From Elisabeth and myself.
Self first.
Eyesight slowly improving, getting so see something after yellow, but not full color retention yet.
Bladder still iffy
This is from Elisabeth.
Gems from the Journey
While this isn't the path that anyone would choose for themselves, I would be remiss if I didn't point out the blessings that I found along the way.
There was a great blessing in the way this was diagnosed. Seven years ago James and I took turns being terrified. We wondered if the loss of eyesight was permanent. James grieved the ability to watch his little girl grow up. We were so happy to test negative for M.S., content that this was just a one-time fluke.
Many cases of N.M.O. are misdiagnosed as M.S. and, therefore, are treated with the wrong medications during remission. We never travelled that journey. Furthermore, we weren't diagnosed until after we had witnessed that full recovery is possible.
The second time around wasn't nearly as frightening as the first. God withheld the diagnosis until the fullness of time when we were ready for it.
In addition, we know we've been spared from the worst of the disease. James experienced numbness, but no paralysis. He felt pain and tightness across his chest whereas it isn't uncommon for the muscles around the lungs to contract. God set boundaries around James health.
It hasn't escaped my notice that James was struck with the initial pain on a Sunday, a day of rest, followed by the manifestation of optic neuritis on the next Sunday. I truly believe this happened to rob us of not only our hope, but also our rest. Yet how can we fail to rest when God's peace is so pervasive?
Another gem comes from the effect on our marriage. I don't remember when the last time that James and I went out on a date. It wasn't during October or November when the fiscal year precludes that. It wasn't during December when we had houseguests and illness.
While a trip to the hospital isn't a romantic setting and while there are continual interuptions in the neurology ward, we had a day and a half where our only responsibility was to rest. We held hands, we talked, we went for walks, watched some of James' favorite T.V. shows, found humor in odd settings, and lived in ways we haven't lived for nine years.
Even at home, much of that hasn't gone away. You see, I have to sit at James' side because he is frequently unaware that his pain level is rising until it has gotten out of hand. It's a definite gem to just be together.
Another gem has been the outpouring of love from family and friends. I've had literally a hundred people offering to help in specific ways, in addition to prayer. Since I've only needed help from about seven people, it just goes to show how abundantly God meets our needs. He gives richly, above and beyond our wildest dreams.
In the same vein, He has reached out to us through His Word. The Bible study that I was supposed to finish on Wednesday (I freely confess I didn't get it done until now--Sunday) had me looking at II Peter 1:3. [His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.] I'm not lacking anything right now.
The Bible study that I was supposed to finish on Thursday (I finished that one today, too) had me looking at Hebrews 4:13. [Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.] While I know that contextually it is talking about something different, I also know that God knows every piece of James' inner workings. He has the ability to heal James completely, knowing every little thing that is wrong with his nerves. But if He doesn't, He also promises that His grace is sufficient.
In Community Bible Study, the leadership doesn't give presents to each other. Instead every year we draw names Secret-Santa-style. We pray that God will give us a verse to gift our recipient with. This year, the verse given to me by God and by Kathy was Ecclesiastes 7:14. [When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.] This is such a fitting verse as we look out toward an uncertain future. God holds all of this in His hand; good and bad we can depend on the only One who knows the future.
He has met my personal needs. On Friday there was one worry that I had. I was unable to look up my schedule for tomorrow and I was afraid I was going to have to choose one daughter over the other. The previous Saturday was the first day of the Upward basketball season. RoseMary had a 9:30 game in gym 2, while Trinity had a 10:00 game in gym 1. Two kids/two parents; no problem.
My mother's heart was worried that last Saturday wouldn't be so easy. James couldn't go. I didn't know whether I should watch Trinity play, since I hadn't seen her play before or whether I should watch RoseMary cheer since I have made a commitment to be her assistant coach. I went through many different scenarios, but I couldn't come up with a solution I liked.
It was late when we came home on Friday night. I was pulled many different directions: preparing the kids for bed and laying out what they needed for the next day, unpacking the I.V. products the home health service had delivered to our door, trying to sort through the seemingly endless list of James' new medications... Finally, I was able to examine what the next day would hold. God had worked everything out in advance. RoseMary's squad was cheering for Trinity's team. God gives good gifts.
One of the greatest gifts He has given us has been a remission of greater than seven and a half years. More than 90% have their second attack in less than five years, but because God held back the disease we now have Trinity and Katelynn in our lives. All three kids have been weaned and potty-trained, giving me the opportunity to use my resources wherever they are needed.
Finally, James and I have discovered that we are capable of much more than we ever would have dreamed. On the one hand we were thrown into the deep end of the pool. On the other hand the future may (or may not) hold a lot of days of I.V.s and catheters, blindness and pain. Yet God truly does give His people strength. I thank God for modern medicine, but I know that my trust doesn't rest there. Those who live in the shelter of the Most High God will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. We have found our rest.
