OK - following Ms Aiken's advice about "ruthless editing" and Mr Leonard's about writing, I've edited my previous post but decided to leave both as a comparison.
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So much to learn - which is very good, as Beverly said.
Thanks, everyone, for this thread!
Excerpt from a radio interview with Elmore Leonard, author of the recently published Mr Paradise:
"Don't write what you don't need" in your story.
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c.
