Okay, time for some mini-feedback....
I already knew that Lana was going to die, because DJ had gracefully told me, so I can't pretend to be upset. I think, to be honest, that it is a little sad that Lana would have to die so that Clark could be free of her. Couldn't he just have said, "Lana, it's over?" All right, he should have put it a little more nicely, but still.... One of the most talked-about criminal cases in Sweden in recent years involved an admittedly horny pastor who couldn't say "It's over" to the woman he was currently involved with when he wanted to move on. The details of what happened to his first wife are murky, and there was never enough evidence to charge the pastor with her murder, but he was found guilty of talking his ex-mistress into murdering his second wife while he was having an affair with the woman he wanted to marry next (not his ex-mistress, a fourth one). Ah, well... he didn't know how to break up with them, you know?
I'm glad, anyway, that Lana's crash was so bad that Clark couldn't have saved her even if he had gotten there faster. He shouldn't have to feel he was that guilty of her death.
I love it that Clark needed to talk to Lois afterwards. So, he chose to go to her as Superman:
I start to lower myself down to the ground below so I can change into my street clothes, but I hesitate. A part of me wants to visit her first as Superman. She would be glad to see him; she isn’t upset with Superman.
I thought this Lois was really very nice to Clark and not bitchy at all. Would she really have been that upset with Clark? I would have liked it better if he had seen her straight away as Clark. Of course, admittedly, if he had we would have missed that scene between Lois and Superman, and that was a really good addition to the story.
So Clark says a few words to Lois in his Superman suit, and then he flies off:
“I’ll be seeing you, Lois,” I assure her. Yeah, sooner than you think, too. And with that I take off, flying out the open window. I hear her soft sigh and her words ‘Hope so’, as I go. I hope she’ll still want to talk to me as Clark.
So, eh, what was that little stunt about? He wanted to impress her, right? He was testing her? He wanted to see if she would throw Clark away now that she had had a whiff of Superman? I mean, if he wanted her company, seeing her as Superman
really wasn't a good idea.
“What are you doing here?” she asks me.
“I...” Her question takes me by surprise. Is she sorry to see me? Maybe it was a mistake to come. “Something’s happened and I’m going to stay with Chad for a little while. I came up to make some arrangements with him.”
“No, not why are you here in Metropolis, why are you *here*?”
I’m taken aback. She really doesn’t know? “I needed to talk to you. I shouldn’t have left the way I did... Are you busy?”
Okay, good. He is being somewhat honest with her.
“No, I was, but not now. You just missed Superman; I’m sure you’ve heard about him.”
“Yeah,” I confirm for her.
“I got the first interview he’s given,” she tells me, sounding just a little smug.
“Congratulations.” I can feel the slightest stirrings of irritation beginning. Why am I annoyed by this?
Clark....
“Sounds like he made quite an impression on you,” I interrupt her, my frustration growing. Why am I upset about this? She’s talking about me!
“He did... Why? Are you jealous?” She must have picked up on my reaction.
“Of Superman? Should I be?”
No, you shouldn't. First of all she really liked you when she only knew you as Clark. Second, if she is so impressed with Superman, why don't you just tell her that you are him?
“No. You shouldn’t,” she says with a resigned sounding sigh.
What? Did I hear her right? “Lois, I...”
“Clark, I’m sorry.” She finally gets up out of her chair and moves towards me. I’m speechless when she wraps her arms around me in an embrace.
Ah! Clark has been so lunkheaded ever since he refused to tell Lois his secret. I love it that she is giving him what he was craving for here, acceptance. And love!
“For what?” I enfold her in my arms. The warmth from her body seeps into mine, filling the empty void that I’ve carried the past several days. I lay my head down against her shoulder and just enjoy her support and the feeling of her hands as she rubs them across my back. No, it’s good that I came.
And this is adorably sweet.... Thank you.
She turns her face toward mine and whispers in my ear. “I’m sorry for how we left things before, and I’m sorry about... Lana.”
I pull back from her and look into her face, my body tensing. She knew about Lana? How?
“Chad,” she says softly, answering my unspoken question. “Chad sent me a copy of the Smallville Post with the article you had written about her death.” She pointed towards the newspaper lying on her desk. So that’s what she had been reading when I first came in as Superman. “He told me that you were taking it pretty hard and you were coming up to stay with him for a while.”
I'm really glad that Lois knows and understands about Lana, and about Clark's feelings of guilt and sorrow right now.
I’m quiet; my body seems to have gone numb again. I had of course planned to tell her what had happened, eventually, but she’s caught me off guard and I don’t know what to say.
“I understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” she tells me. “It’s okay. I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” I finally respond. “She was coming up here to see me when she had her accident.” I hadn’t wanted to talk about it, with anyone. I had avoided talking about it as much as possible, but with Lois it feels right, with her I can let go.
I love it! This is such a sweet Lois. Surely you can see that you can trust her, Clark? You should have seen that long ago.
We’re both quiet for a moment. This is it. This is the time to tell her. I made the mistake of not letting Lana know who I really am, and now I can never correct that mistake. She had loved me to the best of her ability without that knowledge. I won’t make the same mistake with Lois. I don’t care what happens, what she does with the information. I have to take that risk. I have to tell her the truth.
Finally, lunkhead.
“Lois, I did love her, but I kept a secret from her, too. The same one I haven’t shared with you. It’s too late to share it with Lana, but it’s not too late to share it with you. I...” I pause, is it too soon? No, I’m laying bare my soul to her tonight. “I want to be with you. I care about you, Lois, a lot. I want to be completely honest with you and I trust you enough to share this with you.”
Yes... yes....
The phone at her desk starts to ring. Without her questioning eyes ever leaving mine, she moves her hand down to answer it.
Noooo!!!!
No, don’t pick it up. If I don’t tell you this now, I might never work up the nerve again.
Exactly, Lois. You see, you are dealing with Mister Red, Blue and
Yellow. I reach out and take her hand in mine, keeping her from answering the phone. I bring our hands up to my chest and part my shirt where I had intentionally left it unbuttoned behind my tie; and I slide her hand inside. Her eyes widen as her fingertips feel the slick spandex of the suit and the ridges of the crest.
Oh, good, good, good! Yes!!!!
She brings her other hand up and rips my shirt apart further. She stands gaping at the exposed red and yellow crest in front of her. Her hand goes up to her mouth and she backs up and sits down hard in her chair. She looks up at me with wide, inquiring eyes.
I like the ripping of his shirt!
“Superman?”
I nod my head.
“Clark?”
I nod my head again.
Good. Finally. Finally. Yes.
“*This* is the other *thing* you hadn’t told me?”
I feel like a monk, but I simply nod my head again at her.
“Why couldn’t you tell me before? Before you left me to go back to Smallville? Why didn’t you tell me that day on the shuttle?”
I finally find my voice. “I was afraid.”
Yup. Mister Red, Blue and
Yellow. And now you’re not?” Her voice seems like it is just a little bit too high. What is she thinking? I wish I could see inside her mind.
Honesty, Clark, remember, honesty. “No, I’m still afraid. But I was even more afraid of not telling you, of losing you because of hiding from you.”
“Why were you afraid?” Her voice came a little softer, a little lower in pitch this time.
Very good question....
“I didn’t know how you would react for one thing. And I didn’t know what you might choose to do with the information.” The admission pours from my lips. I should have told her the truth before. Before I left to go back to Smallville. I had no idea it would feel like this – like it was cleansing my soul.
There have been a few suggestions in some fanfics that Clark might just possibly be a Catholic boy - well, whether he is or not, you are hereby named his Mother Confessor, Lois.
“What? Like I’m going to write an article revealing you to the whole world? I’m a reporter, Clark. Not a tabloid journalist.” I hear the edge in her voice and feel the regret in my heart.
“I’m sorry, Lois. I know you’re not, and I know I can trust you. That’s why I came here tonight. Why I shared this with you.
Yes, you should be ashamed, Clark.
She turns her face away from me and looks back down at the paper lying next to her on her desk. “So what happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“I watched you save a shuttle full of people, Clark. I watched you eat a bomb, for crying out loud. What happened with Lana? Why couldn’t you save her?”
Oh, horrible question.
Her words almost bring me to my knees. Does she know how many times I’d asked myself just that question? I feel the familiar ache in my heart beginning to return. What could I say? I fumble for words and can’t seem to find them. “I couldn’t save her because I was saving you.”
Her question brings him to his knees and he replies that he more or less killed Lana by choosing Lois over her.... DJ, this is heavy.
I try again. “She had her car accident right after I saved the shuttle and brought you back here to the Planet. I was on my way back to Smallville when I heard the crash. I flew as fast as I could, but it didn’t matter. It was too late. I couldn’t save her.”
Okay. Lois will understand this better.
“So she didn’t know... about you?” she asks me.
“No,” I whisper softly. “Not until that night... when it was too late to matter and she died in my arms.”
Lois rises from her chair and comes to me, embracing me again. I just stand there and let her hold me for a while. I feel the warmth of her breath against my shoulder, and the soft touch of her hands as she rubs them against my back. She’s a balm to my soul, as is my confession.
I love how she embraces and comforts him.
“It’s okay, you know,” she tells me.
What is?
“It’s okay that you didn’t make it there in time. It would be impossible for you to be everywhere, save everyone. What you did that day was enough. You saved the lives of all those people, and you saved my life. I’ve always believed that we all have a chance to make our mark on this world, to make a difference. Never have I believed in that more than I do right now.”
Good, Lois! What you said is so true, and he so needed to hear it.
After a few moments of quietly holding one another, she breaks the silence. “So are you coming back to Metropolis, to stay?” Her head shifts against my shoulder and I can feel the warmth of her breath on my neck. It sends a shiver through me. “I saw your editor’s note in the paper where you said goodbye to your readers.”
This is so, so sweet, and.... Guess what? I said this would be some mini-feedback. Guess how late I am by now?
Gotta stop here, DJ. I really, really liked the story. I, too, wouldn't mind a sequel.... (You know what I mean.
)
Ann
