"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the grand opening of the new city courthouse! I'm pleased that you could all be present for this historic event."
Lois yawned and leaned over the armrest to look at Clark's watch. "Only 3:05," she muttered. "How long do you think he'll keep talking?"
"Probably until they forcibly remove him from office. In 2008."
"Our previous courthouse was a landmark of the city, serving for 200 years as the center of all legal events in Metropolis. Regrettably, last year's fire destroyed that building and forced us to consider where and how to rebuild such an important building."
"He managed to use the word 'build' three times in a single sentence, Clark! Don't mayors have speech editors or something?"
"Since my election as mayor, I have been dedicated to improving Metropolis in every possible way without increasing taxes. We've seen new hospitals, schools, government buildings, and public services opening all over the city. We've seen roads being built and repaired. We've seen more jobs being created."
Lois gave him a fierce glare. "Plus higher crime rates, *higher* taxes, and more government officials taking bribes."
"Hush," Clark said, trying to suppress a grin.
"Oh, like you couldn't hear him over me if you really wanted to."
"Actually, I'm trying to block him--and you--out so I can listen to a TV show in the next apartment building."
She gave him a hrrmph and folded her arms across her chest.
"You're seeing your tax dollars at work today, citizens of Metropolis! This courthouse will allow you to complete legal processes, from changing your name to filing for bankruptcy or divorce! It will allow you to stand trial for offenses, and to sue when your rights as citizens have been trampled upon! It will preserve your rights as citizens of this fair country! In fact, it will also be used as a polling station during our next election so that citizens living in the center of Metropolis will no longer have to go as far as the police station to exercise their rights as citizens!"
"Citizens, four times," Lois said. At a glare from Clark, she mimed zipping her lips.
"Courthouses are one of the most important buildings you can find in this city or any other. Courthouses are a direct symbol of our government and how it works for us. Today, thanks to your tax dollars and our local government contractors, we have a new courthouse! And now, please welcome our honored guest, Superman, who will be doing the honors of cutting the ribbon!"
Lois turned to Clark, who was slumped in his chair, softly snoring. A tiny dribble of drool ran down his chin.
"Uh, Clark," she whispered, shoving at him. "You're supposed to be doing ribbon-cutting."
"Oh, right," he said, ducking under his chair as if to grab a dropped pen, then scurrying out of sight and reappearing at the edge of the stage.
"Congratulations on your new courthouse, Metropolis," he said, cutting the red ribbon in front of the courthouse doors.
"Gee, odd, that," Lois whispered, knowing he would hear her. "I would have expected a stream of excited citizens rushing in to file bankruptcy, or divorce, or change their names. Or something.
"That's the problem with courts. They're... boring."
