The story I submitted is When You\'re Sleeping .

I still haven't fully understood how the grading system works. The number in parentheses is the highest possible mark, and the following numbers are the marks given by the judges? And how do I calculate my total score?

Anyway, here's my scoresheet.

SECTION I: Opening Hook
Total Points: (10) 5, 8, 5, 9

SECTION II: Characterization
Total Points: (5) 5, 5, 3, 5

SECTION III: Plot
Total Points: (10) 8, 10, 7, 10

SECTION IV: Setting
Total Points: (5) 5, 5, 5, 5

SECTION V: Dialogue
Total Points: (10) 8, 5, 8, 10

SECTION VI: Style
Total Points: (5) 3, 5, 5, 5

SECTION VII: Mechanics And Pacing
Total Points: (20) 10, 13, 18, 19

SECTION VIII: Point Of View
Total Points: (10) 8, 10, 10, 10
________________

What did you especially like or dislike about the hero/heroine or both?

"I love hopeful Clark, willing to take a risk."

"I liked that Lois and Clark were both very much in character."


What are two areas you felt were well done?

"L&C are very in character."

"The writing flows smoothly. It was effortless to read."


What are two areas you felt needed work? Tell why and make suggestions.

"This ends way to abruptly. Is it
part of a larger work?" (The answer is no)

"Mechanics brought the scoring down. A lot of
paragraphs could have been combined to make stronger paragraphs. The choppiness of it was a bit distracting. Also, eyes don't wander---gazes wander."

"Try to incorporate more of the senses into your
vignette to bring out more emotion from the reader."

"More tension in the opening hook would grab the
reader better."

"I enjoyed this vignette because of the tenderness."


What, if anything, seemed clichéd to you? (Plot, characterization, dialogue, etc.)

(There weren't any comments here.)


Anything else?

"From the first sentence: "Clark's eyes
wandered around the empty newsroom." NO, NO, NO! Eyes do not wander. They stay put. <g> The gaze wanders."

"Tighten up the paragraphs. That was the only problem with the vignettes."

"Overall a really delightful vignette. Very well done."



What I liked best about this entry.

"This was a really fun, lovely vignette. I like the way the story flowed and the freshness of the idea. The author was able to express all of Clark's emotions and never once descended into clichés. This was very good."

(I'm not sure whether these comments belong to more than one people. I couldn't tell whether there were line breaks or not in the email format.)

What, in my opinion, need more work.

"This is told and now shown. It's flat. Perhaps you could show more of Clark's emotions."

(Same as above.)

See ya,
AnnaBtG.

What we've got here is failure to communicate...