Lois! Clark! I need help with my bow tie! Oh, God, I’m so nervous!”

Lois coughed and covered her nose and mouth as the good doctor stopped in front of them, the overpowering smell of his cologne almost making her sick.

“Um, okay…” Clark stepped forward to assist his alter ego’s doctor and apparent best friend.

“Oh, Lois! Carolyn’s in the bathroom down the hall. She needs help with something girly.”

“Great…” Lois made a hasty retreat toward the exit, hand still over her nose.

“Any word on Superman’s arrival?” Klein asked Clark.

“He’s going to try his best to get here,” Clark assured him.

***

Lois knocked on the bathroom door. “Carolyn? It’s Lois Lane. Your… maid of honor.” She didn’t care what Clark said. There was no way she was referring to herself as a matron.

The door flung open, and Lois found herself being tugged into a small two cubicle bathroom. A petite redhead in a white gown stood before her, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Lois groaned. “Oh boy.”

“I’m so glad you’re here, Lois!” Carolyn threw herself into Lois’ reluctant arms.

“Great to be here. Um… Dr. Klein— Bernard —said you needed help.”

“Oh, yes, I’m fine. I’m just having a little…problem. I thought it was just wedding jitters! I have been throwing up all week and…well, now I actually think I may be… *pregnant*.” She whispered the last word.

Lois gasped. Well, this was getting interesting, at least. “Oh. Well… um, does Dr. Klein know?”

“He knows nothing.” The bride turned away and reached for her purse. “I bought some tests, but I’m too nervous to take one.” She held the box out for Lois to take.

“Oh, well, you should just do it! Pee on that stick, girl!” Lois said as encouragingly and enthusiastically as she could. Dr. Klein and Clark owed her big time for this. She pulled a test stick from the box and handed it to Carolyn.

“Really? Just do it?”

“Yes. Go. Pee!” she pushed the woman toward a cubicle. “Then I’ll fix your makeup.”

Carolyn smiled through tears and runny eye make up. “You’re such a good friend, Lois.” She shut the cubicle door behind her.

“Don’t I know it…” Lois caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror above the basin, then looked down at the box in her hand. There was one more test stick inside. “Huh…”

***

Makeup and hair done, the bride marched down the aisle toward Dr. Klein. The minister stood on one side of him, Superman and Lois on the other.

Lois caught her husband’s eye and grinned, and he smiled back. They had never been a part of a bridal party before. Aside from their own multiple wedding attempts, that was. This was far more relaxing, she decided.

“You look wonderful, darling!” Klein burst out as his soon-to-be wife came to a stop in front of him.

“I’m not pregnant!” Carolyn announced to the room.

Dr. Klein turned bright red as their guests laughed and whispered amongst themselves.

“Um… good?” he choked out.

Clark raised his eyebrows at Lois, and she shot him a look in return that said, *tell you later.*

“Ahem.” The minister cleared his throat. “Shall we begin?”

***

“I really appreciated you standing up with me today, Superman!” Dr. Klein hugged him enthusiastically.

“You’re welcome… I was more than happy to do it. You’ve been a good friend to me,” Clark said sincerely.

Dr. Klein guided him to a quiet corner of the basement, away from a group of conga-lining scientists. “As a thank-you for being here today… I’ve started working on your little… *sample* again.”

“What? I thought there was no hope?”

“Well, I’ve been picking Carolyn’s brain, and she—”

“You didn’t tell her, did you?”

“Of course not! It was all a completely hypothetical discussion, I promise! Come see me in my office on Monday before you drop us off in Barbados.”

Clark nodded, trying to process. “Alright.”

Lois approached, and he turned to smile at her.

“Superman, I’d really appreciate it if you could drop me at home,” Lois said. “Clark had that story he had to dash off to cover.”

“Of course, Lois,” he said, in his most professional Superman voice. “All the best, Doc.” He patted Dr. Klein on the shoulder, then led his wife toward the exit.

***

“I’m beat.” Lois crawled into bed beside Clark a short time later.

“Me too. It was nice, though, wasn’t it?”

“You didn’t have to deal with a hysterical bride.” Lois snuggled closer to him.

“I’m still happy to make it up to you.” Clark kissed her forehead. “Oh, hey, guess what? Dr. Klein wants to talk to Superman again. About, you know, us… having babies?”

“You don’t need to talk to him,” Lois said, her voice quiet.

Clark stroked her arm. “I know we don’t want to get our hopes up again, but he said he’s had some new ideas.”

“No, Clark, really, it’s a waste of time.”

She slipped out of his arms and crossed the room. He watched as she unzipped her purse and rummaged through it.

Clark frowned. “Lois?” He hoped he hadn’t upset her.

She came back to bed, something small in her hand. “Look.” She handed him the object. “You don’t need to see Dr. Klein. Looks like we figured it out for ourselves.”

Clark looked down at the small object—a pregnancy test! “Plus sign! You’re… pregnant?”

“The bride isn’t, but I am,” she said with a smile.

“Lois!” He pulled her into his arms, rolling them both across the bed as he smothered her with kisses.

He sat them both up after a moment. “But, how?”

Lois gave him a look.

He laughed. “I mean, I know how… I just don’t know… *how?*”

“Dr. Klein was wrong.” Lois shrugged. “Let’s not question it and just be happy.”

“I’m very happy!” He drew her into his arms again, both of them savoring the sweet moment. “I love you,” he whispered.

“Love you too,” she responded, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

Still in awe, Clark settled them both down back onto the bed, and Lois rested her head against his chest while he stroked her back.

“Wow, he’s going to be so happy for Superman…” he said after a moment.

Lois’ head snapped up. “Who? Dr. Klein? You can’t actually tell him! What if he figures out our secret?”

Clark winked at her. “Come on, Lois… he is my best friend.”

the end

FDK can go in this thread if you choose. ❤️

**Chapter 15**

**Daily Planet**

Jimmy rushed into Perry’s office, a card in hand and out of breath.

- "Chief, I found it!" – he exclaimed, his face beaming with satisfaction. – "There’s a house north of the city that could belong to Intergang. It’s isolated, less than two hours from Metropolis, and it’s registered under Mindy Church’s mother’s name."

Perry furrowed his brows in concentration and abruptly stood up.

- "Good job, Jimmy! Call Henderson right away. We’re going to catch them!"

Jimmy hesitated for a second before suggesting:

- "Don’t you want me to call Clark too? The poor guy must be devastated… especially with those images of Lois and Superman circulating."

Perry turned to Jimmy, his face stern but fair.

- "Jimmy, don’t tell me you believe that nonsense."

- "No, Chief. But Clark… he must be worried anyway…"

- "Clark trusts Lois and Superman. He knows this is just an Intergang ploy to discredit them. Do your job and let us handle the rest."

Jimmy nodded and picked up the phone, calling Inspector Henderson to alert him to the situation.

---

**Isolated House**

Lois straightened with determination and whispered to Clark:

- "We can’t just rush into the bathroom. We’ll have to be clever. I’m going to ask to use the restroom and take the opportunity to see if the guards let their guard down."

Clark nodded weakly, still drained but ready to play along. Lois stood up and walked to the door, knocking lightly to get their captors’ attention.

- "Excuse me!" – she called with urgency in her voice.

A guard appeared after a few seconds, looking suspicious, his eyes narrowing.

- "What do you want?" – he asked sharply.

- "I need to use the restroom. Or would you rather I do it right here?" – she retorted dryly, crossing her arms to show she wasn’t joking.

The guard frowned, then sighed. Lois noted that, despite his annoyance, he didn’t seem overly concerned about leaving her alone for a few minutes.

- "Fine. Follow me, but no tricks, got it?" – he said, giving her a threatening look.

Lois nodded and followed the guard, throwing a quick glance at Clark, who watched her go with a hint of hope in his eyes. Once inside the restroom, she closed the door behind her and quickly inspected the room.

The guard was waiting just outside, but she knew she only had a few minutes to act.

Back in their "room," Clark had to play his part too. He called out weakly to the captors.

- "I need some water…" – he murmured, collapsing onto the bed, hoping to distract the guards for as long as possible.

When Lois returned, she exchanged a brief glance with Clark, who signaled that the guards hadn’t discovered their plan yet.

Lois pretended to sit back down calmly.

- "Not yet…" – she murmured to Clark.

They knew they had to ask to take a shower or find another excuse to return to the restroom and set their escape in motion. Every second counted, but the slightest mistake could doom them.

Lois gave Clark a knowing look. They both knew their best chance lay in the bathroom.

She stood up, approaching the camera with a resigned posture, her shoulders slightly slumped to sell the act.

- "Alright, Mindy," – she said in a calm but determined voice, – "we’ll play by your rules. After all, you want a show for your audience, don’t you?"

She paused before adding:

- "But if that’s what you want, we need to be a bit more… presentable. We can’t appear in front of millions of viewers like this. So, I propose a deal. Let us freshen up. A shower, some clean clothes… and you’ll have your perfect scene."

Clark added, playing his role as the weakened but cooperative superhero:

- "What Lois is saying is true. If you want this to look credible, we need to be at our best."

They waited a few seconds, watching the screen for Mindy’s reaction.

Mindy’s image reappeared, her eyes narrowing with suspicion but also curiosity.

- "You want to be presentable, huh?" – She chuckled softly. – "Alright, that could add a touch of credibility to my little show. You’re right, after all, a spectacle should be polished in every detail."

She paused, assessing the situation. Her smile widened.

- "Alright, you can take your shower, but know that I’m keeping an eye on you. Don’t even think about trying anything stupid. My men will be watching, and the room will be locked from the outside. If you try to escape… let’s just say you wouldn’t want me to be forced to punish you, would you?"

Lois and Clark exchanged a glance. Their chance had just presented itself, but they had to play it carefully.

- "We won’t try anything," – Lois replied, perfectly controlling her tone. – "We know how powerful you are, Mindy."

Mindy nodded, satisfied.

- "Very well. You have 20 minutes. Don’t make me regret this generosity."

The screen went dark, leaving the couple alone with their plan in mind.

Once Mindy’s image disappeared, Lois turned to Clark, her expression resolute.

- "This is our chance," – she whispered. – "We have to take it."

Clark nodded. They knew every minute counted. They waited for a moment before two of Mindy’s henchmen came to fetch them, smug smiles on their faces.

- "You asked for a shower, you’ll get one," – one of the men said, opening the door and escorting them under close watch.

The couple was led into a dimly lit bathroom with a small window above the sink. As Lois had noticed, there were no visible cameras. The men shot them a suspicious look.

- "You’ve got 20 minutes. We’ll lock the door behind you. No funny business, or we’ll pump in another cloud of gas," – one of them said, waving the trigger for the system with a smirk.

They shut the door behind them, the sound of locks clicking into place echoing from the other side. Lois waited a few seconds, listening to the noises outside. Once convinced the guards had stepped away, she turned on the shower to cover any potential sounds and make their request seem legitimate.

The small window led outside, but it was high up, and Lois wasn’t sure she could reach it on her own. She quickly assessed the situation and then turned to Clark.

- "The window is higher than I thought… I’m going to need you."

Clark, still weak, approached cautiously.

- "We’ll manage," – he whispered, gently squeezing her hand. – "Climb onto my shoulders," – he said in a low voice.

Lois, hesitant to put him through more pain, took a deep breath and carefully climbed onto Clark. Her hands gripped the window’s edge as she pulled with all her might. The rusty latch resisted, but she persisted until, finally, the window creaked open slightly.

- "Got it!" – she whispered excitedly.

Lois peeked through the opening to evaluate the situation outside. The window led to a small, abandoned garden. Thick bushes obscured part of the view. No one was in sight. The ground wasn’t too far, but a fall could still be risky.

- "I’ll go first and see if I can help you from the outside," – she said.

Clark nodded. He knew he couldn’t help much in his current state. Lois gripped the window frame, her legs trembling slightly with the effort. She carefully maneuvered through the opening, landing in an awkward but safe roll.

She quickly stood up and hurried back to the window.

- "Now, I need to get you out."

Clark, exhausted, knew the hardest part was yet to come.

Lois took a deep breath and encouraged Clark.

- "You can do this. Pull yourself up onto the sink, and you’ll be able to reach the window. I know you’re hurting, but this is our only chance!"

He placed his hand on the frame and slowly pulled himself up, trying not to collapse.

Lois kept encouraging him:
— Come on, just a little more!

Finally, with one last push from his wife, Clark managed to get his head and shoulders through the window.

At that moment, the door behind him opened. Their captors were coming to check on their prisoners.
— Stop! Don’t move! Bryan! They’re escaping—quick, get out there and catch them!

Fueled by adrenaline, Clark made one final effort, slipping outside, his fall softened by the grassy ground.

Lois helped him up. Their escape was underway, but they knew time was against them.

Clark and Lois ran across the garden, hearing the shouts and footsteps of their pursuers behind them. Suddenly, police sirens blared, and patrol cars appeared in the distance, heading toward the isolated house. Lois felt immense relief wash over her.

— It’s the police! — Clark exclaimed, reassured.

They sprinted toward the vehicles as the first officers emerged from their cars. When they saw Superman in his iconic suit, the officers immediately lowered their weapons. The sergeant in charge quickly approached them.

— Superman! Are you alright? — he asked. — Where is Mindy Church?

Clark shook his head.
— Mindy isn’t here. But her men are still inside, and they’re armed. Be careful.

The sergeant nodded and turned to his team.
— Alright, let’s move in and secure the premises. Stay alert, they’re dangerous.

The officers spread out around the house, preparing to move in. Lois, still by Clark’s side, let out a relieved sigh.

Another officer approached them.
— Ms. Lane, Superman… Are you both alright? We feared the worst. We got a call from the *Daily Planet* saying you had been taken hostage.

Lois nodded, still feeling the rush of adrenaline.
— Yes, we barely escaped. Mindy Church orchestrated everything, but she wasn’t here. She’s trying to spread chaos in Metropolis.

Clark added gravely:
— You have to find Mindy before she puts another plan in motion. She’ll stop at nothing to take control.

The sergeant nodded again.
— We’ll make sure her men are arrested. We’ll get you both somewhere safe.

As the police continued securing the house, Clark and Lois knew that, while this nightmare was over, Mindy Church’s threat still loomed over Metropolis.

Clark had held on as long as he could, but the repeated exposure to Kryptonite and their harrowing escape had finally taken their toll. His legs buckled, and with a faint gasp, he collapsed heavily to the ground.

— Superman! — Lois cried, rushing to his side. — Stay with me!

A nearby officer stepped forward, panic rising as they realized the severity of the situation.

— Call an ambulance! — he shouted into his radio. — We have an injured man, and it’s urgent!

Lois, kneeling beside Clark, desperately tried to rouse him, but despite her efforts, he remained unconscious. Her face betrayed her growing fear. The situation was slipping out of her control, and the thought of seeing Clark in this state terrified her.

Minutes later, an ambulance screeched onto the scene, and the paramedics carefully took charge of Superman, fully aware of the importance of their patient.

— Take him to *Star Labs*, — Lois insisted, her voice authoritative. — That’s where he needs to go.

One of the paramedics nodded, accustomed to such directives in extraordinary situations.

Before getting into the ambulance, Lois turned to a police officer.

— Can someone lend me a phone? — she asked, her voice a mix of urgency and controlled calm. — I need to call my husband. He needs to know I’m alright.

A police officer quickly handed her his phone. Lois swiftly dialed their home number and waited for the answering machine to pick up. Taking a deep breath, she began a fake conversation.

— Clark? — she said, trying to sound casual. — It’s me. Listen, everything’s fine now. The police are here, and I’m going with Superman to *Star Labs*. I just wanted to reassure you… I’ll be home as soon as I can. Don’t worry, everything’s under control.

She slowly hung up, her face hardening as she masked her emotions. The ambulance’s sirens wailed again, and Lois climbed aboard, ready to accompany her husband incognito to *Star Labs*.

### Chapter 14
**Isolated House**

After the tense exchange with Mindy, Clark collapsed onto the bed, exhausted. His body felt heavy, drained of all energy. Lois, worried, sat beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder, her gaze filled with concern.

— Superman, how are you feeling? — she asked softly before adding, more insistently, — Really?

Clark turned his head toward her, his gaze locking onto hers. He was trying to convey everything he felt—emotions he couldn't put into words.

— I feel better, — he murmured. — I’m not at my best, but I’ll be fine.

Lois let out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding, relieved to hear those words.

— And you? — Clark asked, his voice laced with concern. — You were on the brink of death when I arrived.

Lois offered a faint smile, grateful.

— I’m fine, thanks to you, — she said sincerely, her smile reassuring. — But now, how do we get out of this nightmare? We’re being watched by cameras and microphones, every move and every word scrutinized. And everything will be twisted, taken out of context, amplified... We’re going to be front-page tabloid material.

Clark slowly nodded, understanding the gravity of their situation.

— Let’s just focus on getting out of here alive, — he said in a grave tone. — We’ll deal with the rest later.

The television in the room turned on again, immediately capturing their attention. This time, the screen showed live footage of the Ferris wheel at the fairground by the docks, spinning faster and faster, with panicked screams rising from the crowd below.

Lois jumped to her feet, horrified. She shot a glance at Clark, whose expression darkened at the sight.

— Oh no… they can’t stop it without you, — Lois murmured, despair creeping into her voice.

Clark clenched his fists, powerless. Every fiber of his being wanted to rush out and help, but his body was still too weak.

The newscaster’s voice echoed through the room:
*"Authorities have just announced that the structure will collapse within minutes. Superman has yet to respond to the distress call, and eyewitnesses claim to have spotted him with a woman at a luxury hotel. These images raise questions about the hero’s presence in the city while lives are at stake..."*

Lois felt rage boiling inside her. How dare they? She placed a comforting hand on Clark’s shoulder, knowing these words must be cutting deep.

— Don’t listen to them, — she murmured. — You’re here because Mindy trapped you. This isn’t your fault.

Clark, his jaw clenched, watched the footage on repeat, unable to accept his own helplessness.

The screen suddenly changed, and Mindy Church’s beaming face appeared, her smile stretching dangerously wide.

— Ah, if only you knew how delighted I am, my plan is going perfectly… But all this mental effort has made me hungry! And since I’m so generous, I’ll have some food delivered to you, — she said in a sickly sweet voice before raising a finger in warning. — But in the meantime, I’m afraid I need to keep you both quiet. So, here’s a little gift...

Clark understood her meaning instantly. He had no time to react before the kryptonite gas once again filled the room. He shuddered, clutching his chest as his strength drained away. Lois saw his face contort in pain before his body collapsed heavily to the floor.

— No! Superman! — she cried, rushing to his side.

Lois knelt beside him, her hands trembling as she searched for a pulse, trying to shake him awake. The green mist still floated around them, and she knew there was nothing she could do except wait—helpless—until Mindy decided to stop it.

— Don’t leave me, not yet, hold on, — she murmured, panic seeping into her voice as she watched Clark’s skin slowly turn pale.

At last, the gas stopped, and little by little, the pain faded from Clark’s face. He took a deep breath, slowly coming back to himself, while Lois remained at his side, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Watching her husband suffer was unbearable, and the thought that kryptonite could kill him at any moment was a torment she couldn't endure.

Before they could recover, the door to their cell abruptly opened. Two guards entered, placing food trays before them. The meal was lavish, as if they were dining in a five-star restaurant. Mindy was clearly trying to create the illusion of a romantic getaway between Superman and Lois while continuing her twisted game.

Clark, still pale, nudged the tray with his fingers, nausea swirling in his stomach after the gas exposure. Lois, too, found herself unable to eat. The gut-wrenching fear of losing her husband had left a knot in her stomach, making it impossible to swallow more than a few bites.

— Do they really think this is how they’ll break us? — Lois muttered, casting a contemptuous glance at the meal.

Clark, his eyes still heavy with exhaustion, weakly nodded.

— As long as we’re together, — he said softly, his voice still hoarse, — they’ll never succeed.

Mindy reappeared on the screen, visibly displeased by what she was observing through her cameras. Her smile turned icy.

— You’re going to have to do better than this, my dears. I can’t show this to your audience. So, to keep the show going, Lois, you will now feed Superman.

Lois felt fury rise within her, her hands clenching into fists. She shot a defiant glare at the screen.

— You’re nothing but a vile little rat. You have not a shred of humanity. You live only to make others suffer, but your twisted little game is pathetic. You know what? You won’t win. Ever. We will get out of here, and you will end up where you belong: in prison, far away, in a place as miserable as your existence.

Mindy’s smile froze for a moment before returning, colder and more menacing.

— Ah, my dear Lois… You have fire in you. It’s admirable, really. But you underestimate just how much I enjoy this game. And remember, here, I make the rules. So, you will obey and feed your lover, or I will press the kryptonite button… and this time, maybe I won’t be able to stop it in time… — Mindy let her words linger, a smug smile on her lips as she gently tapped her fingers on the armrest of her chair.

Lois felt her heart clench at the threat. Kryptonite was the ultimate weapon, and Clark, already weakened, might not survive another exposure. She shot a desperate glance at her husband, but Clark weakly shook his head, refusing to let her submit to Mindy’s demand.

— Don’t do it, — he murmured hoarsely. — Don’t give her that power over you.

Lois remained still, torn between rage and fear.

Mindy fumed but forced herself to regain her composure, knowing anger wouldn’t get her anywhere. With a forced smile, she declared in a falsely calm voice:

— Fine, you’re still in shock. I’ll give you one hour to reconsider my little deal. But in an hour, you’d better be cooperative, or...

She left her sentence hanging, her piercing gaze through the screen serving as a silent threat. The image cut off, plunging the room into heavy silence.

Lois turned to Clark, searching his eyes for answers. They both knew Mindy wouldn’t hesitate to use the kryptonite again. Weak but still determined, Clark murmured:

— We need to find a way out of here before the hour is up.

Lois whispered:

— I went to the bathroom last night. There are no cameras or microphones in there, from what I could tell. And there’s a small window that opens to the outside.

Clark nodded, immediately grasping her meaning. She had found an opportunity. Even weakened, he knew he had to act on it before Mindy returned.

Sorry, for the delay, to make up for it, I'm giving you 3 chapters this evening

### Chapter 13
**Daily Planet**

Jimmy was hunched over his desk, frantically searching through city maps and property records, desperately trying to identify where Lois might be held captive. He cross-referenced the information, pinpointing all the isolated buildings, hoping to find a lead.

Suddenly, a breaking news alert on LNN caught his attention. The anchor’s voice echoed through the newsroom:

- "We have just received reports that the Ferris wheel at the fairground on the docks has lost control. Its speed has suddenly accelerated and won’t stop. About twenty people are trapped aboard. Emergency services are on the scene, but for now, they are unable to halt the ride or secure the passengers. According to authorities, the structure will not withstand this speed for more than a few minutes. They hope Superman will be able to hear this call and come to the victims’ aid."

The anchor paused before adding, visibly unsettled by the new information coming in:

- "However, another report has just reached us. It appears that Superman is unavailable to rescue the passengers. A troubling photo has just surfaced, showing him in a luxury hotel with what seems to be… one of his mistresses."

Jimmy's eyes widened as the image appeared on the screen: a blurry photo of Superman leaning over Lois, seemingly kissing her. Of course, Jimmy knew the situation had been taken out of context, but he instantly realized that Mindy was trying to publicly smear Superman’s reputation.

The entire Daily Planet newsroom froze before the screen, whispers and speculation filling the space.

A stunned voice broke through the murmurs:

- "That’s… Lois… and Superman…"

The shock rippled through the newsroom like a tidal wave, but Perry didn’t waste a second.

- "Turn off that damn TV right now!" *he barked, furious.* "I don’t want to hear another second of this nonsense!"

He turned to Eduardo, his tone still laced with anger.

- "Eduardo, get to the fairground and cover this story!"

Then, shifting his attention to Jimmy, he demanded, more impatient than ever:

- "Jimmy, any progress on Lois’ abduction?"

Jimmy quickly looked up from his documents, his expression focused despite the rising anxiety.

- "I’m getting there, Chief. I only have 250 buildings left to check."

Perry nodded before turning to another reporter, Larry.

- "Larry, help Jimmy out! We need to find Lois, fast!"

A sarcastic snicker echoed from the back of the room:

- "I don’t think she needs rescuing…"

Perry’s blood boiled instantly. His voice rang through the newsroom, furious and commanding:

- "The next time I hear anyone slandering Lois or anyone on this team, they’ll be fired on the spot! We are journalists, not petty gossip mongers! We do not tear down our colleagues here! Is that clear?!"

Silence fell immediately, heavy and absolute. No one dared move, everyone quickly returning to their desks, avoiding their editor-in-chief’s piercing gaze.

Still seething, Perry’s voice rang out strong and clear once more:

- "And now, do your damn jobs properly! Find out who took control of that ride! Find out who might have kidnapped Lois! And above all, find out who’s behind all this mess!"

His gaze swept across the newsroom, locking onto each of his reporters.

- "Be at least as good as Lois and Clark for just one day in your entire journalistic careers! Prove to me that you deserve your place here at the **DAILY PLANET**!"

The journalists immediately sprang into action, the energy in the room transformed by Perry’s speech into unshakable determination.

Welcome to the 2025 Kerth Quiz: Comedy Story

SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGY!: All the stories featured in this quiz qualify for the Best Comedy Story, but this quiz is not a stamp of recommendation for nomination. There are more fantastic stories which qualify for this category, but this quiz only covers 7 randomly chosen ones.
(Instructions are blatantly copied/linked from previous Kerth Quizzes.)

RECOMMENDATIONS: Don't forget that recommendations for other favorite eligible stories are *very* welcome and encouraged! So don't forget to add these in a section after your guesses!

QUIZ RULES: One point each for getting the story and author from the quote. Plus, shiny gold stars for those who recognize their own stories. Please don't forget to mention which number you're answering. Rule recap: Open hard drive and open boards (+AO3!), *don't* forget to snip out the excerpts in your replies, and don't forget the spoiler tag when you post in the replies thread.
CATEGORY: These are the stories that made you laugh out loud this year. Whether they’re full of puns or totally absurd or just a series of hilariously unfortunate events, the purpose of these stories is to amuse the reader and make them laugh.

The DEADLINE for entries for this quiz is SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 22, 2025, by 11:59 p.m (Eastern Time Zone).

Here’s the full list of Eligible Stories.

Here are the full quiz instructions: Countdown to Kerth Quizzes Extended Instructions and Disclaimers.

Please post your answers HERE!

Good luck!
Evie

__________________________


EXCERPT #1:
GOOD EVENING, MR. KENT.

Somehow, Clark wasn't all that surprised to see a hooded figure standing next to him, finger-bones curled around the handle of a large scythe. “Am I dead?”

THAT WOULD BE A FAIR ASSESSMENT.

“But...how?!” Clark demanded.

The figure's skull tilted.

MOST PEOPLE YOUR AGE DO NOT HAVE THAT QUESTION.

He folded his arms. “Well, I'm not most people; I'm invulnerable!”

A bony hand motioned towards his unoccupied body.

CURRENT EVIDENCE WOULD SEEM TO REFUTE THAT. BUT SINCE YOU ASKED: AT THE LAST SOCIAL FUNCTION YOU ATTENDED, YOU HAD A SERVING FROM A TAINTED SALMON MOUSSE.

Clark's eyes widened. “You're...kidding.” His arms lowered to his sides. “Are you telling me that after all these years of risking my life...after smashing into a giant asteroid, being trapped in a Kryptonite cage, getting shot with lasers and Kryptonite bullets, disappearing into the time stream, and even wrestling a giant mechanical spider...you're telling me that the thing that finally did me in...” He waved towards his body lying still on the bed. “...is bad fish?!”




EXCERPT #2:
“Oh honey, you’ll find your place one day.” She gave his hand a soft squeeze. “However, I’m pretty sure it’s not inside this bar, between bottles of whiskey.”

He laughed. “Probably not.”

“The only problem now is to get you home.”

Clark raised his brows. “I told you, I’m sober, Mom. Alcohol doesn’t seem to affect me.” His lips curled in contempt. “Figures.”

“Ah, no, to Bob you’re certainly not sober,” Martha said. “He gave me a rough estimate of how much you’d had to drink and I tell you, you can’t walk a straight line.”

“I could even fly one,” Clark grumbled, good-naturedly.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Clark Jerome Kent, you'll let me drag you out of this bar now. And for your poor father's sake you better make it convincing.”

She stood up and came around to grab Clark's arm. “Bob, could you help me, please?”

Clark groaned. “Geez, Mom, did you have to do that?”

She glared at him. “Shush now. This is what you get for drinking more than you should!”

Clark rolled his eyes at that, but complied as Martha helped him up. “Isn't that supposed to be a hangover? Instead I only get to hang over your shoulder.”

“Trust me, you're not missing out on anything.”

“Uh, yeah, I do. The blackout."



EXCERPT #3:
Clark Kent was back - and walked straight to Perry's office.

OK, the guy has balls to try again after being rejected. This show, she wanted to watch.

She crept quietly to the half-open office door and watched as Kent presented the Chief with two neatly written pages of paper.

Perry seemed reluctant at first, but then the curiosity that characterizes every journalist won out and he began to read.

She couldn't see his face at first, but when he finished, he looked up with something like...interest?

"Well, what can I say? This is damn good. You actually managed to beautifully portray the perspective of these immigrants on what it's like to live in a new, unknown country, to integrate, the challenges one has to face. It almost reads as if you know exactly what you're talking about. And...I appreciate initiative."

What the...? Wait, he couldn't mean that...

"Clark Kent - welcome to the Daily Planet!"

WHAT?!

This - this - hack from Nowheresville got a job by stealing *HER* story?

Oh, that meant war!



EXCERPT #4:
“Krypto, be a good boy. I’m going to bring home food for you and a piping hot sausage and pepperoni pizza for me from Giovanni’s mercato in Rome.”

At the word, ‘pizza’, one ear went up and Krypto’s head cocked to the side. For a moment, Clark suspected his dog knew exactly what a pizza was.
With that thought, Clark walked back up the steps and pulled open the front door, only to see his neighbor, Mrs. Harper, poised to knock and dressed in a flamboyant orange housedress with beer-can sized rollers in her silver hair.

“Oh! Mr. Kent! It’s so good to see you again. Your fiancée, that nice Miss Lane said you were on foreign assignment.”

Momentarily caught off guard, Clark gave her an uneasy grin and said, “Uh, yeah. My foreign … assignment ended. Nice to see you too Mrs. Harper.” That must have been the cover story Lois and Perry had cooked up to hide his disappearance.

Mrs. Harper gave him a friendly smile and replied, “Well, now that your back, I wanted to know if you could look after Pepper occasionally? Besides me, he seems to like you better than anyone else.” She turned and called out, “Here, sweetie! That nice Mr. Kent is back. Remember staying at his apartment while Momma was gone? Here, Pepper!”

“Pepper? Your cat? Uh, that might be a problem. I have a dog now; his name is Krypto.”

At that moment, a cat with black, white and hints of brown padded from Mrs. Harper’s apartment and walked down the hallway as if he owned the place. The cat reached his owner, and the sleek-furred animal rubbed against her legs, purring loudly, looking for an affectionate pet or two.

Krypto, upon hearing his name and thinking Clark might want to take him on another walk, sprang up the stairs with happy abandon.

Suddenly, the two animals stared at each other, and their human staff members were afraid something bad was going to happen.

It did.

Pepper took one look at Krypto and froze, his hackles bunching up, and the cat began to hiss. Undaunted by the other animal’s strange reaction, Krypto stepped into the hallway, advanced on the frightened cat, and proceeded to sniff the feline’s rear enthusiastically. He wanted to be friends.

Clark cautiously said, “Krypto … that’s not a good idea, leave the kitty __”

Before another word escaped Clark’s lips, Pepper reared back and smacked Krypto hard on the tip of his nose!



EXCERPT #5:
"Oh, Jonathon! This has to be a prank of some sort? Maybe something the Lang boys have cooked up to fool Clark and Lana?"

"I don't know, Martha. The thing is… Dumbledore seemed so sincere…" Jonathon shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Anyway, I think it's time we have the talk with Clark."

"The talk?" Martha said in a hushed tone, her eyes flicking with concern.

Jonathon reached for her hand to give it a gentle squeeze. "I know Martha… but I think it's time…we can't let him go on believing he's a wizard."

Martha looked toward the stairs, where they could hear Clark upstairs playing in his room. "Poor darling. He's become so attached to that owl that's been hanging around his window. Calls it his familiar."

Jonathon leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "I'll just sit him down and explain it man to man—you're not a wizard… you're an alien. That's all there is to it."

Martha shook her head. "Oh Jonathon, please! We need to be gentle. He's still a little boy! We can't just burst out with 'Clark, you're an alien!'"

"I'm a what?"



EXCERPT #6:
He felt himself reach the apex of his jump and fought with all he was worth to remain airborne, only to succumb to the pull of gravity once more.

As he fell, Clark closed his eyes, picturing Lois in what was sure to be a lovely dress. She had said it was burgundy. She had always looked gorgeous in burgundy. He longed to see her for real instead of just imagining. He wanted to see that smile light up her face the way it did only for him. He wanted to hold her in his arms. It had been too long.

It had been too long.

He ought to have hit the ground again by now.

Blinking his eyes open, he was both startled and not at all surprised to find himself hovering about two feet off the ground. He grinned. An instant later, he propelled himself back up into the atmosphere and executed a handful of loop-de-loops while shouting out whoops to his own success.

He didn’t linger long in his celebration, however. He had somewhere he needed to be and only a little bit of time to get ready. Just how long did girls take to do their hair and make-up anyway?

Speeding back to the farmhouse, he dashed upstairs and spun into the tux he had rented for his own prom a week before – thankful he hadn’t had to return it just yet. Then he brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and ran a quick bit of heat vision over the stubble which had grown since morning. A touch of aftershave later and he deemed himself presentable.

Hurrying downstairs again, he was just about to head out the door when his mom spoke up. “And where are you off too, looking so handsome? I thought the prom was last weekend?”

Clark smiled at her and barely paused as he continued out the door and into the yard, his mother following in his wake. “It was. But tonight, I’m taking Lois to her prom.”

“Lois?” his mom blinked, clearly confused. “She’s in Metropolis, honey. How are you going to get there?”

He could feel the grin splitting his cheeks as he kicked off the ground and then stopped with his feet dangling at about the level of his mother’s awe-stuck face. “I’ll fly, of course.”



EXCERPT #7:
But what about youse two? Are ye winchin’?”

“I’m going to plead the fifth on that,” Lois responded with a laugh. “Mainly because I don’t know what it means.”
“Dating,” Clark replied and she noticed he looked a little bit embarrassed. “And we have yet to go on an actual date, though not for lack of trying.”

“What’s this then, ye dafty, if no’ a date?” Stewart said, giving Clark a playful punch on the arm.

“This is a work trip gone horribly wrong,” Lois said. She grimaced, though she no longer felt as angry as she had before.

“What happens if ye dinnae get tae Belfast, then?” Gemma wondered curiously. Lois shook her head.

“We have to find something to write about,” Lois replied. “Do either of you know of anything happening here?”

“For the Daily Planet ye mean?” Stewart looked suitably impressed. “No’ that Ah know of, right enough.”

“Ah’m more interested in youse two,” Gemma said, grinning at Lois. “You need tae get this one somewhere romantic an’ just gie him a wee snog! Stewart and I have been waitin’ for ages for Clark tae find someone. He’s no’ exactly hard on the eyes. What are ye waitin’ for?”

Lois laughed and felt her cheeks go pink. She wouldn’t normally feel comfortable discussing her dating life with anyone, much less two perfect strangers, but somehow she felt as if she knew Stewart and Gemma. They were intelligent, funny, and seemed to genuinely love each other. Lois found herself wondering how they got to where they were. Why did it seem so difficult with Clark when her feelings for him now felt so easy? So clear?

“I guess we were trying to find the right moment,” she admitted, realising how silly that sounded when she said it out loud. “We almost went to see Pearl Jam, but work got in the way.”

“Ye bought her tickets tae Pearl Jam?” Stewart shook his head and laughed. “Ye dinnae even like Pearl Jam, ye eejit!”

Clark laughed good naturedly and Lois was relieved to see that he didn’t seem bothered by his first date faux pas.

“I just want things to be perfect,” he said, his eyes meeting hers. She felt her heart skip a beat at the look in his eyes.

“Just take her oot, man!” Stewart exclaimed. “Ye dinnae need anythin’ fancy. Did I no’ tell ye about oor first date?” He looked at Gemma and the two of them laughed slightly.

“That bad?” Lois asked, finding she really wanted to know what happened. She looked over at Clark and he reached over and tentatively took her hand – a gesture that did not go unnoticed by Gemma and Stewart.

“Pure disaster, so it was,” Gemma confirmed with a laugh.



Good luck, everyone!
________________________________________________


Have a question? Ask it here! Or you can PM any of the K-Com members or reach out on Discord too! You can also send an email to us here: Kcom@kerthawards.com

In order to help you find all things Kerth for this year, we’ve created a TOC for all the 🏆TOC for Kerth Awards 2025 Posts🏆.

The Kerth Committee
(KSaraSara, Michael, lovetvfan, and Evie)