Sorry I'm late in posting here. I've been pretty much completely AFK for the past week. Thanks to those who already posted their scores. They make for a very interesting read. It's nice to see how my stories compared to others, and I'm greatful for the opportunity to see the judges' comments/FDK.
In the same spirit, I'm posting now to share the scores for my two stories.
First up, there's
Flying Free, my response to the post-9/11 Fluff Challenge. (The idea of the challenge was to write a bit of happy, sappy, plotless WAFF to help brighten our spirits after the period of mourning.)
SECTION I
Total Points (10) 4 + 5 + 8 + 8 = 25/40
SECTION II
Total Points (5) 5 + 4 + 3 + 4 = 16/20
SECTION III
Total Points(10) 5 + 6 + 7 + 10 = 28/40
SECTION IV
Total Points (5) 5 + 3 + 5 + 5 = 18/20
SECTION V
Total Points (10) 10 + 5 + 10 + 9 = 34/40
SECTION VI
Total Points (5) 3 + 4 + 5 + 5 = 17/20
SECTION VIII
Total Points (20) 10 + 13 + 20 + 18 = 61/80
________________
Total Points = 199/260
Hmm. That's odd. Total is 260, which was Mere's second place score. ... Oh, I see. It looks like, due to a transcription error, I didn't get the scores for section VIII (aparantly mislabeled here as Section VII). So, this story earned more than the 199 points shown here. Somewhere between 4-40 points, it seems.
Comments on this story (pasted exactly as shown in the email I recieved, except for some minor reformatting to make them more readable on the boards):
What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?The writer captured the emotional bond between Superman and Lois in the characterization and swept me along through their journey. The writer got inside the hero and heroine’s heads in an engaging manner.
What were two areas you felt were well done?Very good use of analogy (Clouds shaped like Keebler elves) was fun to read and the brief introspection moved the plot nicely rather than drag it down.
Not original, but great little fun vignette that is free of unnecessary clutter. Simple and enjoyable Progression of dialogue is very well done. Internal and External dialogue of Clark’s is well balanced and fun to read. First person/present tense can be very hard to maintain. This author does a good job using this format. I only found one obvious sentence structure problem, but it seemed to be there to add flavor to the internal dialogue and worked well.
Internal dialogue is funny and enjoyable to read. (Nice subtle reference to the different powers of the Chris Reeves version.)
I love the writer’s voice; it’s an easy, lyrical, flowing style with vivid, original metaphors.
What I liked about this entry I like the writer’s blending of the physical and spiritual side of Superman and Lois’s. The way he likes her with all her flaws, showing the depth of their feelings for one another. He didn’t mind that she was “a mess” and she didn’t mind that he was “Clark.” The love story was touching. His flaw the “goofy grin” was great for showing how he felt about the relationship
What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.The beginning was overly simplistic and there were too many commas in the first paragraph.
Watch your use of adverbs (lazily, wonderingly, steadily). Adverbs tend to tell the story instead of show it. Try using stronger verbs instead. Also,there was some awkward phrasing (i.e. …I focus on my ears, listening with all my concentration.)
Watch the punctuation a little more
What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot, characterization, dialogue, etc.)“ ‘I focus my ears’ is nonsensical. I understand what the author means but it could have been said in a different way.”
Anything else?“A very good little vignette that turned out to be surprisingly well done. It was a wonderful, whimsical vignette.
What I liked best about this entry.It was a fun revelation piece that didn’t disintegrate into plot-stopping, angst, weeping, or screaming on the part of Lois. There was just sheer joy at flying together and being in love.
Add character flaws to increase tension in the story.
I enjoyed this story and hope to see more of this writing some day.
As stated earlier, I like that Lois and Clark (or Superman as the case may be) are so comfortable with each other. Lois is confident in herself so that she’s not TOO upset over no makeup and sweats. I also LOVE the Keebler elf simile. And the reference back to it later on is very good. And I honestly laughed out loud at Superman’s thought “Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery, such as big mouth, while under the intoxicating influence of Lois Lane.” Brilliant!
What, in my opinion, need more work.----------
I also sent in another, more recent story --
The Envelope. Scoring for that story was as follows:
SECTION I
Total Points (10) 10 + 9 + 10 + 10 = 39/40
SECTION II
Total Points (5) 1 + 5 + 4 + 4 = 14/20
SECTION III
Total Points (10) 3 + 9 + 10 + 10 = 32/40
SECTION IV
Total Points (5) 1 + 5 + 5 + 4 = 15/20
SECTION V
Total Points (10) 9 + 9 + 10 + 10 = 38/40
SECTION VI
Total Points (5) 1 + 4 + 4 + 5 = 14/20
SECTION VII
Total Points (20) 8 + 15 + 20 + 20 = 63/80
SECTION VIII
Total Points (10) 2 + 8 + 10 + 10 = 30/40
Total Points = 245/300
Comments for this story (again, pasted exactly as recieved except for formatting tweaks):
What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?“I did not care for Lois’s characterization. I felt she was too shrewish.
They are very in character.
Excellent use of characterization with personality quirks pulled from different episodes. I especially like the inferences to Lois’ inability to cook and the amusing ways this is demonstrated instead of told.
I especially like the trust the hero and heroine have for each other in this piece. It’s a great woven theme.
What re two areas you felt were well done?Good character realization through internal dialogue.
The humor of the burning waffles after a tense inner dialogue with the heroine lightened up the scene for the reader appropriately.
Great character action in keeping with the Lois and Clark show.
The writer used an original plot in a great blend of the craft elements to write a well-developed story
What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.The writing was too choppy and the settings were not well established. I wasn’t sure where it took place.
Work on the use of ellipses. I’d use the ellipsis less and sentence fragments more. A fragment is perfectly allowable in fiction for effect and impact. You did a great job maintaining POV except for one spot …rescuing people in danger of drowning, and Clark-only-knew what else.” You are in Lois’s POV, yet this seems to pop out and into Clark’s POV.
{Note: That section seemed clear to me as being in Lois's POV. She's imagining what Clark is up to, as evidenced by the somewhat tongue-in-cheek phrase "Clark-only-knew what else." I'll have to review that section of the fic more closely later.}I would have liked to have seen more physical description of hero and heroine to increase romantic involvement of the characters.
I would have liked to have had more of a sense of the atmosphere of the fair, so a tad more description of the scene.
What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot, characterization, dialogue, etc.)Anything else?What I liked best about this entry.I liked that Clark stayed in character. He kept his secret until Lois needed to know rather than rather than give in and tell her when she demanded to know.
What, in my opinion, need more work.Great melding of two episodes. Also there was some great imagery here “…as if these things were somehow magically aware, they all tiptoed quietly away to give the lovers a moment of privacy.” Beautiful metaphor.
Even though revelations are not new and the “always running off” subject has been addressed many times in stories, this is a fresh approach that is both funny and waffy. The way the different episodes are tied together rounds out the plot very nicely.
All digressions are well done and a necessary part of the story. I enjoy Lois’ thought processes after she opens the envelope, but feel it could have been better rounded out if the author has shown what Lois was feeling in addition to what she was thinking.
___________
So, that's all I got. Thanks again to the judges, the Merriweather Committee, and Katrina for their time and effort. I really appreciated the opportunity to see the judges' detailed analyses and comments.
I'm curious, however, about Allyse's (or did you mix up the two sets of scores, Hazel?) score of "N/A." Since the minimum a judge can give is 1, does that mean that Hazel and I tied at 245? Or does the N/A really count as a 0? Was there any reason given for that score?
Paul
