Michael, HENDERSON: Hmm…yes, I can see now how women can be prone to criminal behavior, too. Where’s that B&E form again…
Absolutely cracking me up!
Oh, yes, I do! ...would you be opposed to my borrowing this comment from you? Would you mind seeing it pop up elsewhere?
Sure, go right ahead! Wait, are you suggesting having Clark point our Lois’s typos to her?
Yes, please!
Maaaaaaaayyyybeeeeeeeeeee...
And thank you!
Hmm…It didn’t jump out at me until he started telling his murder story. And then I wondered if he forgot it was Lois. You know, just focusing on the victim and his emotions, not the witnesses personal stories. I think there’s two…issues here, for the lack of a better word. I managed to forget that Det. Woolf was the one investigating during TOGoM at first. It’s a fallacy of fanfic--which little detail does one remember and doesn’t require to be told/reminded of? And the other, since I wasn’t getting the original connection, I just focused on Lois’s side so I didn’t see anything before he started with the story about the murder. I rechecked now and didn’t find too many hints. I also considered the five-months timeline during the first read but figured ‘coincidence?’ On the whole, it felt like he just rotated out from murder after a couple of months, and not because of ToGOM in particular until the reveal. So…yeah, more discomfort could have helped. Maybe Lois mirroring his due to his presence and her memory of his being there?
Super, super helpful! Wondering if the five-month timeline was a coincidence was intentional - I wanted to lead you here but not force you to drink, for lack of better terminology. I can spell out their OG connection a little more AND connect them to each other with a tighter, more tense rope during the scene. In re-reading, I also realized that I put in some hints at the top of Woolf's entrance, but then we go through the whole Luthor Corp look book. I think that we've forgotten/reattributed the Woolf physical clues by the time we come back to it, so they become more subtle with distance. I'm going to tighten this - thank you so much for very good notes, and for taking the time too look back! I appreciate you!
I may make it to the Discord eventually. I'm the classic introvert, so I'm just starting off with the boards first.
Bakasi, Thank you so much for the feedback! Superman in disbelief and Superman being inexplicably a background character are two of my favorite things, and definitely hard to craft a believable situation where it can happen! I'm so glad that popped out for you! Thank you for the warm welcome!
Terry, I really don't think you have anything to apologize for. I very much enjoyed your first round of comments on this. And I was aiming for a conversational tone with my reply. I got a little chatty because I think you're right about the cognitive disconnect. Those older folklore stories really do pull the rug out from under you ("...And then she died. And the prince left. The end. ...And then they went home. The end. ...And so they killed her. The end.") in a wild way when they wrap up. I'm not sure if it's an acquired taste or just a stylistic stumbling block. But college-thesis-writing-me would be so mad at present-day-me for using this ending.
So I'm still thinking through it. I enjoyed that you were, too.
That said, I'm grateful for your coming back to the thread. You've been very, very kind about my writing, and I'm deeply flattered. I'm still carrying 'masterful' with me.
...I have developed an idea about what comes of their brainstorming session, but without a 'grief-soaked' Lois, I'm having trouble locating the tension until we get to the final act, and it feels a bit, well, light. If it stays that light, it'll never see daylight, lol. But if it helps, I'll be posting another TOGOM story in the next year or so that will give you the ending that you're looking for. It's just that it's about 80 pages in its current first-draft version and I think it's a 120-ish page story.
Also, while since we're chatting, I wanted to say that I really enjoyed your
Play Some Mountain Music. I read it earlier this year, and I remember really sinking into it. Absolutely genius way to use the Metro Club and work in the Toni Taylor story. It really brought us into a new, fleshed out world with favorite and familiar characters guiding us through it. Lucy was truly elevated and much more of a whole person than we're usually treated to. And, naturally, I adored Lois as an undercover investigator. The feint at the end where Lois was worried Clark wouldn't see her off was delicious.
