Wow, Hazel!
Absolutely ditto Gerry and Lynn. This is a beautiful piece, with wonderful imagery making me reel with envy.
I can just picture Martha going about her routine tasks, thinking of the man she loves with fond affection in her heart. I was in awe throughout at your use of language to paint a picture, but I think this para shows it most clearly:
Nightfall advances and retreats as the seasons turn, so the timing is always a little different. Sometimes I’ll nudge a bubbling pot away from the fire; at other times, I’ll turn away from the splash and clatter of washing dishes. But no matter what I’m doing, I’ll set it aside for long enough to step towards the window – or onto the porch, in warmer weather – and experience my own moment of communion with the sun as it gives its final curtsey at the edge of the world.
Wow. I'm with the judge who picked out that final sentence! (I read your Merriwether scorecard before posting this).
Now, I had no difficulty at all in working out that this is Martha thinking about Jonathan. And I think it would have spoiled the effect if you'd ever spelt that out for the reader. But, in my opinion, that doesn't make this vignette 'vague' in any way. Using names would, I think, patronise the reader, suggest that we weren't capable of working it out for ourselves. So don't be tempted to change that based on the Merriwether feedback! Go with the judge who liked it just as it is.
Oh, and congrats on the Honourable Mention.
Couldn't find any!
There's only one typo that I could see:
No, I think I’ll set aside the philosophical analyses aside
One use of 'aside' needs to come out.
But nothing at all that I could see wrong with your punctuation. I wonder if you might have had a transmission glitch like Lynn did?
